When I was in third grade (I know I said I was going to write about something I did in 8th grade, but this is the necessary backstory), I went to a new school. The Catholic elementary school I attended for 1st and 2nd grades closed, much to my horror, because I was very happy at that school, so my parents sent me to the Catholic elementary school one town over. And -- frankly -- I was miserable at that school. It was awful for me. I got bullied incessantly all through 3rd grade. I had no idea what I did to deserve it, and I was too young to realize that being bullied is never the fault of the victim. The horrible bullying died down in 4th grade, and beyond, but I never really -- shall we say -- "fit in with the 'in' crowd." I didn't care all that much, because I had a wonderful, marvelous, big, extended Italian family. That family provided me with all the support and companionship anyone could hope to have. And I did manage to make a few very close friends at school, even though the class I was in still contained a pretty big percentage of bullies. I managed to keep the bullies off my back -- and my friends' backs, to some degree -- by being willing to punch them, when necessary. Of course, nowadays I would have gotten suspended, but this was in the 70's, so... ya know... things were different. And the teachers in that school never did anything to help us victims of bullies, and the bullies didn't seem to be interested in my powerful words, so the power of the fist prevailed.
My day-to-day life in this particular Catholic school, combined with the support of my Italian family, served to have a certain effect on me. And the effect was this: I learned to not really give an "f" about what people thought of me. If I was happy with myself, that was enough. And -- of course -- my good friends in that school made my heart happy. I have also always had a very strong spiritual life, and Jesus has always hung with me, no matter what. Sometimes, certain people try to make me feel like Jesus is unhappy with me, but I have learned to ignore those people. My parents were EXCELLENT teachers of conscience formation -- I really have never known anyone who is better at that task -- so, I know when mean, judgy people just need to be blown off.
Anyway...
This is what happened when I was in the 8th grade...
My teacher decided that it would be a good idea to have a class debate about abortion rights. The anti-abortion-rights team was quickly populated, but ABSOLUTELY NOBODY wanted to be on the pro-abortion-rights team. So, me -- being who I am and not giving an "f" about what anybody would think of me -- volunteered to be on that team. And it ended up that I was the ONLY person on that team. Everybody looked at me in the most judgy way, but -- hey -- you cannot have a debate without both sides being represented, and I understood that, even if none of the other Catholic school 8th graders did.
So, I went to the library (because there was no internet in those days) and scoured the place for information on why people thought abortion should be legal (because nobody had ever told me why people thought abortion should be legal). My family was very Italian and very Catholic. Nobody in my family could be described, even vaguely, as an "anti-abortion activist," but my grandmother put the family philosophy very simply -- "It's okay to keep them from getting there (meaning: contraception is okay), but once they are there, you leave them alone." End of conversation. And I was cool with that. I also must say that NOBODY in my family had any objection to me supporting the pro-abortion-rights side in the debate. My family was pretty awesome about bipartisanship. Therefore, I researched the heck out of the subject (I was determined to win, after all), and I prepared, and I rehearsed, and I pretty much destroyed the anti-abortion-rights side in that debate. The arguments the other side used were lame-ass. Admittedly, they were a bunch of Catholic school 8th graders, so there's that.
After that debate, I was pretty much treated like a pariah by my classmates. But, everyone recovered quickly. My class was, actually, fairly good about not holding grudges, and there was kickball to be played.
I learned a lot of important things from that experience, and one of them was what it is like to be treated like a pariah for your opinions. Because -- in my Italian family -- nobody ever got treated like a pariah, even the hippie cousins who hitchhiked around the country and didn't have jobs and espoused communism. They were still welcomed with open arms for dinner and card games and all kinds of fun. My dad did tell me, though, that I was not allowed to be a hitchhiking, unemployed, hippie communist; but, he did say that my cousins were really "nice kids." My dad was probably the most awesome person, EVER.
Anyhow, to tell you the truth, I was pretty amused by everyone's reaction to me after that debate. As I said, I had learned, over the years, not to give an "f" about what people thought of me, as long as I had searched by conscience and believed in myself.
I'm not exactly sure what my point is in telling you this story. It just came to mind today, and I felt like telling it, so I did. ;-)
Pax.
Showing posts with label abortion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label abortion. Show all posts
Monday, November 14, 2016
This Thing I Did In 8th Grade
When I was in third grade (I know I said I was going to write about something I did in 8th grade, but this is the necessary backstory), I went to a new school. The Catholic elementary school I attended for 1st and 2nd grade closed, much to my horror, because I was very happy at that school, so my parents sent me to the Catholic elementary school one town over. And -- frankly -- I was miserable at that school. It was awful for me. I got bullied incessantly all through 3rd grade. I had no idea what I did to deserve it, and I was too young to realize that being bullied is never the fault of the victim. The horrible bullying died down in 4th grade, and beyond, but I never really -- shall we say -- "fit in with the 'in' crowd." I really didn't care all that much, because I had a wonderful, marvelous, big, extended Italian family. That family provided me with all the support and companionship anyone could hope to have. And I did manage to make a few very close friends at school, even though the class I was in still contained a pretty big percentage of bullies. I managed to keep the bullies off my back -- and my friends' backs, to some degree -- by being willing to punch them, when necessary. Of course, nowadays I would have gotten suspended, but this was in the 70's, so... ya know... things were different. And the teachers in that school never did anything to help us victims of bullies, and the bullies didn't seem to be interested in my powerful words, so power of the fist prevailed.
My day-to-day life in this particular Catholic school, combined with the support of my Italian family, served to have a certain effect on me. And the effect was this: I learned to not really give an "f" about what people thought of me. If I was happy with myself, that was enough. And -- of course -- my good friends in that school made my heart happy. I have also always had a very strong spiritual life, and Jesus has always hung with me, no matter what. Sometimes, certain people try to make me feel like Jesus is unhappy with me, but I have learned to ignore those people. My parents were EXCELLENT teachers of conscience formation -- I really have never known anyone who is better at that task -- so, I know when mean, judgy people just need to be blown off.
Anyway...
This is what happened when I was in the 8th grade...
My teacher decided that it would be a good idea to have a class debate about abortion rights. The anti-abortion-rights team was quickly populated, but ABSOLUTELY NOBODY wanted to be on the pro-abortion-rights team. So, me -- being who I am and not giving an "f" about what anybody would think of me -- volunteered to be on that team. And it ended up that I was the ONLY person on that team. Everybody looked at me in the most judgy way, but -- hey -- you cannot have a debate without both sides being represented, and I understood that, even if none of the other Catholic school 8th graders did.
So, I went to the library (because there was no internet in those days) and scoured the place for information on why people thought abortion should be legal (because nobody had ever told me why people thought abortion should be legal). My family was very Italian and very Catholic. Nobody in my family could be described, even vaguely, as an "anti-abortion activist," but my grandmother put the family philosophy very simply -- "It's okay to keep them from getting there (meaning: contraception is okay), but once they are there, you leave them alone." End of conversation. And I was cool with that. I also must say that NOBODY in my family had any objection to me supporting the pro-abortion-rights side in the debate. My family was pretty awesome about bipartisanship. Therefore, I researched the heck out of the subject (I was determined to win, after all), and I prepared, and I rehearsed, and I pretty much destroyed the anti-abortion-rights side in that debate. The arguments the other side used were lame-ass. Admittedly, they were a bunch of Catholic school 8th graders, so there's that.
After that debate, I was pretty much treated like a pariah by my classmates. But, everyone recovered quickly. My class was, actually, fairly good about not holding grudges, and there was kickball to be played.
I learned a lot of important things from that experience, and one of them was what it is like to be treated like a pariah for your opinions. Because -- in my Italian family -- nobody ever got treated like a pariah, even the hippie cousins who hitchhiked around the country and didn't have jobs and espoused communism. They were still welcomed with open arms for dinner and card games and all kinds of fun. My dad did tell me, though, that I was not allowed to be a hitchhiking, unemployed, hippie communist; but, he did say that my cousins were really "nice kids." My dad was probably the most awesome person, EVER.
Anyhow, to tell you the truth, I was pretty amused by everyone's reaction to me after that debate. As I said, I had learned, over the years, not to give an "f" about what people thought of me, as long as I had searched by conscience and believed in myself.
I'm not exactly sure what my point is in telling you this story. It just came to mind today, and I felt like telling it, so I did. ;-)
Pax.
My day-to-day life in this particular Catholic school, combined with the support of my Italian family, served to have a certain effect on me. And the effect was this: I learned to not really give an "f" about what people thought of me. If I was happy with myself, that was enough. And -- of course -- my good friends in that school made my heart happy. I have also always had a very strong spiritual life, and Jesus has always hung with me, no matter what. Sometimes, certain people try to make me feel like Jesus is unhappy with me, but I have learned to ignore those people. My parents were EXCELLENT teachers of conscience formation -- I really have never known anyone who is better at that task -- so, I know when mean, judgy people just need to be blown off.
Anyway...
This is what happened when I was in the 8th grade...
My teacher decided that it would be a good idea to have a class debate about abortion rights. The anti-abortion-rights team was quickly populated, but ABSOLUTELY NOBODY wanted to be on the pro-abortion-rights team. So, me -- being who I am and not giving an "f" about what anybody would think of me -- volunteered to be on that team. And it ended up that I was the ONLY person on that team. Everybody looked at me in the most judgy way, but -- hey -- you cannot have a debate without both sides being represented, and I understood that, even if none of the other Catholic school 8th graders did.
So, I went to the library (because there was no internet in those days) and scoured the place for information on why people thought abortion should be legal (because nobody had ever told me why people thought abortion should be legal). My family was very Italian and very Catholic. Nobody in my family could be described, even vaguely, as an "anti-abortion activist," but my grandmother put the family philosophy very simply -- "It's okay to keep them from getting there (meaning: contraception is okay), but once they are there, you leave them alone." End of conversation. And I was cool with that. I also must say that NOBODY in my family had any objection to me supporting the pro-abortion-rights side in the debate. My family was pretty awesome about bipartisanship. Therefore, I researched the heck out of the subject (I was determined to win, after all), and I prepared, and I rehearsed, and I pretty much destroyed the anti-abortion-rights side in that debate. The arguments the other side used were lame-ass. Admittedly, they were a bunch of Catholic school 8th graders, so there's that.
After that debate, I was pretty much treated like a pariah by my classmates. But, everyone recovered quickly. My class was, actually, fairly good about not holding grudges, and there was kickball to be played.
I learned a lot of important things from that experience, and one of them was what it is like to be treated like a pariah for your opinions. Because -- in my Italian family -- nobody ever got treated like a pariah, even the hippie cousins who hitchhiked around the country and didn't have jobs and espoused communism. They were still welcomed with open arms for dinner and card games and all kinds of fun. My dad did tell me, though, that I was not allowed to be a hitchhiking, unemployed, hippie communist; but, he did say that my cousins were really "nice kids." My dad was probably the most awesome person, EVER.
Anyhow, to tell you the truth, I was pretty amused by everyone's reaction to me after that debate. As I said, I had learned, over the years, not to give an "f" about what people thought of me, as long as I had searched by conscience and believed in myself.
I'm not exactly sure what my point is in telling you this story. It just came to mind today, and I felt like telling it, so I did. ;-)
Pax.
Tuesday, September 22, 2015
Things That Make Me Go "Hmmm..."
