*A Little Fan Fiction For A Sunday Evening*
It seemed fair enough. Sandy and Kirsten needed to go Chrismukkah shopping. Besides, they hadn't gone out together alone since Sophie was born several months ago. Not that they were complaining. They are totally over the moon with that baby. And living in Berkeley allows Kirsten to be the kind of mom she's always really wanted to be. A Birkenstock-clad, cotton-skirt-wearing, quinoa-eating, nursing machine. Don't get me wrong, though. It looks good on her. Beautiful, in fact. I have never seen her looking so lovely. And simply happy.
But, the Chrismukkah shopping did need to be done. And I was finished with my finals. "So," I thought to myself, "why not offer to babysit?"
So, there I was. Me, a beautiful little blonde baby girl, and a bottle of breast milk. I was trying -- very, very hard -- not to think about where the cream colored liquid in that bottle came from. And the baby girl? Was unhappy. Noisily and loudly unhappy. She was not being fooled by the silicone nipple on that plastic bottle. Not at all. Smart girl.
"Yes," I thought to myself. "You should have spent more weekends at the house. Then your baby sister would know you a little better. You could have practiced holding her, getting familiar with all her favorite positions. Maybe Kirsten would even have let you give her the occasional bottle of breast milk." But, of course, I had gotten wrapped up in my studies. And my new social life. I had neglected my family a bit, along with my little sister. And my sister was now letting me know, in no uncertain terms, that she didn't appreciate my neglect.
So, I put down the bottle and I took a deep breath and I cradled the baby in my arms the way I had seen (on the rare occasions I was home) Sandy do it, with her head nestled in the crook of my left elbow and my right arm supporting her body. I held her close to my chest and took deep, calm breaths. She was still crying, but seemed to be relaxing a bit. I walked over to the window, looking out at the twinkling holiday lights decorating the neighborhood on this cold night, and I rocked little Sophie back and forth. I looked at her little face, and into her blue eyes. And I thought about all the Chrismukkahs before this one. Special times that always did seem to bring miracles, in spite of my usually dubious attitude. "You should never doubt Moses and Jesus," Seth would remind me. Moses and Jesus -- the world's original superheroes. And as I looked into my little sister's eyes, I couldn't help but think of the little brother that I would soon be seeing. My little half-brother. Marissa's little half-brother. He would be visiting for the holiday, along with all the people I have come to call my family. A family I know will never leave me. Miracles added upon miracles.
Sophie was now quiet, but very alert, looking back into my eyes as I gazed into hers. "Are you hungry, little one?" I asked her. It's funny, isn't it, the way you talk to babies like they'll answer you? I guess they do, in their own way. Retrieving the bottle from the place where I had left it, I put it to Sophie's lips and she started to drink, never taking her eyes off my face. It was a feeling that I had never had before -- her warm little body, wrapped in soft flannel, hungrily drinking her mother's milk. And she polished off the whole thing in no time flat. A true Cohen.
I then proceeded to the next step. Burping her. I placed a cloth diaper that had been left on the dining room table for this purpose over my left shoulder and lifted Sophie up to that shoulder, the way I had seen Sandy do it. I could feel her soft hair against my neck and cheek as I gently patted her back. And then, it happened. She burped, all right. She burped with such great force that Kirsten's beautiful white easy chair -- which was about three feet behind me -- was fairly soaked with liquid.
For a moment, I was a bit panic-stricken. But, then I just had to laugh. I held the little girlie gently out in front of me, so I could see her face. I have to say she looked quite self-satisfied. "Happy with yourself, are you?" I chided gently.
Deciding to ignore the mess on the easy chair in favor of not losing any of this rare and special time with my sister, I carried her into her room, and sat down with her in the rocking chair that Kirsten kept in there. An antique wooden rocking chair, carved with beautiful, intricate designs, and covered with soft hand-made cushions. The moonlight was coming in through the window. A window silhouetted by delicate lace curtains. I rocked Sophie on my shoulder until I could tell by her deep, even breaths that she was asleep. And then I rocked her some more. I rocked her until Sandy and Kirsten came home.
And when they did come home, I didn't mention the mess on the easy chair. I simply didn't want to ruin the moment. And I figured they'd find it for themselves, easily enough, the next day. Besides, Seth was coming home the next day. He's always had a talent with upholstery cleaner.
Showing posts with label Sandy Cohen. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sandy Cohen. Show all posts
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
"The O.C.", My Father, And My Jewish Brother-In-Law
Yeah. Here I go again with "The O.C." I do admit that TV shows and movies often cause me to reflect on things in my own life. And those things show up on my blog.
