Holy Thursday Memories

I was born in 1963, and grew up in the San Francisco Bay Area, in the heart of what many would consider to be "liberal Catholic land."  For example, I was a teenager before I realized that "Blowin' In The Wind" and "Bridge Over Troubled Waters" were not originally written as official Mass music.  And the homily at my youngest sister's First Communion dealt with the complexity of moral decision-making.  Specifically, it addressed the topic of French kissing.  I found this quite fascinating and asked my parents straight-away -- as soon as we got home -- what French kissing was.  My father rolled his eyes.  My mom explained.  She was pretty forward-thinking.  My father was pretty forward-thinking, too, but he left certain subjects to my mom.

Our parish was on the small side -- in both building size and number of members -- and I feel that I was blessed by this.  Most of the parishioners considered each other to be friends, and we were all well-acquainted with the pastor and associate pastors.  The atmosphere was very warm and intimate.  The smaller size of our parish also allowed for many wonderful social occasions that felt more like family gatherings than official church functions.

One of these social occasions was the annual potluck dinner that was held in the church hall after the Holy Thursday Mass.  Right after the altar was stripped and the Holy Eucharist was moved to the Altar of Repose (in the sacristy behind the main altar), we all proceeded to the church hall for this meal.  It was great fun!  Everybody was in a festive spirit.  There were casseroles (which I adored) and salads of all types (including of jell-o, which I also adored).  There was punch and coffee and many kinds of desserts -- cakes and cookies and pies.  My favorite part was to make my way around the food tables after everybody was done eating, and busy chatting, and help myself to the radishes that nobody ate.  There were always MANY radishes.  And I ate them all.  I still love radishes.  And I still get them all, because nobody in my family cares for them.

Now, some of you may look at all this with a disapproving eye.  Because -- as all good, traditional Catholics know -- after the Holy Eucharist is moved to the Altar of Repose on Holy Thursday, everybody is supposed to be solemn and crowd into the room in front of the Holy Eucharist and pray.  The last thing there is supposed to be is a PARTY, for Heaven's sake!!!

Well, frankly, the Holy Thursday shenanigans at the progressive parish where I grew up turned out to be one of the very best things for the preservation of my faith over time.  Because -- sometimes -- I just get fed up and want to throw in the towel.  And when I do get fed up, I am always drawn to the following memory:

Every year, after polishing off the radishes, while everybody else was chatting up a storm, I would wander over to the Altar of Repose in the sacristy behind the main altar.  It would just be me -- all by my lonesome.  I began doing this when I was probably about 7 or 8 years old.  I had been well-instructed (by my progressive Catholic nun teacher, nonetheless) in the Church's theology of the Eucharist, and I believed (and I still do believe) in the Real Presence.  The Altar of Repose was always quite lovely.  There were candles and Easter lilies and lovely altar cloths.  There was a little kneeler in front of the whole thing.  The room was dark, except for the candlelight.  And I would kneel down, the sweet smell of the lilies filling the room.  And I would just be quiet and think about how Jesus was there right in front of me and how cool that was.  I would think about how He loved me and how we were just hanging out together.  Just Him and me.  And I would just feel calm.  And -- believe me -- I was not a calm little kid.  I was always sort of anxious.  My mom was seriously ill when I was fairly young, my dad had some significant work issues (that did work out over time, but were quite stressful when they were occurring), there was alcoholism amongst some of my extended family members, and certain people in my life could be rather fiery in their temperaments.  I also hated school.  As much as I loved my progressive nun teacher, I hated school.  Especially math.  So, just being quiet with Jesus in the candlelight and feeling calm inside was quite something.  I felt incredible peace -- maybe Divine peace.  I don't know.  All I know is I just knelt there and felt like Jesus was my friend, that He was on my side, that He would stick with me, no matter what.

So, when I get all fed up with what I see going on nowadays -- with the "holy" people bashing the "not holy enough" people, with all the judging, with the massive failings of the Church hierarchy -- and I want to just give up on the whole "formal religion" thing, I remember the times I spent with Jesus on Holy Thursday.  And I know -- I know for sure -- that no matter what, no matter how much I fall and fail and doubt, that He won't leave, that He won't look at me harshly, because He gets it.  He really does.  He gets all of us.  And He won't leave us alone.  This I know.  I know it for sure.  I know it because I learned it directly from Him on those Holy Thursdays spent all alone in front of the Altar of Repose.  After eating all the radishes.

Pax Christi.

Why Y'all Should Take Each Others' Classes

The other day, a college student posted this on social media:

     "Don't take this class if you have any glimpse of conservativeness in you."
     *adds to schedule*

This college student is a very bright young man, a very good young man, a very idealistic young man.  And he goes to an outstanding university.  He's also very witty, and I laughed really hard when I read what he posted.

