When I was in third grade (I know I said I was going to write about something I did in 8th grade, but this is the necessary backstory), I went to a new school. The Catholic elementary school I attended for 1st and 2nd grades closed, much to my horror, because I was very happy at that school, so my parents sent me to the Catholic elementary school one town over. And -- frankly -- I was miserable at that school. It was awful for me. I got bullied incessantly all through 3rd grade. I had no idea what I did to deserve it, and I was too young to realize that being bullied is never the fault of the victim. The horrible bullying died down in 4th grade, and beyond, but I never really -- shall we say -- "fit in with the 'in' crowd." I didn't care all that much, because I had a wonderful, marvelous, big, extended Italian family. That family provided me with all the support and companionship anyone could hope to have. And I did manage to make a few very close friends at school, even though the class I was in still contained a pretty big percentage of bullies. I managed to keep the bullies off my back -- and my friends' backs, to some degree -- by being willing to punch them, when necessary. Of course, nowadays I would have gotten suspended, but this was in the 70's, so... ya know... things were different. And the teachers in that school never did anything to help us victims of bullies, and the bullies didn't seem to be interested in my powerful words, so the power of the fist prevailed.
My day-to-day life in this particular Catholic school, combined with the support of my Italian family, served to have a certain effect on me. And the effect was this: I learned to not really give an "f" about what people thought of me. If I was happy with myself, that was enough. And -- of course -- my good friends in that school made my heart happy. I have also always had a very strong spiritual life, and Jesus has always hung with me, no matter what. Sometimes, certain people try to make me feel like Jesus is unhappy with me, but I have learned to ignore those people. My parents were EXCELLENT teachers of conscience formation -- I really have never known anyone who is better at that task -- so, I know when mean, judgy people just need to be blown off.
Anyway...
This is what happened when I was in the 8th grade...
My teacher decided that it would be a good idea to have a class debate about abortion rights. The anti-abortion-rights team was quickly populated, but ABSOLUTELY NOBODY wanted to be on the pro-abortion-rights team. So, me -- being who I am and not giving an "f" about what anybody would think of me -- volunteered to be on that team. And it ended up that I was the ONLY person on that team. Everybody looked at me in the most judgy way, but -- hey -- you cannot have a debate without both sides being represented, and I understood that, even if none of the other Catholic school 8th graders did.
So, I went to the library (because there was no internet in those days) and scoured the place for information on why people thought abortion should be legal (because nobody had ever told me why people thought abortion should be legal). My family was very Italian and very Catholic. Nobody in my family could be described, even vaguely, as an "anti-abortion activist," but my grandmother put the family philosophy very simply -- "It's okay to keep them from getting there (meaning: contraception is okay), but once they are there, you leave them alone." End of conversation. And I was cool with that. I also must say that NOBODY in my family had any objection to me supporting the pro-abortion-rights side in the debate. My family was pretty awesome about bipartisanship. Therefore, I researched the heck out of the subject (I was determined to win, after all), and I prepared, and I rehearsed, and I pretty much destroyed the anti-abortion-rights side in that debate. The arguments the other side used were lame-ass. Admittedly, they were a bunch of Catholic school 8th graders, so there's that.
After that debate, I was pretty much treated like a pariah by my classmates. But, everyone recovered quickly. My class was, actually, fairly good about not holding grudges, and there was kickball to be played.
I learned a lot of important things from that experience, and one of them was what it is like to be treated like a pariah for your opinions. Because -- in my Italian family -- nobody ever got treated like a pariah, even the hippie cousins who hitchhiked around the country and didn't have jobs and espoused communism. They were still welcomed with open arms for dinner and card games and all kinds of fun. My dad did tell me, though, that I was not allowed to be a hitchhiking, unemployed, hippie communist; but, he did say that my cousins were really "nice kids." My dad was probably the most awesome person, EVER.
Anyhow, to tell you the truth, I was pretty amused by everyone's reaction to me after that debate. As I said, I had learned, over the years, not to give an "f" about what people thought of me, as long as I had searched by conscience and believed in myself.
I'm not exactly sure what my point is in telling you this story. It just came to mind today, and I felt like telling it, so I did. ;-)
Pax.
Showing posts with label Abortion Rights. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Abortion Rights. Show all posts
Monday, November 14, 2016
This Thing I Did In 8th Grade
When I was in third grade (I know I said I was going to write about something I did in 8th grade, but this is the necessary backstory), I went to a new school. The Catholic elementary school I attended for 1st and 2nd grade closed, much to my horror, because I was very happy at that school, so my parents sent me to the Catholic elementary school one town over. And -- frankly -- I was miserable at that school. It was awful for me. I got bullied incessantly all through 3rd grade. I had no idea what I did to deserve it, and I was too young to realize that being bullied is never the fault of the victim. The horrible bullying died down in 4th grade, and beyond, but I never really -- shall we say -- "fit in with the 'in' crowd." I really didn't care all that much, because I had a wonderful, marvelous, big, extended Italian family. That family provided me with all the support and companionship anyone could hope to have. And I did manage to make a few very close friends at school, even though the class I was in still contained a pretty big percentage of bullies. I managed to keep the bullies off my back -- and my friends' backs, to some degree -- by being willing to punch them, when necessary. Of course, nowadays I would have gotten suspended, but this was in the 70's, so... ya know... things were different. And the teachers in that school never did anything to help us victims of bullies, and the bullies didn't seem to be interested in my powerful words, so power of the fist prevailed.