You may have read the comment made by "Ricardo" on my last blog post. When I read it, I pretty much felt like Hester Prynn. Into my mind came all the images of women -- misunderstood, abused, ostracized, shunned, shut down -- because they were/are sinners. I especially felt that way because I am a Catholic and Ricardo is a Catholic deacon. Thankfully, not at my parish. Although, he does live a few doors down from me. And I admit that every time I walk down the street since reading that comment, I hyperventilate and feel rather faint (which I do twice a day, when I walk my dogs).
Now, as a Catholic, I do not deny that I am a sinner. I know that I am. I am also grateful that I was not brought up in a Catholic environment inhabited by people like Ricardo. I was brought up in an environment inhabited by people like Pope Francis.
I read today some words that Francis spoke in Cuba, addressing priests and bishops (members of the clergy who hear Confessions). Deacons do not hear Confessions, thanks be to God. And these words reminded me why I have faith in Jesus. Because Jesus EMBRACES the sinner. He has MERCY and COMPASSION on the sinner. He does not smack the sinner to the ground as she makes herself vulnerable and tries to get up from a fall. Rather, He gives her His hand.
I would like now to share these words of our wonderful Pope Francis with you, so that you may understand why I am still Catholic, in spite of what people like Ricardo might say to me:
"....there is a privileged place for the priest where this last one, this least one, this smallest one is found -- and it is the confessional. And there, when this man or this woman shows you his misery -- careful because it's the same misery that you have and from which God saved you, eh? from getting to that point. When he or she shows you his misery, please, don't scold him. Don't scold him, don't punish him. If you don't have sin, throw the first stone. But only under that condition. If not, think of your sins and think that you could be that person and think that you could potentially fall even lower, and think that you in this moment have in your hands a treasure, which is the mercy of the Father. Please, priests, don't get tired of forgiving, like Jesus did. Don't hide in fears or in rigidities. Just like this nun (a sister from the Congregation of the Missionaries of Charity who had spoken before the Pope) and all of those who are in the same ministry as she is, they don't get furious when they find a sick person who is dirty, but instead serve him, clean him, take care of him. Just like this, you, when a penitent comes, don't react badly, don't get neurotic, don't cast him out of the confessional, don't scold him. Jesus embraced them. Jesus loved them. Tomorrow, we celebrate St. Matthew. He was a thief and beyond that, betrayed his people. And the Gospel says that at night, Jesus went to dine with him and others like him. St. Ambrose has a phrase that moves me a lot: 'where there is mercy, the Spirit of Jesus is there; where there is rigidity, merely his ministers are there.'
"Brother priest, brother bishop, do not be afraid of mercy, allow it to flow out of your hands and through your embrace of forgiveness. Because this person or that person who is there are the least ones, and therefore it is Jesus. ....Poverty and mercy....that is where Jesus is."
And isn't that how we come to conversion -- a turning away from the bad and toward the good? Isn't it through being shown love? Isn't it through being shown mercy? Not from having your lack of logic pounced upon. Not from being compared to "pagans" who practiced child sacrifice. But from being embraced by love, by compassion -- by Christ. And he isn't walking down the streets of our cities right now -- but, we are. And we who call ourselves Christians have a very serious obligation not to push people away in His name.
There are people who believe in God and people who don't. There are Jews and Hindus and Muslims and Pagans and Buddhists. Among all of these, there are people of goodwill. All deserve to have their faith -- or lack, thereof -- respected. All deserve love and mercy and compassion. Because we are all kind of a mess, when you think about it. Nobody -- really -- is in a position to cast that first stone. I mean, look at Jesus. Christians believe He is God and -- thus -- perfect. And even He does not cast stones. Rather, He holds us close and wipes our tears.
Pax.
P.S. -- Please pray for me to forgive Ricardo. I admit that it isn't easy. I want to be able to walk by his house and offer him a kind hello, instead of fainting in his driveway. ;-)
Now, as a Catholic, I do not deny that I am a sinner. I know that I am. I am also grateful that I was not brought up in a Catholic environment inhabited by people like Ricardo. I was brought up in an environment inhabited by people like Pope Francis.
I read today some words that Francis spoke in Cuba, addressing priests and bishops (members of the clergy who hear Confessions). Deacons do not hear Confessions, thanks be to God. And these words reminded me why I have faith in Jesus. Because Jesus EMBRACES the sinner. He has MERCY and COMPASSION on the sinner. He does not smack the sinner to the ground as she makes herself vulnerable and tries to get up from a fall. Rather, He gives her His hand.
I would like now to share these words of our wonderful Pope Francis with you, so that you may understand why I am still Catholic, in spite of what people like Ricardo might say to me:
"....there is a privileged place for the priest where this last one, this least one, this smallest one is found -- and it is the confessional. And there, when this man or this woman shows you his misery -- careful because it's the same misery that you have and from which God saved you, eh? from getting to that point. When he or she shows you his misery, please, don't scold him. Don't scold him, don't punish him. If you don't have sin, throw the first stone. But only under that condition. If not, think of your sins and think that you could be that person and think that you could potentially fall even lower, and think that you in this moment have in your hands a treasure, which is the mercy of the Father. Please, priests, don't get tired of forgiving, like Jesus did. Don't hide in fears or in rigidities. Just like this nun (a sister from the Congregation of the Missionaries of Charity who had spoken before the Pope) and all of those who are in the same ministry as she is, they don't get furious when they find a sick person who is dirty, but instead serve him, clean him, take care of him. Just like this, you, when a penitent comes, don't react badly, don't get neurotic, don't cast him out of the confessional, don't scold him. Jesus embraced them. Jesus loved them. Tomorrow, we celebrate St. Matthew. He was a thief and beyond that, betrayed his people. And the Gospel says that at night, Jesus went to dine with him and others like him. St. Ambrose has a phrase that moves me a lot: 'where there is mercy, the Spirit of Jesus is there; where there is rigidity, merely his ministers are there.'
"Brother priest, brother bishop, do not be afraid of mercy, allow it to flow out of your hands and through your embrace of forgiveness. Because this person or that person who is there are the least ones, and therefore it is Jesus. ....Poverty and mercy....that is where Jesus is."
And isn't that how we come to conversion -- a turning away from the bad and toward the good? Isn't it through being shown love? Isn't it through being shown mercy? Not from having your lack of logic pounced upon. Not from being compared to "pagans" who practiced child sacrifice. But from being embraced by love, by compassion -- by Christ. And he isn't walking down the streets of our cities right now -- but, we are. And we who call ourselves Christians have a very serious obligation not to push people away in His name.
There are people who believe in God and people who don't. There are Jews and Hindus and Muslims and Pagans and Buddhists. Among all of these, there are people of goodwill. All deserve to have their faith -- or lack, thereof -- respected. All deserve love and mercy and compassion. Because we are all kind of a mess, when you think about it. Nobody -- really -- is in a position to cast that first stone. I mean, look at Jesus. Christians believe He is God and -- thus -- perfect. And even He does not cast stones. Rather, He holds us close and wipes our tears.
Pax.
P.S. -- Please pray for me to forgive Ricardo. I admit that it isn't easy. I want to be able to walk by his house and offer him a kind hello, instead of fainting in his driveway. ;-)
Friday, September 18, 2015
What The Republicans Are Doing Is Downright Dangerous
I am talking about their effort to de-fund Planned Parenthood.
I am also talking about all these misrepresentative videos the "pro-lifers" have been putting out.
This is all wrong-headed and dangerous.
And I'll tell you why.
This whole thing about selling baby parts for profit and the controversy over fetal experimentation is nothing new. And I'm not saying we shouldn't be disturbed by at least some of what we heard in those videos.
But, there is a danger. A very real danger.
Let me tell you a story:
Years ago, when conservatives were talking about the selling of baby parts and fetal experimentation, I had an acquaintance who was pregnant. She started to miscarry. She bled pretty badly. But -- she wouldn't go into the hospital. Why? BECAUSE SHE WAS AFRAID THEY WOULD EXPERIMENT ON THE BABY AFTER SHE MISCARRIED. That's right. And this was an intelligent woman. She was very conservative, though, and was wont to listen to all the conservative propaganda about this issue. And by the time she finally did go into the hospital, she came very close to HAVING TO HAVE A HYSTERECTOMY, because the medical personnel feared that they wouldn't be able to get the bleeding under control in time to save her. She actually endangered her own life and her reproductive health because she was misled by all of this "pro-life" propaganda.
And this makes me angry. So. Very. Angry. It is wrong to use misleading scare tactics to win people over to your side -- even if you passionately believe your side is in the right.
Hear that Republicans??? You are putting people's lives in danger -- including the lives of the unborn, because women might be afraid to seek care when they need it. I mean, what if my acquaintance's baby could have been saved if she had sought help in a more timely way? It's probably unlikely anything could have been done, but we'll never know, will we? Why? Because of people like you, Republicans. This lady did go on to have more children -- children she was almost not able to have because of conservative fear-mongering. So, that would have been on you, conservative fear-mongers.
(If you are getting the idea that I am totally pissed, you would be right. My apologies.)
And let me tell you one other story. This is a personal story that I have never told anybody, because I was ashamed. Now, right up front, this is not my abortion story. This is my almost, could-have-been abortion story. And I hope you will all still speak to me afterwards.
Years ago, when I was still in college, I was in a very bad place in my life. I had broken up with my fiance -- and it was awful. I was not getting along with my parents, AT ALL. I felt all alone. And I messed around with a guy one night, because I was lonely and heartbroken and not feeling very self-protective. We didn't have sex, but we came pretty close. And then my period was late. And I panicked. I prayed and prayed that I wasn't pregnant, because I didn't feel like there was anyone I could go to. I wouldn't have gone to my parents, because things were horrid between us. And there was no way that I wanted this guy to end up being the father of my child. And his family was pretty dysfunctional, as well. All my close friends were Christian. None of them would have supported me in getting an abortion. And I don't blame them. I certainly didn't believe in abortion. But, when I look at it honestly, I probably either would have had an abortion (and felt like absolute crap about it) or committed suicide. And I'm not exaggerating about that. Suicide would have been a very real danger to me, at that point. Now -- thankfully -- I wasn't pregnant. But, as I have watched the "abortion wars" over the years, I have often thought about myself in this situation. And I guess I am glad Planned Parenthood would have been there. Yes -- the baby would have been lost, but I wouldn't have been. And I think there is value in that. There is potential hope in that. For you Christians reading this, I'd say, "My baby would have been in God's hands. And I would have had the chance to heal -- and repent." For you non-Christians reading this, the repentance part might sound silly, and I respect that. But, it wouldn't have been silly to me.
There are many abortion providers. There will always be abortion providers. But, at least Planned Parenthood is a non-profit. I bet a lot of the providers aren't. Abortion services are also a small part of their total activities. And -- if you look at their website -- the information is quite accurate. If you really don't want to get pregnant or a sexually transmitted disease, all you have to do is look at the information and follow it. I actually had a young woman who worked for a pro-life pregnancy center tell me that she used to refer to the Planned Parenthood website, because the information was very complete and very accurate.
Of course, I'm sure that there are Planned Parenthood affiliates that operate in a less than ideal manner. But, let me tell you one more story:
I heard a woman from Texas speak once. She had run an abortion clinic. I think she actually owned it. And I don't believe it was affiliated with Planned Parenthood. She said that they used to purposely give young women the least effective birth control pill because they knew a lot of them would get pregnant and come back for abortions, which her particular clinic actually profited from. At least, with Planned Parenthood, they list -- quite accurately -- the effectiveness rates of the various methods of birth control, so you know what you're getting.
Now, at this point, I don't know if I have any friends left. But, that's okay. I have never lived my life for the purpose of seeking people's approval. I hope, though, that conservative people will at least look at these issues in a way that is more even-handed and less accusatory. It breaks my heart to see what much of the "pro-life" movement has become.
