You may have read the comment made by "Ricardo" on my last blog post. When I read it, I pretty much felt like Hester Prynn. Into my mind came all the images of women -- misunderstood, abused, ostracized, shunned, shut down -- because they were/are sinners. I especially felt that way because I am a Catholic and Ricardo is a Catholic deacon. Thankfully, not at my parish. Although, he does live a few doors down from me. And I admit that every time I walk down the street since reading that comment, I hyperventilate and feel rather faint (which I do twice a day, when I walk my dogs).
Now, as a Catholic, I do not deny that I am a sinner. I know that I am. I am also grateful that I was not brought up in a Catholic environment inhabited by people like Ricardo. I was brought up in an environment inhabited by people like Pope Francis.
I read today some words that Francis spoke in Cuba, addressing priests and bishops (members of the clergy who hear Confessions). Deacons do not hear Confessions, thanks be to God. And these words reminded me why I have faith in Jesus. Because Jesus EMBRACES the sinner. He has MERCY and COMPASSION on the sinner. He does not smack the sinner to the ground as she makes herself vulnerable and tries to get up from a fall. Rather, He gives her His hand.
I would like now to share these words of our wonderful Pope Francis with you, so that you may understand why I am still Catholic, in spite of what people like Ricardo might say to me:
"....there is a privileged place for the priest where this last one, this least one, this smallest one is found -- and it is the confessional. And there, when this man or this woman shows you his misery -- careful because it's the same misery that you have and from which God saved you, eh? from getting to that point. When he or she shows you his misery, please, don't scold him. Don't scold him, don't punish him. If you don't have sin, throw the first stone. But only under that condition. If not, think of your sins and think that you could be that person and think that you could potentially fall even lower, and think that you in this moment have in your hands a treasure, which is the mercy of the Father. Please, priests, don't get tired of forgiving, like Jesus did. Don't hide in fears or in rigidities. Just like this nun (a sister from the Congregation of the Missionaries of Charity who had spoken before the Pope) and all of those who are in the same ministry as she is, they don't get furious when they find a sick person who is dirty, but instead serve him, clean him, take care of him. Just like this, you, when a penitent comes, don't react badly, don't get neurotic, don't cast him out of the confessional, don't scold him. Jesus embraced them. Jesus loved them. Tomorrow, we celebrate St. Matthew. He was a thief and beyond that, betrayed his people. And the Gospel says that at night, Jesus went to dine with him and others like him. St. Ambrose has a phrase that moves me a lot: 'where there is mercy, the Spirit of Jesus is there; where there is rigidity, merely his ministers are there.'
"Brother priest, brother bishop, do not be afraid of mercy, allow it to flow out of your hands and through your embrace of forgiveness. Because this person or that person who is there are the least ones, and therefore it is Jesus. ....Poverty and mercy....that is where Jesus is."
And isn't that how we come to conversion -- a turning away from the bad and toward the good? Isn't it through being shown love? Isn't it through being shown mercy? Not from having your lack of logic pounced upon. Not from being compared to "pagans" who practiced child sacrifice. But from being embraced by love, by compassion -- by Christ. And he isn't walking down the streets of our cities right now -- but, we are. And we who call ourselves Christians have a very serious obligation not to push people away in His name.
There are people who believe in God and people who don't. There are Jews and Hindus and Muslims and Pagans and Buddhists. Among all of these, there are people of goodwill. All deserve to have their faith -- or lack, thereof -- respected. All deserve love and mercy and compassion. Because we are all kind of a mess, when you think about it. Nobody -- really -- is in a position to cast that first stone. I mean, look at Jesus. Christians believe He is God and -- thus -- perfect. And even He does not cast stones. Rather, He holds us close and wipes our tears.
Pax.
P.S. -- Please pray for me to forgive Ricardo. I admit that it isn't easy. I want to be able to walk by his house and offer him a kind hello, instead of fainting in his driveway. ;-)
Showing posts with label Christian. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christian. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 22, 2015
Friday, September 13, 2013
God Is Not A Gumball Machine
You know what I mean?
This post is just my little old opinion. I'm no theologian, or anything.
It just seems to me that, at times in life, we kinda expect God to be like a gumball machine. Or a vending machine. We want to put the right currency in and have delightful things come out. We have a desire -- a good desire. Or a need -- a real need. Or a terrible situation that we want to see put aright. So, we have our Masses said, we do our Novenas, we pray our Rosaries, we pray in our own sincere, heartfelt words -- our currency -- and we try to have true Christian hope that God will grant our petitions.
Please don't get me wrong. There's nothing wrong with any of that. It's all good.
Sometimes, though, I see a little bit of a problem.
