Watch "Gotham"

The ratings for the last couple episodes of "Gotham" have been down a bit. And it's too bad. It's really a great show. It has been renewed for a second season, so there's no danger of cancellation. But, it would be cool if the ratings picked up a bit (or a lot) as we head toward the season finale and await Season 2. Because I want a Season 3. And I don't want Ben McKenzie to be sad. He works too hard to have to be sad.

Now, I know many people started out watching "Gotham" and then quit after a few episodes. Y'all should come back. You should always give a new show AT LEAST five episodes, and probably more like seven, before you give up on it. It really takes that long for the thing to get out of the gate and get into its groove. You should believe me on this because somebody once called me a "film producer," so -- obviously -- I know about these things. Haha. Actually, you should believe me on this because I have skipped too much housework in lieu of watching a lot of TV in my life, and I have noticed this phenomenon.  And I'll tell you, "Gotham" has really gotten its s**t together. Mind you, I have enjoyed it from the get-go, but it has gotten better and better. For one thing, Ben McKenzie has truly found his Jim Gordon and is consistently "in the zone." Bravo, Ben! You are rockin' it.

I know some people also have an issue with "Gotham's" 8:00 time slot, especially parents. I have noticed that young people are pestering their parents to let them watch "Gotham," leading them to just put their foot down in a frustrated demonstration of parental authority. Thus, these poor moms and dads most likely don't even DVR the show and also -- probably -- boycott everything FOX. I have noticed that most people hate on FOX. The progressives hate on it because of the news and the conservatives hate on it because of its entertainment offerings. It's a wonder, of sorts, that FOX is even still on the air. I guess, though, that giving absolutely everybody something to hate on could make you quite popular.

Take heart, moms and dads. The violence on "Gotham," though present, is not gratuitous. It is appropriate for the story. And that story has key moral questions that your children should consider. Of course, I am not talking about 7-year-olds. But, I do think that children who are 10 years old and above could reap many benefits from watching "Gotham." The show presents to its audience the types of moral conundrums that most (if not all) of us will face in our lives. This is part of the value of a good story, which "Gotham" is. We see these fictional situations and fictional characters. We see how the characters -- some of whom we admire and some of whom we don't -- interact with the situations. We see what the results of those interactions are. There is much food for thought here, and many parallels with "real life." I homeschooled my kids for 13 years, and if "Gotham" had been on, I would have used it in writing lessons, ethics lessons, history lessons, political science lessons, art lessons... I almost want to have another baby so that I can use "Gotham" in lesson plans. (No. Not really. Just kidding. And -- besides -- I am "past the age.") The point is, though, that if you watch "Gotham" with your kids and you have any semblance of coolness about you as a parent, you can leverage it in order to teach your kids A LOT.

Also, as far as real life role models, you should want your kids to be acquainted with those involved in making "Gotham." The whole team is pretty incredible. They are positive people living positive lives. The actor who plays the young Bruce Wayne and the young actress who plays Selina Kyle (the future Catwoman) are prime examples of this. They are incredibly grounded, intelligent, energetic, joyful, engaged-with-life young people. They speak about their "real lives" and their work in a way which could inspire kids to live their own lives with both a sense of healthy fun and purpose. As they speak about the story of "Gotham," they shed light onto the creative process, which is an especially important thing for kids to understand as they navigate their way through the educational system's literature and writing assignments. Ben, himself, is a very good example for kids. He believes young people should work very hard, be very responsible, as they strive to reach worthwhile goals; and he will often speak of this. In fact, he can almost come off as a little bit of a curmudgeon. I actually told my daughter that if he ever has kids, he's going to be the world's strictest dad. ;-) What makes his message such a terrific one for young people, though, is the fact that he is a truly fun person and he has the right end-game in mind. --> He desires that kids grow up to do work that means something to them, work they will enjoy, work that will benefit both themselves and others. And he knows from experience and expresses quite effectively (i.e. in a way that kids will listen) what is necessary to achieve these things.

It seems this post has morphed from why people -- in general -- should watch "Gotham" into why parents should let their kids watch "Gotham." That really wasn't my original intention, but there you have it. And adults should watch it, too. It's beautifully crafted, well-written, compelling, thought-provoking, and a great deal of FUN! I actually think it's really all about President Obama. Or LBJ. Or FDR. Or even The Gipper. So... Catch up on those previously aired episodes and I hope to see you on Monday night in Gotham! And then I hope to see you on Tuesday night for "Agents Of Shield." We've gotta get Coulson out of that jam. I love Coulson!