Pax.
I am also talking about all these misrepresentative videos the "pro-lifers" have been putting out.
This is all wrong-headed and dangerous.
And I'll tell you why.
This whole thing about selling baby parts for profit and the controversy over fetal experimentation is nothing new. And I'm not saying we shouldn't be disturbed by at least some of what we heard in those videos.
But, there is a danger. A very real danger.
Let me tell you a story:
Years ago, when conservatives were talking about the selling of baby parts and fetal experimentation, I had an acquaintance who was pregnant. She started to miscarry. She bled pretty badly. But -- she wouldn't go into the hospital. Why? BECAUSE SHE WAS AFRAID THEY WOULD EXPERIMENT ON THE BABY AFTER SHE MISCARRIED. That's right. And this was an intelligent woman. She was very conservative, though, and was wont to listen to all the conservative propaganda about this issue. And by the time she finally did go into the hospital, she came very close to HAVING TO HAVE A HYSTERECTOMY, because the medical personnel feared that they wouldn't be able to get the bleeding under control in time to save her. She actually endangered her own life and her reproductive health because she was misled by all of this "pro-life" propaganda.
And this makes me angry. So. Very. Angry. It is wrong to use misleading scare tactics to win people over to your side -- even if you passionately believe your side is in the right.
Hear that Republicans??? You are putting people's lives in danger -- including the lives of the unborn, because women might be afraid to seek care when they need it. I mean, what if my acquaintance's baby could have been saved if she had sought help in a more timely way? It's probably unlikely anything could have been done, but we'll never know, will we? Why? Because of people like you, Republicans. This lady did go on to have more children -- children she was almost not able to have because of conservative fear-mongering. So, that would have been on you, conservative fear-mongers.
(If you are getting the idea that I am totally pissed, you would be right. My apologies.)
And let me tell you one other story. This is a personal story that I have never told anybody, because I was ashamed. Now, right up front, this is not my abortion story. This is my almost, could-have-been abortion story. And I hope you will all still speak to me afterwards.
Years ago, when I was still in college, I was in a very bad place in my life. I had broken up with my fiance -- and it was awful. I was not getting along with my parents, AT ALL. I felt all alone. And I messed around with a guy one night, because I was lonely and heartbroken and not feeling very self-protective. We didn't have sex, but we came pretty close. And then my period was late. And I panicked. I prayed and prayed that I wasn't pregnant, because I didn't feel like there was anyone I could go to. I wouldn't have gone to my parents, because things were horrid between us. And there was no way that I wanted this guy to end up being the father of my child. And his family was pretty dysfunctional, as well. All my close friends were Christian. None of them would have supported me in getting an abortion. And I don't blame them. I certainly didn't believe in abortion. But, when I look at it honestly, I probably either would have had an abortion (and felt like absolute crap about it) or committed suicide. And I'm not exaggerating about that. Suicide would have been a very real danger to me, at that point. Now -- thankfully -- I wasn't pregnant. But, as I have watched the "abortion wars" over the years, I have often thought about myself in this situation. And I guess I am glad Planned Parenthood would have been there. Yes -- the baby would have been lost, but I wouldn't have been. And I think there is value in that. There is potential hope in that. For you Christians reading this, I'd say, "My baby would have been in God's hands. And I would have had the chance to heal -- and repent." For you non-Christians reading this, the repentance part might sound silly, and I respect that. But, it wouldn't have been silly to me.
There are many abortion providers. There will always be abortion providers. But, at least Planned Parenthood is a non-profit. I bet a lot of the providers aren't. Abortion services are also a small part of their total activities. And -- if you look at their website -- the information is quite accurate. If you really don't want to get pregnant or a sexually transmitted disease, all you have to do is look at the information and follow it. I actually had a young woman who worked for a pro-life pregnancy center tell me that she used to refer to the Planned Parenthood website, because the information was very complete and very accurate.
Of course, I'm sure that there are Planned Parenthood affiliates that operate in a less than ideal manner. But, let me tell you one more story:
I heard a woman from Texas speak once. She had run an abortion clinic. I think she actually owned it. And I don't believe it was affiliated with Planned Parenthood. She said that they used to purposely give young women the least effective birth control pill because they knew a lot of them would get pregnant and come back for abortions, which her particular clinic actually profited from. At least, with Planned Parenthood, they list -- quite accurately -- the effectiveness rates of the various methods of birth control, so you know what you're getting.
Now, at this point, I don't know if I have any friends left. But, that's okay. I have never lived my life for the purpose of seeking people's approval. I hope, though, that conservative people will at least look at these issues in a way that is more even-handed and less accusatory. It breaks my heart to see what much of the "pro-life" movement has become.
Pax.
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Dear Barb...
While many people were busy marching around for their causes, I happened to come across your story.
I heard that after your abortion, some "pro-life" people shouted in your face and followed you down the sidewalk, until you were forced to hide in a stoop.
This made me cry.
I wished I was there to put my arm around your shoulders and help you into my car. I wished I could have taken you home and tucked a clean, comfortable quilt around you. I wished I could have made you some broth and toast. I wished I could have brewed you a cup of tea and listened if you wanted to tell me your story. Or been a quiet presence if you did not. I wished I could have stayed with you to make sure your recovery went smoothly and so that you wouldn't have to feel alone.
I do not know you. I do not know anything about your life. But, I do know that what you went through at the hands of the "pro-life" people is something you should not have had to endure. And I am so very sorry.
Marla <3
I heard that after your abortion, some "pro-life" people shouted in your face and followed you down the sidewalk, until you were forced to hide in a stoop.
This made me cry.
I wished I was there to put my arm around your shoulders and help you into my car. I wished I could have taken you home and tucked a clean, comfortable quilt around you. I wished I could have made you some broth and toast. I wished I could have brewed you a cup of tea and listened if you wanted to tell me your story. Or been a quiet presence if you did not. I wished I could have stayed with you to make sure your recovery went smoothly and so that you wouldn't have to feel alone.
I do not know you. I do not know anything about your life. But, I do know that what you went through at the hands of the "pro-life" people is something you should not have had to endure. And I am so very sorry.
Marla <3
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
She...
...stood in the bathroom stall, staring at the toilet paper in her hand, at the water in the toilet. There should be blood. That monthly reminder of her blossoming womanhood, her femininity, her fertility. The promise of future babies to hold. But, there was no blood. There really should have been -- at least a couple of days ago, actually. And she wished for it and prayed for it -- for that blood. Because -- really -- now was no time for babies.
The job was new. She was young. And she had just endured soul-crushing loss, for which there hadn't been much comfort. So, she had sought comfort in arms around her which really had no business being around her. She had known it, too, at the time -- that his arms really had no business being around her, that there was no real love. But, bone-weary, gut-wrenching loneliness can sometimes cloud the judgement. And so she hadn't pushed those arms away. She had allowed herself to feel the closeness -- the only closeness to another person that had seemed available to her at that moment, at that time in her life.
The man was gone now. And she was glad. He was in no way someone she would choose to be the father of her child. Too late now, though, for wise decisions that should have been made on one lonely night. There were only the decisions that had been made.
And so she stood in that bathroom stall, panic flooding through her, barely able to stand, barely able to breathe, wishing for blood that was not there, that would not come. What would she do, if she were pregnant? She had always been "pro-life," a Christian. She never thought abortion was an answer -- never thought it to be an acceptable alternative. But, here she was, all alone. Yes, she had parents. The thought of telling them, though... She didn't know if she could. The sound of the crying and the shouting and the name-calling that she knew would come rang in her head, as real as though they were actually happening. Yes, there would be much shaming, many accusations, relentless judgments about her lack of judgment. And this horror, she knew, would not last for just a couple of days or even a couple of months, but would last all through a pregnancy -- and beyond. She did not know if she could face it. She didn't think she could bring herself to face it -- the red-faced anger of those who "loved" her. But, how could she have an abortion? But, how could she not? Because, even if she survived the horrible confrontations with those who "loved" her without becoming suicidal -- and becoming suicidal, she knew, was a distinct possibility -- how could she care for a baby? She barely made enough to support herself. And everyone would demand to know who the father was -- and she could never tell, would never tell, because she would never want him to know. Because she knew he was not a good person. She knew he could never be fit to be a father. And adoption? There was that. But, even if she could bring herself to do that, she knew she would forever face being shamed by those who "loved" her. Of that, she was quite sure. And that seemed just too much to bear, at that time, at that age, after already enduring soul-crushing loss.
So, she prayed. She prayed, "Please, PLEASE God, don't let me be pregnant. I can't be pregnant. Don't let me be. PLEASE." She also prayed, "If I am pregnant, let me have a miscarriage. I just want to have a miscarriage. I can't have a baby. Not now. PLEASE. NOT NOW. Not this way. PLEASE."
And she walked out of that bathroom stall and went back to work at her new job and smiled at her co-workers and prayed for the blood to come. Prayed for days.
And finally it did. And it didn't seem to be a miscarriage. Just a normal period. And she breathed freely for the first time in what seemed like a long time. And she wondered, for the rest of her life, what she would have done if she had really been pregnant. And she never really knew.
The job was new. She was young. And she had just endured soul-crushing loss, for which there hadn't been much comfort. So, she had sought comfort in arms around her which really had no business being around her. She had known it, too, at the time -- that his arms really had no business being around her, that there was no real love. But, bone-weary, gut-wrenching loneliness can sometimes cloud the judgement. And so she hadn't pushed those arms away. She had allowed herself to feel the closeness -- the only closeness to another person that had seemed available to her at that moment, at that time in her life.
The man was gone now. And she was glad. He was in no way someone she would choose to be the father of her child. Too late now, though, for wise decisions that should have been made on one lonely night. There were only the decisions that had been made.
And so she stood in that bathroom stall, panic flooding through her, barely able to stand, barely able to breathe, wishing for blood that was not there, that would not come. What would she do, if she were pregnant? She had always been "pro-life," a Christian. She never thought abortion was an answer -- never thought it to be an acceptable alternative. But, here she was, all alone. Yes, she had parents. The thought of telling them, though... She didn't know if she could. The sound of the crying and the shouting and the name-calling that she knew would come rang in her head, as real as though they were actually happening. Yes, there would be much shaming, many accusations, relentless judgments about her lack of judgment. And this horror, she knew, would not last for just a couple of days or even a couple of months, but would last all through a pregnancy -- and beyond. She did not know if she could face it. She didn't think she could bring herself to face it -- the red-faced anger of those who "loved" her. But, how could she have an abortion? But, how could she not? Because, even if she survived the horrible confrontations with those who "loved" her without becoming suicidal -- and becoming suicidal, she knew, was a distinct possibility -- how could she care for a baby? She barely made enough to support herself. And everyone would demand to know who the father was -- and she could never tell, would never tell, because she would never want him to know. Because she knew he was not a good person. She knew he could never be fit to be a father. And adoption? There was that. But, even if she could bring herself to do that, she knew she would forever face being shamed by those who "loved" her. Of that, she was quite sure. And that seemed just too much to bear, at that time, at that age, after already enduring soul-crushing loss.
So, she prayed. She prayed, "Please, PLEASE God, don't let me be pregnant. I can't be pregnant. Don't let me be. PLEASE." She also prayed, "If I am pregnant, let me have a miscarriage. I just want to have a miscarriage. I can't have a baby. Not now. PLEASE. NOT NOW. Not this way. PLEASE."
And she walked out of that bathroom stall and went back to work at her new job and smiled at her co-workers and prayed for the blood to come. Prayed for days.
