Things That Make Me Go "Hmmm..."

You may have read the comment made by "Ricardo" on my last blog post. When I read it, I pretty much felt like Hester Prynn. Into my mind came all the images of women -- misunderstood, abused, ostracized, shunned, shut down -- because they were/are sinners. I especially felt that way because I am a Catholic and Ricardo is a Catholic deacon. Thankfully, not at my parish. Although, he does live a few doors down from me. And I admit that every time I walk down the street since reading that comment, I hyperventilate and feel rather faint (which I do twice a day, when I walk my dogs).

Now, as a Catholic, I do not deny that I am a sinner. I know that I am. I am also grateful that I was not brought up in a Catholic environment inhabited by people like Ricardo. I was brought up in an environment inhabited by people like Pope Francis.

I read today some words that Francis spoke in Cuba, addressing priests and bishops (members of the clergy who hear Confessions). Deacons do not hear Confessions, thanks be to God. And these words reminded me why I have faith in Jesus. Because Jesus EMBRACES the sinner. He has MERCY and COMPASSION on the sinner. He does not smack the sinner to the ground as she makes herself vulnerable and tries to get up from a fall. Rather, He gives her His hand.

I would like now to share these words of our wonderful Pope Francis with you, so that you may understand why I am still Catholic, in spite of what people like Ricardo might say to me:

"....there is a privileged place for the priest where this last one, this least one, this smallest one is found -- and it is the confessional. And there, when this man or this woman shows you his misery -- careful because it's the same misery that you have and from which God saved you, eh? from getting to that point. When he or she shows you his misery, please, don't scold him. Don't scold him, don't punish him. If you don't have sin, throw the first stone. But only under that condition. If not, think of your sins and think that you could be that person and think that you could potentially fall even lower, and think that you in this moment have in your hands a treasure, which is the mercy of the Father. Please, priests, don't get tired of forgiving, like Jesus did. Don't hide in fears or in rigidities. Just like this nun (a sister from the Congregation of the Missionaries of Charity who had spoken before the Pope) and all of those who are in the same ministry as she is, they don't get furious when they find a sick person who is dirty, but instead serve him, clean him, take care of him. Just like this, you, when a penitent comes, don't react badly, don't get neurotic, don't cast him out of the confessional, don't scold him. Jesus embraced them. Jesus loved them. Tomorrow, we celebrate St. Matthew. He was a thief and beyond that, betrayed his people. And the Gospel says that at night, Jesus went to dine with him and others like him. St. Ambrose has a phrase that moves me a lot: 'where there is mercy, the Spirit of Jesus is there; where there is rigidity, merely his ministers are there.'

"Brother priest, brother bishop, do not be afraid of mercy, allow it to flow out of your hands and through your embrace of forgiveness. Because this person or that person who is there are the least ones, and therefore it is Jesus. ....Poverty and mercy....that is where Jesus is."

And isn't that how we come to conversion -- a turning away from the bad and toward the good? Isn't it through being shown love? Isn't it through being shown mercy? Not from having your lack of logic pounced upon. Not from being compared to "pagans" who practiced child sacrifice. But from being embraced by love, by compassion -- by Christ. And he isn't walking down the streets of our cities right now -- but, we are. And we who call ourselves Christians have a very serious obligation not to push people away in His name.

There are people who believe in God and people who don't. There are Jews and Hindus and Muslims and Pagans and Buddhists. Among all of these, there are people of goodwill. All deserve to have their faith -- or lack, thereof -- respected. All deserve love and mercy and compassion. Because we are all kind of a mess, when you think about it. Nobody -- really -- is in a position to cast that first stone. I mean, look at Jesus. Christians believe He is God and -- thus -- perfect. And even He does not cast stones. Rather, He holds us close and wipes our tears.

Pax.

P.S. -- Please pray for me to forgive Ricardo. I admit that it isn't easy. I want to be able to walk by his house and offer him a kind hello, instead of fainting in his driveway. ;-)

What The Republicans Are Doing Is Downright Dangerous

I am talking about their effort to de-fund Planned Parenthood.

I am also talking about all these misrepresentative videos the "pro-lifers" have been putting out.

