The Cantaloupe, The Heat, And My Mom

My mom and I sometimes had a cantankerous relationship. Because she was a cantankerous lady. And I am a cantankerous lady. She was also a bad-ass broad, and she tried to teach my sisters and I to be bad-ass broads, too. I am hoping that she succeeded, at least a little bit.

I thought of my mom this morning, because when I woke up, I could tell the day was going to be very hot (108 degrees, baby); and when I came down the stairs, I could smell the ripe cantaloupe on my kitchen counter. My mom's kitchen always smelled like ripe cantaloupe on hot summer days, because cantaloupe was one of her favorite fruits to buy in the summertime.

And I loved summertime at my mom and dad's house. There was no school and -- being that my mom was not "into" signing my sisters and I up for activities (the exception to this rule being swimming lessons, because my mom was a bad-ass life guard in her youth) -- summer was always very relaxing. My sisters and I would eat cantaloupe and watch the soaps with my Nana (who lived across the street) and read books and walk our dog and clean the house once a week. My mom was a stickler about having us clean the house once a week, which was quite fair and all, as we really didn't have to do much else, as far as chores went. We did clear the table, but we weren't allowed to load the dishwasher, because -- according to my mom -- we would inevitably do it wrong. We also washed the dog and cat bowls after they ate. And we would put our laundry away after my mom folded it and laid it out on the kitchen table for us. We weren't allowed to do our laundry, either, because my mom said that we would inevitably overflow the drain field (there were no sewers where we lived), and she was probably right about that. We were also expected to keep our stuff cleaned up, as my mom was very tidy. All in all, a pretty light amount of chores, I'd say. So, summer was very relaxing.

And that was so AWESOME, because I am a rather high-strung person in my nervous system, and I HATED school. I just HATED it. I went to Catholic school, where none of the teachers knew how to teach math, because they were all humanities majors. So, I sucked at math. Both because the teachers had no clue as to how to teach it and also because I had no natural talent in that area. I finally started to understand math when I was about 12 years old, but that was A LOT of years in which I suffered through the whole thing at Catholic school. I also sucked at science, probably also because the teachers were all humanities majors and didn't really understand science, themselves, let alone know how to teach it. In high school, I did well in both math and science, but it was a public school, where the teachers had actually majored in the subjects they taught (mostly, anyway). I also hated Catholic school because we had to wear wool skirts, no matter how goddam hot it was. And there was no air conditioning, or even fans, because -- in those days -- Catholic schools had no $$$. Now, Catholic schools charge people like a gazillion dollars a year, so I take it that maybe they can afford air conditioning (or fans, at least.) Maybe they can even afford teachers who know how to teach science and math. I bet Catholic schools still kind of suck, though, especially for people like me. I am an INFJ, and Catholic schools and INFJ's don't really go that well together, I don't think. Also, in the winter, it was goddam freezing in that school, because the boiler was always broken and my parents couldn't afford the "official" uniform sweater, so I wasn't allowed to wear my regular sweater (which was even the right color), even though there was no heat and it was goddam freezing in that school. I would be all shivering, with goose bumps, but did the humanities major teachers allow me to wear my regular sweater (which was even the right color)??? No. No, they did not. Because it was against the rules. And in Catholic schools, the rules are fucking EVERYTHING. I was so happy to go to a public high school, where I was treated in an actual Christian fashion by my secular humanist teachers. Thank God for secular humanist teachers. (Okay. To be fair, many of my public high school teachers were religious, but very few of them were Catholic. Thanks be to God.)

So, as you can see, summertime at home with virtually no activities and attire composed of shorts (which my mother sewed for us) and halter tops (which my mother also sewed for us) and cantaloupe eating and swimming in bikinis (which my mother allowed us to wear) were actually Heaven to me and my rather high-strung personality.