And finally it did. And it didn't seem to be a miscarriage. Just a normal period. And she breathed freely for the first time in what seemed like a long time. And she wondered, for the rest of her life, what she would have done if she had really been pregnant. And she never really knew.
Monday, January 20, 2014
Sad Day...
Today is the birthday of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. It should be a happy day. But, as I peruse various media outlets, I am just getting sad.
Because it seems to me that there are still so many of the same problems in the world as there were on the day Dr. King died. So much misunderstanding, prejudice, hatred, strife, injustice, poverty. So much greed. So little cooperation. So little willingness to HEAR, to just close our mouths and LISTEN a little bit.
And I am not thinking here about just one issue, or just one side of any given issue. This is a problem with every issue of our day, and with every side of every issue. I'm not saying there aren't good people. Of course, there are. But, there is also a lot of angry noise out there, and a lot of disrespect.
Take for example, the issue of abortion. The two sides, whatever you want to call them -- the pro-lifers vs. the pro-choicers, the lifers vs. the choicers, the anti-choicers vs. the pro-aborts -- often seem to dig up and flash about for public consumption the very worst things about each other. For example, there are the stories from Lila Rose; and there are the stories of "pro-life" centers posing as places where women can get abortion referrals. There are accusations of misinformation being given out by both sides. In short, both sides can come up with plenty of tales of alleged misdeeds by the other side. And this, in my opinion, keeps both sides from actually having to deal with the sincere and real concerns of the other. It's kind of like the "straw-man" argument -- you keep the attention on the easy-to-criticize stuff and you never have to deal with the hard stuff, the stuff that's not so easy to face. And, again, I'm speaking about both sides here. I have spent most of my adult life in the company of those who would describe themselves as "pro-life." And I haven't heard many respectful things said about the pro-choice people. And I bet the pro-choice people don't have a lot of good things to say about the pro-life people.
Some of you may already know this, because I have mentioned it before. There was a woman I worked with -- years ago -- who had been a counselor in an abortion clinic. I could not have been described as "pro-choice," and she knew it. But -- wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles -- we got along well. I respected her greatly. She was a kind, soft-spoken, caring woman. She was the absolute opposite of how many pro-life people would have you think about a person who is employed as a counselor in an abortion clinic. So, when I hear the rhetoric of the "abortion wars," I think about this woman. I think about her concern for women who felt they had absolutely no other option.
Of course, things are somewhat different now. There are many more resources for people in "crisis pregnancies" than there were back then. And this is good. My point is, though, that we should not demonize the pro-choice people. Instead of that, let's work to build a culture where no woman feels like she has "no other option" than an abortion. This type of culture has to have not only pregnancy centers that provide baby supplies and financial assistance for medical care for the mothers. This type of culture must also have a true social safety net that can help these mothers (and fathers) actually raise these children to adulthood in a successful and dignified way. But, I think it also needs to be a culture where a woman who is seeking a legal abortion should not have to make her way past (or through) a crowd of people (sometimes angry people) with signs (sometimes ugly signs). That is not respectful of the woman. And I believe she deserves respect. Although, I know there are those who don't think she does.
As a case in point, I will tell this little tale:
A lovely young woman I know attended the Walk for Life in San Francisco one year. This young woman actually cares very much about other women who face unintended pregnancies. She does not judge women who have abortions. And as she told me of her experience, she said that there were "mean, old, white men" at the Walk. She said that she was appalled by their lack of compassion toward women who have abortions. She had never experienced this type of attitude before, and it upset her greatly. She also spoke of the pro-choice women who were standing along the route. She recounted that when the organizers of the Walk asked for the women to be in front (something which apparently annoyed some of the "old, white men"), the pro-choice women shouted, "Yes! Put the women in front! Let the women go in front!" And this delighted the "pro-life" woman who was appalled at the "mean, old, white men."
So, it just seems to me that there are people on both sides of this issue who might be willing to show some respect for each other. And I guess that gives me a little hope, on this MLK Day.
Because it seems to me that there are still so many of the same problems in the world as there were on the day Dr. King died. So much misunderstanding, prejudice, hatred, strife, injustice, poverty. So much greed. So little cooperation. So little willingness to HEAR, to just close our mouths and LISTEN a little bit.
And I am not thinking here about just one issue, or just one side of any given issue. This is a problem with every issue of our day, and with every side of every issue. I'm not saying there aren't good people. Of course, there are. But, there is also a lot of angry noise out there, and a lot of disrespect.
Take for example, the issue of abortion. The two sides, whatever you want to call them -- the pro-lifers vs. the pro-choicers, the lifers vs. the choicers, the anti-choicers vs. the pro-aborts -- often seem to dig up and flash about for public consumption the very worst things about each other. For example, there are the stories from Lila Rose; and there are the stories of "pro-life" centers posing as places where women can get abortion referrals. There are accusations of misinformation being given out by both sides. In short, both sides can come up with plenty of tales of alleged misdeeds by the other side. And this, in my opinion, keeps both sides from actually having to deal with the sincere and real concerns of the other. It's kind of like the "straw-man" argument -- you keep the attention on the easy-to-criticize stuff and you never have to deal with the hard stuff, the stuff that's not so easy to face. And, again, I'm speaking about both sides here. I have spent most of my adult life in the company of those who would describe themselves as "pro-life." And I haven't heard many respectful things said about the pro-choice people. And I bet the pro-choice people don't have a lot of good things to say about the pro-life people.
Some of you may already know this, because I have mentioned it before. There was a woman I worked with -- years ago -- who had been a counselor in an abortion clinic. I could not have been described as "pro-choice," and she knew it. But -- wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles -- we got along well. I respected her greatly. She was a kind, soft-spoken, caring woman. She was the absolute opposite of how many pro-life people would have you think about a person who is employed as a counselor in an abortion clinic. So, when I hear the rhetoric of the "abortion wars," I think about this woman. I think about her concern for women who felt they had absolutely no other option.
Of course, things are somewhat different now. There are many more resources for people in "crisis pregnancies" than there were back then. And this is good. My point is, though, that we should not demonize the pro-choice people. Instead of that, let's work to build a culture where no woman feels like she has "no other option" than an abortion. This type of culture has to have not only pregnancy centers that provide baby supplies and financial assistance for medical care for the mothers. This type of culture must also have a true social safety net that can help these mothers (and fathers) actually raise these children to adulthood in a successful and dignified way. But, I think it also needs to be a culture where a woman who is seeking a legal abortion should not have to make her way past (or through) a crowd of people (sometimes angry people) with signs (sometimes ugly signs). That is not respectful of the woman. And I believe she deserves respect. Although, I know there are those who don't think she does.
As a case in point, I will tell this little tale:
A lovely young woman I know attended the Walk for Life in San Francisco one year. This young woman actually cares very much about other women who face unintended pregnancies. She does not judge women who have abortions. And as she told me of her experience, she said that there were "mean, old, white men" at the Walk. She said that she was appalled by their lack of compassion toward women who have abortions. She had never experienced this type of attitude before, and it upset her greatly. She also spoke of the pro-choice women who were standing along the route. She recounted that when the organizers of the Walk asked for the women to be in front (something which apparently annoyed some of the "old, white men"), the pro-choice women shouted, "Yes! Put the women in front! Let the women go in front!" And this delighted the "pro-life" woman who was appalled at the "mean, old, white men."
So, it just seems to me that there are people on both sides of this issue who might be willing to show some respect for each other. And I guess that gives me a little hope, on this MLK Day.
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Battleground Texas Could Be Good For The Republicans
What is Battleground Texas? My understanding is that it is a grassroots organization dedicated to turning Texas blue (like a Smurf) by making a sustained and dedicated effort over time. And Smurfs are cool, so no insult is intended here. It is only my strange sense of humor at work. If you don't know what "turning Texas blue" means, it means transforming Texas from a long-time Republican stronghold to a place that will elect Democrats, at the local, state, and national levels.
This is quite an undertaking, if you know anything about Texas politics. A lot of Texas Republicans are dubious that it will happen. A lot of them seem to be turning a blind eye to Battleground Texas, expecting it to fade away. This is foolhardy, in my little old opinion. And I know my opinion doesn't count for much.
But, this is the thing. Have you ever read the ancient work entitled "Art Of War" by Sun Tzu? I have not read the whole thing, but I have read several parts. And it seems to me that Battleground Texas is doing everything that Sun Tzu says should be done to achieve victory; and the Republicans are displaying all of what Mr. Tzu describes as the attributes of the Losers. Check it out for yourself, if you don't believe me.
As I have stated before, I am a Republican. My husband is a Non-Partisan, meaning he is not a member of any political party. I was a Non-Partisan for a while, but it was kind of boring. By not belonging to a political party, I felt quite left out of the Big Party that is American politics. And that was just depressing. My husband, though, is kind of a "political animal." He is very interested in politics, keeping himself quite informed. And well before the election of 2008, well before Mr. Obama became the Democratic Party's presidential candidate in that election, I had a discussion with my husband. I asserted that I believed Mr. Obama had not only a strong chance of winning the nomination, but he also had a very good chance of winning the Presidency. My husband strongly disagreed. He told me that Mr. Obama had very little political experience on the national level, and he didn't believe the Democrats would nominate him. He also asserted that even if the Democrats did give him the nomination, that the American people certainly wouldn't elect such a neophyte to be their president. I told my husband that, based on what I was hearing from ordinary people, I disagreed. I felt that if Mr. Obama campaigned in a smart way, in a way that focused on the needs and concerns of regular folks, that he could, indeed, win. And he did win, because of the type of campaign that he ran. A grassroots campaign. A focused and determined campaign. And the people who were in charge of his campaign (as well as his 2012 campaign) -- many of them, anyway -- are now running Battleground Texas.
You're in for an ass-whupping Texas Republicans, if you don't open your eyes.
And it will be well-deserved.
And I, even though I am a Republican myself, will be glad to see it happen. I think it will be a good thing for the Republican Party, for Texas, and for the nation.
(Now all the Republicans are heading to my house for a tar-and-feather party. So, excuse me while I go lock the doors and windows.)
Why do I think it will be a good thing? Because over the last many years, I have become a bit disturbed by my party. It is a party dedicated to smaller government, more efficient government, the idea of subsidiarity, the fostering of the spirit of personal responsibility, valuing personal autonomy and ingenuity. These are all good things. The Democrats also hold many of these things in high regard. But, I have witnessed that, since the early 1980's, the "religious right" has come to have a degree of influence in the Republican Party that I have grown to be uncomfortable with. And along with the influence of the views of these people, perhaps intertwined with them, have come many other extreme ideas that I don't believe are representative of the views of the majority of the American people. I have heard a lot of conservative rhetoric -- embraced by many Republicans -- that I find quite distressing. I have also witnessed actions by the Republicans that seem foolhardy, uncharitable, and out-of-touch with reality.
I will just give a few examples.
The Tea Party. It is my opinion that many of their ideas are not grounded in reality and, if actually enacted, would be disastrous. For instance, I have heard that some of the Tea Partiers believe we should abolish the Department of Education. The Department of Education has been quite helpful to many families, including my own. It has assisted us greatly in sending our kids to college, for example. I also don't think doing away with The Fed is any kind of a good idea. And giving out vouchers for people to buy health insurance in retirement seems like a fool's game to me. I could go on and on... I know we could argue back and forth for days over these things, but based on the research both my husband and I have done, these are my opinions. Basically, it seems that the Tea Party wants to return things to the way they were back in 1780, or so. And that is just not going to happen. And it shouldn't happen. Our country has grown and changed too much. So has the world.