Sometimes, I see people fast and pray and do all the "right" things, and their prayers are answered according to their wishes. They get the "gumball." And people talk about how they got the desired outcome because of all these spiritual things they did, or because of their holiness, or because of their great faith. Sometimes, people even encourage those who have a real need by telling them that if they just have faith enough that their prayer will be answered in the way they hope. And when their prayer is answered "positively," everyone celebrates this great faith, the great spiritual efforts put forth. Everyone talks about how good God is because the desired outcome was granted.
But, you know, plenty of times our prayers don't seem to be answered. At least not in the way we want them to be. There is plenty of effort by the "prayer warriors." Nobody seems to be slacking off. But, employment or health or the return of "prodigal" children does not happen. And I kind of worry about this. I worry that the people who don't have their prayers answered in the "right" way will feel that they did something wrong. That somehow they are not deserving. That God does not love them as much as He loves the people whose "wishes come true."
I think about this a lot. And I began thinking about it more yesterday, because I read an article in which a Christian woman spoke about how many of her Christian friends and acquaintances became atheists because of the financial crisis. They felt like they had done everything to the best of their ability to please God, and then He didn't seem to be holding up His end of the bargain when they lost so much -- jobs, homes, life savings -- in the economic crash.
Now, I know plenty of people who have lost much, who don't seem to get their prayers answered, and they still have faith that God is there. They have faith that He is using everything for their good. But, it must be pretty tough for them when they see Christians rejoicing over someone else's good fortune, when they hear people talking about how good God is because he granted x, y, or z to someone. I also wonder if, at times, people who want to be "good" Christians don't express their hurt and disappointment in the way God seems to be treating them, because they don't want to set a bad example for others. They don't want to give scandal. So, I think -- perhaps -- that there are times when people try to have faith, or try to give an outward impression of having faith, when they are really struggling inside and the rest of us just can't see it.
What to do? I don't really know. I guess I have just come to a place in my life where I feel that the only real alternative -- the only way for me to have faith -- is just to speak to God honestly. I try to speak to Him about my life and others' lives, what I like and don't like, where I am happy and where I am disappointed. I just lay it all out for Him. And then I try to trust that He is there. I try to trust that He loves me and everybody else, too. I ask Him to get us all home to Him, somehow. And I try not to talk too incredibly much in the face of other people's pain. Because, in wanting to help somebody out, I can really talk too much. So, now, I'm trying to be quieter, to just listen more, to just be there. I don't talk about all the prayers we should do or the faith we should have or even how I trust God to send a good outcome. I don't say, "I trust that God will fully heal so-and-so of their cancer." (Believe me, I have heard people say such things.) Because I don't know that God will do that. But, I do believe God is with us and loves us. I don't always understand why He allows what He allows. And I'm not going to pretend that I do. I'm not going to put on an act. So, I will just try to be present to those who are hurting, and I will just try to trust in the presence of God. And I will trust Him to handle it when I get annoyed with Him for allowing crap to happen in the world. He's big enough for that.
This post is just my little old opinion. I'm no theologian, or anything.
It just seems to me that, at times in life, we kinda expect God to be like a gumball machine. Or a vending machine. We want to put the right currency in and have delightful things come out. We have a desire -- a good desire. Or a need -- a real need. Or a terrible situation that we want to see put aright. So, we have our Masses said, we do our Novenas, we pray our Rosaries, we pray in our own sincere, heartfelt words -- our currency -- and we try to have true Christian hope that God will grant our petitions.
Please don't get me wrong. There's nothing wrong with any of that. It's all good.
Sometimes, though, I see a little bit of a problem.
Sometimes, I see people fast and pray and do all the "right" things, and their prayers are answered according to their wishes. They get the "gumball." And people talk about how they got the desired outcome because of all these spiritual things they did, or because of their holiness, or because of their great faith. Sometimes, people even encourage those who have a real need by telling them that if they just have faith enough that their prayer will be answered in the way they hope. And when their prayer is answered "positively," everyone celebrates this great faith, the great spiritual efforts put forth. Everyone talks about how good God is because the desired outcome was granted.
But, you know, plenty of times our prayers don't seem to be answered. At least not in the way we want them to be. There is plenty of effort by the "prayer warriors." Nobody seems to be slacking off. But, employment or health or the return of "prodigal" children does not happen. And I kind of worry about this. I worry that the people who don't have their prayers answered in the "right" way will feel that they did something wrong. That somehow they are not deserving. That God does not love them as much as He loves the people whose "wishes come true."
I think about this a lot. And I began thinking about it more yesterday, because I read an article in which a Christian woman spoke about how many of her Christian friends and acquaintances became atheists because of the financial crisis. They felt like they had done everything to the best of their ability to please God, and then He didn't seem to be holding up His end of the bargain when they lost so much -- jobs, homes, life savings -- in the economic crash.
