As some of you may know, during the first half of the 1980's, I was the Student Assistant for the professor who taught the Human Sexuality class at San Francisco State University. Some referred to me -- good-naturedly -- as the "sex tutor."
Now, as you can imagine, this class was very popular. Each semester, it had the largest enrollment of any class on campus -- often between 300 and 400 students. My job consisted mainly of administrative tasks, such as typing up exams, scoring them, keeping the grade book up-to-date, and helping to calculate final grades.
Once in a while, though, when the professor was out-of-town, I got to run the class. I delivered a couple of lectures. I took some heat for one of these lectures from a male student who took offense at my objection to the practice of female genital mutilation -- a practice that, tragically, still occurs in some parts of the world. I got a little bit afraid that day...
On a more positive note, each semester the professor would have a panel of lesbian, gay, and bisexual students come in to speak to the class. They would talk about their experiences of realizing their sexual orientations, of admitting to them (both to themselves and to others), and of coming to accept themselves as they were. They would also speak about their experiences in society as LGB individuals. The professor would moderate these discussions, as they involved a lot of questions and answers between the class and the guests. The idea was to promote understanding between people of good-will, and the discussions tended to be very upbeat. The LGB students were quite open and good-humored about all the questions asked of them.
One semester, the professor was unable to be there for this particular class, so I had the privilege of moderating it. It was a good experience for me. The panel consisted of a gay man, a lesbian woman, and a bisexual woman. I admired them. They were obviously opening themselves up for abuse, as who knows what kinds of questions would be fired at them. We didn't pre-screen the questions. I just went around with the microphone to anybody who raised their hand. And they were very kind and friendly to the obviously rather conservative girl who was in charge of the class that day.
Here is an example of their very tolerant attitude towards those of us who had really never known too many LGB people (at least LGB people who were "out"):
I was about 19 or 20 at the time. And I thought the gay man on the panel was kind of hot. Because he was. So, I asked him, "A lot of women might look at you and think, 'He's really attractive. What a waste!' How would you respond to that?" (What a total bone-headed question. Right??? When I think of how I asked that question, I sort of want to go hide in a cave.) Anyway, the hot gay man laughed REALLY hard and, with a mischievous gleam in his eye, replied, "Well, I could look at an attractive straight guy and say the same thing." And then I laughed REALLY hard. And so did the students. And I thought it was really nice of these people to come to this class in order to answer the bone-headed questions of people like me.
So, when I look at the "Culture War" raging all around me, I just think of these nice people who were willing to come and patiently answer questions about their personal lives for a bunch of strangers.
(P.S. -- Some of you may wonder why there were no trans people on the panel. I really don't know. You have to remember that this was a long time ago, and all of these things were just beginning to be discussed more openly. I'm sure that, today, there would be a trans person included in the discussion. I also hope I am using my terminology accurately. I apologize if I am not. Things are changing quickly, and I am having a hard time keeping up. But, I will strive to learn.)
Pax.
Showing posts with label LGBT issues. Show all posts
Showing posts with label LGBT issues. Show all posts
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Saturday, January 4, 2014
The Church Usually Figures It Out
Figures what out?
How to cope with curve balls.
The Church has had to cope with many curve balls -- like Galileo, for example. And Protestantism and Democracy and evolution and public schools and the Hippies and inter-faith marriages and many other things.
And -- after stepping all over herself for a while and leaving some messes in her wake -- she learns to act graciously. Usually, anyway.
Please don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to excuse her messes. In fact, one of my favorite things that Pope John Paul II did was make a grand apology for all her screw-ups through the ages.
Sometimes, when I think of the Church, I see in my mind an aircraft carrier trying to navigate a narrow, swiftly moving river. And this does not always go well.
As I was growing up, my father used to tell stories of the "old days" in the Church (a.k.a. when he was growing up). He attended Catholic schools through high school, and was taught by many old-time Irish nuns and priests. He said that the nuns instructed them to make the Sign Of The Cross when passing a Protestant church, because "the devil was in there." It was also quite frowned upon to attend a Protestant wedding, and it was pretty much forbidden to attend the wedding of a Catholic marrying outside of the Church (and God help you if you were actually a member of the wedding party). You were also never, EVER allowed to attend a Protestant church service, for any reason. And divorced Catholics had to wait for years and years for their annulments to become finalized. This happened to one of my aunts. She had been married at 16 or 17. That marriage did not last. She then met my uncle, but they dated for over five years because of the length of time it took for her annulment to go through. For Catholic women who had abortions, things were quite hairy. Just going to Confession wasn't considered adequate. There was some long, involved, clerical process one had to go through in order to be fully reconciled with the Church. This is no longer the case (at least in America.) All priests have been given the authority to absolve women who confess abortion. Now, some of you might get mad at this, as you believe women shouldn't have to feel guilty about having abortions. But, my point is that -- out of mercy and a desire to show Christ-like love -- the Church decided that women shouldn't have to undergo a rather humiliating process in order to be considered formally forgiven for what the Church does consider to be a serious sin. And my general point is that as new phenomena occur in our culture -- phenomena that the Church considers to be, shall we say, "problematic" -- the words and actions and attitudes which emanate from the hierarchy can tend to be rather harsh and seemingly insensitive. Then, over time, out of merciful love, the Church kind of "changes its tune," if you will. Words and attitudes and actions become gentler and more charitable.