You might be wondering to what class he is referring.  It is called:  Race and Minority Relations.

I would love to take that class.

Anyway, this young man not only entertained me, he got me to thinking.  And I started thinking that the progressive young people and the conservative young people need to start taking each others' classes.  Maybe some old people -- on both sides of the political divide -- need to be taking these classes, too.  I would love to see Rush Limbaugh have to sit in on Race and Minority Relations -- perhaps with his mouth duct taped closed. 

Those of you who have been reading my blog know that I am a Republican, with strong progressive sympathies.  As a Republican, I have been pretty mortified by my party over the past several years.  Way too much extremism and blatantly crazy ideas going on.  And not just a little bit of fear-mongering, either.  I'm pretty tired of it all.

Those of you who have been reading my blog also know that I am a Catholic and that I have three children -- two girls and a boy -- who are 25, 23, and 21 years old.

So, as a Catholic Republican, I admit that I was not disappointed when my two oldest chose to attend very conservative Catholic colleges.  I wanted them to learn their faith well, and to be in an atmosphere where they would feel supported in their beliefs as they entered the adult world.  The schools they attended were quite good, and they received fine educations.  I did notice, though, that there was nary a Democrat to be found at either of their schools -- not amongst the students, not amongst the faculty, not amongst the staff.  Well... Okay.  Perhaps I exaggerate.  There were probably a few Democrats in the mix.  But, if there were,  I bet they felt they couldn't show up sporting Obama bumper stickers on their cars.  So most, if not all, of the classes my daughters took had a decidedly conservative bent.  And most of the students and graduates of these schools -- at least the ones I have spent time with -- don't think very highly of progressive ideas.  And they probably aren't hanging out with progressives in social settings too much, either -- at least, voluntarily. 

My son's school is also Catholic.  And most people would call it conservative.  There are, though, quite a few progressives there -- amongst the students, faculty, and staff.  Some of the classes are taught from a more conservative angle, some from a more progressive angle.  My son tends to be very conservative, both religiously and politically.  I have been quite impressed, though, at the friendships he has formed at his school with people of varying ideas.  When he arrived home for his first Christmas break, he told me that he was finding that, "If you have a problem, it's really nice to talk to your more liberal friends.  They tend to be much more sympathetic than the really conservative people."  Please don't be insulted if you are a sympathetic conservative person.  I don't mean to be insulting, and neither did my son.  I was really happy, though, that through his exposure to progressives, he was coming to appreciate them.  He was coming to view their ideas in a more open-minded manner.  He was coming to see their opinions, not as threats, but as different ways of looking at the world, to be considered and discussed in a fair manner. 

So, when I saw the statement made by the young man about how the conservatives probably shouldn't take the Race and Minority Relations class, it made me start to ponder my own children's college experiences, which got me to thinking about how everybody needs to start taking each others' classes.  Because, as we all know, our country has become very polarized ideologically.  Everybody is digging in with their own side.  It's almost like trench warfare.  "You progressives stay in your ditch and we conservatives will stay in ours."  And once in a while -- because we've come to view each other as enemies -- we'll lob mortars into each others' trenches.  And these mortars -- while maybe not causing literal limbs to be lost -- do cause injury to our society, to our culture, and to the individuals that make up our society and our culture.

So, I would like to encourage all of you young people -- left, right, and center -- to get out of your trenches and go raise a glass or two together.  Talk to each other.  LISTEN to each other.  I have seen the good effect this respectful sharing of ideas has had on my son.  And I would like to see more of it.  And I believe that if you don't get out there and start mixing with each other in a way that is truly sincere, good-hearted, open-minded, and FRIENDLY, that you are simply short-changing yourselves, our country, and our world.

The Political Stuff I Enjoyed As A Child

I didn't grow up in an extremely political or partisan household.  I was born in 1963, and my parents were both Democrats, albeit fairly conservative ones for the times.  They did, though, read the newspaper religiously and watch the political coverage on television.  Our TV got all three major networks, PBS, and something called Channel 2 (which mostly aired re-runs of popular shows and Saturday afternoon horror flicks).  My mom and dad would discuss politics and candidates -- sometimes in a very spirited way -- in the presence of my sisters and I.  I also liked to sit with my dad when he watched the political commentators and debates.  My parents always encouraged us kids to participate in their discussions and form our own opinions.  In my extended family -- which was fairly large and fairly Italian -- not many people were timid.  We all enjoyed the good "argument" -- whether it be about politics or religion or morality or education or whatever. 

I was aware, therefore, from a fairly young age, that politics involved quite a bit of contention and, often, scandal.  I watched the candidates and their allies spar, often quite viciously, over issues.  There were great divisions in the country and among politicians, concerning Vietnam, Watergate, the energy crisis, sexual ethics, welfare, taxes, etc.  Sometimes, as a little girl, I got the impression that the candidates running against each other actually hated each other.

