Things That Make Me Go "Hmmm..."

You may have read the comment made by "Ricardo" on my last blog post. When I read it, I pretty much felt like Hester Prynn. Into my mind came all the images of women -- misunderstood, abused, ostracized, shunned, shut down -- because they were/are sinners. I especially felt that way because I am a Catholic and Ricardo is a Catholic deacon. Thankfully, not at my parish. Although, he does live a few doors down from me. And I admit that every time I walk down the street since reading that comment, I hyperventilate and feel rather faint (which I do twice a day, when I walk my dogs).

Now, as a Catholic, I do not deny that I am a sinner. I know that I am. I am also grateful that I was not brought up in a Catholic environment inhabited by people like Ricardo. I was brought up in an environment inhabited by people like Pope Francis.

I read today some words that Francis spoke in Cuba, addressing priests and bishops (members of the clergy who hear Confessions). Deacons do not hear Confessions, thanks be to God. And these words reminded me why I have faith in Jesus. Because Jesus EMBRACES the sinner. He has MERCY and COMPASSION on the sinner. He does not smack the sinner to the ground as she makes herself vulnerable and tries to get up from a fall. Rather, He gives her His hand.

I would like now to share these words of our wonderful Pope Francis with you, so that you may understand why I am still Catholic, in spite of what people like Ricardo might say to me:

"....there is a privileged place for the priest where this last one, this least one, this smallest one is found -- and it is the confessional. And there, when this man or this woman shows you his misery -- careful because it's the same misery that you have and from which God saved you, eh? from getting to that point. When he or she shows you his misery, please, don't scold him. Don't scold him, don't punish him. If you don't have sin, throw the first stone. But only under that condition. If not, think of your sins and think that you could be that person and think that you could potentially fall even lower, and think that you in this moment have in your hands a treasure, which is the mercy of the Father. Please, priests, don't get tired of forgiving, like Jesus did. Don't hide in fears or in rigidities. Just like this nun (a sister from the Congregation of the Missionaries of Charity who had spoken before the Pope) and all of those who are in the same ministry as she is, they don't get furious when they find a sick person who is dirty, but instead serve him, clean him, take care of him. Just like this, you, when a penitent comes, don't react badly, don't get neurotic, don't cast him out of the confessional, don't scold him. Jesus embraced them. Jesus loved them. Tomorrow, we celebrate St. Matthew. He was a thief and beyond that, betrayed his people. And the Gospel says that at night, Jesus went to dine with him and others like him. St. Ambrose has a phrase that moves me a lot: 'where there is mercy, the Spirit of Jesus is there; where there is rigidity, merely his ministers are there.'

"Brother priest, brother bishop, do not be afraid of mercy, allow it to flow out of your hands and through your embrace of forgiveness. Because this person or that person who is there are the least ones, and therefore it is Jesus. ....Poverty and mercy....that is where Jesus is."

And isn't that how we come to conversion -- a turning away from the bad and toward the good? Isn't it through being shown love? Isn't it through being shown mercy? Not from having your lack of logic pounced upon. Not from being compared to "pagans" who practiced child sacrifice. But from being embraced by love, by compassion -- by Christ. And he isn't walking down the streets of our cities right now -- but, we are. And we who call ourselves Christians have a very serious obligation not to push people away in His name.

There are people who believe in God and people who don't. There are Jews and Hindus and Muslims and Pagans and Buddhists. Among all of these, there are people of goodwill. All deserve to have their faith -- or lack, thereof -- respected. All deserve love and mercy and compassion. Because we are all kind of a mess, when you think about it. Nobody -- really -- is in a position to cast that first stone. I mean, look at Jesus. Christians believe He is God and -- thus -- perfect. And even He does not cast stones. Rather, He holds us close and wipes our tears.

Pax.

P.S. -- Please pray for me to forgive Ricardo. I admit that it isn't easy. I want to be able to walk by his house and offer him a kind hello, instead of fainting in his driveway. ;-)

What The Republicans Are Doing Is Downright Dangerous

I am talking about their effort to de-fund Planned Parenthood.

I am also talking about all these misrepresentative videos the "pro-lifers" have been putting out.

This is all wrong-headed and dangerous.

And I'll tell you why.

This whole thing about selling baby parts for profit and the controversy over fetal experimentation is nothing new. And I'm not saying we shouldn't be disturbed by at least some of what we heard in those videos.

But, there is a danger. A very real danger.