Gotham: Okay. Where is the damn ring??? ;p

If we knew the answer to this question, it would clear a whole lotta things up.

"What ring?" you may be asking.

BARBARA'S ENGAGEMENT RING.

Because I believe she had one. If she didn't, this whole post is pointless and you may as well click away now.

Barbara, if you are not aware, is (or was) engaged to Jim Gordon. After being kidnapped by one of the seemingly infinite array of gangsters running around Gotham City, she ended up "taking a break" from Jim. She left him a "Dear John" letter -- as well as her fancy apartment -- and headed back into the arms of her long-ago lover, Renee Montoya. I don't blame her really. Renee -- in many ways -- is much less annoying than Jim. I mean, I love Jim. Jim is great. But, he would be a rather difficult man with whom to be involved. He is intelligent, honest, handsome, looks nice in a suit, and -- apparently -- mixes a good cocktail. On the other hand, he is stubborn, rather emotionally unavailable, and so gung-ho and hard-charging that he probably would not be the most relaxing person with whom to pass a pleasant Sunday afternoon watching the Dallas Cowboys. After observing Jim for a while, it's kinda easy to understand why Barbara drinks a little.

Anyway...

Back to the "Dear John" letter.

We see Jim reading said letter and then leaving Barbara a heartfelt phone message -- begging her to come back to him. As he leaves this message, Barbara is in the arms of Renee. This little scene led many in the "Gotham" fandom to "hate on" Barbara. (Ben McKenzie really does know how to do those facial expressions that get you totally on his side. My Bridget thinks -- based on these facial expressions -- that his teachers probably let him get away with a whole lot of stuff when he was a little boy.) But if you close your eyes and ignore the facial expressions and stay calm for a moment, I would like to point out one thing. It did not take long for our hero to find himself a new girlfriend -- all before even tracking down Barbara and talking with her. I mean -- come on -- the man is a DETECTIVE. Don't tell me he couldn't have found Barbara. He knows Barbara used to be involved with Renee. If I were a detective, I think I'd know where to look first. Come to think of it, maybe this is why Gotham is in such a mess. Do ALL their law enforcement officials have such weak powers of deductive reasoning? That would explain much. No offense Jim, but I don't think you tried all that hard here.

(Now I am going to get "hated on.") ;-)

But -- STOP.

JUST STOP.

There is one little question that would solve this whole conundrum of who is in the right and who is in the wrong and who (if anybody) should be "hated on."

And that is -- WHERE IS THE DAMN ENGAGEMENT RING???

THIS IS THE KEY QUESTION.

If Barbara kept the ring, then we should "hate on" BOTH her and Jim. Because that would mean they are still "technically" engaged. If the lady says, "We need to take a break," AND she keeps the ring, then she really hasn't broken off the engagement and she shouldn't be in anybody else's arms. Period. End of story. ESPECIALLY if her man is on a detective's salary. And if the man has not gotten back the ring, then it is his obligation to track down said ring AND the lady to whom he gave it, requesting (respectfully, of course) some answers as to their relationship status, before he takes up with a beautiful doctor. ESPECIALLY if that man is a detective, who would be logically assumed to possess "detecting" skills.

If -- on the other hand -- Barbara left the ring, along with the "Dear John" letter, for Jim to find, then both are off the hook. The engagement is over, called off, nullified. Period. End of story. And each party is free to be in somebody else's arms. Although -- perhaps -- they might find their new lovers in a way which employs a bit more good, old-fashioned, Italian common sense/suspicion. One thing we know, for sure, is that both Jim and Barbara are lacking competent Italian mothers. We've seen Barbara's mother, of course. And she's obviously NOT Italian. Not at all. If Barbara were my daughter, I would have met her at the door with coffee, cookies, and a good rehab doctor. We haven't seen Jim's mother, but she is -- evidently -- no better than Ben Sherman's. And we all know how that turned out. And if you don't know how that turned out, you'd better go watch "SouthLAnd." Right now.

Because...

"SouthLAnd" forever... ;-)

Liza & Leslie -- Two Peas In A Pod?

If you are not watching "Gotham," you should be. I know some of you gave it up in frustration after a few episodes, but it has really gotten its groove on, lately. So, you should give it another try.