But, do you know what I started to notice?  Do you know what really struck me, more than any of the great and pressing issues of the day and how they were resolved (or left unresolved)?  I remember watching the candidates, after the election results came in, speak about each other and to each other.  They would shake hands, if they were in the same place.  They would say good and positive things about each other, praising each other.  They would talk about how the campaign was well-done and hard-fought.  But, then they would say that it was time to come together as a people and a nation, in support of the candidate who had just won.  They would impress upon us how important it was to the current and future state of our country that we remember that we needed to respect each other and work together, even if we had different views.  I know that candidates still say things like this, but somehow, back then, they seemed to mean it more.  Maybe they seemed to walk the talk a little better, at least to my young eyes.

Do you know, though, why this impressed me so much?  Because even though I could appreciate and even enjoy the political contests, they did make me a bit uneasy.  The cantankerous spirit of the campaigns, though interesting, did make me feel a little anxious about the state of my home, my country.  But, when I saw the candidates come together, in a unified fashion, when the election results came in, it made me feel like everything was going to be okay.  It gave me confidence and hope in the future.  It made me feel like our nation was being run by responsible adults, who truly cared about the well-being of the citizens.

And when I look at our political culture presently -- especially this week, with the government "shutdown" and all -- I really wish we could get some of that spirit back.  I wish we could start to behave -- from the top down -- as one, indivisible nation.

God bless.

Hate...

... It goes both ways.

And it needs to stop.  Because it hurts us all.  It hurts the hated, the hater, and our whole society.

Here are two stories, which were told to me by two very reliable, very good, very compassionate people.

1.  The first story was told to me by a close friend from the San Francisco Bay Area.  This man has a friend who is a lesbian.  She is married to a lady and they have a child.  For quite a while, they lived in San Francisco, and all was well.  They then moved, in order to be closer to their places of employment.  Since they have lived in their new neighborhood, their tires have been slashed, because of their sexual orientation and their non-traditional family.

2.  The second story was told to me by a close friend from Southern California.  During the Proposition 8 campaign, there was a family who lived in an area that is considered to be rather progressive.  This family had a sign in their front yard, supporting Proposition 8.  And they had their tires slashed. 

Now, I know I am old.  I know I am non-confrontational.  I also like everybody, whatever their opinions may be, as long as they are good people.  What is a good person?  To me, a good person is someone of good-will, someone who is honest and trustworthy.  A good person is someone who treats others well, no matter what the color, creed, sexual orientation, or political perspective of those "others" might be.  A good person has humility.  A good person is compassionate and charitable, striving to overcome the innate selfishness that most of us possess.  I like to be surrounded by these types of people, and I have found them amongst both conservatives and progressives.

And it seems that there are also "haters" amongst both conservatives and progressives.  This just makes me sad.  The thing is, though, there always have been and always will be "haters."  So, what can the rest of us "non-haters" do, in order to overcome this hatred, in order to minimize its impact on our culture?

One thing we can do is learn how to have a discussion.  Please know that I am not claiming to be an expert in having discussions.  But, there are things I have learned along the way to being 50 years old.  Many of these things I learned in the five years I spent at San Francisco State University.  You can learn a lot from going to a school where most of the people are different than you are in their religious/political ideas.  It was quite a beneficial experience for me.  One of the most important lessons I learned was that I didn't have to be afraid of those who were different than I.  I was treated very well and with respect in my interactions with people, even people with whom I had disagreements about various issues.  I also found that most people, on both sides of the fence and everywhere in-between, were interested in achieving the same goals -- goals rooted in the idea of human dignity.  Most of the differences of opinion arose in how to achieve those goals.

So, for whatever it's worth, these are things I have learned about having a discussion.  Do I, myself, always remember to abide by these guidelines?  No.  I misstep plenty of times.  But, I do find that things generally work out better when I follow these principles.  And, no, these ideas probably won't work with true "haters" -- but, I hope most people don't fall into that category.

First of all, in a discussion, assume that the other person is someone of good-will, someone who actually wants to see authentically good things happen in our world, in our country, in our communities, and in our families.

Secondly, don't look at the other person as your "enemy," but rather as a fellow human being, worthy of being treated with respect and dignity.

Third.  Listen.  Really and truly listen to the opinions of the other person.  Try to understand those opinions and where they come from.  Try to find areas of agreement, instead of automatically "jumping on" areas of disagreement.

Fourth. When speaking, don't only give your own opinion, but tell the other person what you like about his/her opinion.  And speak gently.

Fifth.  Be sincere.  You are not there to "shine the other person on," so that he/she will come around to your "correct" way of thinking. 