SNAP. Or food assistance for the poor. No, I don't think we should cut it. That would be heartless.
And Texas in particular? What Governor Perry and his cohorts did regarding abortion was just ill-advised. They seemed like a bunch of cruel bullies. I don't like abortion. I wish there were no abortions. But, you don't just come in and pull the rug out from under women in that manner. Abortion is legal. That is the reality. If you want to reduce it, do it in a manner that is respectful of the intelligence and dignity of women. Do it in a way that will give rise to cooperation between people of differing viewpoints. Do it in a way that is thoughtful and charitable and will foster trust between people. Dear Republicans, it just seemed like all you were doing was trying to impress each other with your conservativeness. And combined with your actions regarding medicaid and your views on other social safety net issues, you just came across as heartless. The results? A LOT of angry women. Smart, angry women. And a shitload of ammo for Battleground Texas to use against you.
These are just a few examples of things that some or many of those in the Republican party have endorsed or done that disturb me. I have also been distressed at hearing Republicans complain about people who "depend" on the government without wanting to be independent. I have witnessed first-hand how difficult it is for many people to achieve economic independence in today's world, even though they truly hope to. I have been disappointed that many Republicans fight meaningful gun control. I have been disturbed at the lack of a charitable attitude towards illegal immigrants. I also think the Republicans need to allow for higher taxes on very wealthy people, without giving those wealthy people "legal dodges" so that they can avoid paying those taxes. And I get very, very disturbed when Republicans say and do many of these things while acting as though God is on their side. I also do not like it at all when certain groups of people are marginalized by the Republican Party, especially when those groups of people don't conform to the religious ideas of many in that party. I recall that, not so long ago, many conservatives in government wanted to marginalize Catholics. And there are probably some states where that is still the sentiment. So, when I hear that someone in the GOP (I believe it was in Texas) expressed the view that the Republicans in that state don't really want black people to vote, I get kinda miffed.
So, this is why I am rooting for Battleground Texas. The Republican Party in that state -- and on a national level -- needs to be shaken up and renewed. And that may mean that a little ass-whupping is in order.
This is quite an undertaking, if you know anything about Texas politics. A lot of Texas Republicans are dubious that it will happen. A lot of them seem to be turning a blind eye to Battleground Texas, expecting it to fade away. This is foolhardy, in my little old opinion. And I know my opinion doesn't count for much.
But, this is the thing. Have you ever read the ancient work entitled "Art Of War" by Sun Tzu? I have not read the whole thing, but I have read several parts. And it seems to me that Battleground Texas is doing everything that Sun Tzu says should be done to achieve victory; and the Republicans are displaying all of what Mr. Tzu describes as the attributes of the Losers. Check it out for yourself, if you don't believe me.
As I have stated before, I am a Republican. My husband is a Non-Partisan, meaning he is not a member of any political party. I was a Non-Partisan for a while, but it was kind of boring. By not belonging to a political party, I felt quite left out of the Big Party that is American politics. And that was just depressing. My husband, though, is kind of a "political animal." He is very interested in politics, keeping himself quite informed. And well before the election of 2008, well before Mr. Obama became the Democratic Party's presidential candidate in that election, I had a discussion with my husband. I asserted that I believed Mr. Obama had not only a strong chance of winning the nomination, but he also had a very good chance of winning the Presidency. My husband strongly disagreed. He told me that Mr. Obama had very little political experience on the national level, and he didn't believe the Democrats would nominate him. He also asserted that even if the Democrats did give him the nomination, that the American people certainly wouldn't elect such a neophyte to be their president. I told my husband that, based on what I was hearing from ordinary people, I disagreed. I felt that if Mr. Obama campaigned in a smart way, in a way that focused on the needs and concerns of regular folks, that he could, indeed, win. And he did win, because of the type of campaign that he ran. A grassroots campaign. A focused and determined campaign. And the people who were in charge of his campaign (as well as his 2012 campaign) -- many of them, anyway -- are now running Battleground Texas.
You're in for an ass-whupping Texas Republicans, if you don't open your eyes.
And it will be well-deserved.
And I, even though I am a Republican myself, will be glad to see it happen. I think it will be a good thing for the Republican Party, for Texas, and for the nation.
(Now all the Republicans are heading to my house for a tar-and-feather party. So, excuse me while I go lock the doors and windows.)
Why do I think it will be a good thing? Because over the last many years, I have become a bit disturbed by my party. It is a party dedicated to smaller government, more efficient government, the idea of subsidiarity, the fostering of the spirit of personal responsibility, valuing personal autonomy and ingenuity. These are all good things. The Democrats also hold many of these things in high regard. But, I have witnessed that, since the early 1980's, the "religious right" has come to have a degree of influence in the Republican Party that I have grown to be uncomfortable with. And along with the influence of the views of these people, perhaps intertwined with them, have come many other extreme ideas that I don't believe are representative of the views of the majority of the American people. I have heard a lot of conservative rhetoric -- embraced by many Republicans -- that I find quite distressing. I have also witnessed actions by the Republicans that seem foolhardy, uncharitable, and out-of-touch with reality.
I will just give a few examples.
The Tea Party. It is my opinion that many of their ideas are not grounded in reality and, if actually enacted, would be disastrous. For instance, I have heard that some of the Tea Partiers believe we should abolish the Department of Education. The Department of Education has been quite helpful to many families, including my own. It has assisted us greatly in sending our kids to college, for example. I also don't think doing away with The Fed is any kind of a good idea. And giving out vouchers for people to buy health insurance in retirement seems like a fool's game to me. I could go on and on... I know we could argue back and forth for days over these things, but based on the research both my husband and I have done, these are my opinions. Basically, it seems that the Tea Party wants to return things to the way they were back in 1780, or so. And that is just not going to happen. And it shouldn't happen. Our country has grown and changed too much. So has the world.
SNAP. Or food assistance for the poor. No, I don't think we should cut it. That would be heartless.
And Texas in particular? What Governor Perry and his cohorts did regarding abortion was just ill-advised. They seemed like a bunch of cruel bullies. I don't like abortion. I wish there were no abortions. But, you don't just come in and pull the rug out from under women in that manner. Abortion is legal. That is the reality. If you want to reduce it, do it in a manner that is respectful of the intelligence and dignity of women. Do it in a way that will give rise to cooperation between people of differing viewpoints. Do it in a way that is thoughtful and charitable and will foster trust between people. Dear Republicans, it just seemed like all you were doing was trying to impress each other with your conservativeness. And combined with your actions regarding medicaid and your views on other social safety net issues, you just came across as heartless. The results? A LOT of angry women. Smart, angry women. And a shitload of ammo for Battleground Texas to use against you.
These are just a few examples of things that some or many of those in the Republican party have endorsed or done that disturb me. I have also been distressed at hearing Republicans complain about people who "depend" on the government without wanting to be independent. I have witnessed first-hand how difficult it is for many people to achieve economic independence in today's world, even though they truly hope to. I have been disappointed that many Republicans fight meaningful gun control. I have been disturbed at the lack of a charitable attitude towards illegal immigrants. I also think the Republicans need to allow for higher taxes on very wealthy people, without giving those wealthy people "legal dodges" so that they can avoid paying those taxes. And I get very, very disturbed when Republicans say and do many of these things while acting as though God is on their side. I also do not like it at all when certain groups of people are marginalized by the Republican Party, especially when those groups of people don't conform to the religious ideas of many in that party. I recall that, not so long ago, many conservatives in government wanted to marginalize Catholics. And there are probably some states where that is still the sentiment. So, when I hear that someone in the GOP (I believe it was in Texas) expressed the view that the Republicans in that state don't really want black people to vote, I get kinda miffed.
So, this is why I am rooting for Battleground Texas. The Republican Party in that state -- and on a national level -- needs to be shaken up and renewed. And that may mean that a little ass-whupping is in order.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Why we should stand with women...
...whether or not we live in Texas.
This isn't going to be a pro-abortion rights post. Or an anti-abortion rights post. Lots of people speak and write passionately about those things. And, frankly, I kind of get tired of hearing it all. I'm 50 years old, and I've pretty much heard it all. So, what I'm going to do here is reflect on women. I probably will piss some people off. I'm probably going to generalize a little bit. Please realize that I know I'm generalizing; I know that everything I say won't apply to every single woman. Women are varied and individual -- like snowflakes. But, like snowflakes, maybe there are some commonalities. So, what do I hope to accomplish? I just hope to give people something to reflect on. Feel free to accept or reject what I say according to your own life experiences. I am no end-all, be-all expert.
Years ago, a friend of mine said something that gave me pause. She was not a Christian. She was Asian and had been raised as a Buddhist. She was relatively quiet, very thoughtful, and wise. She had a daughter who was about the same age as my daughters -- they were all pre-schoolers at the time. One day, we were talking about the raising of girls -- specifically teenage girls and sex. She said something that I have since thought about on quite a few occasions. She stated, "Once you're faced -- as a teenage girl -- with an unplanned pregnancy, there really is no 'good' solution. All of the options -- whether abortion, or adoption, or being a single mom -- involve many difficulties, emotionally and otherwise. No matter what 'choice' you make, it's going to be a hard one. It's going to be painful." You may disagree, but I think she had a really good point.
And I think her point applies not only to teenagers, but to women of any age. So, whether you are "pro-choice" or "pro-life" or whatever label you want to apply to yourself, I think we all need to reflect on this and what it truly means to "stand with women." Because women, sexually, are much more vulnerable than men. And it is the women who must face the consequences of sex -- especially pregnancy -- in a much more direct manner than any man ever will.
I have read many things which advocate the idea of sexual freedom for women, which tell us that women have the basic right to a healthy and satisfying sex life. I agree with this. I think, in the past, women's sexual needs and desires were often overlooked. Women who had higher sex drives and more sexual imagination were often made to feel like "sluts" or "whores." Whereas men who were engaging in the same types of behaviors -- or trysts of the imagination -- were described as "healthy" and given the "wink-wink."
One thing, though, that sometimes is forgotten is that the body of a woman is made to get pregnant. Even when you're using reliable birth control in a responsible fashion, it doesn't always work out the way you think it will. In fact, I even read a statistic that one out of three women will have an abortion by the time she is middle-aged. That's a lot of women. Add on top of that the number of women faced with unplanned pregnancies who do not have abortions and you see that women get pregnant a lot. Even -- sometimes -- while using contraception (or even NFP) properly.
And -- bottom line -- who really has to deal with an unplanned pregnancy? The WOMAN. If she chooses an abortion, she is the one who has to have the procedure done on her. If she chooses adoption, she has to go through the pregnancy and the birth -- feats which should not be diminished or dismissed as simple things. They are not simple things. They are exhausting -- physically and emotionally. And a woman who chooses adoption has to go through being pregnant and giving birth -- and then has to face placing her child into someone else's arms. I have three children. This cannot be an easy thing to do. Not at all. And the woman who chooses to keep her baby -- especially if she is young and single -- may face very difficult circumstances. For example, have you checked out the price of good child care lately? A single mother most probably must work, trying to bring in enough money to cover not only her basic living expenses, but child care, as well. I recently read that the Head Start program is facing a lot of cuts because of the sequester, leaving many single moms in the lurch. Most of the women who depend on Head Start don't make enough money to afford good private day care.
Some of you, at this point, may be thinking that I am a commie pinko feminist bleeding heart liberal. Actually, I am a Republican. I think personal responsibility is important. I have tried to teach my children to be take responsibility for their actions. But, let's face it, we all get in over our heads sometimes, even when we are trying to be responsible. Also, we all fuck up occasionally. Some of us escape -- by the luck of the draw or Providence -- the consequences of our fuck-ups. But, some of us don't. So, yeah, I can relate to those women who find themselves facing a pregnancy that is just not good news.