I understand that this is not enough for many people. There are those who wish the Church would actually change her actual teachings regarding such things as the all-male priesthood and contraception and same-sex marriage. To be honest, I don't think the Church is EVER going to change her teachings in these areas, because they are based on a theology of the Trinity and a certain philosophy of Natural Law that's not going to change.
I personally don't have an issue with having an all-male priesthood. I know there are many who do, because they feel that this means that women are left out of key decision-making positions in the Church, that their voices aren't heard or acknowledged. And I understand this. There are times when I have felt this way. One thing that encourages me is that Pope Francis seems to get this, also, and has spoken of developing a more formal Theology of Woman in order to begin to address the legitimate concerns of women who are both inside and outside of the Church.
Concerning the issue of contraception, the Church has also softened her voice over the years. No, contraception is not "approved of" theologically, but people who practice it -- especially married couples in difficult situations -- aren't treated harshly (in my experience, at least). There are no "witch hunts," no midnight condom raids, no threat of excommunication if you are on The Pill. Of course, the Church does exhort and teach about this issue. There are some good reasons -- in my opinion, anyway -- why the Church views contraception negatively. I would encourage you, if you haven't already, to read "Humanae Vitae." I would ask you to consider what this document says, if you feel there is any wisdom contained therein. This is what we call, in Catholic circles, "informing your conscience." You are still free, in the end, to make up your own mind.
Same-sex marriage is probably the most recent curve-ball thrown the Church's way. And her reaction to this cultural phenomenon has caused much hurt amongst LGBT people. For example, having your marriage and family described as a "danger" to our society would probably be painful. I think, though, that as the reality of having same-sex couples and their children in our communities sinks in, the Church will recognize the need to behave graciously toward them, to not inflict suffering on them by using rather incendiary language to describe their relationships and family lives, and to extend Christ's love to them. There is a saint (I forget which one) who said something to the effect that, when all is said and done, it is "important to get along with one's neighbor." And the Church, usually and eventually, comes around to that.
How to cope with curve balls.
The Church has had to cope with many curve balls -- like Galileo, for example. And Protestantism and Democracy and evolution and public schools and the Hippies and inter-faith marriages and many other things.
And -- after stepping all over herself for a while and leaving some messes in her wake -- she learns to act graciously. Usually, anyway.
Please don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to excuse her messes. In fact, one of my favorite things that Pope John Paul II did was make a grand apology for all her screw-ups through the ages.
Sometimes, when I think of the Church, I see in my mind an aircraft carrier trying to navigate a narrow, swiftly moving river. And this does not always go well.
As I was growing up, my father used to tell stories of the "old days" in the Church (a.k.a. when he was growing up). He attended Catholic schools through high school, and was taught by many old-time Irish nuns and priests. He said that the nuns instructed them to make the Sign Of The Cross when passing a Protestant church, because "the devil was in there." It was also quite frowned upon to attend a Protestant wedding, and it was pretty much forbidden to attend the wedding of a Catholic marrying outside of the Church (and God help you if you were actually a member of the wedding party). You were also never, EVER allowed to attend a Protestant church service, for any reason. And divorced Catholics had to wait for years and years for their annulments to become finalized. This happened to one of my aunts. She had been married at 16 or 17. That marriage did not last. She then met my uncle, but they dated for over five years because of the length of time it took for her annulment to go through. For Catholic women who had abortions, things were quite hairy. Just going to Confession wasn't considered adequate. There was some long, involved, clerical process one had to go through in order to be fully reconciled with the Church. This is no longer the case (at least in America.) All priests have been given the authority to absolve women who confess abortion. Now, some of you might get mad at this, as you believe women shouldn't have to feel guilty about having abortions. But, my point is that -- out of mercy and a desire to show Christ-like love -- the Church decided that women shouldn't have to undergo a rather humiliating process in order to be considered formally forgiven for what the Church does consider to be a serious sin. And my general point is that as new phenomena occur in our culture -- phenomena that the Church considers to be, shall we say, "problematic" -- the words and actions and attitudes which emanate from the hierarchy can tend to be rather harsh and seemingly insensitive. Then, over time, out of merciful love, the Church kind of "changes its tune," if you will. Words and attitudes and actions become gentler and more charitable.