Now, I know plenty of people who have lost much, who don't seem to get their prayers answered, and they still have faith that God is there. They have faith that He is using everything for their good. But, it must be pretty tough for them when they see Christians rejoicing over someone else's good fortune, when they hear people talking about how good God is because he granted x, y, or z to someone. I also wonder if, at times, people who want to be "good" Christians don't express their hurt and disappointment in the way God seems to be treating them, because they don't want to set a bad example for others. They don't want to give scandal. So, I think -- perhaps -- that there are times when people try to have faith, or try to give an outward impression of having faith, when they are really struggling inside and the rest of us just can't see it.
What to do? I don't really know. I guess I have just come to a place in my life where I feel that the only real alternative -- the only way for me to have faith -- is just to speak to God honestly. I try to speak to Him about my life and others' lives, what I like and don't like, where I am happy and where I am disappointed. I just lay it all out for Him. And then I try to trust that He is there. I try to trust that He loves me and everybody else, too. I ask Him to get us all home to Him, somehow. And I try not to talk too incredibly much in the face of other people's pain. Because, in wanting to help somebody out, I can really talk too much. So, now, I'm trying to be quieter, to just listen more, to just be there. I don't talk about all the prayers we should do or the faith we should have or even how I trust God to send a good outcome. I don't say, "I trust that God will fully heal so-and-so of their cancer." (Believe me, I have heard people say such things.) Because I don't know that God will do that. But, I do believe God is with us and loves us. I don't always understand why He allows what He allows. And I'm not going to pretend that I do. I'm not going to put on an act. So, I will just try to be present to those who are hurting, and I will just try to trust in the presence of God. And I will trust Him to handle it when I get annoyed with Him for allowing crap to happen in the world. He's big enough for that.
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Young People And Sexual Issues
Today, a very lovely young woman posted an article to Facebook. It dealt with the topic of Christian young people and the sexual issues they face -- regarding such things as sexual development, sexual identity, sexual activity, and pornography. The article encouraged parents not to be fools, not to be in denial about the possibility of their own kids struggling in these areas.
There are times when I think that Catholic/Christian young people have it harder than more secular young people when it comes to growing up and dealing with issues of sexuality. After all, if you are a Catholic/Christian teen or young adult, and you are going to church and are active in church-organized youth activities, it is expected that you are "holy" and "wholesome." People often assume that you aren't sexually active in any way, shape, or form. And you can be ashamed if you realize that you aren't meeting these often unfair and, possibly, unreasonably high expectations. This shame will most likely cause you to not communicate about these issues honestly with your parents, for example. So, it is the parents' job to be aware of the fact that their kids are sexual beings, in the midst of becoming sexual adults, and they might need an ear, some understanding, and some help.
And I don't mean by this that if you catch your kid masturbating that you should drag him (or her) off to Confession and never let him (or her) close his (or her) bedroom door again, figuring that you have solved the problem.
Okay. Now a bunch of you are probably mad at me. I don't mean to belittle the proper use of Confession. Confession -- especially with the help of a kind, understanding, and wise priest (like Father Cornelius Buckley) -- is a comforting and wonderful thing. But, I have seen -- at least at times -- Catholics and other Christians oversimplifying the whole issue of sexual development in young people. It's not that I feel that I'm all-wise and all-knowing in this area. But, these are just some of the things I have figured out along the way, starting from my experiences as the tutor for the Human Sexuality class in college and continuing on through my experiences as a young single woman, a young married woman, a mom, an older married woman, and a friend of people who are single/married/straight/gay/etc. I am not speaking for the Church here. These are only my opinions and what has worked for me. Take it or leave it, as you will.
First of all, I have seen a movement in certain Catholic/Christian circles that basically attempts to ban all possibility of "errant" sexual activity amongst young people by not allowing any dating until it is for the sole purpose of marriage -- and then calling it courting, with a bunch of strict rules in place. This movement also discourages most (if not all) physical affection between "courting" couples. (Some young people are even encouraged to refrain from kissing until their wedding day. Frankly, if I had to go from not even kissing a guy to full-on sexual intercourse in one day, I would have been totally freaked out and overwhelmed. But, that's just me.) Some religious groups are also telling young women that they must be totally chaste -- in mind, body, and spirit -- in all of their relationships with young men, telling them that they are the sexual standard-bearers of society. These young ladies are given the message that they are failing if they think of men in a sexual way, thus perhaps tempting these poor, weak guys who aren't expected to have any sexual self-control of their own. Until, of course, these young women get married. Then they are expected to figure out how to chastely satisfy the sexual needs of their husbands. I have read articles by some of the young women who have been raised in this manner -- women who love God very much and who want to be good Christians -- and they explain how this, essentially, "screwed them up."