This is all wrong-headed and dangerous.

And I'll tell you why.

This whole thing about selling baby parts for profit and the controversy over fetal experimentation is nothing new. And I'm not saying we shouldn't be disturbed by at least some of what we heard in those videos.

But, there is a danger. A very real danger.

Let me tell you a story:

Years ago, when conservatives were talking about the selling of baby parts and fetal experimentation, I had an acquaintance who was pregnant.  She started to miscarry. She bled pretty badly. But -- she wouldn't go into the hospital. Why? BECAUSE SHE WAS AFRAID THEY WOULD EXPERIMENT ON THE BABY AFTER SHE MISCARRIED. That's right. And this was an intelligent woman. She was very conservative, though, and was wont to listen to all the conservative propaganda about this issue. And by the time she finally did go into the hospital, she came very close to HAVING TO HAVE A HYSTERECTOMY, because the medical personnel feared that they wouldn't be able to get the bleeding under control in time to save her. She actually endangered her own life and her reproductive health because she was misled by all of this "pro-life" propaganda.

And this makes me angry. So. Very. Angry. It is wrong to use misleading scare tactics to win people over to your side -- even if you passionately believe your side is in the right.

Hear that Republicans??? You are putting people's lives in danger -- including the lives of the unborn, because women might be afraid to seek care when they need it. I mean, what if my acquaintance's baby could have been saved if she had sought help in a more timely way? It's probably unlikely anything could have been done, but we'll never know, will we? Why? Because of people like you, Republicans. This lady did go on to have more children -- children she was almost not able to have because of conservative fear-mongering. So, that would have been on you, conservative fear-mongers.

(If you are getting the idea that I am totally pissed, you would be right. My apologies.)

And let me tell you one other story. This is a personal story that I have never told anybody, because I was ashamed. Now, right up front, this is not my abortion story. This is my almost, could-have-been abortion story. And I hope you will all still speak to me afterwards.

Years ago, when I was still in college, I was in a very bad place in my life. I had broken up with my fiance -- and it was awful. I was not getting along with my parents, AT ALL. I felt all alone. And I messed around with a guy one night, because I was lonely and heartbroken and not feeling very self-protective. We didn't have sex, but we came pretty close. And then my period was late. And I panicked. I prayed and prayed that I wasn't pregnant, because I didn't feel like there was anyone I could go to. I wouldn't have gone to my parents, because things were horrid between us. And there was no way that I wanted this guy to end up being the father of my child. And his family was pretty dysfunctional, as well. All my close friends were Christian. None of them would have supported me in getting an abortion. And I don't blame them. I certainly didn't believe in abortion. But, when I look at it honestly, I probably either would have had an abortion (and felt like absolute crap about it) or committed suicide. And I'm not exaggerating about that. Suicide would have been a very real danger to me, at that point. Now -- thankfully -- I wasn't pregnant. But, as I have watched the "abortion wars" over the years, I have often thought about myself in this situation. And I guess I am glad Planned Parenthood would have been there. Yes -- the baby would have been lost, but I wouldn't have been. And I think there is value in that. There is potential hope in that. For you Christians reading this, I'd say, "My baby would have been in God's hands. And I would have had the chance to heal -- and repent." For you non-Christians reading this, the repentance part might sound silly, and I respect that. But, it wouldn't have been silly to me. 

There are many abortion providers. There will always be abortion providers. But, at least Planned Parenthood is a non-profit. I bet a lot of the providers aren't. Abortion services are also a small part of their total activities. And -- if you look at their website -- the information is quite accurate. If you really don't want to get pregnant or a sexually transmitted disease, all you have to do is look at the information and follow it. I actually had a young woman who worked for a pro-life pregnancy center tell me that she used to refer to the Planned Parenthood website, because the information was very complete and very accurate.

Of course, I'm sure that there are Planned Parenthood affiliates that operate in a less than ideal manner. But, let me tell you one more story:

I heard a woman from Texas speak once. She had run an abortion clinic. I think she actually owned it. And I don't believe it was affiliated with Planned Parenthood. She said that they used to purposely give young women the least effective birth control pill because they knew a lot of them would get pregnant and come back for abortions, which her particular clinic actually profited from. At least, with Planned Parenthood, they list -- quite accurately -- the effectiveness rates of the various methods of birth control, so you know what you're getting.