And if you are watching "Gotham," you will know about Liza and Leslie. Liza was a beautiful young woman (who also seemed to have spent some time fighting MMA) sent to spy on Falcone by Fish, as part of Fish's attempt to stage a coup on Falcone's empire. Liza was all dressed up and trained by Fish to appeal to both Falcone's remembrances of his dearly-departed mother and his sex drive. It really was kind of kinky. But Fish -- being all about kink -- knew how to do it exactly right. It would have worked, too, except for the Little Bird telling. And -- now -- poor Liza is at the bottom of the proverbial river.

Dr. Leslie Thompkins is another beautiful young woman (sans any apparent MMA skills), who has suddenly become the love interest of Jim Gordon. Or -- rather -- in my feminism, I prefer to think of Jim Gordon as becoming the love interest of Dr. Leslie Thompkins. She seems to be the ideal gal for our beleaguered hero, after he is dumped by Barbara and booted from his detective position in the GCPD and forced to work as a security guard in the Arkham Asylum For The Criminally Insane. Dr. Thompkins appears as an angel out of nowhere when poor Jim is at his lowest point. She both admires him (exactly what his battered male ego needs) and gives him much-needed assistance (while still respecting that male ego). She is beautiful, intelligent, idealistic, funny, and impeccably coiffed (this last being a quality which Jim seems to value, judging by Barbara). The lovely Leslie is able to joke with Jim -- even poking a little fun at him. But, she jokes in such a way as to amuse him without crossing the line into stomping on that aforementioned male ego. She -- in short -- is both the perfect ally and lover for Jim.

A little too perfect, maybe???

A little bit like Liza, maybe???

I know, I know. These are absolutely HORRID thoughts to be having about Leslie Thompkins. HORRID. I am ASHAMED. But, there you have it. I can't help but be a bit suspicious. It's in my middle-aged Italian mother nature to be suspicious of ALL love interests -- whenever and wherever they may appear, real or fictional -- until they prove themselves worthy of my trust.

One thing I know, though, is that if Leslie does turn out to be a bad guy, she won't end up at the bottom of the proverbial river, strangled to death by our hero's hands. I don't think so, anyway. But... This is Gotham, after all.

And Gotham -- when all is said and done -- will be Gotham.

Let's Not Slut-Shame Barbara. Okay???

Who is Barbara?

Barbara is Barbara Kean of "Gotham". She is engaged to Det. Jim Gordon and let's just say there's a lot of trouble in paradise. I'm not going to summarize the whole plot here, so if you don't watch "Gotham," you'll probably be confused. Sorry.

Anyway, Barbara and Jim are busy being all gorgeous together in Barbara's gorgeous penthouse when it turns out that there are many, many more problems in Gotham than Det. Gordon had realized when he came on the job. Most people would take all that gorgeousness and move someplace safer, but not Jim. Jim is stubborn and tenacious and righteous. And -- by golly -- he is going to fix Gotham.

Meanwhile, it turns out that Barbara has many, many more problems than Det. Gordon had realized when he proposed to her and moved all his suits, ties, and spare guns into her gorgeous penthouse. These problems involve past (and current) difficulties with alcohol, drugs, and a beautiful former (not-quite-gotten-over) lover who works with Jim Gordon. Jim, apparently -- for all of his detective skills -- knows nothing about the alcohol (well, he knows a bit about the alcohol), drugs, and former beautiful lover (even though he works with her). Jim is a very trusting person, for a detective. Bless his heart. I have known a few law enforcement types. And they are usually quite suspicious. Of everybody and everything. I'm glad, though, that Jim has not yet fallen into that cynicism. It is rather refreshing, except it does keep him from noticing a lot of things that would be worth noticing. Like the smell of pot that certainly must permeate that penthouse, from what I've seen.

Barbara, though, for all her problems, really does love Jim. She wants to stand by his side and be strong and helpful. She desires greatly to be helpful. And in her desire to help her man in his time of need, she ends up getting kidnapped by the bad guys. And in the aftermath of this undoubtedly traumatic event, she ends up leaving Jim and going back to her former, not-quite-so-gotten-over, beautiful lover. Poor Jim. You see him leaving a pleading, heartfelt message on her cell phone. He tells her he loves her and begs her to come back to him. (After all, who is going to pay the rent on that penthouse? He is on a detective's salary, after all. No, no. Sorry. That is SO cynical of me. And it isn't true, either. Jim really does love Barbara and wants her to come back.) And while Jim is leaving this heartfelt message, we see Barbara in the arms of her beautiful lover. It really was quite sexy. And I am straight as straight can be. So, that is sexy. Believe me.