And my final point, which is related to what I just said, is:  Don't have it as your goal to "win."  It should not be your goal to show that you are right and that the other person is wrong.  It should not be your goal to change the other person's mind.  Your goal should be to make a respectful connection with another person, a connection that might yield some good fruits in our culture.

Now, you may be thinking, "This sounds nice, but it won't actually get anything concrete accomplished.  It's just all touchy-feely, nicey-nicey, hippie thinking."  Perhaps.  But, unless we can start with this, how can we ever come to answers that will yield a better society.  Force probably won't work, even the force of law.  Because if most (and I mean way more than 52% of people) don't believe in an idea, they probably won't respect a law which strives to enforce said idea.  Snarky comments, rude jokes, and name-calling aren't going to yield any concrete solutions, either.  They may feel good, but they usually aren't very effective in building a civil society -- one that is truly based on equality, freedom, and justice for all.

Oh.  One final thought about discussions.  Try to keep a sense of humor, especially -- most especially -- about yourself, your opinions, and your "side."

Why I Will Not Fight A "Culture War"

"Culture War"

A pretty popular term right now.  As I understand it, this basically means the Conservatives pitted against the Progressives over whose values will prevail in society -- both culturally and legally.

Of course, there is always a push/pull in every society.  I mean, let's face it, no two people are exactly alike.  So, when you put millions of individuals together, you're going to have lots of disagreements on how things "should be."  And this, to me, is fine and natural.  There should be discussion and debate.  But, not a war.  At least, not in my opinion.  Especially when there is plenty of room for negotiation.

Pope John Paul II spoke out a lot against war.  He spoke against the war in Iraq.  He spoke against war, in general. He spoke of the harm caused by war to innocent people.  He spoke of civilian casualties.  He spoke of men and women in uniform and how their lives should not be endangered without truly just cause.  He spoke of how both sides in a war -- both the victor and the defeated -- suffer.  Yes, he said even the victors are damaged by war.  This means, to me, that when you are in the position of getting your way (and keeping it) through force, you are not actually gaining the cooperation of those you defeat.  And those you defeat -- who are kept "in their place" against their will -- are not just going to roll over and adopt your positions.  They are going to try to figure out a way to rise up and put you down, in turn.  This just leads to more hatred, more conflict, more war.  John Paul II argued that negotiation should be the primary means of resolving conflict; and he stated that negotiation is often neglected or not given enough of a chance to succeed.  What are the advantages of negotiation?  Negotiation seeks to allow everybody as much freedom of choice as reasonably possible.  People are required, through negotiation, to try to see the individuals on the "other side of the table" as human beings with free will, dignity, hopes, dreams, and needs.  In a negotiation, everybody has to give something up in order to gain something.  There is not a "winner" and a "loser."  The needs and desires of all -- even of those you disagree with -- have to be taken into account.  And this helps all of us to remember and respect the humanity of those from whom we differ.

You may be thinking to yourself, "Well, the Culture War is not a literal war, like World War II or the war in Iraq."  But, I disagree.  I think a lot of the same dynamics exist in the Culture War as in a war in which actual bullets and bombs are employed.   What are some of these dynamics?  First of all, each side starts to separate from the other -- socially, geographically.  How many barbecues have you been to lately where Dems and Reps freely mingle and enjoy the company of one another?  How often nowadays do we see neighborhoods -- or even whole towns, cities, and states -- that are predominantly of one political ideology or another?  And after the separation comes the demonization.  We start thinking of each other as "enemies."  We can't listen to each others opinions -- especially via the internet, the radio, or the TV -- without becoming apoplectic.  And this leads to more separation and more demonization.  It is easy to demonize people with which you don't have to personally interact.  And once we separate and demonize, it is easier and easier to hate.  It becomes easier and easier to want to "put the other side down" by some kind of force.  It becomes easier to believe that making everybody live the way that you deem "correct" -- the way that makes you feel comfortable -- is right and just.   It becomes simpler to make "straw man" arguments out of the ideas of your opponents, so that you can joke about them and ridicule them, instead of giving them the respectful and intelligent consideration they deserve.  And all of this does just as much damage to us as individuals and as a society as a literal war --  not physically, perhaps -- but, psychologically and spiritually.

What is the solution?  Negotiation -- as John Paul II advocated.  Each side in this "Culture War" needs to listen fairly and openly to the concerns of the other.  Then we need to make room for each other, even if it might make us a bit uncomfortable to do so.  I have been a fairly conservative person most of my life (even though I am a bit of a hippie on the inside), and it concerns me when I hear "my" side say, too often, that this, that, or the other thing is "non-negotiable."  It just seems like we say it too much.  And then the progressive people feel threatened and disrespected and they don't really feel like dealing with us and all our "non-negotiable items."  And I don't really blame them.  We come across as a bit obnoxious and intolerant sometimes, fellow conservatives. 