Now, at this point, I don't know if I have any friends left. But, that's okay. I have never lived my life for the purpose of seeking people's approval. I hope, though, that conservative people will at least look at these issues in a way that is more even-handed and less accusatory. It breaks my heart to see what much of the "pro-life" movement has become.

Pax.

The Church Usually Figures It Out

Figures what out?

How to cope with curve balls.

The Church has had to cope with many curve balls -- like Galileo, for example.  And Protestantism and Democracy and evolution and public schools and the Hippies and inter-faith marriages and many other things.

And -- after stepping all over herself for a while and leaving some messes in her wake -- she learns to act graciously.  Usually, anyway.

Please don't get me wrong.  I'm not trying to excuse her messes.  In fact, one of my favorite things that Pope John Paul II did was make a grand apology for all her screw-ups through the ages.

Sometimes, when I think of the Church, I see in my mind an aircraft carrier trying to navigate a narrow, swiftly moving river.  And this does not always go well.

As I was growing up, my father used to tell stories of the "old days" in the Church (a.k.a. when he was growing up).  He attended Catholic schools through high school, and was taught by many old-time Irish nuns and priests.  He said that the nuns instructed them to make the Sign Of The Cross when passing a Protestant church, because "the devil was in there."  It was also quite frowned upon to attend a Protestant wedding, and it was pretty much forbidden to attend the wedding of a Catholic marrying outside of the Church (and God help you if you were actually a member of the wedding party).  You were also never, EVER allowed to attend a Protestant church service, for any reason.  And divorced Catholics had to wait for years and years for their annulments to become finalized.  This happened to one of my aunts.  She had been married at 16 or 17.  That marriage did not last.  She then met my uncle, but they dated for over five years because of the length of time it took for her annulment to go through.  For Catholic women who had abortions, things were quite hairy.  Just going to Confession wasn't considered adequate.  There was some long, involved, clerical process one had to go through in order to be fully reconciled with the Church.  This is no longer the case (at least in America.)  All priests have been given the authority to absolve women who confess abortion.  Now, some of you might get mad at this, as you believe women shouldn't have to feel guilty about having abortions.  But, my point is that -- out of mercy and a desire to show Christ-like love -- the Church decided that women shouldn't have to undergo a rather humiliating process in order to be considered formally forgiven for what the Church does consider to be a serious sin.  And my general point is that as new phenomena occur in our culture -- phenomena that the Church considers to be, shall we say, "problematic" -- the words and actions and attitudes which emanate from the hierarchy can tend to be rather harsh and seemingly insensitive.  Then, over time, out of merciful love, the Church kind of "changes its tune," if you will.  Words and attitudes and actions become gentler and more charitable. 

I understand that this is not enough for many people.  There are those who wish the Church would actually change her actual teachings regarding such things as the all-male priesthood and contraception and same-sex marriage.  To be honest, I don't think the Church is EVER going to change her teachings in these areas, because they are based on a theology of the Trinity and a certain philosophy of Natural Law that's not going to change.

I personally don't have an issue with having an all-male priesthood.  I know there are many who do, because they feel that this means that women are left out of key decision-making positions in the Church, that their voices aren't heard or acknowledged.  And I understand this.  There are times when I have felt this way.  One thing that encourages me is that Pope Francis seems to get this, also, and has spoken of developing a more formal Theology of Woman in order to begin to address the legitimate concerns of women who are both inside and outside of the Church.

Concerning the issue of contraception, the Church has also softened her voice over the years.  No, contraception is not "approved of" theologically, but people who practice it -- especially married couples in difficult situations -- aren't treated harshly (in my experience, at least).  There are no "witch hunts," no midnight condom raids,  no threat of excommunication if you are on The Pill.  Of course, the Church does exhort and teach about this issue.  There are some good reasons -- in my opinion, anyway -- why the Church views contraception negatively.  I would encourage you, if you haven't already, to read "Humanae Vitae."  I would ask you to consider what this document says, if you feel there is any wisdom contained therein.  This is what we call, in Catholic circles, "informing your conscience."  You are still free, in the end, to make up your own mind. 