I guess one of the factors that causes me to have the "warm fuzzies" when watching "The O.C." is the fact that the Cohens are a family of mixed religions -- a Jewish father and a Christian mother. And I really enjoy how the Jewish creator of the show -- Josh Schwartz -- has instilled in the marriage of these characters such great love and respect. This is especially significant to me as my sister -- a Catholic -- is married to a Jewish man.
My two sisters and I were raised in a very Catholic environment, by very Catholic parents. My father always explained to us that marrying someone of the same faith would probably be easier in the long run, because -- as he told us -- "there will be enough things to fight about, without fighting about your religion." Pretty practical and sensible, right? My father never indulged in deep philosophical reasoning about how you should live your life. He always had very down-to-earth reasons for why he did what he did.
Anyway, my sisters and I never "left the Church." Our faith has always been a central part of our lives. I married a very serious Catholic man. One of my sisters has not married, but is a kick-ass kindergarten teacher. And my youngest sister (Gina), when she was about 29 or 30 years old, began to date a Jewish man named Aaron, and they married a few years later.
Now, my dad could have flipped out about Gina and Aaron and the fact that Aaron was not only not Catholic, but not Christian, either. In fact, Aaron is a rather agnostic individual. But, my dad always said, "You tell your kids your opinions about marriage before they fall in love. Then, you accept their decisions." And that is just what he did with Gina and Aaron. And my dad's relationship with Aaron, before my dad passed away, was an inspiring good example for everyone. My father became one of Aaron's closest friends and confidantes. They took piano lessons together. They often went out for breakfast. And they talked about any and all subjects -- including those where they had some serious disagreements (faith, religion, and politics) -- without any hard feelings. In fact, they enjoyed their spirited discussions and would always end up laughing. And when Aaron's father would come out from Philadelphia to visit, he would join Aaron and my dad in their discussions and adventures. Aaron's father actually delivered a eulogy at my father's funeral. He said that even though their religions were different, they shared the same values in the areas of friendship and family life. And he spoke of how he would so much miss my father, who had become his close friend.
I will not say that Gina and Aaron's road to the altar was an entirely easy or smooth one. Her Catholic faith remained (and still remains) important to her. And Aaron was no doormat about his opinions, either. Once, he presented Gina with a 12-page list of his objections to the Catholic Church. She sat and patiently (or, maybe, not-so-patiently) went through the list line-by-line and responded to each item. Through it all, though, my father was gracious and supportive of their relationship. He encouraged Gina to stand up for what she believed. But, he also encouraged Aaron to express himself. And then he trusted that they would make a wise decision.
Their wedding, in the end, was celebrated in a Catholic church with a Chuppah on the altar. Both a deacon and a rabbi officiated. The "Ave Maria" was sung, as well as some wonderful Jewish music. One of the cool things about their wedding preparations -- and one of the things I found most inspiring -- was my father's sensitivity to the Jewish guests' possible feelings about being in a church with a crucifix. Jewish people can be rather sensitive about crucifixes, as they have often been wrongfully and unfairly accused of killing Jesus, resulting in a lot of serious anti-semitism. So, my father brought Aaron's parents to the church well before the scheduled wedding date. He wanted them to check it out and have the opportunity to express their feelings about whether or not they and their friends and family members would be comfortable there. Aaron's parents graciously gave their blessing for the wedding ceremony to be celebrated in that church building.
Gina and Aaron have been married for 11 years now. They have a beautiful son and daughter. Their children are being raised as Catholics, but the Jewish Sabbath and holy days and seasons are also observed in their home. The children are learning to love and respect the faiths of both of their parents, primarily because Gina and Aaron respect each others' faiths. And it is lovely to hear their little girl chant the prayer before meals in the Hebrew language.
So, when I watch "The O.C.", the relationship of Sandy Cohen and his wife and the way they treat others -- regardless of faith or politics -- reminds me a lot of the mixed-religion marriage within my own extended family. And I am grateful for people who are gracious and grace-filled enough to make such a thing work. And I am grateful for artists like Josh Schwartz, who are able to paint a beautiful picture for us of such a relationship. For art can and should reflect truths about us and what we are capable of doing -- both the sweet and the salt.
Oh. I also must say that it was great fun to hear my father tell people -- rather proudly -- that he had a son-in-law who "is one of the Chosen People."