My day-to-day life in this particular Catholic school, combined with the support of my Italian family, served to have a certain effect on me. And the effect was this: I learned to not really give an "f" about what people thought of me. If I was happy with myself, that was enough. And -- of course -- my good friends in that school made my heart happy. I have also always had a very strong spiritual life, and Jesus has always hung with me, no matter what. Sometimes, certain people try to make me feel like Jesus is unhappy with me, but I have learned to ignore those people. My parents were EXCELLENT teachers of conscience formation -- I really have never known anyone who is better at that task -- so, I know when mean, judgy people just need to be blown off.
Anyway...
This is what happened when I was in the 8th grade...
My teacher decided that it would be a good idea to have a class debate about abortion rights. The anti-abortion-rights team was quickly populated, but ABSOLUTELY NOBODY wanted to be on the pro-abortion-rights team. So, me -- being who I am and not giving an "f" about what anybody would think of me -- volunteered to be on that team. And it ended up that I was the ONLY person on that team. Everybody looked at me in the most judgy way, but -- hey -- you cannot have a debate without both sides being represented, and I understood that, even if none of the other Catholic school 8th graders did.
So, I went to the library (because there was no internet in those days) and scoured the place for information on why people thought abortion should be legal (because nobody had ever told me why people thought abortion should be legal). My family was very Italian and very Catholic. Nobody in my family could be described, even vaguely, as an "anti-abortion activist," but my grandmother put the family philosophy very simply -- "It's okay to keep them from getting there (meaning: contraception is okay), but once they are there, you leave them alone." End of conversation. And I was cool with that. I also must say that NOBODY in my family had any objection to me supporting the pro-abortion-rights side in the debate. My family was pretty awesome about bipartisanship. Therefore, I researched the heck out of the subject (I was determined to win, after all), and I prepared, and I rehearsed, and I pretty much destroyed the anti-abortion-rights side in that debate. The arguments the other side used were lame-ass. Admittedly, they were a bunch of Catholic school 8th graders, so there's that.
After that debate, I was pretty much treated like a pariah by my classmates. But, everyone recovered quickly. My class was, actually, fairly good about not holding grudges, and there was kickball to be played.
I learned a lot of important things from that experience, and one of them was what it is like to be treated like a pariah for your opinions. Because -- in my Italian family -- nobody ever got treated like a pariah, even the hippie cousins who hitchhiked around the country and didn't have jobs and espoused communism. They were still welcomed with open arms for dinner and card games and all kinds of fun. My dad did tell me, though, that I was not allowed to be a hitchhiking, unemployed, hippie communist; but, he did say that my cousins were really "nice kids." My dad was probably the most awesome person, EVER.
Anyhow, to tell you the truth, I was pretty amused by everyone's reaction to me after that debate. As I said, I had learned, over the years, not to give an "f" about what people thought of me, as long as I had searched by conscience and believed in myself.
I'm not exactly sure what my point is in telling you this story. It just came to mind today, and I felt like telling it, so I did. ;-)
Pax.
My day-to-day life in this particular Catholic school, combined with the support of my Italian family, served to have a certain effect on me. And the effect was this: I learned to not really give an "f" about what people thought of me. If I was happy with myself, that was enough. And -- of course -- my good friends in that school made my heart happy. I have also always had a very strong spiritual life, and Jesus has always hung with me, no matter what. Sometimes, certain people try to make me feel like Jesus is unhappy with me, but I have learned to ignore those people. My parents were EXCELLENT teachers of conscience formation -- I really have never known anyone who is better at that task -- so, I know when mean, judgy people just need to be blown off.
Anyway...
This is what happened when I was in the 8th grade...
My teacher decided that it would be a good idea to have a class debate about abortion rights. The anti-abortion-rights team was quickly populated, but ABSOLUTELY NOBODY wanted to be on the pro-abortion-rights team. So, me -- being who I am and not giving an "f" about what anybody would think of me -- volunteered to be on that team. And it ended up that I was the ONLY person on that team. Everybody looked at me in the most judgy way, but -- hey -- you cannot have a debate without both sides being represented, and I understood that, even if none of the other Catholic school 8th graders did.
So, I went to the library (because there was no internet in those days) and scoured the place for information on why people thought abortion should be legal (because nobody had ever told me why people thought abortion should be legal). My family was very Italian and very Catholic. Nobody in my family could be described, even vaguely, as an "anti-abortion activist," but my grandmother put the family philosophy very simply -- "It's okay to keep them from getting there (meaning: contraception is okay), but once they are there, you leave them alone." End of conversation. And I was cool with that. I also must say that NOBODY in my family had any objection to me supporting the pro-abortion-rights side in the debate. My family was pretty awesome about bipartisanship. Therefore, I researched the heck out of the subject (I was determined to win, after all), and I prepared, and I rehearsed, and I pretty much destroyed the anti-abortion-rights side in that debate. The arguments the other side used were lame-ass. Admittedly, they were a bunch of Catholic school 8th graders, so there's that.
After that debate, I was pretty much treated like a pariah by my classmates. But, everyone recovered quickly. My class was, actually, fairly good about not holding grudges, and there was kickball to be played.
I learned a lot of important things from that experience, and one of them was what it is like to be treated like a pariah for your opinions. Because -- in my Italian family -- nobody ever got treated like a pariah, even the hippie cousins who hitchhiked around the country and didn't have jobs and espoused communism. They were still welcomed with open arms for dinner and card games and all kinds of fun. My dad did tell me, though, that I was not allowed to be a hitchhiking, unemployed, hippie communist; but, he did say that my cousins were really "nice kids." My dad was probably the most awesome person, EVER.