After this episode of "Gotham" aired, I noticed something. I noticed a lot of people on Twitter slut-shaming Barbara. Some of them -- in their passionate vociferousness -- seemed to forget that she is a fictional character. There was a lot of real nastiness going on toward Barbara. Downright mean comments about what she was doing to poor Jim. (And yes. Ben McKenzie REALLY knows how to do those hang-dog eyes. He can work it with those "feel sorry for my character" facial expressions and voice. It is quite something. And this is not an insult, in case you're wondering. It is a compliment. The guy knows how to make you feel for his characters, without going all overboard and sappy. He plays it just right. Go, Ben.) I kind of had a hard time, though, dealing with the cut-to-the-bone insults being hurled at Barbara, all about how she's a slut. I mean, wait just a freakin' minute here. Let's think about this.

Now, I am not saying that Barbara did the right thing. But, looked at compassionately, I think she did an understandable thing. She definitely isn't a slut.

First, she and Jim had kinda been having a rocky time. She felt that he was shutting her out of his life. He was shutting her out -- to a large degree -- but, this was to protect her. He could have done a better job in getting this across to her, though. A great communicator, he is not. He is a very, very good guy. Absolutely good. But, he is a little stubborn and a little reticent in expressing himself and -- perhaps -- a bit prideful and self-righteous. And these traits do not combine to make a person a good communicator during stressful times in a relationship.

Secondly, Barbara is in no condition -- dealing with all the baggage of her past and present life -- to be able to form a healthy romantic relationship. She needs to put her own house in order. But, she also really wants to be strong and good. She wants to love and be loved. But, she doesn't know how to make peace with her past in order to give and receive love in a proper fashion. Like a lot of us. A lot of us are like Barbara, at least at points in our lives. We go through crap. We don't know how to put that crap to rest. And it affects how we form relationships. So, before we go hurling stones at Barbara, we should take a look at ourselves and our moments of vulnerability.

Thirdly, if you recall, when Barbara was being held by the bad guys, one of those bad guys made a remark to Jim about having to rough Barbara up a bit in order to make sure that she didn't have any valuable information. Hmmm... It was kind of a passing remark, but maybe more significant than we realize. What, exactly, did they do to Barbara? Did they -- possibly -- sexually assault her? If she was assaulted -- sexually, or otherwise -- that would explain a lot of her subsequent behavior, especially her return to her former lover. I mean, she was already having a struggle with substance abuse. She apparently has crappy parents. Jim was not being the easiest guy in the world to deal with. And then she gets assaulted, perhaps in a sexual way? You put all those things together and her decision to leave Jim and go back to Renee would not be surprising.

Anyway, this is just my two cents, for what their worth. And thank-you for taking the time to read this. Hope to be seeing you in Gotham!!! ;-)

"Gotham" -- A Middle-Aged Italian Mom's View

(Aside: People should not talk about politics, unless they can do it without getting all mad.)

Anyway...

There have been many reviews about "Gotham."

Here is mine.

Well... It's not really a review. It's just a compilation of some random thoughts I've had about it.

Two episodes of "Gotham" have aired so far, and I have loved both of them.

First of all, I can understand EVERY SINGLE WORD OF THE DIALOGUE. YAY!!! This is rare for me, and I would like to compliment the talented cast and the amazing sound people. It is very rare for me to be able to understand all the dialogue in a show. People can tend to mumble a little and speak rather quickly, which for a pair of young ears is all well and good. But, my middle-aged ears have a rather tough time with it. So, THANK-YOU, "GOTHAM," for not making me feel so old. xoxo <3

Secondly, I can follow the story completely. YAY again!!! This has also been rare for me, with a lot of "modern" drama-type shows. So, thank-you to the writers and editors for not making me feel stupid as I try to understand the story.

These two things may not seem like a big thing to you, but they are HUGE to me. Especially because the dialogue in "Gotham" is worth understanding and the story the show is telling is worth following. Unlike "The Bachelor."

Thirdly, in "Gotham," Ben McKenzie runs with a gun while pretending to be a law enforcement officer. Ben McKenzie excels at running with a gun while pretending to be a law enforcement officer. It is SO much fun to watch. He looks so cool when he runs. Some people like to see Ben do "love scenes." I have actually had hits to my blog by people looking for "Ben McKenzie love scenes." (I have never written about those, by the way.) I, though, would much prefer to see Ben run with a gun. So -- thank-you, Ben and writers and directors.