I guess one of the factors that causes me to have the "warm fuzzies" when watching "The O.C." is the fact that the Cohens are a family of mixed religions -- a Jewish father and a Christian mother. And I really enjoy how the Jewish creator of the show -- Josh Schwartz -- has instilled in the marriage of these characters such great love and respect. This is especially significant to me as my sister -- a Catholic -- is married to a Jewish man.
My two sisters and I were raised in a very Catholic environment, by very Catholic parents. My father always explained to us that marrying someone of the same faith would probably be easier in the long run, because -- as he told us -- "there will be enough things to fight about, without fighting about your religion." Pretty practical and sensible, right? My father never indulged in deep philosophical reasoning about how you should live your life. He always had very down-to-earth reasons for why he did what he did.
Anyway, my sisters and I never "left the Church." Our faith has always been a central part of our lives. I married a very serious Catholic man. One of my sisters has not married, but is a kick-ass kindergarten teacher. And my youngest sister (Gina), when she was about 29 or 30 years old, began to date a Jewish man named Aaron, and they married a few years later.
Now, my dad could have flipped out about Gina and Aaron and the fact that Aaron was not only not Catholic, but not Christian, either. In fact, Aaron is a rather agnostic individual. But, my dad always said, "You tell your kids your opinions about marriage before they fall in love. Then, you accept their decisions." And that is just what he did with Gina and Aaron. And my dad's relationship with Aaron, before my dad passed away, was an inspiring good example for everyone. My father became one of Aaron's closest friends and confidantes. They took piano lessons together. They often went out for breakfast. And they talked about any and all subjects -- including those where they had some serious disagreements (faith, religion, and politics) -- without any hard feelings. In fact, they enjoyed their spirited discussions and would always end up laughing. And when Aaron's father would come out from Philadelphia to visit, he would join Aaron and my dad in their discussions and adventures. Aaron's father actually delivered a eulogy at my father's funeral. He said that even though their religions were different, they shared the same values in the areas of friendship and family life. And he spoke of how he would so much miss my father, who had become his close friend.
I will not say that Gina and Aaron's road to the altar was an entirely easy or smooth one. Her Catholic faith remained (and still remains) important to her. And Aaron was no doormat about his opinions, either. Once, he presented Gina with a 12-page list of his objections to the Catholic Church. She sat and patiently (or, maybe, not-so-patiently) went through the list line-by-line and responded to each item. Through it all, though, my father was gracious and supportive of their relationship. He encouraged Gina to stand up for what she believed. But, he also encouraged Aaron to express himself. And then he trusted that they would make a wise decision.
Their wedding, in the end, was celebrated in a Catholic church with a Chuppah on the altar. Both a deacon and a rabbi officiated. The "Ave Maria" was sung, as well as some wonderful Jewish music. One of the cool things about their wedding preparations -- and one of the things I found most inspiring -- was my father's sensitivity to the Jewish guests' possible feelings about being in a church with a crucifix. Jewish people can be rather sensitive about crucifixes, as they have often been wrongfully and unfairly accused of killing Jesus, resulting in a lot of serious anti-semitism. So, my father brought Aaron's parents to the church well before the scheduled wedding date. He wanted them to check it out and have the opportunity to express their feelings about whether or not they and their friends and family members would be comfortable there. Aaron's parents graciously gave their blessing for the wedding ceremony to be celebrated in that church building.
Gina and Aaron have been married for 11 years now. They have a beautiful son and daughter. Their children are being raised as Catholics, but the Jewish Sabbath and holy days and seasons are also observed in their home. The children are learning to love and respect the faiths of both of their parents, primarily because Gina and Aaron respect each others' faiths. And it is lovely to hear their little girl chant the prayer before meals in the Hebrew language.
So, when I watch "The O.C.", the relationship of Sandy Cohen and his wife and the way they treat others -- regardless of faith or politics -- reminds me a lot of the mixed-religion marriage within my own extended family. And I am grateful for people who are gracious and grace-filled enough to make such a thing work. And I am grateful for artists like Josh Schwartz, who are able to paint a beautiful picture for us of such a relationship. For art can and should reflect truths about us and what we are capable of doing -- both the sweet and the salt.
Oh. I also must say that it was great fun to hear my father tell people -- rather proudly -- that he had a son-in-law who "is one of the Chosen People."
Monday, November 19, 2012
"The O.C." And The Best Of Liberal Thought
As I have mentioned before, I really enjoy watching "The O.C." Yes, I am behind the times a bit. And, yes, this show has many dramatic soap-opera elements about it. But, it has many other elements, as well. The one I will be discussing today is how, to me, this "sexy, teenage soap" espouses the best of liberal thought -- at least, the best of liberal thought as I have experienced it in my life.