Anyhow, to tell you the truth, I was pretty amused by everyone's reaction to me after that debate. As I said, I had learned, over the years, not to give an "f" about what people thought of me, as long as I had searched by conscience and believed in myself.
I'm not exactly sure what my point is in telling you this story. It just came to mind today, and I felt like telling it, so I did. ;-)
Pax.
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Dear Barb...
While many people were busy marching around for their causes, I happened to come across your story.
I heard that after your abortion, some "pro-life" people shouted in your face and followed you down the sidewalk, until you were forced to hide in a stoop.
This made me cry.
I wished I was there to put my arm around your shoulders and help you into my car. I wished I could have taken you home and tucked a clean, comfortable quilt around you. I wished I could have made you some broth and toast. I wished I could have brewed you a cup of tea and listened if you wanted to tell me your story. Or been a quiet presence if you did not. I wished I could have stayed with you to make sure your recovery went smoothly and so that you wouldn't have to feel alone.
I do not know you. I do not know anything about your life. But, I do know that what you went through at the hands of the "pro-life" people is something you should not have had to endure. And I am so very sorry.
Marla <3
I heard that after your abortion, some "pro-life" people shouted in your face and followed you down the sidewalk, until you were forced to hide in a stoop.
This made me cry.
I wished I was there to put my arm around your shoulders and help you into my car. I wished I could have taken you home and tucked a clean, comfortable quilt around you. I wished I could have made you some broth and toast. I wished I could have brewed you a cup of tea and listened if you wanted to tell me your story. Or been a quiet presence if you did not. I wished I could have stayed with you to make sure your recovery went smoothly and so that you wouldn't have to feel alone.
I do not know you. I do not know anything about your life. But, I do know that what you went through at the hands of the "pro-life" people is something you should not have had to endure. And I am so very sorry.
Marla <3
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
She...
...stood in the bathroom stall, staring at the toilet paper in her hand, at the water in the toilet. There should be blood. That monthly reminder of her blossoming womanhood, her femininity, her fertility. The promise of future babies to hold. But, there was no blood. There really should have been -- at least a couple of days ago, actually. And she wished for it and prayed for it -- for that blood. Because -- really -- now was no time for babies.
The job was new. She was young. And she had just endured soul-crushing loss, for which there hadn't been much comfort. So, she had sought comfort in arms around her which really had no business being around her. She had known it, too, at the time -- that his arms really had no business being around her, that there was no real love. But, bone-weary, gut-wrenching loneliness can sometimes cloud the judgement. And so she hadn't pushed those arms away. She had allowed herself to feel the closeness -- the only closeness to another person that had seemed available to her at that moment, at that time in her life.
The man was gone now. And she was glad. He was in no way someone she would choose to be the father of her child. Too late now, though, for wise decisions that should have been made on one lonely night. There were only the decisions that had been made.
And so she stood in that bathroom stall, panic flooding through her, barely able to stand, barely able to breathe, wishing for blood that was not there, that would not come. What would she do, if she were pregnant? She had always been "pro-life," a Christian. She never thought abortion was an answer -- never thought it to be an acceptable alternative. But, here she was, all alone. Yes, she had parents. The thought of telling them, though... She didn't know if she could. The sound of the crying and the shouting and the name-calling that she knew would come rang in her head, as real as though they were actually happening. Yes, there would be much shaming, many accusations, relentless judgments about her lack of judgment. And this horror, she knew, would not last for just a couple of days or even a couple of months, but would last all through a pregnancy -- and beyond. She did not know if she could face it. She didn't think she could bring herself to face it -- the red-faced anger of those who "loved" her. But, how could she have an abortion? But, how could she not? Because, even if she survived the horrible confrontations with those who "loved" her without becoming suicidal -- and becoming suicidal, she knew, was a distinct possibility -- how could she care for a baby? She barely made enough to support herself. And everyone would demand to know who the father was -- and she could never tell, would never tell, because she would never want him to know. Because she knew he was not a good person. She knew he could never be fit to be a father. And adoption? There was that. But, even if she could bring herself to do that, she knew she would forever face being shamed by those who "loved" her. Of that, she was quite sure. And that seemed just too much to bear, at that time, at that age, after already enduring soul-crushing loss.
So, she prayed. She prayed, "Please, PLEASE God, don't let me be pregnant. I can't be pregnant. Don't let me be. PLEASE." She also prayed, "If I am pregnant, let me have a miscarriage. I just want to have a miscarriage. I can't have a baby. Not now. PLEASE. NOT NOW. Not this way. PLEASE."
And she walked out of that bathroom stall and went back to work at her new job and smiled at her co-workers and prayed for the blood to come. Prayed for days.
And finally it did. And it didn't seem to be a miscarriage. Just a normal period. And she breathed freely for the first time in what seemed like a long time. And she wondered, for the rest of her life, what she would have done if she had really been pregnant. And she never really knew.
The job was new. She was young. And she had just endured soul-crushing loss, for which there hadn't been much comfort. So, she had sought comfort in arms around her which really had no business being around her. She had known it, too, at the time -- that his arms really had no business being around her, that there was no real love. But, bone-weary, gut-wrenching loneliness can sometimes cloud the judgement. And so she hadn't pushed those arms away. She had allowed herself to feel the closeness -- the only closeness to another person that had seemed available to her at that moment, at that time in her life.