Now a bunch more of you are probably mad at me. That's cool. Also, I admit, there are happy young people who have been raised in this very strict way. I am also not trying to say -- in any way, shape, or form -- that young people should be encouraged or allowed to just "have at it" with each others' bodies. And that is another extreme which some schools of thought seem to favor.
So, what do I actually think is helpful to young people who are trying to become mature adults -- sexually, as well as in all other ways?
I think it is our responsibility, as parents, to help our kids create well-rounded and satisfying lives, beginning in early childhood. How can we help our kids succeed academically, develop their areas of interest (such as athletics or the arts), and have happy social lives? How can we make our homes and families places where our kids feel loved, supported, and nurtured? If we pay attention to these things, it will probably help to forestall many potential problems our kids might face -- not only in the area of sexuality, but in other areas, as well.
I think we must also accept that a certain amount of sexual curiosity and exploration are normal for teenagers and young adults. My friend and I used to find and read all the "sexy parts" in our moms' "bodice-ripper novels." My sister and her friends found somebody's hidden stash of "Playboy" magazines and looked through them. None of us went on to develop a pornography addiction. Why? Because when we told our mothers about our little "discoveries," they did not over-react. They reacted calmly, with good humor. They also gave us good examples of how to be as women by how they actually behaved as wives and in their relationships with men. In short, they helped us keep these things in perspective. I suppose one of the thing my own mother did which I found especially helpful was how she talked to us about the sex in movies, TV, and books. Because, frankly, as much as some people protest, these things aren't going to go away. My mother made it a point to talk to us about "real-life" sex, and how it compared to and contrasted with the sex onscreen and in print. She gave us a view of sex which was real, without coming down on us for having normal, girlish imaginations.
And what if you do happen to catch your teenager in some sexual situation to which you object? First of all, stay calm. If you lose it, you'll probably just make things worse. Give your child the time and space to disengage himself from the activity with dignity. Before talking to your child, ask yourself, "Is this activity within the realm of normal sexual development for a person of this age group?" After asking yourself this question, speak with your teen. But, don't humiliate your child. Treat him or her with dignity and understanding. And -- this is just my opinion -- do not, under any circumstances, scare your child with threats of going to hell. Hell is a pretty serious thing, reserved for those who commit grievous actions with full knowledge and consent. Teenagers and young adults have a lot of stuff going on developmentally, so even if you believe what your kid was doing was a big sin, there is a good possibility that the conditions for full culpability did not exist. And, in any case, I have not usually found threats of hell all that effective in the raising of kids. I have never done it myself, but I have seen it done, often with poor outcomes. A quiet manner, a listening ear, and an understanding heart are usually much more helpful.
I know this has been very rambling and long. If you have stuck it out, I appreciate your time. If I lost you along the way, that is perfectly understandable. Again, these are just my thoughts. I don't claim to be any kind of font of wisdom. Pax.
There are times when I think that Catholic/Christian young people have it harder than more secular young people when it comes to growing up and dealing with issues of sexuality. After all, if you are a Catholic/Christian teen or young adult, and you are going to church and are active in church-organized youth activities, it is expected that you are "holy" and "wholesome." People often assume that you aren't sexually active in any way, shape, or form. And you can be ashamed if you realize that you aren't meeting these often unfair and, possibly, unreasonably high expectations. This shame will most likely cause you to not communicate about these issues honestly with your parents, for example. So, it is the parents' job to be aware of the fact that their kids are sexual beings, in the midst of becoming sexual adults, and they might need an ear, some understanding, and some help.
And I don't mean by this that if you catch your kid masturbating that you should drag him (or her) off to Confession and never let him (or her) close his (or her) bedroom door again, figuring that you have solved the problem.
Okay. Now a bunch of you are probably mad at me. I don't mean to belittle the proper use of Confession. Confession -- especially with the help of a kind, understanding, and wise priest (like Father Cornelius Buckley) -- is a comforting and wonderful thing. But, I have seen -- at least at times -- Catholics and other Christians oversimplifying the whole issue of sexual development in young people. It's not that I feel that I'm all-wise and all-knowing in this area. But, these are just some of the things I have figured out along the way, starting from my experiences as the tutor for the Human Sexuality class in college and continuing on through my experiences as a young single woman, a young married woman, a mom, an older married woman, and a friend of people who are single/married/straight/gay/etc. I am not speaking for the Church here. These are only my opinions and what has worked for me. Take it or leave it, as you will.