Also, frankly, I really like the idealism of the Progressives.  And the vast majority of Progressives are lovely people, who are kind and charitable, who are just and merciful, who are great fun.  And I count many of them as my good friends.  I'm not going to have a war with them.  I will give them room to follow their consciences.  And I trust that they will give me room to follow mine.  Also, our consciences have more things in common than not, because we all strive to be people of goodwill and moral integrity, even if some of our opinions differ.

One final thought:  When we war with one another culturally, there is something we often forget.  We forget about the actual people whose choices and orientations and lifestyles we are putting under our little microscopes.  For example, in the vociferous and often unkind debate about gay marriage, conservatives sometimes seem to forget that there are actual gay couples who genuinely love each other.  There are actual gay individuals and couples with beautiful children.  And these people love their children just as much as I love mine.  We need to avoid hurting these people by our words and attitudes.  We need to respect these families.  We need to be charitable.

As one of the saints once said, "In all things, in ALL things -- charity."

Mrs. Elizabeth Foss's Blog Post Of Today

*Note:  If you read my last post and are wondering if I was talking about you, I probably wasn't. ;-) *

I enjoy reading the blog of Mrs. Elizabeth Foss.  It is interesting, insightful, and -- often -- funny.  In today's post, she spoke about human relationships.  She spoke, in particular, about how to get along with people who are different than you, people who may make you uncomfortable, people with whom you may not see eye-to-eye, or even like very much.

To summarize, she advocates (and I agree with her) being gracious to these kinds of people.  For, she explains, if you act graciously you may even begin to have actual feelings of graciousness.  If you behave towards someone as if you like him or her, you may find that you do come to like that person.  It also seems that some people disagree with Mrs. Foss, because they feel that she is advocating a type of dishonesty.  In my opinion, this is silly.  She is just saying that people should be tactful, polite, and humble.

I'm going to add my own two cents here, though.  (I'm really good at that. Right?)  In behaving well towards people who are very different than you, it is important to be sincere.  What do I mean by "sincere?"  I mean that you must honestly believe that this person with whom you may disagree on many important things may actually have something to say to you -- something worthwhile.  You have to have the conviction that even if you are, say,  a faithful Catholic or Christian or whatever, that someone on the "other side of the fence" might enlighten you a little.  Maybe you won't change your opinion.  Maybe you will still believe wholeheartedly in whatever it is you believe in.  That's fine.  But, hearing another side to an argument -- sincerely and truly hearing it -- might help you to become a more charitable person, a person with a softer heart.  And if that person "on the other side of the fence" feels heard -- and I mean sincerely and truly heard -- that may help him or her come to understand you better.  Now, do I mean that you should be kind and respectful to people of "different stripes" so that you can fix "the error of their ways?"  Absolutely not.  I am saying that you should be kind and respectful because it is the right thing to do -- because this is what it means grant people their basic human dignity.  It is also important to be sincere in dealing with others because, frankly, most people can tell if you're "faking it."  And "faking it" -- in all types of human intercourse -- just leads to bad feelings all around.

Oh, and let's all try having a sense of humor.  If you are a conservative, try laughing at one liberal joke a day.  If you are a liberal, try laughing at one conservative joke a day.  The results may pleasantly surprise you. :D

Dear Catholics. When we speak of abortion, gay rights...

...and all the other issues which elections tend to bring up, whether the elections be secular or papal, let us remember that there are actual people who are touched -- for good and for ill -- by our words and actions.

Let us remember that we must, first of all, LOVE.  Let us remember that without love, we are just clanging cymbals.  Let us remember that without love, we are just going to alienate and hurt people -- people Jesus loves.

Maybe we should start by standing in the shoes of The Other.  By trying to see things their way.

For example, pro-choice people do not hate babies and mothers and families.  I have personally had three friends who worked for Planned Parenthood -- two as volunteers and one as an employee.  One of the women who was a volunteer helped to stock and staff a center where poor, unwed mothers could come and get needed supplies for their babies.  This was an actual Planned Parenthood center.  The other volunteer worked a phone line where people could call for information about sexually transmitted diseases and contraception.  She was very excited to do this work, as she believed it helped people to stay healthy.  She did not view her job as encouraging people to engage in irresponsible sex.  She was very much in favor of people taking responsibility for their actions; and she viewed her position as assisting them in that endeavor.  The third woman I knew worked as a counselor in an abortion clinic.  She was a kind and unassuming young woman.  She knew I was Catholic.  She knew we did not agree about this issue.  But, she accepted me as a friend, anyway.  And I accepted her.  And this friendship allowed me to talk to her about her ideas.  She told me, basically, that she did not see abortion as an actual "good," but that the women who came to the clinic were in very difficult circumstances and felt that they had no alternative. 