Let me tell you a story:

Years ago, when conservatives were talking about the selling of baby parts and fetal experimentation, I had an acquaintance who was pregnant.  She started to miscarry. She bled pretty badly. But -- she wouldn't go into the hospital. Why? BECAUSE SHE WAS AFRAID THEY WOULD EXPERIMENT ON THE BABY AFTER SHE MISCARRIED. That's right. And this was an intelligent woman. She was very conservative, though, and was wont to listen to all the conservative propaganda about this issue. And by the time she finally did go into the hospital, she came very close to HAVING TO HAVE A HYSTERECTOMY, because the medical personnel feared that they wouldn't be able to get the bleeding under control in time to save her. She actually endangered her own life and her reproductive health because she was misled by all of this "pro-life" propaganda.

And this makes me angry. So. Very. Angry. It is wrong to use misleading scare tactics to win people over to your side -- even if you passionately believe your side is in the right.

Hear that Republicans??? You are putting people's lives in danger -- including the lives of the unborn, because women might be afraid to seek care when they need it. I mean, what if my acquaintance's baby could have been saved if she had sought help in a more timely way? It's probably unlikely anything could have been done, but we'll never know, will we? Why? Because of people like you, Republicans. This lady did go on to have more children -- children she was almost not able to have because of conservative fear-mongering. So, that would have been on you, conservative fear-mongers.

(If you are getting the idea that I am totally pissed, you would be right. My apologies.)

And let me tell you one other story. This is a personal story that I have never told anybody, because I was ashamed. Now, right up front, this is not my abortion story. This is my almost, could-have-been abortion story. And I hope you will all still speak to me afterwards.

Years ago, when I was still in college, I was in a very bad place in my life. I had broken up with my fiance -- and it was awful. I was not getting along with my parents, AT ALL. I felt all alone. And I messed around with a guy one night, because I was lonely and heartbroken and not feeling very self-protective. We didn't have sex, but we came pretty close. And then my period was late. And I panicked. I prayed and prayed that I wasn't pregnant, because I didn't feel like there was anyone I could go to. I wouldn't have gone to my parents, because things were horrid between us. And there was no way that I wanted this guy to end up being the father of my child. And his family was pretty dysfunctional, as well. All my close friends were Christian. None of them would have supported me in getting an abortion. And I don't blame them. I certainly didn't believe in abortion. But, when I look at it honestly, I probably either would have had an abortion (and felt like absolute crap about it) or committed suicide. And I'm not exaggerating about that. Suicide would have been a very real danger to me, at that point. Now -- thankfully -- I wasn't pregnant. But, as I have watched the "abortion wars" over the years, I have often thought about myself in this situation. And I guess I am glad Planned Parenthood would have been there. Yes -- the baby would have been lost, but I wouldn't have been. And I think there is value in that. There is potential hope in that. For you Christians reading this, I'd say, "My baby would have been in God's hands. And I would have had the chance to heal -- and repent." For you non-Christians reading this, the repentance part might sound silly, and I respect that. But, it wouldn't have been silly to me. 

There are many abortion providers. There will always be abortion providers. But, at least Planned Parenthood is a non-profit. I bet a lot of the providers aren't. Abortion services are also a small part of their total activities. And -- if you look at their website -- the information is quite accurate. If you really don't want to get pregnant or a sexually transmitted disease, all you have to do is look at the information and follow it. I actually had a young woman who worked for a pro-life pregnancy center tell me that she used to refer to the Planned Parenthood website, because the information was very complete and very accurate.

Of course, I'm sure that there are Planned Parenthood affiliates that operate in a less than ideal manner. But, let me tell you one more story:

I heard a woman from Texas speak once. She had run an abortion clinic. I think she actually owned it. And I don't believe it was affiliated with Planned Parenthood. She said that they used to purposely give young women the least effective birth control pill because they knew a lot of them would get pregnant and come back for abortions, which her particular clinic actually profited from. At least, with Planned Parenthood, they list -- quite accurately -- the effectiveness rates of the various methods of birth control, so you know what you're getting.

Now, at this point, I don't know if I have any friends left. But, that's okay. I have never lived my life for the purpose of seeking people's approval. I hope, though, that conservative people will at least look at these issues in a way that is more even-handed and less accusatory. It breaks my heart to see what much of the "pro-life" movement has become.

Pax.

Why we should stand with women...

...whether or not we live in Texas.