One of my favorite activities in the summertime was playing with the Barbie swimming pool. This was a lovely and relaxing game for me and my high-strung personality, because it was so mindless and involved Barbie, who I could always relate to. Why could I relate to Barbie? Not so much because of her magnificent boobs, but because she was -- in those days -- also bad at math. SO relatable for me. I actually thought that when I became a teenager, I would grow boobs like Barbie, so that ended up being kind of a disappointment to me, but those are the valuable lessons that childhood games teach us.

Anyway... Back to the Barbie swimming pool game.

When I was a little girl, my dad built a little deck/patio in our back yard. And when it was sweltering hot, my sisters and I ate some cantaloupe for a snack after our swimming lesson, and then we were allowed to fill the Barbie swimming pool with the hose and have our Barbies go for a swim. We weren't allowed to fill the Barbie swimming pool with actual water in the wintertime, because... Well, duh... Wintertime. But, when the thermometer went over 90 or 100 degrees in the summer, we were allowed to use actual water. And we had great fun having swimming games with our Barbies. One of my favorite games was to pretend that one of the Barbies was drowning and having another Barbie rescue her. We thought up this game after observing the life guard at swimming lessons.

Another wonderful Barbie game (that could be played in any season, because it was an indoor game, not involving water) was "Earthquake." My sisters and I would devise a makeshift townhouse in one of our baby buggies. This baby buggy would not be mine, of course, because I was the oldest and knew that this game was not really good for our buggies. My youngest sister didn't allow her buggy to be used for this purpose, either, because she was wise beyond her years. That left the townhouse to be devised in the buggy of our oft-abused middle sister, who was really nice about it. She is actually probably the brightest of the three of us, but is also the most generous. After devising the makeshift townhouse in our oft-abused middle sister's ill-fated buggy, we would arrange our Barbies in it and pretend they were hanging out at home, unaware that tragedy was about to strike. Then we would shake the buggy back-and-forth and up-and-down and scream and yell, pretending the "Big One" had hit. Living in the San Francisco Bay Area, we were always hearing about the "Big One," and it seemed like an idea that would make an amazing Barbie game. And it did. Eventually, the middle Argenti sister's buggy would sway back and forth every time it was pushed, even when it was being pushed in a simple linear fashion. My sister didn't really like this development, but -- being that I was kind of a douchy older sister -- I think I convinced her that it was actually really cool that the buggy swayed like that.

So, as you can see, summer was AWESOME at my house, when I was a kid. It was fun and relaxing and SO incredibly un-demanding. I wish more kids had the opportunity to experience this kind of summer. I hated it when school started again. And I have my mom to thank for this. Thank-you mom for all of those wonderful summers. I am so grateful that the bright sun in the sky this morning and the smell of the ripe cantaloupe in my kitchen reminded me of this gift. I hope you are having a great time up in Heaven, partying it up with Chris Bruno's mom.

Oh, and here is one more cool thing my mom would do in the summer. She always read her book after lunch, and she would read it aloud to us, if we wanted to hang out in the living room and listen. These were "grown-up" books, and I so much enjoyed hearing them. One of them was Rose Kennedy's autobiography, which is so much fun! If you haven't read it, you should, even though it is old and doesn't talk about Joe and Jack's affairs. I am quite sure Rose knew about them, because she was the farthest thing from an idiot, but she told her story sans all the crap. And it is delightful! I actually had my kids read this book when they were growing up, and I think they all enjoyed it. And they learned a lot, too. Because -- after all -- there really is more to the Kennedy family than Joe and Jack's inability to keep it zipped. And those good things need to be remembered. And Rose was a DELIGHTFUL story-teller. I bet Rose and my mom and Nancy Bruno are all up in Heaven, partying together, as a matter of fact. Another book that I remember my mother reading aloud to us was "The Making Of A Surgeon." This was a book written by a surgeon, and the title is fairly self-explanatory. I found it all so fascinating and actually thought about becoming a surgeon, myself. Which I didn't, because it involved WAY to much math and physics. Even though I was a biology major and was, actually, fairly proficient in math because of my non-Catholic high school teachers, physics was never really my bag. But, the story this guy told about his journey to becoming a surgeon was incredible, and I so much enjoyed it. So, the lesson here is that you should read books to your kids that aren't necessarily kids' books or even the classics. Pop-culture stories can be quite educational and memorable for children.