I did have these experiences many years ago.  I know there are many more resources now for women with unplanned pregnancies.  But, the whole need has not been filled.  So, to me, instead of fretting about the law, I ponder how I can actually reach out to and help women in difficult circumstances.  Without judging them.  Loving them no matter what their final decision about their situation might be.

Pro-women's rights people are also (rightly) concerned about certain things they see in developing countries.  They see women and children who suffer disproportionately because of ill health and poverty.  And it cannot be denied that this ill health and poverty can, at least to some degree, be attributed to having many babies in impoverished circumstances in cultures where women are often viewed as property.  So, the progressives believe it is important to empower women in societies where they have no voice.  They see it as an issue of human dignity.  And part (and only part) of the formula for this empowerment, in their minds, includes contraception and abortion. 

So, even if we Catholics don't agree on this part of their solution, we should still admit that there is a problem.  We should express some understanding for the pro-choice view of things, for it is understandable.  And, with understanding, perhaps there can be some real dialogue.

Gay marriage is another hot-button issue of our day.  Many Catholic people speak vociferously of how gay marriage threatens heterosexual marriage, children, society, religious freedom.  What concerns me most about this is that we tend to forget that there are actual people we are touching with our words -- words that can, at times, be legitimately construed as unkind.  We must remember that gay people do actually love each other and their children.  They have the same desires as the rest of us for companionship and love and family.  These are human desires.  So, as we discuss these issues, let us contemplate how difficult and lonely it would be to go through life without a spouse or children.  We need to have a real sensitivity to that.  We need to have compassion and kindness.  The gay people I know do not wish to "persecute" me for my religion.  They are just fine with me practicing my religion as I wish -- and even speaking about it with them.  They just don't want to be pushed around.  And they feel that we religious people want to push them around.  They feel that we want to "persecute" them. 

Finally, let us remember the failings of our Church and the horrific suffering these failings have caused.  Let us reflect on the priestly abuse crisis.  Let us fall to our knees in sorrow and humility.  And before we open our mouths, let us remember, "He who is without sin may cast the first stone."

My Portrait Of The Progressive Woman -- For Whatever It's Worth

My middle child and youngest daughter received what may be called a Liberal Education at a very fine college.  It was a traditional Liberal Education, in that the Great Books of Western Civilization comprised the course of study, and the primary teaching method was the seminar.  One thing I have learned from this daughter of mine is that one must define one's terms in a discussion, in order that any good fruit may come from said discussion.  So, when pondering a couple of the responses to my last post, I have decided to reflect today on:  What do I mean when I say "Progressive Woman"? -- and -- What can a relatively conservative housewife and mom like me learn from such a woman?

I suppose I generally think of the Progressive Woman as today's version of the Women's Libber from my youth, but with Power Breasts and an expanded field of interest.  When I was young, the Liberated Woman was the Bra-less Woman.  Bonfires were being set in all areas of the country, fueled by these detestable undergarments.  Of course, I was a little girl when this was happening and too young to own a bra which could be burned, but I do remember this phenomenon and I found it to be quite fascinating.  Today, though, the modern Progressive Woman seems to shop at places such as Victoria's Secret and revels in demonstrating her sexual confidence by allowing bits (or more than bits) of her lacy, satiny bra to peek out from around or under her outerwear.  These modern bras also defy gravity in a dramatic fashion.  "Oppose these Power Breasts at your own risk!" seems to be the message of the modern Progressive Woman in her modern lingerie.  And I say:  You go, girl!!! 

Now, if I have not totally pissed you off with my strange sense of humor, let us explore together the more serious side of the Progressive Woman.  My view of this type of woman is that she espouses the modern idea of women's rights:  access to educational and career opportunities and advancement, sexual freedom (viewing women's sexual desire and the fulfillment of that desire as equally important to that of men), access to contraception, and abortion rights.  Beyond that, though, I believe that the Progressive Woman supports "gay rights" (by that I mean the right to have jobs, housing, marriage, and family life free from discrimination). She is also probably "anti-war"; supports some form of government healthcare for all; is in favor of government support for the poor; and is an advocate for caring for the needs of the illegal immigrant.  Support for public education, from elementary school through university, is also probably high on her list.

This is my definition of the Progressive Woman.  It may not be entirely accurate, but it is the portrait from which my discussion proceeds.