I understand that this is not enough for many people. There are those who wish the Church would actually change her actual teachings regarding such things as the all-male priesthood and contraception and same-sex marriage. To be honest, I don't think the Church is EVER going to change her teachings in these areas, because they are based on a theology of the Trinity and a certain philosophy of Natural Law that's not going to change.
I personally don't have an issue with having an all-male priesthood. I know there are many who do, because they feel that this means that women are left out of key decision-making positions in the Church, that their voices aren't heard or acknowledged. And I understand this. There are times when I have felt this way. One thing that encourages me is that Pope Francis seems to get this, also, and has spoken of developing a more formal Theology of Woman in order to begin to address the legitimate concerns of women who are both inside and outside of the Church.
Concerning the issue of contraception, the Church has also softened her voice over the years. No, contraception is not "approved of" theologically, but people who practice it -- especially married couples in difficult situations -- aren't treated harshly (in my experience, at least). There are no "witch hunts," no midnight condom raids, no threat of excommunication if you are on The Pill. Of course, the Church does exhort and teach about this issue. There are some good reasons -- in my opinion, anyway -- why the Church views contraception negatively. I would encourage you, if you haven't already, to read "Humanae Vitae." I would ask you to consider what this document says, if you feel there is any wisdom contained therein. This is what we call, in Catholic circles, "informing your conscience." You are still free, in the end, to make up your own mind.
Same-sex marriage is probably the most recent curve-ball thrown the Church's way. And her reaction to this cultural phenomenon has caused much hurt amongst LGBT people. For example, having your marriage and family described as a "danger" to our society would probably be painful. I think, though, that as the reality of having same-sex couples and their children in our communities sinks in, the Church will recognize the need to behave graciously toward them, to not inflict suffering on them by using rather incendiary language to describe their relationships and family lives, and to extend Christ's love to them. There is a saint (I forget which one) who said something to the effect that, when all is said and done, it is "important to get along with one's neighbor." And the Church, usually and eventually, comes around to that.
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Men At Weddings
I love weddings. Don't you?
And I love to see young men at weddings -- the groom, his best man, the ushers, and all the young guys who comprise the family and friends of the young couple. At the ceremony, they are all so tidy and well-groomed and splendidly dressed. And respectful. They politely escort the ladies to their seats, stand up straight, fold their hands, wear earnest expressions while the minister dispenses wise marital advice, cry a few tears during the vows. Such gentlemen all these young men are. It is so nice to watch. Gives me hope for the future.
But, then comes the reception. And the alcohol. Don't even get me started on the after-party.
Please don't misunderstand me. I love parties. I love beer and wine and old fashioneds and Manhattans. I am no tea-totaller. I serve alcohol to my kids and their friends. (No worries. Everyone is 21 and over.) I am no enemy of revelry and a bit of tequila-induced cheer.
But, I also grew up amongst more than my fair share of alcoholics. My parents were moderate drinkers, but a few of their friends and relatives were not. And it was pretty awful to grow up with. I often didn't really understand why I had to be around these people. I loved a lot of them, but it truly was not pleasant when they drank excessively on a regular basis. And -- I admit -- this experience left its mark on my soul. I hate it when people get drunk.
And that is frequently what I see at wedding receptions. A lot of drunk young men. The respectful, well-groomed young men from the ceremony kind of morph into something that's rather the opposite during the reception. Some of them even seem to think that intoxication is the main goal of the whole occasion. That's the impression they give, anyway, when you hear them talk and watch how they behave.
I'm probably sounding here a lot like that abolition lady with the hatchet. That's not my intention. But, you know, a wedding -- though joyful and happy and festive -- is also an occasion that should be at least somewhat dignified. ALL THE WAY THROUGH. Not just at the church.