First of all, I have seen a movement in certain Catholic/Christian circles that basically attempts to ban all possibility of "errant" sexual activity amongst young people by not allowing any dating until it is for the sole purpose of marriage -- and then calling it courting, with a bunch of strict rules in place. This movement also discourages most (if not all) physical affection between "courting" couples. (Some young people are even encouraged to refrain from kissing until their wedding day. Frankly, if I had to go from not even kissing a guy to full-on sexual intercourse in one day, I would have been totally freaked out and overwhelmed. But, that's just me.) Some religious groups are also telling young women that they must be totally chaste -- in mind, body, and spirit -- in all of their relationships with young men, telling them that they are the sexual standard-bearers of society. These young ladies are given the message that they are failing if they think of men in a sexual way, thus perhaps tempting these poor, weak guys who aren't expected to have any sexual self-control of their own. Until, of course, these young women get married. Then they are expected to figure out how to chastely satisfy the sexual needs of their husbands. I have read articles by some of the young women who have been raised in this manner -- women who love God very much and who want to be good Christians -- and they explain how this, essentially, "screwed them up."
Now a bunch more of you are probably mad at me. That's cool. Also, I admit, there are happy young people who have been raised in this very strict way. I am also not trying to say -- in any way, shape, or form -- that young people should be encouraged or allowed to just "have at it" with each others' bodies. And that is another extreme which some schools of thought seem to favor.
So, what do I actually think is helpful to young people who are trying to become mature adults -- sexually, as well as in all other ways?
I think it is our responsibility, as parents, to help our kids create well-rounded and satisfying lives, beginning in early childhood. How can we help our kids succeed academically, develop their areas of interest (such as athletics or the arts), and have happy social lives? How can we make our homes and families places where our kids feel loved, supported, and nurtured? If we pay attention to these things, it will probably help to forestall many potential problems our kids might face -- not only in the area of sexuality, but in other areas, as well.
I think we must also accept that a certain amount of sexual curiosity and exploration are normal for teenagers and young adults. My friend and I used to find and read all the "sexy parts" in our moms' "bodice-ripper novels." My sister and her friends found somebody's hidden stash of "Playboy" magazines and looked through them. None of us went on to develop a pornography addiction. Why? Because when we told our mothers about our little "discoveries," they did not over-react. They reacted calmly, with good humor. They also gave us good examples of how to be as women by how they actually behaved as wives and in their relationships with men. In short, they helped us keep these things in perspective. I suppose one of the thing my own mother did which I found especially helpful was how she talked to us about the sex in movies, TV, and books. Because, frankly, as much as some people protest, these things aren't going to go away. My mother made it a point to talk to us about "real-life" sex, and how it compared to and contrasted with the sex onscreen and in print. She gave us a view of sex which was real, without coming down on us for having normal, girlish imaginations.
And what if you do happen to catch your teenager in some sexual situation to which you object? First of all, stay calm. If you lose it, you'll probably just make things worse. Give your child the time and space to disengage himself from the activity with dignity. Before talking to your child, ask yourself, "Is this activity within the realm of normal sexual development for a person of this age group?" After asking yourself this question, speak with your teen. But, don't humiliate your child. Treat him or her with dignity and understanding. And -- this is just my opinion -- do not, under any circumstances, scare your child with threats of going to hell. Hell is a pretty serious thing, reserved for those who commit grievous actions with full knowledge and consent. Teenagers and young adults have a lot of stuff going on developmentally, so even if you believe what your kid was doing was a big sin, there is a good possibility that the conditions for full culpability did not exist. And, in any case, I have not usually found threats of hell all that effective in the raising of kids. I have never done it myself, but I have seen it done, often with poor outcomes. A quiet manner, a listening ear, and an understanding heart are usually much more helpful.
I know this has been very rambling and long. If you have stuck it out, I appreciate your time. If I lost you along the way, that is perfectly understandable. Again, these are just my thoughts. I don't claim to be any kind of font of wisdom. Pax.
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Mercy Sunday, Lena Dunham, And The Missiles Of Righteous Wrath
Today, for Catholics, is Mercy Sunday. It is a time for remembering and celebrating the mercy of God. And for reflecting on how we should show mercy to others.
This has gotten me to thinking about Twitter. I love Twitter. I have "met" (if you can call it that) many wonderful people there.
When I first started using Twitter, I naturally followed some Catholic and Christian stay-at-home mom types. I figured we would have things in common. I also followed some artsy people -- cinematographers and directors and actors and producers and writers. I find that world quite fascinating, even though I don't consider myself to be very creative. And most of the people I have encountered on Twitter have been delightful and kind and funny and interesting. I have greatly enjoyed their "company."
I am going to describe an interesting experience I had, though. I hope nobody takes this as an insult, or anything. It is just an experience I had that caused me to reflect, and I think it is relevant to the whole idea of mercy.