And this is why we must "Stand With Women" -- whatever our particular bent is regarding the abortion issue. Because women are vulnerable in ways that men just aren't. So, in our actions, we should attempt to be truly sensitive to the needs of women. We should try to truly support them. How? Here are some ideas. Maybe we should respect their intelligence and desire to be independent and self-directed. Maybe we should examine the ways in which we can create a society where fewer pregnancies are "crises." And, perhaps, we need to LISTEN to the women. I know there are women who regret their abortions. The pro-life side has them talk at their functions. I know there are women who do not regret their abortions. The pro-choice side has them talk at their functions. I also know that there are many women who will never talk about their abortions -- whether they regret them or not -- out of fear of rejection or ridicule. I really have a lot of sympathy for these "silent" women. I wonder how they feel when they see all the fighting and arguing and contention?
I know I am kind of rambling here. I also know that I am not addressing the issue of unplanned pregnancy in a comprehensive way. For example, I have not spoken of married women faced with unintended pregnancies. And that does happen. Often. I know I am not offering concrete solutions. But, I am just trying (probably poorly) to point out that if we can quiet ourselves -- at least as individuals interacting with other individuals -- and we can really listen to and be there for women who are facing unplanned pregnancies, maybe our society can actually move forward and experience some healing. And when I say listen, I mean listen. Without passing judgement. Because, sometimes, I think the first thing a woman in crisis needs is someone to talk to, someone who will listen with true compassion, respecting her intelligence and her autonomy and her capability. Because, let's face it, most people make better decisions when they feel understood and respected, when they are not backed into a corner, when they are given a little breathing room. That's part of what "human dignity" is all about.
This isn't going to be a pro-abortion rights post. Or an anti-abortion rights post. Lots of people speak and write passionately about those things. And, frankly, I kind of get tired of hearing it all. I'm 50 years old, and I've pretty much heard it all. So, what I'm going to do here is reflect on women. I probably will piss some people off. I'm probably going to generalize a little bit. Please realize that I know I'm generalizing; I know that everything I say won't apply to every single woman. Women are varied and individual -- like snowflakes. But, like snowflakes, maybe there are some commonalities. So, what do I hope to accomplish? I just hope to give people something to reflect on. Feel free to accept or reject what I say according to your own life experiences. I am no end-all, be-all expert.
Years ago, a friend of mine said something that gave me pause. She was not a Christian. She was Asian and had been raised as a Buddhist. She was relatively quiet, very thoughtful, and wise. She had a daughter who was about the same age as my daughters -- they were all pre-schoolers at the time. One day, we were talking about the raising of girls -- specifically teenage girls and sex. She said something that I have since thought about on quite a few occasions. She stated, "Once you're faced -- as a teenage girl -- with an unplanned pregnancy, there really is no 'good' solution. All of the options -- whether abortion, or adoption, or being a single mom -- involve many difficulties, emotionally and otherwise. No matter what 'choice' you make, it's going to be a hard one. It's going to be painful." You may disagree, but I think she had a really good point.
And I think her point applies not only to teenagers, but to women of any age. So, whether you are "pro-choice" or "pro-life" or whatever label you want to apply to yourself, I think we all need to reflect on this and what it truly means to "stand with women." Because women, sexually, are much more vulnerable than men. And it is the women who must face the consequences of sex -- especially pregnancy -- in a much more direct manner than any man ever will.
I have read many things which advocate the idea of sexual freedom for women, which tell us that women have the basic right to a healthy and satisfying sex life. I agree with this. I think, in the past, women's sexual needs and desires were often overlooked. Women who had higher sex drives and more sexual imagination were often made to feel like "sluts" or "whores." Whereas men who were engaging in the same types of behaviors -- or trysts of the imagination -- were described as "healthy" and given the "wink-wink."
One thing, though, that sometimes is forgotten is that the body of a woman is made to get pregnant. Even when you're using reliable birth control in a responsible fashion, it doesn't always work out the way you think it will. In fact, I even read a statistic that one out of three women will have an abortion by the time she is middle-aged. That's a lot of women. Add on top of that the number of women faced with unplanned pregnancies who do not have abortions and you see that women get pregnant a lot. Even -- sometimes -- while using contraception (or even NFP) properly.
And -- bottom line -- who really has to deal with an unplanned pregnancy? The WOMAN. If she chooses an abortion, she is the one who has to have the procedure done on her. If she chooses adoption, she has to go through the pregnancy and the birth -- feats which should not be diminished or dismissed as simple things. They are not simple things. They are exhausting -- physically and emotionally. And a woman who chooses adoption has to go through being pregnant and giving birth -- and then has to face placing her child into someone else's arms. I have three children. This cannot be an easy thing to do. Not at all. And the woman who chooses to keep her baby -- especially if she is young and single -- may face very difficult circumstances. For example, have you checked out the price of good child care lately? A single mother most probably must work, trying to bring in enough money to cover not only her basic living expenses, but child care, as well. I recently read that the Head Start program is facing a lot of cuts because of the sequester, leaving many single moms in the lurch. Most of the women who depend on Head Start don't make enough money to afford good private day care.
Some of you, at this point, may be thinking that I am a commie pinko feminist bleeding heart liberal. Actually, I am a Republican. I think personal responsibility is important. I have tried to teach my children to be take responsibility for their actions. But, let's face it, we all get in over our heads sometimes, even when we are trying to be responsible. Also, we all fuck up occasionally. Some of us escape -- by the luck of the draw or Providence -- the consequences of our fuck-ups. But, some of us don't. So, yeah, I can relate to those women who find themselves facing a pregnancy that is just not good news.
And this is why we must "Stand With Women" -- whatever our particular bent is regarding the abortion issue. Because women are vulnerable in ways that men just aren't. So, in our actions, we should attempt to be truly sensitive to the needs of women. We should try to truly support them. How? Here are some ideas. Maybe we should respect their intelligence and desire to be independent and self-directed. Maybe we should examine the ways in which we can create a society where fewer pregnancies are "crises." And, perhaps, we need to LISTEN to the women. I know there are women who regret their abortions. The pro-life side has them talk at their functions. I know there are women who do not regret their abortions. The pro-choice side has them talk at their functions. I also know that there are many women who will never talk about their abortions -- whether they regret them or not -- out of fear of rejection or ridicule. I really have a lot of sympathy for these "silent" women. I wonder how they feel when they see all the fighting and arguing and contention?
I know I am kind of rambling here. I also know that I am not addressing the issue of unplanned pregnancy in a comprehensive way. For example, I have not spoken of married women faced with unintended pregnancies. And that does happen. Often. I know I am not offering concrete solutions. But, I am just trying (probably poorly) to point out that if we can quiet ourselves -- at least as individuals interacting with other individuals -- and we can really listen to and be there for women who are facing unplanned pregnancies, maybe our society can actually move forward and experience some healing. And when I say listen, I mean listen. Without passing judgement. Because, sometimes, I think the first thing a woman in crisis needs is someone to talk to, someone who will listen with true compassion, respecting her intelligence and her autonomy and her capability. Because, let's face it, most people make better decisions when they feel understood and respected, when they are not backed into a corner, when they are given a little breathing room. That's part of what "human dignity" is all about.
Thursday, June 27, 2013
The Little Texan In Her Pink Shoes
Did y'all see Texan Wendy Davis filibustering a couple nights ago? It was a pretty awesome sight to behold, whatever your opinions on women's issues may be.
I am the same age as Wendy. She was born one month and six days after me. I was reading a bit about her, as I had never heard of her before her filibuster, and she is a pretty incredible person. She married and had a baby as a teen, got divorced, became a paralegal, worked her way through college and law school, and went on to have a fantastic career. If I had tried to do all those things, I would have had a nervous breakdown. My hat is off to you, Wendy!
And as I watched this darling lady in her pink shoes and the reactions she got from the crowd and on Twitter, I tried to just quiet myself and ponder things.
This is what I have pondered.
Yes, I am a Catholic. Yes, I am a Republican. I take being a Catholic pretty seriously. Being a Republican? Not quite so much. Though I appreciate politics and understand their importance, I do not possess enough of the ideology of either of the major parties to be entirely faithful to one or the other. And I have actually switched party affiliation more than once. I may do it again.
What do I like about the Republicans? I have generally been drawn to the ideas of limited government and subsidiarity. I also liked Reagan a great deal. If you are a Democrat, you will probably gag at this, but Reagan was to my generation what Obama is to the current generation of younger people. Things pretty much sucked in the late 70's, and Reagan gave us his version of "hope" and "change." He had a positive attitude, a good sense of humor, and he was unflinchingly brave in the face of the things we viewed as threats to our freedom. Of course, he also scared the crap out of a lot of people. I understand that. But, I liked him. I still do. I know he made mistakes. I know he was not perfect. I am not defending everything he did. But, he sort of gave our nation a much-needed kick in the pants and a shot in the arm and a little bit of pride and confidence where it was very lacking. If you don't believe me, go and watch that new movie about the Iranian hostage crisis that stars Ben Affleck.
As a Catholic, though, I also appreciate many, many things about the Democratic party. I am quite sympathetic to their ideals of social justice and their desire for a strong social safety net. And -- having children in their 20's who are struggling to begin careers in the current economy -- I am really starting to appreciate their desire for some type of national health insurance system. And I have to say that "Obamacare" has been a Godsend for us -- especially since my 23-year-old daughter has many health problems. I don't know what we would have done to affordably provide for her healthcare needs -- especially considering the current state of the job market for young people -- without the new laws.
Why have I told you these things? It is so that you will have more understanding of where I am coming from when it comes to my thoughts about Wendy and her pink shoes and standing with her and all.
I have to admit that my first reaction in watching Wendy was to "root" for the Republicans. Then I started to pay more attention and learn more about what the GOP members had done. It seems like they basically tried to throw a Hail Mary pass at the last possible moment. They said that their proposed laws would protect the health and safety of women. Frankly, I don't really buy that. I think they were just trying to get abortion clinics shut down. And this seems, to me, like a dishonest, heartless way to reduce abortion rates. And I don't think it will protect the health of women, either. Because, in the current environment, given the current state of our culture, women will not say, "Oh, I am pregnant and I am not happy about it. But, I will just have this baby and all will be well." They probably won't do that. They'll most likely try to find some way to get an abortion, anyway -- a way that will probably be less safe than if the current clinics had stayed open. And they will get angry. They will get angry at the mean men who appear to be bullying them. They will get angry at the heartless and ignorant men who keep saying things like, "A woman's body has a way to shut those things down." It's like these Republicans just attacked a relatively peaceful hive with a flame thrower. Way to burn bridges, GOP members.
So, here we have this image. An image of a little lady in pink shoes -- a woman who was a teen mom herself, who chose to have her baby in an era when she could have chosen otherwise -- facing down these hostile people. Even I -- Catholic that I am -- was quite moved by this. And now I hear that the governor has called a special session to go through the whole issue again. Hello, Governor. You think Wendy is going to back down this time? I don't think so. She's probably in training right now to take you on.
At this point, I have probably succeeded in alienating practically everyone who is reading this. Sorry about that. But, if you care to read on, I will tell you what I think would be a more positive approach to this whole thing.