I think this is especially true for people who consider a wedding and a marriage to be of a religious nature, or Sacramental. There is a lot of talk these days about marriage rights -- who should have them and who should not. And there are a lot of religious people who tout the "one man-one woman" idea, and heavily criticize those of other viewpoints. A lot of religious folk say that same-sex marriage endangers the institution, that it endangers family life. Many religious individuals -- especially Catholics -- also frown upon contraception. Many of them believe that you should be open to a baby from the minute you get married. They say that they believe in strong and life-long marriages that nurture the many children they hope to have, or hope other couples will have. I have heard young religious guys cheer each other on when they find out that their pals have baby #2 or #3 on the way. You would think they were attending a sporting event. (And it's kind of cute, actually.) But, if you are a religious guy and you diss gay marriage and/or brag that your second baby in two years is on the way and/or discuss your admiration of Judge Scalia -- all at your friends' wedding reception -- at least be sober. Otherwise, you look really hypocritical. And kind of ridiculous. If I were an LGBT person, I would not be impressed. I'd think, "And these dudes believe they are 'protecting' marriage and ensuring the 'safety' of family life? Ha!"
Of course, I know many people who have gotten drunk -- or whose pals have gotten drunk -- at their weddings and have gone on to have very successful marriages. And I have attended many weddings where very few guys drank to excess. And some people get married without judging the marriages of others. And I probably sound like a douche in this post. But, when I see people who pride themselves on their devotion to their faith, on the purity of their faith, on their knowledge of their faith getting shit-faced at their chums' weddings, it kind of rubs me the wrong way.
Now, where did I put my hatchet?
Oh, here it is. Next to my Jim Beam.
;-)
And I love to see young men at weddings -- the groom, his best man, the ushers, and all the young guys who comprise the family and friends of the young couple. At the ceremony, they are all so tidy and well-groomed and splendidly dressed. And respectful. They politely escort the ladies to their seats, stand up straight, fold their hands, wear earnest expressions while the minister dispenses wise marital advice, cry a few tears during the vows. Such gentlemen all these young men are. It is so nice to watch. Gives me hope for the future.
But, then comes the reception. And the alcohol. Don't even get me started on the after-party.
Please don't misunderstand me. I love parties. I love beer and wine and old fashioneds and Manhattans. I am no tea-totaller. I serve alcohol to my kids and their friends. (No worries. Everyone is 21 and over.) I am no enemy of revelry and a bit of tequila-induced cheer.
But, I also grew up amongst more than my fair share of alcoholics. My parents were moderate drinkers, but a few of their friends and relatives were not. And it was pretty awful to grow up with. I often didn't really understand why I had to be around these people. I loved a lot of them, but it truly was not pleasant when they drank excessively on a regular basis. And -- I admit -- this experience left its mark on my soul. I hate it when people get drunk.
And that is frequently what I see at wedding receptions. A lot of drunk young men. The respectful, well-groomed young men from the ceremony kind of morph into something that's rather the opposite during the reception. Some of them even seem to think that intoxication is the main goal of the whole occasion. That's the impression they give, anyway, when you hear them talk and watch how they behave.
I'm probably sounding here a lot like that abolition lady with the hatchet. That's not my intention. But, you know, a wedding -- though joyful and happy and festive -- is also an occasion that should be at least somewhat dignified. ALL THE WAY THROUGH. Not just at the church.
I think this is especially true for people who consider a wedding and a marriage to be of a religious nature, or Sacramental. There is a lot of talk these days about marriage rights -- who should have them and who should not. And there are a lot of religious people who tout the "one man-one woman" idea, and heavily criticize those of other viewpoints. A lot of religious folk say that same-sex marriage endangers the institution, that it endangers family life. Many religious individuals -- especially Catholics -- also frown upon contraception. Many of them believe that you should be open to a baby from the minute you get married. They say that they believe in strong and life-long marriages that nurture the many children they hope to have, or hope other couples will have. I have heard young religious guys cheer each other on when they find out that their pals have baby #2 or #3 on the way. You would think they were attending a sporting event. (And it's kind of cute, actually.) But, if you are a religious guy and you diss gay marriage and/or brag that your second baby in two years is on the way and/or discuss your admiration of Judge Scalia -- all at your friends' wedding reception -- at least be sober. Otherwise, you look really hypocritical. And kind of ridiculous. If I were an LGBT person, I would not be impressed. I'd think, "And these dudes believe they are 'protecting' marriage and ensuring the 'safety' of family life? Ha!"
Of course, I know many people who have gotten drunk -- or whose pals have gotten drunk -- at their weddings and have gone on to have very successful marriages. And I have attended many weddings where very few guys drank to excess. And some people get married without judging the marriages of others. And I probably sound like a douche in this post. But, when I see people who pride themselves on their devotion to their faith, on the purity of their faith, on their knowledge of their faith getting shit-faced at their chums' weddings, it kind of rubs me the wrong way.
Now, where did I put my hatchet?
Oh, here it is. Next to my Jim Beam.
;-)
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