Around election time, back in the fall, many people's opinions were being tossed around all over Twitter. There were liberal opinions and conservative opinions and moderate opinions. Of course, being a Catholic, I was reading opinions of the other Catholic and Christian stay-at-home moms. I was also being exposed to the opinions of the people those moms were listening to, by virtue of the "retweet" option on Twitter. And some of those opinions had to do with a young lady by the name of Lena Dunham. She had done an ad for the Obama campaign, the aim of which was to encourage young people to vote. She compared voting for the first time to having sex for the first time.
And the Catholic and Christian and conservative people pretty much went apoplectic over this ad. Interested by their vociferous Tweets, I Googled the ad and watched it for myself. And I giggled. Well, I pretty much laughed really, really hard.
I then went back and sent a Tweet to a couple of the Catholic ladies telling them that I thought the ad was kind of funny. I didn't mean any offense, or anything. Then hell proceeded to rain down upon me from the Catholic/conservative corners of the Twittersphere. I sort of didn't expect that. I thought we could all have our opinions and be respectful of each other. I thought we could try to see each others points of view. I thought we could all have a SENSE OF HUMOR. Well, I was wrong.
I felt sort of bad for making these poor moms stressed out with my opinion of Lena's ad. A lot of these moms have many kids and homeschool and are quite tired, so I didn't intend to further complicate their lives with my obviously misguided thoughts.
This whole thing got me thinking, though, about kindness and mercy. Especially where Christians are concerned.
Now, as a Christian, I probably have most of the same ideas about sexual morals as these people who fired their Missiles Of Righteous Wrath down on me. And how did these Missiles Of Righteous Wrath make me feel? On the one hand, I was kind of amused. On the other hand, I felt a little angry. Why? Because, as Christians, we have to think about how our words and actions and attitudes towards people -- even actors -- will affect them. If you hope that somebody will come to see and feel God's love, it is not helpful if you just shit (pardon my French) all over that person and his/her opinions. I mean, if I were Lena and I read some of the stuff religious people were saying about me and my ad, I would just think to myself, "Screw those self-righteous people. Long live the HHS mandate!" I would not be thinking about how I really wanted to go to Church now and socialize with all the Church people at their Church festival. I would get as far away as I possibly could from them and all their self-righteous ways. And, as I recall, Jesus himself did not care too much for the self-righteous, for the hypocrites. In fact, he tended to go to a lot of parties with a lot of people who were probably a lot like Lena Dunham. Because -- you know what? People like that are the people with the hearts yearning for love. They are the people with the open hearts. They are the people who yearn for fairness and justice. They are also a lot of fun. And I think Jesus liked to have fun, or he wouldn't have been going to all these parties.
Please don't misunderstand me here. I am NOT saying that you should be kind to people, that you should befriend them, because you want to convert them. That is NOT what I am saying. I have had people befriend me for that reason and, trust me, it did not feel good. That is not friendship. A friendship is based on mutual acceptance. It is unconditional. It exists in spite of differences. It respects and appreciates differences.
So, saying that, I hope my little diatribe has not been too offensive. And may we all reflect, on this beautiful Feast of Mercy, on how we can be a little kinder, a little more loving -- a little more merciful.
P.S. -- If you look at the people I follow on Twitter, in order to find the offending parties written about herein, you will not succeed.
This has gotten me to thinking about Twitter. I love Twitter. I have "met" (if you can call it that) many wonderful people there.
When I first started using Twitter, I naturally followed some Catholic and Christian stay-at-home mom types. I figured we would have things in common. I also followed some artsy people -- cinematographers and directors and actors and producers and writers. I find that world quite fascinating, even though I don't consider myself to be very creative. And most of the people I have encountered on Twitter have been delightful and kind and funny and interesting. I have greatly enjoyed their "company."
I am going to describe an interesting experience I had, though. I hope nobody takes this as an insult, or anything. It is just an experience I had that caused me to reflect, and I think it is relevant to the whole idea of mercy.
Around election time, back in the fall, many people's opinions were being tossed around all over Twitter. There were liberal opinions and conservative opinions and moderate opinions. Of course, being a Catholic, I was reading opinions of the other Catholic and Christian stay-at-home moms. I was also being exposed to the opinions of the people those moms were listening to, by virtue of the "retweet" option on Twitter. And some of those opinions had to do with a young lady by the name of Lena Dunham. She had done an ad for the Obama campaign, the aim of which was to encourage young people to vote. She compared voting for the first time to having sex for the first time.
And the Catholic and Christian and conservative people pretty much went apoplectic over this ad. Interested by their vociferous Tweets, I Googled the ad and watched it for myself. And I giggled. Well, I pretty much laughed really, really hard.