Now, as I said, I am a relatively conservative housewife and mom.  I am a Catholic, and I believe in the teachings of my Church (many of which are misunderstood and misrepresented, but that is another post).   I also believe that there is a lot to be gained by having relationships and even friendships with Progressive women.  After all, even though there is a lot we may disagree on, there is also a lot of common ground.  Traditional Catholic women and Progressive women both believe that women have an inherent dignity; we both believe in the dignity of the poor and the immigrant, and that the poor and the immigrant must be aided; we both believe that war is a very undesirable thing; we both believe all human beings (including gay human beings) have the right to live life unmolested; we both treasure education; and we both believe children have a right to be raised in a loving, caring fashion.  Our views as to how these aims should be achieved may differ, but we could start by at least defining and acknowledging our common values.  And, though our views on solutions do differ, we could start by trying to understand and have compassion for the position of The Other, even if we don't agree with that position.  Let us try walking in "the other lady's moccasins", at least a little bit.

One last point I would like to discuss is this.  Some feel that the Progressive Woman, because she seems to be angry with men, or because she may not be married (at least to a man), or because she might be gay, or because she may not want children (at least not more than a couple of them or at least not right now) is not a feminine person, is in denial of her true motherly nature, and may lack compassion.  Now, I am no philosopher or theologian -- just ask my husband or daughter.  But, these accusations do not really seem fair to me.  I have known Progressive women, and I have known them to be feminine, nurturing, and compassionate people.  And I am pretty sure that when one group of women starts accusing another group of women of unpleasant things, no good will come of it.  So, let us be charitable in our attitudes and our remarks -- at least if we want to move forward and have peace in our pluralistic society.

Appreciating Gifts Received -- Or, Kudos To The Dems

I am a registered Republican, though a somewhat reluctant one.  Because, more importantly, I am a Catholic; and if you study Catholic social teaching, you will realize that it contains ideas of both the Republican and Democratic parties.  And some of the ideas embraced by the Democratic Party are very important in Catholic thought.  For a while, I was registered as a non-partisan.  But, for various reasons, I decided it would be a good idea to choose a party, so I chose the GOP.  I tend to be a limited government sort of person.  I also believe in the idea of subsidiarity, which is important in both Catholic thought and conservative politics.  In this post, though, I am going to speak of the ways in which the Democrats have enriched my life all through the years.  And these are things for which I am truly grateful.  And when I ponder these things, it keeps me from being too partisan. 

Long before I was born, my Italian great-grandfather lived in the United States.  While here, I am told that he helped form the Furriers Union. So, as you can see, I have connections to the Democratic Party that go way back. After a while, this great-grandfather returned to Italy. But, when his children were grown, he sent them to America, to have better lives than they could make for themselves as peasant farmers in the "Old Country."  One of these children was my grandmother, Adele Caffoni.  She was followed to New York by her "boyfriend" -- Aldo Argenti.  Who, by the way, was almost immediately sent back to the land of his birth for fibbing to the immigration authorities about something or other.  He was in a holding cell on Ellis Island when a kind relative of my grandmother's showed up to bail him out, thus saving my future existence.  As a married couple, both of my grandparents worked blue-collar jobs -- factory work, construction, janitorial services.  And, as they explained it to me, they would never have had the pay, benefits, and security in retirement that they had without the efforts of the Democratic Party.  The Party of the Working Man.  And they did not squander the efforts of their party, either.  They were frugal and saved their money, and thus they were able to help their own children get a "leg up" in life.  My grandparents gave their children good educations and some financial assistance starting out in life, because of the benefits the Democrats helped them secure.  Their own children took this help from their parents with grateful hearts, worked hard, and achieved a good standard of living for themselves. Thus, I get a little annoyed when certain conservatives accuse the Democrats of wanting to give "hand-outs" to undeserving people.  I have seen that, with proper stewardship, less fortunate people can use these "hand-outs" to help themselves and their progeny achieve better lives.  Lives during which, by the way, they will pay their fair share of taxes to help other less fortunate people.

I am also very grateful to the Democratic Party for my high school and college educations.  I attended a private elementary school (grades 1-8), where books, supplies, and heat during the winter always seemed to be in short supply.  I remember doing assignments on paper that resembled recycled paper towels and shivering in the classroom during the winter.  And sharing a textbook with another child, when one of you is on page 20 and the other is on page 30, can be a bit stressful when you are 9 years old.  So, when I went to a public high school, I was basically in educational heaven.  It was calm, orderly, clean, and well-stocked.  The teachers were well-trained, and most knew how to inspire a kid with positive words of encouragement.  I attended a publicly-funded college, as well -- San Francisco State University.  There I was given the opportunity to get a very good education alongside people of diverse opinions and walks-of-life.  This was invaluable to me, as it helped me learn how to enjoy and appreciate all kinds of people.  I also found, at these public institutions, that my rather conservative religious and political views were treated with respect by my teachers and classmates.  We were able to talk with each other about our differing ideas in a way that was positive for all.  I never felt like I was treated badly by anyone -- instructor or student -- because of my more traditional opinions.  To me, it was the best of what you might call a truly liberal education.  An education where all points of view are considered in the discussion, in a fair and respectful manner, with everyone still calling each other "friend" at the end of the day. 