This isn't going to be a pro-abortion rights post.  Or an anti-abortion rights post.  Lots of people speak and write passionately about those things.  And, frankly, I kind of get tired of hearing it all.  I'm 50 years old, and I've pretty much heard it all.  So, what I'm going to do here is reflect on women.  I probably will piss some people off.  I'm probably going to generalize a little bit.  Please realize that I know I'm generalizing; I know that everything I say won't apply to every single woman.  Women are varied and individual -- like snowflakes.  But, like snowflakes, maybe there are some commonalities.  So, what do I hope to accomplish?  I just hope to give people something to reflect on.  Feel free to accept or reject what I say according to your own life experiences.  I am no end-all, be-all expert.

Years ago, a friend of mine said something that gave me pause.  She was not a Christian.  She was Asian and had been raised as a Buddhist.  She was relatively quiet, very thoughtful, and wise.  She had a daughter who was about the same age as my daughters -- they were all pre-schoolers at the time.  One day, we were talking about the raising of girls -- specifically teenage girls and sex.  She said something that I have since thought about on quite a few occasions.  She stated, "Once you're faced -- as a teenage girl -- with an unplanned pregnancy, there really is no 'good' solution.  All of the options -- whether abortion, or adoption, or being a single mom -- involve many difficulties, emotionally and otherwise.  No matter what 'choice' you make, it's going to be a hard one.  It's going to be painful."  You may disagree, but I think she had a really good point.

And I think her point applies not only to teenagers, but to women of any age.  So, whether you are "pro-choice" or "pro-life" or whatever label you want to apply to yourself, I think we all need to reflect on this and what it truly means to "stand with women."  Because women, sexually, are much more vulnerable than men.  And it is the women who must face the consequences of sex -- especially pregnancy -- in a much more direct manner than any man ever will.

I have read many things which advocate the idea of sexual freedom for women, which tell us that women have the basic right to a healthy and satisfying sex life.  I agree with this.  I think, in the past, women's sexual needs and desires were often overlooked.  Women who had higher sex drives and more sexual imagination were often made to feel like "sluts" or "whores."  Whereas men who were engaging in the same types of behaviors -- or trysts of the imagination -- were described as "healthy" and given the "wink-wink."  

One thing, though, that sometimes is forgotten is that the body of a woman is made to get pregnant.  Even when you're using reliable birth control in a responsible fashion, it doesn't always work out the way you think it will.  In fact, I even read a statistic that one out of three women will have an abortion by the time she is middle-aged.  That's a lot of women.  Add on top of that the number of women faced with unplanned pregnancies who do not have abortions and you see that women get pregnant a lot.  Even -- sometimes -- while using contraception (or even NFP) properly.

And -- bottom line -- who really has to deal with an unplanned pregnancy?  The WOMAN.  If she chooses an abortion, she is the one who has to have the procedure done on her.  If she chooses adoption, she has to go through the pregnancy and the birth -- feats which should not be diminished or dismissed as simple things.  They are not simple things.  They are exhausting -- physically and emotionally.  And a woman who chooses adoption has to go through being pregnant and giving birth -- and then has to face placing her child into someone else's arms.  I have three children.  This cannot be an easy thing to do.  Not at all.  And the woman who chooses to keep her baby -- especially if she is young and single -- may face very difficult circumstances.  For example, have you checked out the price of good child care lately?  A single mother most probably must work, trying to bring in enough money to cover not only her basic living expenses, but child care, as well.  I recently read that the Head Start program is facing a lot of cuts because of the sequester, leaving many single moms in the lurch.  Most of the women who depend on Head Start don't make enough money to afford good private day care.  

Some of you, at this point, may be thinking that I am a commie pinko feminist bleeding heart liberal.  Actually, I am a Republican.  I think personal responsibility is important.  I have tried to teach my children to be take responsibility for their actions.  But, let's face it, we all get in over our heads sometimes, even when we are trying to be responsible.  Also, we all fuck up occasionally.  Some of us escape -- by the luck of the draw or Providence -- the consequences of our fuck-ups.  But, some of us don't.  So, yeah, I can relate to those women who find themselves facing a pregnancy that is just not good news.