I would like to see the people on "both sides of the aisle" respecting each others concerns and appreciating the merits of each others arguments. I would like to see the Republicans being honest about their goals and measured in their approach. I would like to see the Democrats trying to understand that most Republicans don't want to oppress women. (Well, at least the ones in California don't. I'm not sure about the ones in Texas.) I think the governor should cancel the special session he called and wait until the next regular legislative session, when all of this should be taken up in a thoughtful, respectful, unhurried way. I want to see everybody calm down and deal with the issue in a rational manner. If that is possible in Texas. ;-)
I am the same age as Wendy. She was born one month and six days after me. I was reading a bit about her, as I had never heard of her before her filibuster, and she is a pretty incredible person. She married and had a baby as a teen, got divorced, became a paralegal, worked her way through college and law school, and went on to have a fantastic career. If I had tried to do all those things, I would have had a nervous breakdown. My hat is off to you, Wendy!
And as I watched this darling lady in her pink shoes and the reactions she got from the crowd and on Twitter, I tried to just quiet myself and ponder things.
This is what I have pondered.
Yes, I am a Catholic. Yes, I am a Republican. I take being a Catholic pretty seriously. Being a Republican? Not quite so much. Though I appreciate politics and understand their importance, I do not possess enough of the ideology of either of the major parties to be entirely faithful to one or the other. And I have actually switched party affiliation more than once. I may do it again.
What do I like about the Republicans? I have generally been drawn to the ideas of limited government and subsidiarity. I also liked Reagan a great deal. If you are a Democrat, you will probably gag at this, but Reagan was to my generation what Obama is to the current generation of younger people. Things pretty much sucked in the late 70's, and Reagan gave us his version of "hope" and "change." He had a positive attitude, a good sense of humor, and he was unflinchingly brave in the face of the things we viewed as threats to our freedom. Of course, he also scared the crap out of a lot of people. I understand that. But, I liked him. I still do. I know he made mistakes. I know he was not perfect. I am not defending everything he did. But, he sort of gave our nation a much-needed kick in the pants and a shot in the arm and a little bit of pride and confidence where it was very lacking. If you don't believe me, go and watch that new movie about the Iranian hostage crisis that stars Ben Affleck.
As a Catholic, though, I also appreciate many, many things about the Democratic party. I am quite sympathetic to their ideals of social justice and their desire for a strong social safety net. And -- having children in their 20's who are struggling to begin careers in the current economy -- I am really starting to appreciate their desire for some type of national health insurance system. And I have to say that "Obamacare" has been a Godsend for us -- especially since my 23-year-old daughter has many health problems. I don't know what we would have done to affordably provide for her healthcare needs -- especially considering the current state of the job market for young people -- without the new laws.
Why have I told you these things? It is so that you will have more understanding of where I am coming from when it comes to my thoughts about Wendy and her pink shoes and standing with her and all.
I have to admit that my first reaction in watching Wendy was to "root" for the Republicans. Then I started to pay more attention and learn more about what the GOP members had done. It seems like they basically tried to throw a Hail Mary pass at the last possible moment. They said that their proposed laws would protect the health and safety of women. Frankly, I don't really buy that. I think they were just trying to get abortion clinics shut down. And this seems, to me, like a dishonest, heartless way to reduce abortion rates. And I don't think it will protect the health of women, either. Because, in the current environment, given the current state of our culture, women will not say, "Oh, I am pregnant and I am not happy about it. But, I will just have this baby and all will be well." They probably won't do that. They'll most likely try to find some way to get an abortion, anyway -- a way that will probably be less safe than if the current clinics had stayed open. And they will get angry. They will get angry at the mean men who appear to be bullying them. They will get angry at the heartless and ignorant men who keep saying things like, "A woman's body has a way to shut those things down." It's like these Republicans just attacked a relatively peaceful hive with a flame thrower. Way to burn bridges, GOP members.
So, here we have this image. An image of a little lady in pink shoes -- a woman who was a teen mom herself, who chose to have her baby in an era when she could have chosen otherwise -- facing down these hostile people. Even I -- Catholic that I am -- was quite moved by this. And now I hear that the governor has called a special session to go through the whole issue again. Hello, Governor. You think Wendy is going to back down this time? I don't think so. She's probably in training right now to take you on.
At this point, I have probably succeeded in alienating practically everyone who is reading this. Sorry about that. But, if you care to read on, I will tell you what I think would be a more positive approach to this whole thing.
I would like to see the people on "both sides of the aisle" respecting each others concerns and appreciating the merits of each others arguments. I would like to see the Republicans being honest about their goals and measured in their approach. I would like to see the Democrats trying to understand that most Republicans don't want to oppress women. (Well, at least the ones in California don't. I'm not sure about the ones in Texas.) I think the governor should cancel the special session he called and wait until the next regular legislative session, when all of this should be taken up in a thoughtful, respectful, unhurried way. I want to see everybody calm down and deal with the issue in a rational manner. If that is possible in Texas. ;-)
Sunday, April 28, 2013
How the Republicans have the Catholics by the...
...balls.
I went to early Mass this morning with my daughter Bridget. She likes to go to early Mass. And since, because of her health issues, she is unable to drive, I went with her. I usually go to a later Mass, as I am no longer much of a morning person. In my youth, I was very much a morning person. Not anymore. And not being a morning person combined with being at early Mass made me a little cranky, which made me start to think about the topic of this post. I have thought about it other times -- when I was not cranky. But, my crankiness in combination with my middle-aged broad menopausal-ness have given me the audacity to actually write about it.
As we all know, if we have been paying any attention whatsoever, is that the Republican party has essentially become the party of the those who oppose legalized abortion and the Democratic party has essentially become the party of those who support legalized abortion.
The Catholic Church teaches very strongly against abortion -- legal or otherwise. It is not my purpose in this post to discuss this teaching, but what this teaching has wrought politically in our country.
When my parents were young, most Catholics were Democrats. My mother explained to me when I was growing up that the Democratic party was the party of the "working person" -- it supported labor rights and a social safety net for people who worked hard for a modest living. And most Catholics were working people. Hence, most of them were Democrats.
As time went on, the Democrats began to support many other ideas that are very "Catholic." The Democratic party still supports a strong social safety net for the poor and the elderly, and champions the right of working people to a living wage and a safe work environment. It also views access to adequate healthcare, housing, and education as essential to human dignity; sees war as something to be engaged in only as a very last resort; promotes the welcoming of the immigrant; and encourages us all to work in solidarity to form a civil society that allows for all people to live according to their beliefs.
The Democratic party also supports abortion rights.
And herein lies the conundrum for Catholics -- and this is how the Republicans have them by the balls.
Because the Republican party does not support abortion rights, and because many in the hierarchy of the Catholic Church have made statements to the effect that the abortion issue should be seen as the top priority for Catholic voters, a lot of Catholic voters will vote for Republicans based primarily -- or even solely -- on this issue. I have personally known Catholics who vote this way. I have also personally known Catholics who feel that you are endangering your immortal soul if you vote for a pro-choice Democrat -- even if you vote for that person based on issues other than abortion.
But, there is a danger to this. It basically gives the Republicans a pass to potentially get away with what I will call "crap" without a whole lot of scrutiny by the Catholics. I have, at times, seen Catholics almost turn a deaf ear and a blind eye to some of the objectionable things Republicans say and do as long as those Republicans "toe the line" as far as abortion is concerned. And this worries me. It worries me because I think the Republicans are very well aware of this situation, and I think that at least some of them take advantage of it from time to time.
Please know that I realize I am generalizing a great deal in this post. Most Catholics are not mindless dupes. Maybe some politicians are people of good character. I do not mean to say that Republicans are war-mongers who don't care about poor people. I do not mean to say that Democrats are all selfless do-gooders. There are even Republicans who are pro-choice and Democrats who oppose legalized abortion. My main purpose here is to point out the danger -- no matter what political party you belong to -- of having one issue become so overwhelmingly important that it leaves you vulnerable to those who might manipulate you to their own ends.
I went to early Mass this morning with my daughter Bridget. She likes to go to early Mass. And since, because of her health issues, she is unable to drive, I went with her. I usually go to a later Mass, as I am no longer much of a morning person. In my youth, I was very much a morning person. Not anymore. And not being a morning person combined with being at early Mass made me a little cranky, which made me start to think about the topic of this post. I have thought about it other times -- when I was not cranky. But, my crankiness in combination with my middle-aged broad menopausal-ness have given me the audacity to actually write about it.
As we all know, if we have been paying any attention whatsoever, is that the Republican party has essentially become the party of the those who oppose legalized abortion and the Democratic party has essentially become the party of those who support legalized abortion.
The Catholic Church teaches very strongly against abortion -- legal or otherwise. It is not my purpose in this post to discuss this teaching, but what this teaching has wrought politically in our country.
When my parents were young, most Catholics were Democrats. My mother explained to me when I was growing up that the Democratic party was the party of the "working person" -- it supported labor rights and a social safety net for people who worked hard for a modest living. And most Catholics were working people. Hence, most of them were Democrats.
As time went on, the Democrats began to support many other ideas that are very "Catholic." The Democratic party still supports a strong social safety net for the poor and the elderly, and champions the right of working people to a living wage and a safe work environment. It also views access to adequate healthcare, housing, and education as essential to human dignity; sees war as something to be engaged in only as a very last resort; promotes the welcoming of the immigrant; and encourages us all to work in solidarity to form a civil society that allows for all people to live according to their beliefs.
The Democratic party also supports abortion rights.
And herein lies the conundrum for Catholics -- and this is how the Republicans have them by the balls.
Because the Republican party does not support abortion rights, and because many in the hierarchy of the Catholic Church have made statements to the effect that the abortion issue should be seen as the top priority for Catholic voters, a lot of Catholic voters will vote for Republicans based primarily -- or even solely -- on this issue. I have personally known Catholics who vote this way. I have also personally known Catholics who feel that you are endangering your immortal soul if you vote for a pro-choice Democrat -- even if you vote for that person based on issues other than abortion.
But, there is a danger to this. It basically gives the Republicans a pass to potentially get away with what I will call "crap" without a whole lot of scrutiny by the Catholics. I have, at times, seen Catholics almost turn a deaf ear and a blind eye to some of the objectionable things Republicans say and do as long as those Republicans "toe the line" as far as abortion is concerned. And this worries me. It worries me because I think the Republicans are very well aware of this situation, and I think that at least some of them take advantage of it from time to time.
Please know that I realize I am generalizing a great deal in this post. Most Catholics are not mindless dupes. Maybe some politicians are people of good character. I do not mean to say that Republicans are war-mongers who don't care about poor people. I do not mean to say that Democrats are all selfless do-gooders. There are even Republicans who are pro-choice and Democrats who oppose legalized abortion. My main purpose here is to point out the danger -- no matter what political party you belong to -- of having one issue become so overwhelmingly important that it leaves you vulnerable to those who might manipulate you to their own ends.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Bridget, Ben, and Fred...
...Fred Nietzsche, that is.
As you may or may not know, last week was the Season 5 finale of "SouthLAnd." In an interview he did before it aired, Ben McKenzie discusses his character (Ben Sherman). He says, if I recall correctly, that Officer Sherman has come to see himself as the arbiter of good and evil.
My daughter Bridget -- student of philosophy -- upon thinking about this, created a meme which she sent to Mr. McKenzie via Twitter. This meme involved a photo of the book "Beyond Good And Evil -- Prelude To A Philosophy Of The Future" by Friedrich Nietzsche. The meme also included the words, "Ben Sherman's Slippery Slope." She sent this meme to Mr. McKenzie accompanied by Mr. Nietzsche's statement, "He who fights with monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster."
I guess this pleased Mr. McKenzie because he Retweeted it.