Closely related to the running with a gun is this: In "Gotham," Ben McKenzie does fight scenes. He also excels at those. Every time I watch one, though, I get kind of tense, thinking about him ramming his head into the concrete pillar on his birthday. I hope the "Gotham" producers are giving Ben time to get enough sleep. You need lots of sleep in order to do fight scenes safely. Especially as you get older.

You can totally tell that a middle-aged Italian mother is writing this, can't you??? ;-)

For you more serious people, here are a few thoughts about "Gotham" that are a little more serious.

The show is beautiful to look at. It is gorgeous. It is a work of art. It looks just like the comic books sprang off the pages and came to life -- the characters, the costumes, the props, the sets, absolutely everything. Even the dialogue is reminiscent of what you would see in the comic books. Some people have poked fun at the dialogue. They have called it "cheesy" and "corny." Nonsense. The dialogue is done in such a manner that it lends to the overall feeling that you are watching a living, breathing comic book. It is brilliant.

The performances are outstanding. Every. Single. One. Of. Them. Yes, I spoke about Ben McKenzie, but ALL the actors are to be commended. They are perfect in their roles. And it doesn't seem as though anybody is being a "prima donna." I get the impression that everybody is working as a team, supporting one other so that each person can give his or her best for the show. And that's why the show is as good as it is.

The story is well-thought-out and expertly crafted. The premiere set the stage in an outstanding manner so that the story can develop organically in all of its multi-layered complexity. I get the feeling that there will be very few, if any, inconsistencies in the plot. The overall story arc seems to be well-integrated into the smaller story-arcs of the individual episodes -- something that is not easy to do. The story is also fascinating. I want to keep watching it. I am curious to see what will happen week after week. That is a rare thing for me.

The show also embraces diversity -- there are many major female characters, there is a lesbian character, there are characters of many different ethnic and cultural backgrounds. This is very cool. And it is especially cool because it is done in a very natural way. When I was younger, whenever a show was even brave enough to embrace diversity, it was often done in an awkward manner. There was almost like this big effort on the part of such a show to announce, "LOOK!!! We have DIVERSITY!!!" With "Gotham," though, the characters just are who they are -- living their lives, doing their jobs, having their relationships, being good or bad or somewhere in-between. This, to me, is a positive thing. It reinforces the fact that we are all human beings, with human needs and hopes and desires.

Thanks for reading my thoughts. I appreciate that you would take the time to do so. And -- hopefully -- I'll see you on Monday. In Gotham. ;-)

Gotham -- Of Heroes And Parental Advisories

As many of you probably know, "Gotham" starts tonight. I am VERY excited about "Gotham". Because of "SouthLAnd". Yes -- all roads lead to "SouthLAnd". You see -- Ben McKenzie, who was one of the lead actors on "SouthLAnd" is playing the lead role of Jim Gordon in "Gotham". And -- as a very dear friend of mine said -- "I will support the "SouthLAnd" actors until the day that I die." Yep.

So, if you don't know, "Gotham" is a "Batman" origin story. It follows the newly-hired Detective Jim Gordon as he tries to deal with the chaos that is Gotham City until he finally can't take it anymore and thinks up Batman. Yes. I believe the whole Batman thing will end up being Jim Gordon's brainchild. Bruce Wayne will be like, "Have you lost your mother f***ing mind, Jim??? You want me to do WHAT??? That's just f***ing crazy." And Jim Gordon will be all like, "You have the money. You have the education. You have a very large basement and a cool old house with mysterious spaces. You have the athletic ability. And I'm just plain tired out from chasing around bad people who like to pretend they're animals and stuff. And Barbara is tired of me never being at home. In fact, I think she's got a little something goin' on the side. Who can blame her? She's never been the same since the time I cracked my skull up against that concrete pillar. (Points at forehead.) Yes. That was years ago and you'd think she'd have gotten over it. But -- nooooooo. So, I think I've got to go home and start gettin' some sexy on with Babs before it's too late." And -- thus -- Bruce Wayne, in a moment of sympathy for his old friend and realizing that his fun afternoons with Barbara had to come to an end at some point, relents and goes to the PLUS SIZE lingerie shop to get some black tights and such.

So... What was the point of this whole thing again?

Oh, yeah.

Parental advisories.

I read a parental advisory for "Gotham" last week. I forget which group posted it. I don't remember the exact wording. But, I'll strive for accuracy.

The parental advisory people said that "Gotham" is not suitable for children. I agree. It probably isn't. To each his or her own, though. I wouldn't have let my kids watch it when they were little.

The parental advisory people also said that "Gotham" wasn't suitable for young teens. I'm a little bit more unsure about that point. I probably would have let my kids watch it as young teens.