The man was gone now. And she was glad. He was in no way someone she would choose to be the father of her child. Too late now, though, for wise decisions that should have been made on one lonely night. There were only the decisions that had been made.
And so she stood in that bathroom stall, panic flooding through her, barely able to stand, barely able to breathe, wishing for blood that was not there, that would not come. What would she do, if she were pregnant? She had always been "pro-life," a Christian. She never thought abortion was an answer -- never thought it to be an acceptable alternative. But, here she was, all alone. Yes, she had parents. The thought of telling them, though... She didn't know if she could. The sound of the crying and the shouting and the name-calling that she knew would come rang in her head, as real as though they were actually happening. Yes, there would be much shaming, many accusations, relentless judgments about her lack of judgment. And this horror, she knew, would not last for just a couple of days or even a couple of months, but would last all through a pregnancy -- and beyond. She did not know if she could face it. She didn't think she could bring herself to face it -- the red-faced anger of those who "loved" her. But, how could she have an abortion? But, how could she not? Because, even if she survived the horrible confrontations with those who "loved" her without becoming suicidal -- and becoming suicidal, she knew, was a distinct possibility -- how could she care for a baby? She barely made enough to support herself. And everyone would demand to know who the father was -- and she could never tell, would never tell, because she would never want him to know. Because she knew he was not a good person. She knew he could never be fit to be a father. And adoption? There was that. But, even if she could bring herself to do that, she knew she would forever face being shamed by those who "loved" her. Of that, she was quite sure. And that seemed just too much to bear, at that time, at that age, after already enduring soul-crushing loss.
So, she prayed. She prayed, "Please, PLEASE God, don't let me be pregnant. I can't be pregnant. Don't let me be. PLEASE." She also prayed, "If I am pregnant, let me have a miscarriage. I just want to have a miscarriage. I can't have a baby. Not now. PLEASE. NOT NOW. Not this way. PLEASE."
And she walked out of that bathroom stall and went back to work at her new job and smiled at her co-workers and prayed for the blood to come. Prayed for days.
And finally it did. And it didn't seem to be a miscarriage. Just a normal period. And she breathed freely for the first time in what seemed like a long time. And she wondered, for the rest of her life, what she would have done if she had really been pregnant. And she never really knew.
Monday, January 20, 2014
Sad Day...
Today is the birthday of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. It should be a happy day. But, as I peruse various media outlets, I am just getting sad.
Because it seems to me that there are still so many of the same problems in the world as there were on the day Dr. King died. So much misunderstanding, prejudice, hatred, strife, injustice, poverty. So much greed. So little cooperation. So little willingness to HEAR, to just close our mouths and LISTEN a little bit.
And I am not thinking here about just one issue, or just one side of any given issue. This is a problem with every issue of our day, and with every side of every issue. I'm not saying there aren't good people. Of course, there are. But, there is also a lot of angry noise out there, and a lot of disrespect.
Take for example, the issue of abortion. The two sides, whatever you want to call them -- the pro-lifers vs. the pro-choicers, the lifers vs. the choicers, the anti-choicers vs. the pro-aborts -- often seem to dig up and flash about for public consumption the very worst things about each other. For example, there are the stories from Lila Rose; and there are the stories of "pro-life" centers posing as places where women can get abortion referrals. There are accusations of misinformation being given out by both sides. In short, both sides can come up with plenty of tales of alleged misdeeds by the other side. And this, in my opinion, keeps both sides from actually having to deal with the sincere and real concerns of the other. It's kind of like the "straw-man" argument -- you keep the attention on the easy-to-criticize stuff and you never have to deal with the hard stuff, the stuff that's not so easy to face. And, again, I'm speaking about both sides here. I have spent most of my adult life in the company of those who would describe themselves as "pro-life." And I haven't heard many respectful things said about the pro-choice people. And I bet the pro-choice people don't have a lot of good things to say about the pro-life people.
Some of you may already know this, because I have mentioned it before. There was a woman I worked with -- years ago -- who had been a counselor in an abortion clinic. I could not have been described as "pro-choice," and she knew it. But -- wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles -- we got along well. I respected her greatly. She was a kind, soft-spoken, caring woman. She was the absolute opposite of how many pro-life people would have you think about a person who is employed as a counselor in an abortion clinic. So, when I hear the rhetoric of the "abortion wars," I think about this woman. I think about her concern for women who felt they had absolutely no other option.
Of course, things are somewhat different now. There are many more resources for people in "crisis pregnancies" than there were back then. And this is good. My point is, though, that we should not demonize the pro-choice people. Instead of that, let's work to build a culture where no woman feels like she has "no other option" than an abortion. This type of culture has to have not only pregnancy centers that provide baby supplies and financial assistance for medical care for the mothers. This type of culture must also have a true social safety net that can help these mothers (and fathers) actually raise these children to adulthood in a successful and dignified way. But, I think it also needs to be a culture where a woman who is seeking a legal abortion should not have to make her way past (or through) a crowd of people (sometimes angry people) with signs (sometimes ugly signs). That is not respectful of the woman. And I believe she deserves respect. Although, I know there are those who don't think she does.