Rest in peace, Mom. And thanks a million times over for everything!

Mamas, Kiddos, And Summertime

Summer is here! The kiddos are off school and at home.  The days are slow and stress-free.  Right?

Haha...

I was reading, this morning, one mom's ponderings about parents (especially mamas) and kiddos and summer.  She seems a little frustrated by the fact that she hears mamas complain about having their kids at home all day with them during this special season.  She is a little miffed that some of these mamas are quick to put their kids into every kind of summer activity, so that -- presumably -- they will not have to deal with said kids.  She blames this apparently selfish attitude on the part of mamas on the sin of pride -- of wanting ones own way and not being willing to put others (like our children) before ourselves.

This particular mom, whose ponderings I was reading, homeschools her own kiddos.  She also has many kiddos.  She is a wonderful mother.  She is a very good person.  I don't mean to come down unfairly on her.  But, I have a little bit of a different opinion about this situation.  And, occasionally, I think I might have some Texas blood in me, as I enjoy "mixing it up" a bit.  (See:  Stand With Wendy and Battleground Texas and all that.)

So, here I go, throwing my iron into the fire.

I did homeschool my three children, but not until they were going into the 5th grade, the 3rd grade, and kindergarten.  My youngest did not actually enter a formal classroom situation until after high school.  I spent the first couple of months after he had gone across the country to attend college lying awake at night, wondering and worrying about how he would do and recounting to myself everything I had not done well enough to prepare him.  He is now entering his junior year, and he has done just fine.  Thanks be to God.  Until we decided to homeschool, though, my older children (both girls) attended public school.  It was a lovely public school.  We didn't homeschool because the regular school was bad or because we are religious zealots.  We are Catholic, but we are basically middle-of-the-road people.  My children, though, expressed a great interest in being schooled at home.  And because there were many social opportunities in our area for them, and because I had been a teacher myself, I decided to give it a go.  As it ended up, I was a "homeschool mom" for 13 years.

Having had my kids attend regular school before I homeschooled them, though, did give me an opportunity to compare and contrast the two situations, including the whole "coming home for summer vacation" phenomenon.

And I don't think mothers who get annoyed by their kids when those kids are home all day, every day for summer break are selfish or prideful.  They are not bad mamas in any way, shape, or form.  They are just dealing with a transition that is difficult -- for both them and their kiddos.

When they are in school, mamas and kids have their routines.  Kids know what to expect and what is expected of them both during the school day and when they arrive home in the afternoon or evening.  They see the same people every day -- their friends, their teachers, the custodian, the lunch lady.  Mothers have their routines, too, whether at their jobs (if they work outside of the home) or in their role as stay-at-home-moms.  In their routines during the school year, these moms do not have to see to their kids each and every minute of each and every day, and they probably spend the majority of their time either with other adults or alone.  And please know that when I say these things, I am not judging anybody's choices.  I am not saying it is better or worse to have a job outside the home or to stay at home.  Each woman must make her decisions based on her own personality and circumstances. 

When summer arrives, though, everything changes for both the mamas and the kids.  If mom works, there is a new childcare arrangement to which the children have to adjust.  If mom stays home, suddenly her daily household schedule is upended by the presence of her children.  And it is probably a lot noisier in the house than during the school year.  It is a huge adjustment for the kids, too.  They go from having a highly structured day to having either no structure or very little.  So, even though mama loves her kids and enjoys being with them, she is bound to go a little nuts -- whether she works outside the home or not.  And the kids are bound to go a little nuts, too.  And when you put the stress of the mom together with the stress of the kids -- and you throw some summertime hot weather into the mix -- some fireworks are bound to result.  This is not selfish or prideful.  This is normal human emotion.  No wonder the mom is out signing her kids up for all kinds of summer activities and camps.  She wants to save her own sanity, yes.  And saving ones sanity is not selfish.  But, she's also thinking of her kids -- that they will be happier and have more fun and even have some new experiences.