The thing the parental advisory said, though, that really made me roll my eyes was something to this effect:  They weren't advising the show for kids or young teens because the hero -- Jim Gordon -- isn't going to win in the end. He's basically going to be a defeated hero. And, apparently, this sort of hero is very bad for children and young teens.

Say what???

First of all, I'm sure he's going to have at least a few little victories along the way. Yes, in the end -- exhausted and suffering from Barbara withdrawals -- he will have to think up Batman. But, that doesn't make him a defeated hero. It just makes him realistic and a little bit humble. I mean, one guy against a whole evil city??? Come on.

Seriously, though, what is a hero? Is a hero somebody who inevitably overcomes his obstacles single-handedly. Who never admits defeat? Who is never actually defeated? -- OR -- Is a real hero somebody who makes mistakes, makes the wrong choices sometimes, goes down some wrong paths, has serious falls (even moral ones), trusts the wrong people occasionally, ends up lost -- maybe even completely lost -- and then has the humility and the moral strength and the fortitude to admit his faults and his failings (at least to himself) and get back up and go on and try to do the right thing.  To me, this second kind of person is a real hero. The first kind of hero -- the unfailing, unerring, inevitably undefeated/undefeatable one is not a real hero. It's easy to be that kind of person. The authentic hero -- to my mind, anyway -- is the one who has to face down his wayward humanity and keep on pushing forward, even when it would be easier to give up and run away. It certainly would be easier for Jim Gordon to give up and run away. But, he doesn't. And that, at the end of the day, is what makes him a real hero. He doesn't run away -- either from himself or from the city that needs him.

So -- perhaps -- Jim Gordon is just the kind of hero our young teens need. Because -- in life -- that's what most of us have to go through. Most of us are not Captain America (bless his heart). Most of us are more like Jim Gordon. We screw up. Badly. We have disappointments -- from others and from ourselves. And we need to learn to rise up those screw-ups and disappointments and stay the course. And there are times when we have to call in our own Batman (a.k.a. bestie). And if my kids were still young teenagers watching "Gotham", this is what we would be talking about.

Pax.

A Little Bit Of "Gotham" Fan Fiction

(I know. "Gotham" hasn't even come out yet. So, it's kinda silly to write fan fiction. But, I'm kinda tired and I've missed writing lately and I enjoy being creative and Miss Pinelou keeps posting pictures taken by people in NYC who are happening across the shooting of that much-anticipated show. So, I just felt like writing some fan fiction.)

Protagonist: Annie. Middle-aged widow and mom of two young adult children who have graduated from college and gone on to greener pastures. Long-time resident of Gotham City. Diner waitress.

*******

Two o'clock in the morning, iPhone screen says. Hmmm... If I can afford this iPhone, why am I living in this rather questionable apartment building? Well, it's clean. No cockroaches, anyway. Simple and clean. And Roy -- my late husband's best friend -- he does give me a good deal on the rent. A little bit of a discount, for friendship's sake. Not a huge discount, mind you. But -- ha! -- enough to pay for this iPhone. And he doesn't expect anything in return, if you know what I mean. Not that any guy in his right mind would. In fact, most guys would probably pay me to keep my clothes on. Oh, well. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself. After all, when I take that pretty, but neglected, negligee out of the back of my bottom dresser drawer every once in a while and put it on, what looks back at me from the full-length mirror isn't so bad, I guess. Not for a fifty-year-old, anyway. It's a lovely negligee. And a lovely mirror. My husband -- God rest him -- enjoyed surrounding me with loveliness, even though he really couldn't afford it, not on his sergeant's salary.

Yes. My husband was a cop. And that's what killed him. No. He wasn't killed on the job. He wasn't shot or stabbed or beaten or run over by a "bad guy." So, how was he killed by his work? Heart attack. A heart attack brought on by what he saw happening in this city. There has been an evil growing -- growing for a long time now. Barely discernible at first, it now penetrates and is choking the life out of all that was good about this once beautiful place.  And it was such a beautiful place -- for a family, to be a cop, to be a wife and mom. My husband saw the evil from the beginning. He tried to warn people -- the other cops, our pastor, our friends. But, they just laughed at him. Called him paranoid. But, he was perceptive and he was right. And by the time others noticed what he had been seeing for a long while, it was too late. And it broke his heart.