As a case in point, I will tell this little tale:
A lovely young woman I know attended the Walk for Life in San Francisco one year. This young woman actually cares very much about other women who face unintended pregnancies. She does not judge women who have abortions. And as she told me of her experience, she said that there were "mean, old, white men" at the Walk. She said that she was appalled by their lack of compassion toward women who have abortions. She had never experienced this type of attitude before, and it upset her greatly. She also spoke of the pro-choice women who were standing along the route. She recounted that when the organizers of the Walk asked for the women to be in front (something which apparently annoyed some of the "old, white men"), the pro-choice women shouted, "Yes! Put the women in front! Let the women go in front!" And this delighted the "pro-life" woman who was appalled at the "mean, old, white men."
So, it just seems to me that there are people on both sides of this issue who might be willing to show some respect for each other. And I guess that gives me a little hope, on this MLK Day.
Because it seems to me that there are still so many of the same problems in the world as there were on the day Dr. King died. So much misunderstanding, prejudice, hatred, strife, injustice, poverty. So much greed. So little cooperation. So little willingness to HEAR, to just close our mouths and LISTEN a little bit.
And I am not thinking here about just one issue, or just one side of any given issue. This is a problem with every issue of our day, and with every side of every issue. I'm not saying there aren't good people. Of course, there are. But, there is also a lot of angry noise out there, and a lot of disrespect.
Take for example, the issue of abortion. The two sides, whatever you want to call them -- the pro-lifers vs. the pro-choicers, the lifers vs. the choicers, the anti-choicers vs. the pro-aborts -- often seem to dig up and flash about for public consumption the very worst things about each other. For example, there are the stories from Lila Rose; and there are the stories of "pro-life" centers posing as places where women can get abortion referrals. There are accusations of misinformation being given out by both sides. In short, both sides can come up with plenty of tales of alleged misdeeds by the other side. And this, in my opinion, keeps both sides from actually having to deal with the sincere and real concerns of the other. It's kind of like the "straw-man" argument -- you keep the attention on the easy-to-criticize stuff and you never have to deal with the hard stuff, the stuff that's not so easy to face. And, again, I'm speaking about both sides here. I have spent most of my adult life in the company of those who would describe themselves as "pro-life." And I haven't heard many respectful things said about the pro-choice people. And I bet the pro-choice people don't have a lot of good things to say about the pro-life people.
Some of you may already know this, because I have mentioned it before. There was a woman I worked with -- years ago -- who had been a counselor in an abortion clinic. I could not have been described as "pro-choice," and she knew it. But -- wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles -- we got along well. I respected her greatly. She was a kind, soft-spoken, caring woman. She was the absolute opposite of how many pro-life people would have you think about a person who is employed as a counselor in an abortion clinic. So, when I hear the rhetoric of the "abortion wars," I think about this woman. I think about her concern for women who felt they had absolutely no other option.
Of course, things are somewhat different now. There are many more resources for people in "crisis pregnancies" than there were back then. And this is good. My point is, though, that we should not demonize the pro-choice people. Instead of that, let's work to build a culture where no woman feels like she has "no other option" than an abortion. This type of culture has to have not only pregnancy centers that provide baby supplies and financial assistance for medical care for the mothers. This type of culture must also have a true social safety net that can help these mothers (and fathers) actually raise these children to adulthood in a successful and dignified way. But, I think it also needs to be a culture where a woman who is seeking a legal abortion should not have to make her way past (or through) a crowd of people (sometimes angry people) with signs (sometimes ugly signs). That is not respectful of the woman. And I believe she deserves respect. Although, I know there are those who don't think she does.
As a case in point, I will tell this little tale:
A lovely young woman I know attended the Walk for Life in San Francisco one year. This young woman actually cares very much about other women who face unintended pregnancies. She does not judge women who have abortions. And as she told me of her experience, she said that there were "mean, old, white men" at the Walk. She said that she was appalled by their lack of compassion toward women who have abortions. She had never experienced this type of attitude before, and it upset her greatly. She also spoke of the pro-choice women who were standing along the route. She recounted that when the organizers of the Walk asked for the women to be in front (something which apparently annoyed some of the "old, white men"), the pro-choice women shouted, "Yes! Put the women in front! Let the women go in front!" And this delighted the "pro-life" woman who was appalled at the "mean, old, white men."
So, it just seems to me that there are people on both sides of this issue who might be willing to show some respect for each other. And I guess that gives me a little hope, on this MLK Day.
Thursday, June 27, 2013
The Little Texan In Her Pink Shoes
Did y'all see Texan Wendy Davis filibustering a couple nights ago? It was a pretty awesome sight to behold, whatever your opinions on women's issues may be.
I am the same age as Wendy. She was born one month and six days after me. I was reading a bit about her, as I had never heard of her before her filibuster, and she is a pretty incredible person. She married and had a baby as a teen, got divorced, became a paralegal, worked her way through college and law school, and went on to have a fantastic career. If I had tried to do all those things, I would have had a nervous breakdown. My hat is off to you, Wendy!
And as I watched this darling lady in her pink shoes and the reactions she got from the crowd and on Twitter, I tried to just quiet myself and ponder things.
This is what I have pondered.
Yes, I am a Catholic. Yes, I am a Republican. I take being a Catholic pretty seriously. Being a Republican? Not quite so much. Though I appreciate politics and understand their importance, I do not possess enough of the ideology of either of the major parties to be entirely faithful to one or the other. And I have actually switched party affiliation more than once. I may do it again.