It is a nice thing, though -- and probably most moms would agree with this -- to be able to spend time at home with your kids during the summer in a peaceful way.  So, I would like to offer a few suggestions which, believe me, came from learning things the hard way.  I hope they will be useful to you.  If they are not, feel free to discount them.

I think the first two or three weeks of summer break are the most difficult.  Be patient with yourself and with your kids.  Trust that things will get better.  As for daily activities, the following is what I found most helpful:

I would try to have an idea in my head of how I wanted the day to go.  I tried to get up in the morning and shower before my kids were awake.  If they all got up and started running around and playing loudly and fighting with each other before I had my shower, well... I could be a little short-tempered.  After I had my shower, I would get my coffee.  Then the little people would usually start getting up.  I did not allow rough and loud play at this time of the day.  Why?  Because I could not take it.  So, I would assist each one in dressing and hair combing, as their age and maturity level required.  Then they would have breakfast and we would chat.  After breakfast, they brushed their teeth.  Then they were allowed to watch a bit of TV (something kid-friendly) or read or play with their toys.  While they did these things, I would clean up from breakfast and do any other chores that were necessary so that I could feel at least relatively organized.  Sometimes the kids would start to fight.  I would stop them.  Why?  Because I could not take the fighting.  (Yes, mamas, I am pretty convinced that you should not have to put up with your kids fighting.  I mean, all kids fight, but you don't have to put up with it.  You are worth more than that.)  After I was done doing what I needed to do, I would take the kids somewhere, bringing along a snack.  We would not go anywhere fancy -- just out of the house.  They enjoyed the park most especially.  They also liked the "duck pond."  But, even a little walk around the neighborhood could be fun.  Once a week, or so, we would perhaps go to a kid-friendly museum or to the beach or to the lake that is near our home.  Then it was usually time for lunch. 

After lunch, I would let them watch a little TV while I cleaned up and rested a little.  Maybe I would have some tea.  Then I would usually read to them.  I read to them even when they were perfectly able to read by themselves.  I would read all sorts of things.  There was only one rule.  The reading material had to be interesting TO ME.  Yup.  TO ME.  Of course, it had to be interesting to them, too, or else they would start cutting up.  While I read, they could draw or color or play with blocks or lego-type things.  After reading, they did what they wanted to do while I did what I needed to do.  But, what they wanted to do could not involve destruction or ungodly levels of noise.  As they got older, this was an ideal time for them to practice musical instruments or even listen to music.  I tried mightily to get them all to appreciate Bon Jovi.  And, by God, I succeeded.

If it was a hot day -- as it usually is here during the summer -- we would often go to the community pool during the later part of the afternoon.  If you don't have a community pool, you can usually arrange some sort of water-play outside of your home, even if you just have a small patio.  When I was growing up, my mom used to put my sisters and I in our swim suits and we would play on our porch with our Barbie pool and Barbie dolls for hours at a time.  My favorite thing was to pretend the Barbies would be involved in near-drownings and have to save each other.  A Ken doll would come in handy for this game.

After this, everyone would be getting kind of tired, even me.  But, as it is with moms, the most tiring part of the day was yet to be lived -- dinner and clean-up and bed time.  So, I'd get the kids dried off and dressed and put them in front of the TV.  What would they watch?  For this time of day, "Emergency!" was a favorite.  All my kids loved "Emergency!"  They also loved "Lost In Space" and "Wonder Woman."  These shows are great choices while you're making dinner.  Your kids will be glued to the screen and you can drink a beer and throw some burgers together.  Or hot dogs.  Or chicken, if you want to be all healthy about it.

Hopefully, dad will be coming in about now.  And, hopefully, mom and dad like each other.  Perhaps they can cooperate in getting the kids fed, having a bit of family time together, and accomplishing the bedtime routine.  Then they can neck on the sofa before passing out from exhaustion. ;-)