It made me angry, really. I was angry with him for dying, for leaving me and our daughters. Our bright, beautiful daughters. I felt like he loved the city more than he loved us. Why couldn't we have just left, moved away? It would have been hard, but not impossible. He was stubborn, though. He felt a duty to the city. And the city took him from me, from our kids. It made me so angry. I'm okay now, though. Because -- in the end -- I understood. We weren't raised here, in this city. But, it did become our home. We somehow came to belong to it and it to us. After all, I'm still here, aren't I? Here in this rather questionable apartment that I moved into after selling my house. My daughters had already gone away to college when they lost their father, and our neighborhood was becoming less-than-safe. So, I sold the house. It was a good move. It was paid for and I made a decent profit. I think it's a rental now.

Yes, I really could move away. Between the money I made selling the house and my husband's life insurance and pension, I really could move away. But, I stay. Like my beloved stayed. So, how can I be angry with him?

You might think I'm rolling in dough, but I'm not. My house wasn't worth that much -- not in this housing market, in this deteriorating city. I've invested the money, though, along with the life insurance, in relatively "safe" investments. Have you checked the returns on "safe" investments lately? And the pension and social security payments are modest, as my husband was young when he died. So, I work. I'm a diner waitress. It's only part-time, but it's adequate for now, and I like it. And it, too, was a lucky break -- a gift bestowed on me by the manager, who was a buddy of my husband. Cops love diners, and my husband frequented this one for years. So, when he died, Johnny offered me the job. He knew I needed one. And -- frankly -- I think I'm pretty good at it. I enjoy the banter and wielding that coffee-pot. Those who make the coffee rule the world, when you think about it.

Another reason I love my job is it gives me the opportunity to keep my finger on the pulse of this city. A never-ending stream of cops comes into and out of that diner, along with every other kind of character this city holds. And though that pulse has been weakening for some time, as the evil my husband warned about years and years ago continues to grow, seemingly unabated, I heard something the other day that gives me a bit of hope. It seems there's a new kid coming to town. A relatively young man named Jim Gordon has just been hired as a detective. Actually, he's not technically a "new kid." He grew up here, apparently, although we've never met. And I'm hearing he's a good man, a strong man. Some of the cops I know -- the ones not really worthy of the badge -- they're a little nervous about Jim Gordon. Although, they try to hide it with bravado and dark humor about "putting him in his place." But, the good cops I know -- and those are few and far between -- are actually excited about the guy. Apparently, some of them knew him growing up. Or knew of him. There seems to be something about this guy, something a little out-of-the-ordinary, something a little inspiring. We'll see. I've learned by now not to get my hopes up about so-called "good news" in this city.

And I think about my husband, my Tommy. He was good, too. He was strong. He was special. And the evil in this city just chewed him up and spit him out. So, God help this Jim Gordon, if what I'm hearing about him is even halfway true. 

"...a simple, flawed human being. He's strong...

...and smart and tough, but he's going to make the wrong decisions and trust the wrong people. And he has no out -- he can't put on a cape and fly off."

This is how Ben McKenzie describes his character -- Detective Jim Gordon -- of the upcoming TV show "Gotham" in an interview for "Entertainment Weekly".

Years ago, when I was a young woman, this statement wouldn't have struck me as anything particularly insightful or terribly brilliant. But now that I am older -- a 51-year-old mom with three young adult kids -- it strikes me as both insightful and brilliant. And it is also strangely comforting to my menopausal heart.

Why?

Because, when I was a young woman, I liked to think of myself as strong and smart and tough. Lots of people told me I was those things. I was a little bit proud of it, I guess, when I think about it now. And maybe I was those things, to some degree, anyway. And when I started having kids, at the ripe old age of 25, I wanted to be all of those things for them. I wanted to be the best mom. And I had this idea that because I was strong and smart and tough that I somehow wouldn't blow it, at all. I remember sitting in my hospital bed, with my first little baby in my arms, and not wanting any harm to ever touch her. I was afraid. I was afraid of all the crap in the world. And I resolved -- as I sat there looking at her little face and feeling the weight of her against me -- that I would use all of my strength and smarts and toughness to somehow get her to adulthood unscathed.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

As a mom, I have made many wrong decisions and trusted many of the wrong people. And I have really beaten myself up for these mistakes, especially when I see how they have hurt my kids. I have been tempted to cynicism. I have been tempted to trust no more. There have been times when I have been plagued by self-doubt when there is an important decision I have to make.