Same-sex marriage is probably the most recent curve-ball thrown the Church's way.  And her reaction to this cultural phenomenon has caused much hurt amongst LGBT people.  For example, having your marriage and family described as a "danger" to our society would probably be painful.  I think, though, that as the reality of having same-sex couples and their children in our communities sinks in, the Church will recognize the need to behave graciously toward them, to not inflict suffering on them by using rather incendiary language to describe their relationships and family lives, and to extend Christ's love to them.  There is a saint (I forget which one) who said something to the effect that, when all is said and done, it is "important to get along with one's neighbor."  And the Church, usually and eventually, comes around to that.

Sex

Today, I am going to talk about sex.  Not really in a theological or philosophical way.  Just reflecting on things I have observed.

I hope I don't offend anyone.  If you have different ideas, that's cool with me.  I'm not claiming to be an authority figure here.

On the TV show "Angel" -- which is actually not extremely recent, but recent enough for my purposes -- the pretty lady is coming onto Angel (who is a vampire, played by David Boreanaz).  She, though, doesn't know he is a vampire.  He is rather taken aback, and asks her if she "wants to make love."  She scoffs and asks what century he is from.  This, of course, is meant as a comic moment, since he is hundreds of years old (being a vampire and all).

My daughter Andrea started me watching "Angel" and various other current TV shows and movies.  She also got me doing more things on the Internet.  This caused me to be more "in touch" with modern society, as I had been busy for many years homeschooling my kids.  Andrea thought that since I was finished with homeschooling that I might enjoy connecting with the world once again.  And it has been quite fun.

One of the things I started noticing is how people are looking at and talking about and having sex.

Now, I have never been naive about sex.  I am not a prude.  I grew up during the sexual revolution, after all.  My education was provided at public institutions by many sexual revolutionaries.  I do not mind talking about sex and thinking about sex.  I have never shunned movies and TV shows with sexual content.  I enjoy the good "dirty joke."  But, with homeschooling and the lifestyle which that required, I had sort of been away from these things for a number of years.  Just didn't really have the time for them.

So, when I started observing once again the world of modern sexual ideas and practices, there are some things I have noticed.  I present them to you for your consideration.

And that brings me back to "Angel."  When the young lady scoffs at the handsome vampire for referring to sex as "making love," she acts as though no one calls it that anymore.  And guess what I have discovered since?  Nobody really does.  Not that everybody called it "making love" back in my youth, either.  But, the term was much more common than it is now.  Even the hippies wanted to "make love, not war." 

I am not trying to sound all prudish and judgmental here.  But, as I look at young people today and hear them referring to sex as anything but "making love," I find it a little sad.  And the reason I find it sad is that it seems, on some level at least, to make them sad.  I am not seeing a lot of happiness or joy in the "hook-up" culture.  I am not seeing a lot of young people who feel valued and cared for in their sexual relationships.  I see not a little bit of cynicism.

Please don't get me wrong.  I am not what you would call an "ultra-conservative" in these matters.  I would never be able to wait for my wedding day to have my first kiss with my new husband.  I have always enjoyed physical affection, and I have a hard time doing without it.  And I had a hard time doing without it when I was young, too.  (Sorry if this is TMI.)  So, I understand people's desires. 

I hope, though, that people would really think about what is actually healthy for themselves.  Yes, we hear a lot about "safe sex."  We hear about how women need reliable birth control in order to have sex lives which are satisfying and free -- without worry about unplanned pregnancies.  And I understand the reasoning behind these ideas.

But, maybe with all the talk about condoms and birth control pills and whether or not we should support the HHS mandate, we are forgetting that sexual health also includes healthy relationships.  Relationships that include friendship and true affection.  Relationships where people can actually trust and rely on one another.  Relationships that include love... 