What do I like about the Republicans? I have generally been drawn to the ideas of limited government and subsidiarity. I also liked Reagan a great deal. If you are a Democrat, you will probably gag at this, but Reagan was to my generation what Obama is to the current generation of younger people. Things pretty much sucked in the late 70's, and Reagan gave us his version of "hope" and "change." He had a positive attitude, a good sense of humor, and he was unflinchingly brave in the face of the things we viewed as threats to our freedom. Of course, he also scared the crap out of a lot of people. I understand that. But, I liked him. I still do. I know he made mistakes. I know he was not perfect. I am not defending everything he did. But, he sort of gave our nation a much-needed kick in the pants and a shot in the arm and a little bit of pride and confidence where it was very lacking. If you don't believe me, go and watch that new movie about the Iranian hostage crisis that stars Ben Affleck.
As a Catholic, though, I also appreciate many, many things about the Democratic party. I am quite sympathetic to their ideals of social justice and their desire for a strong social safety net. And -- having children in their 20's who are struggling to begin careers in the current economy -- I am really starting to appreciate their desire for some type of national health insurance system. And I have to say that "Obamacare" has been a Godsend for us -- especially since my 23-year-old daughter has many health problems. I don't know what we would have done to affordably provide for her healthcare needs -- especially considering the current state of the job market for young people -- without the new laws.
Why have I told you these things? It is so that you will have more understanding of where I am coming from when it comes to my thoughts about Wendy and her pink shoes and standing with her and all.
I have to admit that my first reaction in watching Wendy was to "root" for the Republicans. Then I started to pay more attention and learn more about what the GOP members had done. It seems like they basically tried to throw a Hail Mary pass at the last possible moment. They said that their proposed laws would protect the health and safety of women. Frankly, I don't really buy that. I think they were just trying to get abortion clinics shut down. And this seems, to me, like a dishonest, heartless way to reduce abortion rates. And I don't think it will protect the health of women, either. Because, in the current environment, given the current state of our culture, women will not say, "Oh, I am pregnant and I am not happy about it. But, I will just have this baby and all will be well." They probably won't do that. They'll most likely try to find some way to get an abortion, anyway -- a way that will probably be less safe than if the current clinics had stayed open. And they will get angry. They will get angry at the mean men who appear to be bullying them. They will get angry at the heartless and ignorant men who keep saying things like, "A woman's body has a way to shut those things down." It's like these Republicans just attacked a relatively peaceful hive with a flame thrower. Way to burn bridges, GOP members.
So, here we have this image. An image of a little lady in pink shoes -- a woman who was a teen mom herself, who chose to have her baby in an era when she could have chosen otherwise -- facing down these hostile people. Even I -- Catholic that I am -- was quite moved by this. And now I hear that the governor has called a special session to go through the whole issue again. Hello, Governor. You think Wendy is going to back down this time? I don't think so. She's probably in training right now to take you on.
At this point, I have probably succeeded in alienating practically everyone who is reading this. Sorry about that. But, if you care to read on, I will tell you what I think would be a more positive approach to this whole thing.
I would like to see the people on "both sides of the aisle" respecting each others concerns and appreciating the merits of each others arguments. I would like to see the Republicans being honest about their goals and measured in their approach. I would like to see the Democrats trying to understand that most Republicans don't want to oppress women. (Well, at least the ones in California don't. I'm not sure about the ones in Texas.) I think the governor should cancel the special session he called and wait until the next regular legislative session, when all of this should be taken up in a thoughtful, respectful, unhurried way. I want to see everybody calm down and deal with the issue in a rational manner. If that is possible in Texas. ;-)
I am the same age as Wendy. She was born one month and six days after me. I was reading a bit about her, as I had never heard of her before her filibuster, and she is a pretty incredible person. She married and had a baby as a teen, got divorced, became a paralegal, worked her way through college and law school, and went on to have a fantastic career. If I had tried to do all those things, I would have had a nervous breakdown. My hat is off to you, Wendy!
And as I watched this darling lady in her pink shoes and the reactions she got from the crowd and on Twitter, I tried to just quiet myself and ponder things.
This is what I have pondered.
Yes, I am a Catholic. Yes, I am a Republican. I take being a Catholic pretty seriously. Being a Republican? Not quite so much. Though I appreciate politics and understand their importance, I do not possess enough of the ideology of either of the major parties to be entirely faithful to one or the other. And I have actually switched party affiliation more than once. I may do it again.
What do I like about the Republicans? I have generally been drawn to the ideas of limited government and subsidiarity. I also liked Reagan a great deal. If you are a Democrat, you will probably gag at this, but Reagan was to my generation what Obama is to the current generation of younger people. Things pretty much sucked in the late 70's, and Reagan gave us his version of "hope" and "change." He had a positive attitude, a good sense of humor, and he was unflinchingly brave in the face of the things we viewed as threats to our freedom. Of course, he also scared the crap out of a lot of people. I understand that. But, I liked him. I still do. I know he made mistakes. I know he was not perfect. I am not defending everything he did. But, he sort of gave our nation a much-needed kick in the pants and a shot in the arm and a little bit of pride and confidence where it was very lacking. If you don't believe me, go and watch that new movie about the Iranian hostage crisis that stars Ben Affleck.
As a Catholic, though, I also appreciate many, many things about the Democratic party. I am quite sympathetic to their ideals of social justice and their desire for a strong social safety net. And -- having children in their 20's who are struggling to begin careers in the current economy -- I am really starting to appreciate their desire for some type of national health insurance system. And I have to say that "Obamacare" has been a Godsend for us -- especially since my 23-year-old daughter has many health problems. I don't know what we would have done to affordably provide for her healthcare needs -- especially considering the current state of the job market for young people -- without the new laws.