Because of programs championed by the Democrats, I had many enriching experiences as I grew up.  There was that wonderful summer school program where I got to play Dorothy in The Wizard Of Oz.  There were swimming lessons, which provided me with a healthy, life-long activity that I love.  There were also dance lessons, driving lessons, library books, opportunities to attend plays -- I could go on and on...  Without the Democrats, I would probably not have been able to partake in any of these activities.  My father did have a good job and we had a wonderful home-life, but his income would not have supported these things, even if he was in a lower tax bracket. 

And I have to say this about publicly-funded programs, also -- especially those of an educational type.  They do provide the opportunity for people of diverse backgrounds to interact.  And this is something that I believe to be of great value -- at least it was for me and for others I have known.

So, this Republican tips her hat to the Democrats.  I recognize the value in much that you have done.  And I hope we can all work together for the common good.

My Hope

There are three beautiful, bright, thoughtful, well-educated brothers.  As a group, they are a little bit older than my own children.  Now, these brothers are very active in the arts and in public life, conveying through their words and deeds a great concern for our country, for our world, for those who suffer.  They were raised by a father who is a lawyer and a mother who is a poet -- a combination bound to produce some pretty amazing individuals.

My own three children -- two girls and a boy -- are also beautiful, bright, and well-educated.  They are also very concerned for the well-being of our society, for the poor and oppressed.  They wish to alleviate the suffering they see around them, hoping to live their lives in a way that will be a force for good in the world.

I see these two groups of siblings, lovely people all, and I see that they all hope for beauty, truth, and goodness in their lives and in their civilization.  And this is something else I see:  they are on opposite sides of the political fence in many ways.  But, not in all ways.

Could they ever sit down together and discuss their hopes, dreams, and fears for their own lives, for their own culture, for the cultures of other peoples?  Could they see what unites them?  Could they really listen to each other when discussing their differences, so that even if they don't agree, they could at least have compassion for each other?  Could they see a way through these differences so that the people in our very diverse society could live together in a peaceful way, with everyone's rights and beliefs respected?  Is this possible?

I sure hope it is possible.  I fear the consequences if it is not.  Because, right now, I am seeing things in my country and in my world that make my stomach ache.  I see people so entrenched in their belief systems, on both sides of the fence, that no one is willing to give the other the benefit of the doubt.  I see statements being taken out of context and people being accused of having evil motives.  I don't see many individuals who are willing to calmly listen to opposing points of view.  What I am seeing is a society tearing itself apart, with each side blaming the other for the tearing.

And in my heart, I see these two beautiful groups of siblings -- different, yes, but all wanting goodness, fairness, freedom, justice.  I do not want to see them at war with each other.  They have all been raised by parents who love them, who have provided them with good educations, who want them to bring light to the darkness.  May they find a way to do this together, in spite of their differences. 

What I Learned From The Naked Hot-Tubbing Guy

People who know me know that I am a fairly, um, pretty much, well, mostly conservative person -- depending on how you define that term -- "conservative". I am Catholic. And if you really learn about Catholic teaching, you will find that it is neither conservative nor liberal, at least according to the contemporary understanding of those terms. And I believe in what the Church teaches. And this is why -- because it all really boils down to doing what is truly good for others. Doing what is truly loving. I can dig that idea. But, people would think of me as a conservative because of my neighborhood, my career as a wife and mom, the car I drive (unless they notice the Harley stickers on that minivan), the clothes I wear (but, you know, I am just not built for bootie shorts), and the fact that I homeschooled my kids (yeah).

Anyway, I -- this apparently conflicted individual -- would like to comment on a phenomenon that I am becoming increasingly distressed about. The US vs. THEM wars. The Culture Wars. The Chicken Sandwich Conflict. 

It seems to me that we, as a society, have almost completely forgotten how to talk to each other, how to listen to each other, how to empathize with each other. We are all so afraid of the "other side" that we have forgotten that the other side is made up of people. People who might actually be good, honest FRIENDS if we let them. Some of the most wonderful people in my life, people who have really been there for me, have had completely different opinions than me. Even on the "vital" issues of the day. 

Like the Naked Hot-Tubbing Guy. This guy was in my limnology class in college. A class with about 7 people, so we all bonded. He sat by me in his ripped clothes and shaggy ponytail. He had a really high IQ and a lifestyle that was a 180 from mine. He lived with his older lady friend in Marin County and would tell me about how they went naked hot-tubbing . He would also help me with my homework. And he was very kind. And I, in my well-kept blue jeans and cleavage-covering t-shirt, was completely charmed.

Let's hear it for the other side!