I am a pretty conservative person -- religiously, politically, in my life as a wife and mom. I did earn my college degree at San Francisco State University, though. And most of my teachers at that storied institution, and many of my friends, were pretty (extremely ?) liberal. In watching "The O.C." I have been reminded of my experience in college and the things I learned to appreciate there from those who embraced the more "progressive" view of things.
One of the main characters in "The O.C." is a man named Sandy Cohen. He is a Jewish, Berkeley-educated public defender married to a beautiful, kind, very wealthy Protestant woman. These two have a 16-year-old son, Seth, who is rather socially awkward, but has great potential for a certain romantic coolness. The premise of the show is that, in the course of doing his job, Sandy comes across an enigmatic, soulful young man (Ryan Atwood) who has run afoul of the law (albeit, rather unintentionally). Seeing the goodness in this young man, Sandy doesn't want to leave him to the whims and vagaries of "the system," so he brings the teenager home to live with his family in a monied area of Orange County.
Throughout the four seasons of "The O.C.", Sandy faces many situations -- with Ryan and Seth, with his wife, in his work and community -- which challenge him and necessitate a response. He is not a perfect man and doesn't always make perfect decisions, but the humanity with which this character responds to both people and situations reflect what I consider to be the true beauty of liberal values.
First of all, in bringing Ryan home, Sandy personifies the liberal value of reaching out to the less fortunate. Of seeing the true potential in someone who has been treated rather harshly by life -- unstable family situation, low socioeconomic status, sub-par schools. He is willing to give that person a chance to see what he can really do with his life. And Sandy doesn't give up on Ryan when he makes poor decisions at times. He encourages Ryan to reflect on and rectify situations in which he hasn't handled himself properly. Sandy trusts Ryan, when all is said and done, to do what is right. He trusts in that people are, generally speaking, created to be good.
Which leads me to the next "liberal value" I see Sandy Cohen putting into action. And that is the value of withholding judgment when someone (especially a young someone) screws up -- allowing that person to learn from his mistakes without humiliation. Having hope that the person will, in fact, go on to be better for the experiences he has had. Throughout my education, the liberals in my life gave me confidence, because they gave me the freedom to try things out -- both actions and ideas -- in order that I could learn and figure things out for myself. I tried to make good decisions; but, of course, I wasn't always successful in that effort. And when I made mistakes, I didn't feel condemnation from these progressives. Instead, I felt compassion and understanding. This compassion and understanding gave me the strength I needed to pick myself up and move on. The sense of freedom and trust these individuals gave me also allowed me to express myself with sincerity, instead of making me feel I had to conform to a certain way of thinking out of fear that I would be rejected. And in being able to express what I truly felt, I was able to "shake out" my ideas -- test them among different people and in various situations, to see if they would truly hold up. And this is what I see in the interaction of the Sandy and Ryan (and Sandy and Seth) characters.
Sandy Cohen also embraces the best of liberal thought in his religious outlook and community life. One of my favorite episodes centers around the Jewish celebration of Passover in the Cohen household. At the Sedar meal, Sandy leads the prayer. As part of the prayer, he calls to mind an individual's and family's obligation to society -- both in the smaller community and larger world. And this character does put that idea into practice throughout all the seasons of the show. He struggles against the temptations of selfish individualism and material greed, always attempting to do what is truly the right thing for people and society. Even if it costs him personally.
Of course, Sandy Cohen -- progressive maverick -- at times does things much differently as a parent than I would. I would never be making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for my 18-year-old son so that he could go off to Vegas for New Year's Eve to have sex with his 18-year-old girlfriend. (Knowing Sandy as I do, I must say that he probably sneaked some condoms into that cooler, along with the sandwiches). I also would never give my handsome, charming stepson his own pool house, equipped with a king-sized bed made up with satin sheets and fluffy pillows. And one of my favorite scenes -- I love it especially because it is something I would NEVER do -- is when Ryan is going off on one of his missions of vengeance. In the COHENS' RANGE ROVER, of all things. And Sandy is standing calmly by the open driver's side window, trying to calmly talk Ryan out of his insane plan. And Ryan drives away. And Sandy calmly lets him. I WOULD BE FREAKING DIVING INTO THAT WINDOW AND REMOVING THE KEYS FROM THE IGNITION AND DRAGGING RYAN BY HIS EAR BACK HOME AND LOCKING HIM (BY HIMSELF, WITH NO GIRLS) IN THE POOL HOUSE UNTIL HE CALMED THE HELL DOWN. But -- hey -- that's just conservative old me. ;)
I am a pretty conservative person -- religiously, politically, in my life as a wife and mom. I did earn my college degree at San Francisco State University, though. And most of my teachers at that storied institution, and many of my friends, were pretty (extremely ?) liberal. In watching "The O.C." I have been reminded of my experience in college and the things I learned to appreciate there from those who embraced the more "progressive" view of things.