Why have I told you these things? It is so that you will have more understanding of where I am coming from when it comes to my thoughts about Wendy and her pink shoes and standing with her and all.
I have to admit that my first reaction in watching Wendy was to "root" for the Republicans. Then I started to pay more attention and learn more about what the GOP members had done. It seems like they basically tried to throw a Hail Mary pass at the last possible moment. They said that their proposed laws would protect the health and safety of women. Frankly, I don't really buy that. I think they were just trying to get abortion clinics shut down. And this seems, to me, like a dishonest, heartless way to reduce abortion rates. And I don't think it will protect the health of women, either. Because, in the current environment, given the current state of our culture, women will not say, "Oh, I am pregnant and I am not happy about it. But, I will just have this baby and all will be well." They probably won't do that. They'll most likely try to find some way to get an abortion, anyway -- a way that will probably be less safe than if the current clinics had stayed open. And they will get angry. They will get angry at the mean men who appear to be bullying them. They will get angry at the heartless and ignorant men who keep saying things like, "A woman's body has a way to shut those things down." It's like these Republicans just attacked a relatively peaceful hive with a flame thrower. Way to burn bridges, GOP members.
So, here we have this image. An image of a little lady in pink shoes -- a woman who was a teen mom herself, who chose to have her baby in an era when she could have chosen otherwise -- facing down these hostile people. Even I -- Catholic that I am -- was quite moved by this. And now I hear that the governor has called a special session to go through the whole issue again. Hello, Governor. You think Wendy is going to back down this time? I don't think so. She's probably in training right now to take you on.
At this point, I have probably succeeded in alienating practically everyone who is reading this. Sorry about that. But, if you care to read on, I will tell you what I think would be a more positive approach to this whole thing.
I would like to see the people on "both sides of the aisle" respecting each others concerns and appreciating the merits of each others arguments. I would like to see the Republicans being honest about their goals and measured in their approach. I would like to see the Democrats trying to understand that most Republicans don't want to oppress women. (Well, at least the ones in California don't. I'm not sure about the ones in Texas.) I think the governor should cancel the special session he called and wait until the next regular legislative session, when all of this should be taken up in a thoughtful, respectful, unhurried way. I want to see everybody calm down and deal with the issue in a rational manner. If that is possible in Texas. ;-)
Monday, September 10, 2012
How Being The Sex Tutor Brought Me To The Bar Mitzvah -- Reflections For Today
Lots of accusations being hurled about right now. "You want to take away my religious freedom." "You want to force me to have children when I am not ready." "You want to remove all consideration of God from public life." "You want to keep me from having someone to love." And on and on....
One thing that concerns me about all this? The idea of MOTIVATIONS. It seems to me that people, on both sides of the important issues being discussed in our society right now, are quick to assume the worst possible motives on the part of those who disagree with them. I was talking to my husband about this on Saturday night, and he told me that there is a Catholic idea which holds that you should always assume that others have the best possible motives. Seems wise to me....
So, I was thinking about an experience I had when I was about 19 years old. While attending San Francisco State University, I was the student assistant for a class entitled: Human Sexuality. As you can imagine, this was a very popular class. Three to four hundred people usually signed up for it each semester, so it was easily the largest class on campus. And the teacher was a kind, funny, Jewish man, who was married to a kind, funny, Jewish lady. The two of them had a kind, funny, Jewish son. I spent a lot of time with this family, as my job for the class entailed quite a bit of work, which the professor and his wife often helped me with. (Yes. I just dangled a preposition. I am such a rule-breaker.) There were tests to be written, typed, and graded. Exam scores to be recorded. Grades to be calculated. And, sometimes, I even got to help plan and deliver lectures -- something which greatly appealed to the "ham" side of my personality. And I can be quite a ham. Around campus, I was often fondly referred to as the "sex tutor", which caused me great amusement. All in all, not a bad job.
Since I spent much time at the home of this family, I was invited to their son's Bar Mitzvah. It was a great occasion -- a beautiful ceremony at the Temple and a wonderful party, with traditional Jewish dishes and much music and dancing. If you have never had the opportunity to attend a Bar Mitzvah, I would recommend immediately making some Jewish friends, as you would not want to miss out on the experience.
Now, at this lovely party, I was seated next to a beautiful Jewish woman who was probably in her early 40's. She was an administrative assistant at the university, and was pretty high up the "totem pole", as far as administrative jobs went. As we were enjoying our food, she turned to me and asked, "You are Catholic, aren't you?" To which I replied in the affirmative. She then said, "Well, then you are probably against abortion rights. I am for abortion rights." She then proceeded to tell me all about why she was for abortion rights. I was a little taken aback that she would bring this topic up on this particular occasion, but I listened to her, as I was interested in what she had to say. (I was also basically "trapped" in my seat, giving me really no alternative but to listen to her, even if I hadn't been interested. Divine Providence, I believe. God is truly at work at Bar Mitzvahs.)