I then went back and sent a Tweet to a couple of the Catholic ladies telling them that I thought the ad was kind of funny. I didn't mean any offense, or anything. Then hell proceeded to rain down upon me from the Catholic/conservative corners of the Twittersphere. I sort of didn't expect that. I thought we could all have our opinions and be respectful of each other. I thought we could try to see each others points of view. I thought we could all have a SENSE OF HUMOR. Well, I was wrong.
I felt sort of bad for making these poor moms stressed out with my opinion of Lena's ad. A lot of these moms have many kids and homeschool and are quite tired, so I didn't intend to further complicate their lives with my obviously misguided thoughts.
This whole thing got me thinking, though, about kindness and mercy. Especially where Christians are concerned.
Now, as a Christian, I probably have most of the same ideas about sexual morals as these people who fired their Missiles Of Righteous Wrath down on me. And how did these Missiles Of Righteous Wrath make me feel? On the one hand, I was kind of amused. On the other hand, I felt a little angry. Why? Because, as Christians, we have to think about how our words and actions and attitudes towards people -- even actors -- will affect them. If you hope that somebody will come to see and feel God's love, it is not helpful if you just shit (pardon my French) all over that person and his/her opinions. I mean, if I were Lena and I read some of the stuff religious people were saying about me and my ad, I would just think to myself, "Screw those self-righteous people. Long live the HHS mandate!" I would not be thinking about how I really wanted to go to Church now and socialize with all the Church people at their Church festival. I would get as far away as I possibly could from them and all their self-righteous ways. And, as I recall, Jesus himself did not care too much for the self-righteous, for the hypocrites. In fact, he tended to go to a lot of parties with a lot of people who were probably a lot like Lena Dunham. Because -- you know what? People like that are the people with the hearts yearning for love. They are the people with the open hearts. They are the people who yearn for fairness and justice. They are also a lot of fun. And I think Jesus liked to have fun, or he wouldn't have been going to all these parties.
Please don't misunderstand me here. I am NOT saying that you should be kind to people, that you should befriend them, because you want to convert them. That is NOT what I am saying. I have had people befriend me for that reason and, trust me, it did not feel good. That is not friendship. A friendship is based on mutual acceptance. It is unconditional. It exists in spite of differences. It respects and appreciates differences.
So, saying that, I hope my little diatribe has not been too offensive. And may we all reflect, on this beautiful Feast of Mercy, on how we can be a little kinder, a little more loving -- a little more merciful.
P.S. -- If you look at the people I follow on Twitter, in order to find the offending parties written about herein, you will not succeed.
Friday, October 5, 2012
Being A Mom. Being Overwhelmed. Situation Normal.
A lovely Catholic mother of nine was recently talking about feeling overwhelmed. She seemed to be of the opinion that if she was doing things as God wanted her to do them, she would not feel thus.
Ahem... NO.
As the very wise Father Buckley has stated: Just because you are a Christian doesn't mean that you will ride your surfboard on a continual wave of joy all your life.
True that... And so, if you are a mother, you are going to feel overwhelmed sometimes. It doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong, at least as far as being a Christian is concerned. Especially if you have nine children -- or even one, for that matter. Motherhood -- as well as any other vocation -- is going to leave you feeling overwhelmed from time to time. Or even quite often.
First, let's remember that thing called "The Fall." It happened in the Garden of Eden. And nothing has been the same since. If you are a Christian, you believe in "The Fall." And if you are not a Christian and you don't believe in "The Fall," I bet you would still be willing to admit that a lot of things in this world, for some reason or another, seem awfully "f-d" up. So, even if we are doing the very best job we can as mothers, we should not expect smooth sailing all the time. And, perhaps, if we can accept the imperfections and frustrations inherent in life -- and even the feeling of being completely overwhelmed at times -- we will actually have more peace of mind. Because at least we won't be beating ourselves up by blaming these normal feelings on our supposed shortcomings as Christian women.
Stuff happens... You know?
One day, when my kids were 4, 2, and newborn, I awoke to the following. The 4-year-old had peed in her bed, the newborn's diaper had leaked all over my bed, and the 2-year-old had thrown up sometime during the night (apparently without waking up) -- leaving me to find her, her bed, and the wall next to the bed absolutely covered in dried barf. And I am not good with barf -- ask any of my kids. I can take massive arterial bleeding better than I can take barf. My husband was hurrying out the door to work as I discovered all of these things, so he was unavailable to help. I cried. I didn't know which mess or which child to attend to first. I was all bleary-eyed, exhausted from taking care of the new baby during the night. Did I feel overwhelmed? You bet your little backside. Did I feel this way because I was lacking something in my relationship with the Lord? No. I was feeling this way because there was pee and barf all over my house, and I was the only adult present.