One of the main characters in "The O.C." is a man named Sandy Cohen. He is a Jewish, Berkeley-educated public defender married to a beautiful, kind, very wealthy Protestant woman. These two have a 16-year-old son, Seth, who is rather socially awkward, but has great potential for a certain romantic coolness. The premise of the show is that, in the course of doing his job, Sandy comes across an enigmatic, soulful young man (Ryan Atwood) who has run afoul of the law (albeit, rather unintentionally). Seeing the goodness in this young man, Sandy doesn't want to leave him to the whims and vagaries of "the system," so he brings the teenager home to live with his family in a monied area of Orange County.
Throughout the four seasons of "The O.C.", Sandy faces many situations -- with Ryan and Seth, with his wife, in his work and community -- which challenge him and necessitate a response. He is not a perfect man and doesn't always make perfect decisions, but the humanity with which this character responds to both people and situations reflect what I consider to be the true beauty of liberal values.
First of all, in bringing Ryan home, Sandy personifies the liberal value of reaching out to the less fortunate. Of seeing the true potential in someone who has been treated rather harshly by life -- unstable family situation, low socioeconomic status, sub-par schools. He is willing to give that person a chance to see what he can really do with his life. And Sandy doesn't give up on Ryan when he makes poor decisions at times. He encourages Ryan to reflect on and rectify situations in which he hasn't handled himself properly. Sandy trusts Ryan, when all is said and done, to do what is right. He trusts in that people are, generally speaking, created to be good.
Which leads me to the next "liberal value" I see Sandy Cohen putting into action. And that is the value of withholding judgment when someone (especially a young someone) screws up -- allowing that person to learn from his mistakes without humiliation. Having hope that the person will, in fact, go on to be better for the experiences he has had. Throughout my education, the liberals in my life gave me confidence, because they gave me the freedom to try things out -- both actions and ideas -- in order that I could learn and figure things out for myself. I tried to make good decisions; but, of course, I wasn't always successful in that effort. And when I made mistakes, I didn't feel condemnation from these progressives. Instead, I felt compassion and understanding. This compassion and understanding gave me the strength I needed to pick myself up and move on. The sense of freedom and trust these individuals gave me also allowed me to express myself with sincerity, instead of making me feel I had to conform to a certain way of thinking out of fear that I would be rejected. And in being able to express what I truly felt, I was able to "shake out" my ideas -- test them among different people and in various situations, to see if they would truly hold up. And this is what I see in the interaction of the Sandy and Ryan (and Sandy and Seth) characters.
Sandy Cohen also embraces the best of liberal thought in his religious outlook and community life. One of my favorite episodes centers around the Jewish celebration of Passover in the Cohen household. At the Sedar meal, Sandy leads the prayer. As part of the prayer, he calls to mind an individual's and family's obligation to society -- both in the smaller community and larger world. And this character does put that idea into practice throughout all the seasons of the show. He struggles against the temptations of selfish individualism and material greed, always attempting to do what is truly the right thing for people and society. Even if it costs him personally.
Of course, Sandy Cohen -- progressive maverick -- at times does things much differently as a parent than I would. I would never be making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for my 18-year-old son so that he could go off to Vegas for New Year's Eve to have sex with his 18-year-old girlfriend. (Knowing Sandy as I do, I must say that he probably sneaked some condoms into that cooler, along with the sandwiches). I also would never give my handsome, charming stepson his own pool house, equipped with a king-sized bed made up with satin sheets and fluffy pillows. And one of my favorite scenes -- I love it especially because it is something I would NEVER do -- is when Ryan is going off on one of his missions of vengeance. In the COHENS' RANGE ROVER, of all things. And Sandy is standing calmly by the open driver's side window, trying to calmly talk Ryan out of his insane plan. And Ryan drives away. And Sandy calmly lets him. I WOULD BE FREAKING DIVING INTO THAT WINDOW AND REMOVING THE KEYS FROM THE IGNITION AND DRAGGING RYAN BY HIS EAR BACK HOME AND LOCKING HIM (BY HIMSELF, WITH NO GIRLS) IN THE POOL HOUSE UNTIL HE CALMED THE HELL DOWN. But -- hey -- that's just conservative old me. ;)
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