So, yes, I admit I enjoy a good "off-color" joke.  There are people who would probably disapprove mightily of some of the things I "favorite" on Twitter.  And I understand that not everybody is Catholic or Christian.  I understand that nobody wants to get forced into conforming to someone else's ideas of morality.  We all have the freedom to choose what we will believe.  That is part of the definition of human dignity.

Given that, though, I think most people want to feel valued by their sexual partner.  Most people want to feel loved and cherished.  Some people deny that these things are important to them.  But, I don't quite believe it.  I think the people who deny they want love are people who -- somehow, some way, for some (probably painful) reason -- have given up on finding it.  And so I think, as a society, we should reflect on this.  Condoms and birth control pills can prevent physical events, but they don't do anything for our psyche.  And maybe the health of our hearts, minds, and souls is just as important as the health of our genitals.

In conclusion, I am going to mention -- once again -- the TV show "SouthLAnd."  (You knew I'd find a way.  Tee-hee.)  In the current season of this epic series, we see Officer Ben Sherman -- young, handsome, star on the rise in the LAPD -- juggling two women.  First, he starts dating a pretty schoolteacher.  Things start to get a little serious (a.k.a. she likes him quite a bit).  So, what does he do?  He goes off and sleeps with this rather wild young lady -- who, in her own right, is lovely and interesting.  Why does he do this?  It seems that he is rather freaked out at the idea of commitment and, thus, is shooting himself in the foot.  Now, Officer Ben has always had a rather wild sex life.  This is nothing new.  And I often wonder about the trail of antibiotic-resistant bacteria he is leaving in his wake.  But, as the show progresses, we see that this footloose and fancy-free sex life does not actually make him happy.  And I think this particular aspect of this particular show (as well as the above-mentioned scene in "Angel" and many other themes in current TV, movies, songs, books, etc.) reflects what I have spoken of in this post.  There is a lot of sex going on.  But, is it really making people happy? 

We do have the freedom to choose.  And we really always will, no matter what the state of the law. May we have the wisdom to choose that which will actually lead us to happiness. 

 

Why? -- Part II

So, why did I hang in there with the Catholic Church?

When I was going into fifth grade, I went to summer school at a public elementary school near my house.  I normally went to Catholic school, which I detested.  This was not because of anything having to do with religion, though.  It was because of the atmosphere at that particular school -- untrained teachers, large class sizes, insufficient school supplies, overzealous disciplinary measures.... (But, that's another post.)  When I went to the summer program at the public school, I found a very different atmosphere -- calm, relaxed, orderly....  And one of the best things I encountered was a teacher who had been a former priest.  His name was Sid.  He told me that the story I wrote and the picture I drew were beautiful because I had done them -- something I had NEVER heard before.  And he let me play Dorothy in the school's production of The Wizard of Oz.  He was the director.  He actually let three of us play Dorothy, because he didn't have the heart to cut anyone (we just rotated scenes).  It was an altogether delightful experience I had with him that summer.

Years later, after I was married, I met up with Sid again at the Catholic parish we attended.  Even though he had left the priesthood, he was still very active in the Church.  He always loved The Lord so much!  We were together at a party one day, a day when I was just fed up with the whole "Catholic Scene".  I said to him something along the lines of -- "I don't even know anymore what we are supposed to believe.  And this whole anti-contraception thing is just too hard."  Sid looked at me very kindly, because he never failed to be kind, and he told me, "First of all, remember that the Lord loves you unconditionally.  UNCONDITIONALLY."  And then he told me that there was a new Catechism of the Catholic Church that had been promulgated by Pope John Paul II.  He told me that it was wonderful and that I should get a copy.  The next day, that's just what I did.  And I read the whole darn thing from front to back.  And it's pretty long.

I learned a lot from that read.  But, in a nutshell, I found that ALL of the Church's teachings, including the one against contraception, are based on the idea of loving one another in a completely selfless, self-giving way.  I liked that idea, and that's why I hung in there.

Do I still struggle with this teaching, and sometimes other teachings of the Church?  Sure, I do.  Do I believe that people who practice contraception can still love each other completely?  I absolutely do.  But, when I struggle these days, I always remember what Sid told me.  God loves me UNCONDITIONALLY.  And He loves you that way, too -- no matter your sins or your struggles.