And this is why we must "Stand With Women" -- whatever our particular bent is regarding the abortion issue.  Because women are vulnerable in ways that men just aren't.  So, in our actions, we should attempt to be truly sensitive to the needs of women.  We should try to truly support them.  How?  Here are some ideas.  Maybe we should respect their intelligence and desire to be independent and self-directed.  Maybe we should examine the ways in which we can create a society where fewer pregnancies are "crises."  And, perhaps, we need to LISTEN to the women.  I know there are women who regret their abortions.  The pro-life side has them talk at their functions.  I know there are women who do not regret their abortions.  The pro-choice side has them talk at their functions.  I also know that there are many women who will never talk about their abortions -- whether they regret them or not -- out of fear of rejection or ridicule.  I really have a lot of sympathy for these "silent" women.  I wonder how they feel when they see all the fighting and arguing and contention? 

I know I am kind of rambling here.  I also know that I am not addressing the issue of unplanned pregnancy in a comprehensive way.  For example, I have not spoken of married women faced with unintended pregnancies.  And that does happen.  Often.   I know I am not offering concrete solutions.  But, I am just trying (probably poorly) to point out that if we can quiet ourselves -- at least as individuals interacting with other individuals -- and we can really listen to and be there for women who are facing unplanned pregnancies, maybe our society can actually move forward and experience some healing.  And when I say listen, I mean listen.  Without passing judgement.  Because, sometimes, I think the first thing a woman in crisis needs is someone to talk to, someone who will listen with true compassion, respecting her intelligence and her autonomy and her capability.  Because, let's face it, most people make better decisions when they feel understood and respected, when they are not backed into a corner, when they are given a little breathing room.  That's part of what "human dignity" is all about.

Salt, Leaven, And Light

As we are all well-aware, unless we are a hermit, there is much political debate going on concerning certain "hot-button" issues.  The things going on in Texas right now are especially engrossing.  And the Catholic Church as an institution and Catholics as individuals have thrown themselves into the fray.  I'm not saying that they shouldn't, but the frantic attitude of some of them disturbs me a little bit.  It's like they think the only way to stop Western Civilization from collapsing is through their political activity. 

Again, I'm not saying political activity by Catholics -- or by anybody else -- is wrong.  But, watching the drama swirling about me has led me to contemplate a few things about which Jesus spoke --   especially his words telling us that we should be "salt," "leaven," and "light" in the world.

As I think about these three things, I am struck by their characteristics, especially in the way Our Lord uses His imagery.  And this blog post summarizes my ponderings.  Take it or leave it.  As you wish.

Salt.  It enhances the flavor of our food.  But, we use it sparingly.  Accidentally put too much into your recipe and said recipe is ruined.  An over-abundance of this wonderful substance doesn't enhance -- but totally masks -- the wonderful flavors of many of our favorite foods.  And I think about this when I think about Catholic political action.  If it is too heavy-handed, it doesn't work.  We are called to be a gentle presence.  Subtle.  Like salt, when used properly.  Maybe overwhelming people with our Catholicism is like putting way too much salt in our chocolate chip cookies.  It only makes people gag.

Leaven.  Like salt, it is used sparingly in cooking.  But, just a small amount makes the dough rise dramatically.  Maybe we should think about this in our interaction with others, in our political activity.  We don't need to overwhelm everybody with our "correctness."  We don't need to act like steamrollers.  We don't need to scream and shout and flail.  We can be like the yeast in the bread -- mixed, almost imperceptively, throughout the dough, but having a powerful effect.  What type of an effect?  A rising, a lifting, an enhancing of the whole body of the dough.  The dough is kept intact and whole, growing larger and lighter.  Not imploding or exploding our collapsing.

Light.  Jesus speaks of a lamp on a lampstand.  When I reflect on this image, I think of a dark home sitting on a hill in the night.  The lamp is lit.  What type of light does it give off?  Is it the light of the high-beams of an oncoming mack truck, blinding you as you try to drive on a winding road at night?  Is it the glare of fluorescent lights in an impersonal office?  No.  It is a warm, inviting light.  It is the kind of light that says, "Come in and rest a while.  Have a cup of tea and a cookie and a chat.  I know you are weary.  Let me offer you my hospitality."  It is also the kind of light that says, "In my conversation with you, I will listen to your concerns.  I will hear your heart.  I will respect you and care for you."  Maybe we should think about being this kind of light when we deal with those on "the other side of the aisle."

Why?  Because "those on the other side of the aisle" are not evil people.  They have good intentions and good hearts and good will.  They are honest and hard-working and intelligent.  They would help you out if you were in a jam.  Maybe they even have something to teach you.  And we need to recognize these things, or we are going to tear our country, our culture, our civilization -- and each other -- apart.  And that doesn't seem very "Catholic" to me.