And that got me to reflecting on political relationships in our country.
Bridget is, in a nutshell, a traditional Catholic. Ben McKenzie appears to be, in a nutshell, a progressive. Yet, they seem to agree that proclaiming oneself to be the "arbiter of good and evil" is a bad idea.
This got me to thinking about conservatives and progressives, in general, and how they view each other. And how they might be misunderstanding one another. And how -- even though there are issues on which they will probably never agree -- they might be able to stop fearing each other. Because I do see a lot of fear, of the progressives by the conservatives, and of the conservatives by the progressives. And it makes me sad. How can we, after all, move forward as a country if we fear each others "agendas?"
This is where the Ben and Bridget thing can, perhaps, help us gain a better understanding of one another.
The conservatives I have spent time with (most of whom are traditional Catholics and other varieties of Christians) feel that the progressives are making themselves the arbiters of good and evil -- especially on the issues of abortion and gay rights. Most religious conservatives see God as the ultimate arbiter of good and evil and react negatively to the progressive view, which they see as human beings trying to take the place of God. Many of them see the progressive view as erring in the same way that Adam and Eve erred in the Garden of Eden -- pridefully believing that they could decide right and wrong for themselves, disdaining the Lord's ultimate authority in this area.
The more progressive people I have spent time with, though, have expressed to me the following idea: They feel that the conservatives/Christians/Catholics are making THEMSELVES the ultimate arbiters of good and evil by trying to impose their belief system on the rest of society. They get a little freaked out when they hear the Pope or the Bishops or other religious people telling them what they should believe and do based on (what appears to them) to be their personal religious opinions. These progressives -- especially secular ones, but even some religious ones that I have known -- believe that there needs to be adequate space for non-religious people to make their own moral choices, without being pressured by either religious authority or religious individuals.
So, to me, this is how people of seemingly very different worldviews can hold a common idea -- in this case, the idea that it is not wise for an individual to view himself as the ultimate arbiter of good and evil -- but how they can view that idea from different perspectives. And if these different people can come to understand one another better, then maybe we can converse with each other instead of fearing each other.
Maybe Bridget, Ben, and Fred have shown us a little bit of the way forward.
As you may or may not know, last week was the Season 5 finale of "SouthLAnd." In an interview he did before it aired, Ben McKenzie discusses his character (Ben Sherman). He says, if I recall correctly, that Officer Sherman has come to see himself as the arbiter of good and evil.
My daughter Bridget -- student of philosophy -- upon thinking about this, created a meme which she sent to Mr. McKenzie via Twitter. This meme involved a photo of the book "Beyond Good And Evil -- Prelude To A Philosophy Of The Future" by Friedrich Nietzsche. The meme also included the words, "Ben Sherman's Slippery Slope." She sent this meme to Mr. McKenzie accompanied by Mr. Nietzsche's statement, "He who fights with monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster."
I guess this pleased Mr. McKenzie because he Retweeted it.
And that got me to reflecting on political relationships in our country.
Bridget is, in a nutshell, a traditional Catholic. Ben McKenzie appears to be, in a nutshell, a progressive. Yet, they seem to agree that proclaiming oneself to be the "arbiter of good and evil" is a bad idea.
This got me to thinking about conservatives and progressives, in general, and how they view each other. And how they might be misunderstanding one another. And how -- even though there are issues on which they will probably never agree -- they might be able to stop fearing each other. Because I do see a lot of fear, of the progressives by the conservatives, and of the conservatives by the progressives. And it makes me sad. How can we, after all, move forward as a country if we fear each others "agendas?"
This is where the Ben and Bridget thing can, perhaps, help us gain a better understanding of one another.
The conservatives I have spent time with (most of whom are traditional Catholics and other varieties of Christians) feel that the progressives are making themselves the arbiters of good and evil -- especially on the issues of abortion and gay rights. Most religious conservatives see God as the ultimate arbiter of good and evil and react negatively to the progressive view, which they see as human beings trying to take the place of God. Many of them see the progressive view as erring in the same way that Adam and Eve erred in the Garden of Eden -- pridefully believing that they could decide right and wrong for themselves, disdaining the Lord's ultimate authority in this area.
The more progressive people I have spent time with, though, have expressed to me the following idea: They feel that the conservatives/Christians/Catholics are making THEMSELVES the ultimate arbiters of good and evil by trying to impose their belief system on the rest of society. They get a little freaked out when they hear the Pope or the Bishops or other religious people telling them what they should believe and do based on (what appears to them) to be their personal religious opinions. These progressives -- especially secular ones, but even some religious ones that I have known -- believe that there needs to be adequate space for non-religious people to make their own moral choices, without being pressured by either religious authority or religious individuals.
So, to me, this is how people of seemingly very different worldviews can hold a common idea -- in this case, the idea that it is not wise for an individual to view himself as the ultimate arbiter of good and evil -- but how they can view that idea from different perspectives. And if these different people can come to understand one another better, then maybe we can converse with each other instead of fearing each other.
Maybe Bridget, Ben, and Fred have shown us a little bit of the way forward.
Friday, March 15, 2013
Dear Catholics. When we speak of abortion, gay rights...
...and all the other issues which elections tend to bring up, whether the elections be secular or papal, let us remember that there are actual people who are touched -- for good and for ill -- by our words and actions.
Let us remember that we must, first of all, LOVE. Let us remember that without love, we are just clanging cymbals. Let us remember that without love, we are just going to alienate and hurt people -- people Jesus loves.
Maybe we should start by standing in the shoes of The Other. By trying to see things their way.
For example, pro-choice people do not hate babies and mothers and families. I have personally had three friends who worked for Planned Parenthood -- two as volunteers and one as an employee. One of the women who was a volunteer helped to stock and staff a center where poor, unwed mothers could come and get needed supplies for their babies. This was an actual Planned Parenthood center. The other volunteer worked a phone line where people could call for information about sexually transmitted diseases and contraception. She was very excited to do this work, as she believed it helped people to stay healthy. She did not view her job as encouraging people to engage in irresponsible sex. She was very much in favor of people taking responsibility for their actions; and she viewed her position as assisting them in that endeavor. The third woman I knew worked as a counselor in an abortion clinic. She was a kind and unassuming young woman. She knew I was Catholic. She knew we did not agree about this issue. But, she accepted me as a friend, anyway. And I accepted her. And this friendship allowed me to talk to her about her ideas. She told me, basically, that she did not see abortion as an actual "good," but that the women who came to the clinic were in very difficult circumstances and felt that they had no alternative.
I did have these experiences many years ago. I know there are many more resources now for women with unplanned pregnancies. But, the whole need has not been filled. So, to me, instead of fretting about the law, I ponder how I can actually reach out to and help women in difficult circumstances. Without judging them. Loving them no matter what their final decision about their situation might be.
Pro-women's rights people are also (rightly) concerned about certain things they see in developing countries. They see women and children who suffer disproportionately because of ill health and poverty. And it cannot be denied that this ill health and poverty can, at least to some degree, be attributed to having many babies in impoverished circumstances in cultures where women are often viewed as property. So, the progressives believe it is important to empower women in societies where they have no voice. They see it as an issue of human dignity. And part (and only part) of the formula for this empowerment, in their minds, includes contraception and abortion.
So, even if we Catholics don't agree on this part of their solution, we should still admit that there is a problem. We should express some understanding for the pro-choice view of things, for it is understandable. And, with understanding, perhaps there can be some real dialogue.
Gay marriage is another hot-button issue of our day. Many Catholic people speak vociferously of how gay marriage threatens heterosexual marriage, children, society, religious freedom. What concerns me most about this is that we tend to forget that there are actual people we are touching with our words -- words that can, at times, be legitimately construed as unkind. We must remember that gay people do actually love each other and their children. They have the same desires as the rest of us for companionship and love and family. These are human desires. So, as we discuss these issues, let us contemplate how difficult and lonely it would be to go through life without a spouse or children. We need to have a real sensitivity to that. We need to have compassion and kindness. The gay people I know do not wish to "persecute" me for my religion. They are just fine with me practicing my religion as I wish -- and even speaking about it with them. They just don't want to be pushed around. And they feel that we religious people want to push them around. They feel that we want to "persecute" them.
Finally, let us remember the failings of our Church and the horrific suffering these failings have caused. Let us reflect on the priestly abuse crisis. Let us fall to our knees in sorrow and humility. And before we open our mouths, let us remember, "He who is without sin may cast the first stone."
Let us remember that we must, first of all, LOVE. Let us remember that without love, we are just clanging cymbals. Let us remember that without love, we are just going to alienate and hurt people -- people Jesus loves.
Maybe we should start by standing in the shoes of The Other. By trying to see things their way.
For example, pro-choice people do not hate babies and mothers and families. I have personally had three friends who worked for Planned Parenthood -- two as volunteers and one as an employee. One of the women who was a volunteer helped to stock and staff a center where poor, unwed mothers could come and get needed supplies for their babies. This was an actual Planned Parenthood center. The other volunteer worked a phone line where people could call for information about sexually transmitted diseases and contraception. She was very excited to do this work, as she believed it helped people to stay healthy. She did not view her job as encouraging people to engage in irresponsible sex. She was very much in favor of people taking responsibility for their actions; and she viewed her position as assisting them in that endeavor. The third woman I knew worked as a counselor in an abortion clinic. She was a kind and unassuming young woman. She knew I was Catholic. She knew we did not agree about this issue. But, she accepted me as a friend, anyway. And I accepted her. And this friendship allowed me to talk to her about her ideas. She told me, basically, that she did not see abortion as an actual "good," but that the women who came to the clinic were in very difficult circumstances and felt that they had no alternative.
I did have these experiences many years ago. I know there are many more resources now for women with unplanned pregnancies. But, the whole need has not been filled. So, to me, instead of fretting about the law, I ponder how I can actually reach out to and help women in difficult circumstances. Without judging them. Loving them no matter what their final decision about their situation might be.
Pro-women's rights people are also (rightly) concerned about certain things they see in developing countries. They see women and children who suffer disproportionately because of ill health and poverty. And it cannot be denied that this ill health and poverty can, at least to some degree, be attributed to having many babies in impoverished circumstances in cultures where women are often viewed as property. So, the progressives believe it is important to empower women in societies where they have no voice. They see it as an issue of human dignity. And part (and only part) of the formula for this empowerment, in their minds, includes contraception and abortion.
So, even if we Catholics don't agree on this part of their solution, we should still admit that there is a problem. We should express some understanding for the pro-choice view of things, for it is understandable. And, with understanding, perhaps there can be some real dialogue.
Gay marriage is another hot-button issue of our day. Many Catholic people speak vociferously of how gay marriage threatens heterosexual marriage, children, society, religious freedom. What concerns me most about this is that we tend to forget that there are actual people we are touching with our words -- words that can, at times, be legitimately construed as unkind. We must remember that gay people do actually love each other and their children. They have the same desires as the rest of us for companionship and love and family. These are human desires. So, as we discuss these issues, let us contemplate how difficult and lonely it would be to go through life without a spouse or children. We need to have a real sensitivity to that. We need to have compassion and kindness. The gay people I know do not wish to "persecute" me for my religion. They are just fine with me practicing my religion as I wish -- and even speaking about it with them. They just don't want to be pushed around. And they feel that we religious people want to push them around. They feel that we want to "persecute" them.
Finally, let us remember the failings of our Church and the horrific suffering these failings have caused. Let us reflect on the priestly abuse crisis. Let us fall to our knees in sorrow and humility. And before we open our mouths, let us remember, "He who is without sin may cast the first stone."
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