And when I read the statement that Ben McKenzie made, regarding Jim Gordon, that he is a "simple, flawed human being," while at the same time being "strong and smart and tough," I realized what I have been missing. I have failed to authentically accept my human weakness -- especially in regards to my role as a mother. Maybe I am -- and maybe I am not -- strong and smart and tough. I don't know, really. But, even if I am, my human frailty is going to enter into the equation. And I will inevitably make decisions that are wrong and trust people I shouldn't.

So, as I sat in that hospital bed with that new baby all those years ago, I grasped onto a completely erroneous notion -- a notion that I have never fully relinquished. Maybe it's finally time to get real. Maybe it's time to finally make peace with myself about this, because I want to live my life with confidence and joy, even with the knowledge that I am going to screw certain things up. I'm going to make the wrong calls, and not have the option of putting on a cape and flying off. And maybe this is really okay.

So, I would like to thank you, Ben, for the advice that you probably didn't even know you were giving.

Can't wait for "Gotham"!!!

P.S. -- The "EW" interview also states that the first scene Ben shot for "Gotham" involves him driving a 1970's-era Chrysler. This is a very cool thing for me, as my family owned a 1970's-era Chrysler. It had this BIG OLE' HONKIN' engine, and was ABSOLUTELY AWESOME for peeling out from stop signs in my hometown. A teenage girl's dream car, if you will. I wonder if Detective Gordon gets to peel out from stop signs in his Chrysler. It would be a shame if he doesn't. ;-) 

I think I have not changed a bit...

...since high school.

I was thinking about this because of the "Gotham" casting calls.

To back up a little, if you have been reading this blog for a while, you may remember the post wherein I described dragging my best friend through the process of trying out for the high school pom-pom girl squad, even though we had pretty much none of the qualifications for the job.  And, yes, she thought I was pretty crazy, but -- because she was such a nice best friend -- she went along with it.  And, no, we did not make the squad.  Such is life.

Anyway, back to the "Gotham" casting calls.

I have made a wonderful internet friend who runs "Ben McKenzie News."  If you do not know who Ben McKenzie is, then you have obviously not read my blog AT ALL.  Ben is a big star.  He is also a really nice guy.  I have this on good authority.  And he is headlining the upcoming TV show "Gotham."  "Gotham" is a Batman prequel series, and Ben is playing the main character -- Detective Gordon -- who will be the future Commissioner Gordon.

Anyway, the lovely lady who runs "Ben McKenzie News" has, naturally, been giving us daily updates on the filming of the pilot, which is happening, as we speak, in New York City.  It is all quite exciting.  Miss Pinelou, as I shall call her, posts BTS photos and videos, anecdotes, fan pictures, and -- of course -- casting calls.  And when she posts the casting calls, I always imagine which role or roles I would be good for, and I tell her.  And I ask her which role or roles she would want to play.

Now, for many of these roles, there are not a whole lot of requirements.  You might have to possess certain clothes or a certain type of vehicle or have a certain "look."  Some of the roles don't even require you to be a union member.  There have been casting calls for:  prostitutes, cab drivers, diner waitresses, women to drive American cars and trucks back and forth on the street, drummers, funeral-goers, Asian pedestrians, and burlesque dancers. 

This is all very tempting to me.  And I realize that -- were I in NYC -- I would totally be showing up for at least some of these casting calls.  And I would be dragging my lovely friend, Miss Pinelou, along with me.  She would probably be hesitant -- at least at first -- but I would prevail.  Just like I did with my best friend in high school.  Miss Pinelou is from Japan, and one of the casting calls was for Asian people to play pedestrians.  She would be a shoe-in for that one.  I would want to play a prostitute, because it would be fun to wear a tight little outfit after all the dieting efforts I have been putting forth over the past couple of months.  It might also be fun to be a diner waitress.  I think I am earthy-looking enough to be a diner waitress, and it would be a total hoot to call Detective Gordon "hun."  As in, "What'll ya have, hun?" I'd say this as I stood there jauntily, with a coffee pot in one hand and my other hand on my hip.  Miss Pinelou and I would also be quite adept at driving the American cars up and down the street, or standing solemnly at the funeral of Mr. and Mrs. Wayne.  Of course, the casting call said that you had to have upscale funeral clothes for the funeral scene, and I don't really have anything like that.  But, I'll bet Miss Pinelou does.  And my daughter Bridget does, so she could come along, too. 

WE WOULD ALL HAVE SO MUCH FUN!!! 

So, you see, I have not changed -- not one bit -- since high school.  And, I admit, this distresses me a little bit.  But, it also makes me more than a little bit happy inside. ;-)