Faith, Hope, Love, Young People -- And "The O.C."

If you read my blog, you probably realize that my mind contains a rather large jumble of things all being shaken up together -- Catholicism, mom stuff, wife things, homemaking, teaching, music, TV, movies, philosophy, politics...  Sometimes, a bunch of this stuff blends together into an image in my imagination, which I want to express here, but the transition from what's in my head to the written word can be rather difficult.  So, here I go...

Today, I have been reflecting on TV, music, modern life, youth, and faith.  Specifically, how modern shows like "The O.C." and its music speak to and about young people -- their hearts and their faith -- their seeking for what is worthy of belief.  And how can we, as parents, teachers, and adults, help them on their way?

First, I should probably say something about my philosophy of TV and movie watching with my kids.  I allowed my children -- who are now 24, 22, and 20 years old -- to view many different types of things as they grew up.  I didn't make decisions about what they could watch based, necessarily, on language, sexual content, and violence.  Although, I did take these into consideration.  I was careful not to overwhelm their senses with images they weren't ready for developmentally.  The fast-forward/scene-skipping buttons on the remote came in pretty handy here.  What I mainly looked for were stories that were well-told, that meant something, which we could use as a springboard for discussion and further learning.  A few of the movies and TV shows my kids most enjoyed were probably the following:  "Top Gun", "Jerry Maguire", "Band of Brothers", "Pearl Harbor", "The Lord of the Rings" triology, and "JAG".  More recently, we have enjoyed together "Numb3rs", "Angel", "SouthLAnd", and "The O.C."

Now, as for watching "The O.C."  My kids didn't see this when it originally aired.  This wasn't a conscious decision on my part.  We were just involved in other things at the time, and this show didn't appear on our radar.  Although, my kids -- at least my older two -- were probably in the original target audience for the original air dates.  So, I ask myself if I would have been ok with them watching it when they were actually in high school, as it does contain a fair amount of sexuality and other soap-opera-like drama.  I was talking about this with my older daughter and I ended up saying, "Well, I probably would have let you watch it.  And I would have watched it with you.  But, I would have said one simple thing -- 'If you act like the kids on that show, you WILL get pregnant.'"  She laughed, and did not disagree.

We actually started watching "The O.C." because we were watching "SouthLAnd" and learned that Ben McKenzie (Officer Sherman on "SouthLAnd") had done this other show.  I, therefore, ordered the first season of "The O.C." on DVD, just for kicks.  I wasn't going to order the other seasons.  Then we all got hooked and some Hollywood people made some money off me.  Money they earned well, I must say.

After watching all four seasons of "The O.C." and listening to the music chosen for the show, I have been having some wistfully philosophical thoughts, as I am want to do.  Whoever chose the music for that show has epic talent.  The writing, acting, and music all come together to really tug on your heartstrings.  And for me, as a mom -- and a person for whom youth is not too far distant a memory -- it tugs on my heartstrings in a special way.  I do not say to myself, "Young people are a hopeless, immoral, faithless mess; and the world is going to hell in a hand basket."  Instead, I have the following thoughts:

It seems to me that "The O.C." -- and many other movies and television shows of interest to youth -- reflect a real seeking on the part of young people.  Yes, these kids may be rebellious and do things that defy common sense, but that is the nature of this age group.  It always has been.  And if you don't believe me, read the Old Testament and Aristophanes.  But, there is more to these kids than trouble making and sex drive.  Their hearts do contain a real desire to love and be loved, to be part of families they can count on, to be involved in friendships where they can rest their hearts and be understood, to know the truth about things (even religious things).  But, they don't want to be preached at.  They don't want to feel constrained.  They want to be listened to and really heard.  They want to be trusted.  And they don't want to be judged.  They also don't really care to judge.  One of the most wonderful things about young people, in my opinion, is their capacity for compassion and understanding, their open minds. 

So, what should we -- as the adults in the equation -- do with this?  I think it is helpful to recall our own experience of being young.  When I remember my own youth, it helps me to observe, listen to, and talk with my own kids with an open heart and without so much of a need to immediately "fix" all their "faults".  I realize that -- if there are any ways in which I have improved as a person over the years -- experience (combined with words of wisdom from wise people) has often been the best teacher.  My father said one heck of a lot of smart stuff to me.  But, I have often not recalled his advice until I have experienced the pain of not heeding it. 

But, you might say, we want to spare our children the suffering and scars of making mistakes.  Believe me, so do I.  Has there ever been, though, in the history of the world, a person who has not "sinned"?  A person with no scars?  I don't think so.  I ask myself, therefore, "Am I not being prideful in thinking that my own kids -- under my ever-so-superior tutelage -- are going to be perfect?"  Haha.