In a nutshell, her reasons for supporting abortion rights were, in many ways, my reasons for not supporting abortion rights. We were both concerned about upholding the dignity of women. We were both concerned that children would be loved, cherished, and well-cared-for. So, when I hear people who are against abortion rights accusing pro-choice people of not caring about women and children, it irritates me. They do care. So, let's not assume their motivations are evil, because they are not. It's not that they believe abortion to be an actual "good". It's not that they assume everyone with an unplanned pregnancy should have an abortion. It's that they actually do believe that women should have a real choice. They believe that the lack of this choice is a type of manipulation of women that undermines their dignity. And, on the other hand, people who oppose abortion rights should not be labelled as enemies of women. Most people who oppose abortion rights, especially these days, want to truly help both the woman and her child. Many of them donate much of their time and resources for women in difficult circumstances. When I was younger, I admit that there were a lot of "pro-life" people who were basically mean in their attitude towards women who became pregnant in difficult circumstances and who wanted to choose abortion. I knew people who would accuse these women of being "baby killers" and would condemn them to hell and would not even want to offer them to much help. "She dug her grave. Let her lie in it," was an attitude I encountered more than once. I have come to see, though, that the vast majority of the younger people who are against abortion rights are not this way. They are truly interested in loving and helping women and children, whatever their circumstances. They are much more charitable, in general, than those of my generation.
So, as we have this important discussion about reproductive rights in our culture, I hope we can bring ourselves to assume the best possible motivations from The Other. And we want to remember the women in these very, very difficult circumstances. We don't want to add more pain and heartache to the pain and heartache they are already suffering. That is cruelty. There is no excuse for it.
And in all our discussions about all the important issues of our day -- national defense, the social safety net, gay rights, environmental issues -- let's try to assume the best possible motives from each side, instead of jumping to the worst possible conclusions about those who disagree with us. It seems to me that charity demands this.
One thing that concerns me about all this? The idea of MOTIVATIONS. It seems to me that people, on both sides of the important issues being discussed in our society right now, are quick to assume the worst possible motives on the part of those who disagree with them. I was talking to my husband about this on Saturday night, and he told me that there is a Catholic idea which holds that you should always assume that others have the best possible motives. Seems wise to me....
So, I was thinking about an experience I had when I was about 19 years old. While attending San Francisco State University, I was the student assistant for a class entitled: Human Sexuality. As you can imagine, this was a very popular class. Three to four hundred people usually signed up for it each semester, so it was easily the largest class on campus. And the teacher was a kind, funny, Jewish man, who was married to a kind, funny, Jewish lady. The two of them had a kind, funny, Jewish son. I spent a lot of time with this family, as my job for the class entailed quite a bit of work, which the professor and his wife often helped me with. (Yes. I just dangled a preposition. I am such a rule-breaker.) There were tests to be written, typed, and graded. Exam scores to be recorded. Grades to be calculated. And, sometimes, I even got to help plan and deliver lectures -- something which greatly appealed to the "ham" side of my personality. And I can be quite a ham. Around campus, I was often fondly referred to as the "sex tutor", which caused me great amusement. All in all, not a bad job.
Since I spent much time at the home of this family, I was invited to their son's Bar Mitzvah. It was a great occasion -- a beautiful ceremony at the Temple and a wonderful party, with traditional Jewish dishes and much music and dancing. If you have never had the opportunity to attend a Bar Mitzvah, I would recommend immediately making some Jewish friends, as you would not want to miss out on the experience.
Now, at this lovely party, I was seated next to a beautiful Jewish woman who was probably in her early 40's. She was an administrative assistant at the university, and was pretty high up the "totem pole", as far as administrative jobs went. As we were enjoying our food, she turned to me and asked, "You are Catholic, aren't you?" To which I replied in the affirmative. She then said, "Well, then you are probably against abortion rights. I am for abortion rights." She then proceeded to tell me all about why she was for abortion rights. I was a little taken aback that she would bring this topic up on this particular occasion, but I listened to her, as I was interested in what she had to say. (I was also basically "trapped" in my seat, giving me really no alternative but to listen to her, even if I hadn't been interested. Divine Providence, I believe. God is truly at work at Bar Mitzvahs.)
In a nutshell, her reasons for supporting abortion rights were, in many ways, my reasons for not supporting abortion rights. We were both concerned about upholding the dignity of women. We were both concerned that children would be loved, cherished, and well-cared-for. So, when I hear people who are against abortion rights accusing pro-choice people of not caring about women and children, it irritates me. They do care. So, let's not assume their motivations are evil, because they are not. It's not that they believe abortion to be an actual "good". It's not that they assume everyone with an unplanned pregnancy should have an abortion. It's that they actually do believe that women should have a real choice. They believe that the lack of this choice is a type of manipulation of women that undermines their dignity. And, on the other hand, people who oppose abortion rights should not be labelled as enemies of women. Most people who oppose abortion rights, especially these days, want to truly help both the woman and her child. Many of them donate much of their time and resources for women in difficult circumstances. When I was younger, I admit that there were a lot of "pro-life" people who were basically mean in their attitude towards women who became pregnant in difficult circumstances and who wanted to choose abortion. I knew people who would accuse these women of being "baby killers" and would condemn them to hell and would not even want to offer them to much help. "She dug her grave. Let her lie in it," was an attitude I encountered more than once. I have come to see, though, that the vast majority of the younger people who are against abortion rights are not this way. They are truly interested in loving and helping women and children, whatever their circumstances. They are much more charitable, in general, than those of my generation.
So, as we have this important discussion about reproductive rights in our culture, I hope we can bring ourselves to assume the best possible motivations from The Other. And we want to remember the women in these very, very difficult circumstances. We don't want to add more pain and heartache to the pain and heartache they are already suffering. That is cruelty. There is no excuse for it.
And in all our discussions about all the important issues of our day -- national defense, the social safety net, gay rights, environmental issues -- let's try to assume the best possible motives from each side, instead of jumping to the worst possible conclusions about those who disagree with us. It seems to me that charity demands this.
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