Therefore, I will just try to walk with them and talk with them along the way.  I will try to be gentle.  I will attempt to remember that I need to let go -- little-by-little -- and let them make their own decisions.  My mother-in-law is especially good at this, so I will try to follow her example.  Her own five kids -- good people all -- have done some really crazy-ass things over the years, as I'm sure they would admit.  And she has not always remained silent.  But, after she has spoken her peace, she does the whole "live and let live" thing extremely well.  Hat tip to you, Gail...  And how does she do this?  Well, she ACTUALLY DOES trust God to love her kids and take care of them, even better than she can.  And she sees the virtue in each of her children, all the time. 

So, maybe this is what my heart is feeling when reflecting on youth and the things they enjoy watching and listening to.  These young people want us to see their virtue.  They want us to see the virtue in others.  They get tired of us constantly pointing out to them what is wrong -- with them, with people they like and admire, with the world.  They want to see the positive, to have hope for the future.  And they want us to do the same.  If we are people of faith, especially, they want us to demonstrate that we actually do trust in God by our love and compassion and positive outlook, not by our constant negative judgements and fearful statements about the future of our country and the world.  Our youth want us to BE WITH them along the way.  And then, perhaps, they will truly learn from us anything we have that is actually worth teaching.

Faith

Today begins the Year of Faith in the Catholic Church. Faith is more than just a belief in God. As the Catechism says:  Faith is man's response to God, who reveals himself and gives himself to man, at the same time bringing man a superabundant light as he searches for the ultimate meaning of his life.

Sometimes, in our journey of faith, things go pretty smoothly. It is easy for us to see God and his goodness in the beauty of creation, in the friendship of others.  We may have good jobs, incomes more than adequate to provide for our needs and the needs of our families. If we are students, we may be getting good grades and have a lovely group of companions, with wonderful futures on the horizon.  We  may be blessed with good health -- physically and mentally. If we are married, we may feel truly of one heart and mind with our spouses. And it is easy to see God in our good fortune. It is easy to pray and to trust.  After all, we aren't feeling let down by him, at least in any major way.  We can pretty effortlessly see that "superabundant light" of which the Catechism speaks.

And then there are those other times. The times when we can't see even a flicker of that "superabundant light." We all have these times, methinks.  The times that truly suck. We graduate from high school or college and suddenly all of our closest friends are hundreds, or even thousands, of miles away. As new grads, we may be unemployed for long periods of time. Or, if we are fortunate enough to find jobs, they may be significantly below our skill level and pay something like $9.75 an hour. We might break up with our boyfriends, our girlfriends, or even our spouses.  Our parents may be nearing the ends of their lives, and if our relationships with them have been difficult, we often have the sad realization that we will never have the kind of conversation with them or affection from them that we have always hoped for. We might have lost jobs, houses, and retirement funds in the recent economic crisis. A crisis that still isn't over.  We may be having significant health problems that seem as though they will never really be resolved.

So, what do we make of these crappy times? How do we have faith during them? How do we even pray at times like these?

Well, for me, during times like these, I find it necessary to keep things simple.

During times like these, I can't listen to the Super Catholics on EWTN. I can't hang with the people who talk incessantly about the Big Issues in the Church -- Latin vs. English, OCP vs. Chant, the priest abuse crisis, how we need more vocations, whether or not Nancy Pelosi should be excommunicated, whether or not Obama should have been allowed to speak at Notre Dame, which Catholic colleges and universities are "Catholic enough," whether or not girls should wear sleeveless shirts and/or dresses and cover their heads at Mass, whether or not pants (on women) are proper, and on and on...

During times like these, I just like to imagine myself hanging out with Jesus in the evening, cooking some fish on the fire. I like to reflect on his gentleness toward people -- toward sinners, toward the poor, toward women. When you think about it,  Jesus was pretty gentle toward most everybody, because he knows how we struggle. He knows about all our problems -- and he does not wish to add to our burdens. He tells us that his "burden is light."  And when Jesus was harsh, to whom was he harsh? The hypocrites. Those who laid heavy burdens on people without lifting a finger to help them. The "thieves" selling things in the temple area. He was angry because they were "thieves," not because they were selling things. At least, that's how I read it.

So, during difficult periods in my life, when I am not feeling that "superabundant light" too much, I reflect on Jesus' gentleness. I say simple prayers, such as The Jesus Prayer.  And, frankly, sometimes that's the only prayer I can manage. I attempt to show my love toward the members of my family in my attitude toward them and in how I perform my "job" as a homemaker. And I try to be extra thoughtful and gentle to the people who cross my path each day -- especially those who are homeless or who are unemployed or who work very hard for very little money.  I just try to live the Christian life in its most elemental form, trusting that the Lord will get me through the hard times. Eventually, anyway.

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Jesus Prayer:  My Jesus, mercy...