Another day, I thought I was finished with meals and messes for a little while. If you are a mother of three little children, you will know that life is a constant whirlwind of meals and messes. I was looking forward to some quiet playtime with my kids. But, as I walked into the kitchen, I discovered that my then 3-year-old daughter had colored the bottoms of her shoes with blue marker and walked ALL OVER the white kitchen floor. I wish I could say that I had a sense of humor about the whole thing, but I did not. A massively poopy diaper followed by blue footprints all over my white floor were not my idea of a good time. And I felt -- OVERWHELMED. Again, not because of my lack of a spiritual life. Simply because I was very tired and there were these freaking "decorations" covering my linoleum. Yes -- that is what my daughter told me she was doing -- "decorating" the floor, because white was boring.
Now, I admit that having a good prayer life will help you through these difficult times as a mom. But, life is life. And the world is fallen. So, when s**t happens to us as moms, and we feel overwhelmed, we shouldn't beat ourselves up over it. Jesus felt overwhelmed, too. Remember how he used to try to escape the crowds for a while, to have some peace and quiet prayer time? Of course, the people always managed to find him in his places of respite -- just like our kids always manage to find us.
Admittedly, it is wise for us mothers to look at how we are structuring our lives. It is wise for us to examine our daily routines and our expectations of ourselves and others. At times, we can find ways to do things more efficiently, leading to fewer occasions when we feel stressed to the max. And we should examine our spiritual lives. They are important. A positive spiritual life can definitely help us deal with difficult circumstances in more positive ways. Just like Jesus taking his quiet prayer time apart from the crowds helped him in his mission on earth.
But, life is life. It can be overwhelming. I think it's healthy to accept that. So, let's just say a little prayer, do the best we can from day to day, and try to remember that "this, too, shall pass..."
Ahem... NO.
As the very wise Father Buckley has stated: Just because you are a Christian doesn't mean that you will ride your surfboard on a continual wave of joy all your life.
True that... And so, if you are a mother, you are going to feel overwhelmed sometimes. It doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong, at least as far as being a Christian is concerned. Especially if you have nine children -- or even one, for that matter. Motherhood -- as well as any other vocation -- is going to leave you feeling overwhelmed from time to time. Or even quite often.
First, let's remember that thing called "The Fall." It happened in the Garden of Eden. And nothing has been the same since. If you are a Christian, you believe in "The Fall." And if you are not a Christian and you don't believe in "The Fall," I bet you would still be willing to admit that a lot of things in this world, for some reason or another, seem awfully "f-d" up. So, even if we are doing the very best job we can as mothers, we should not expect smooth sailing all the time. And, perhaps, if we can accept the imperfections and frustrations inherent in life -- and even the feeling of being completely overwhelmed at times -- we will actually have more peace of mind. Because at least we won't be beating ourselves up by blaming these normal feelings on our supposed shortcomings as Christian women.
Stuff happens... You know?
One day, when my kids were 4, 2, and newborn, I awoke to the following. The 4-year-old had peed in her bed, the newborn's diaper had leaked all over my bed, and the 2-year-old had thrown up sometime during the night (apparently without waking up) -- leaving me to find her, her bed, and the wall next to the bed absolutely covered in dried barf. And I am not good with barf -- ask any of my kids. I can take massive arterial bleeding better than I can take barf. My husband was hurrying out the door to work as I discovered all of these things, so he was unavailable to help. I cried. I didn't know which mess or which child to attend to first. I was all bleary-eyed, exhausted from taking care of the new baby during the night. Did I feel overwhelmed? You bet your little backside. Did I feel this way because I was lacking something in my relationship with the Lord? No. I was feeling this way because there was pee and barf all over my house, and I was the only adult present.
Another day, I thought I was finished with meals and messes for a little while. If you are a mother of three little children, you will know that life is a constant whirlwind of meals and messes. I was looking forward to some quiet playtime with my kids. But, as I walked into the kitchen, I discovered that my then 3-year-old daughter had colored the bottoms of her shoes with blue marker and walked ALL OVER the white kitchen floor. I wish I could say that I had a sense of humor about the whole thing, but I did not. A massively poopy diaper followed by blue footprints all over my white floor were not my idea of a good time. And I felt -- OVERWHELMED. Again, not because of my lack of a spiritual life. Simply because I was very tired and there were these freaking "decorations" covering my linoleum. Yes -- that is what my daughter told me she was doing -- "decorating" the floor, because white was boring.
Now, I admit that having a good prayer life will help you through these difficult times as a mom. But, life is life. And the world is fallen. So, when s**t happens to us as moms, and we feel overwhelmed, we shouldn't beat ourselves up over it. Jesus felt overwhelmed, too. Remember how he used to try to escape the crowds for a while, to have some peace and quiet prayer time? Of course, the people always managed to find him in his places of respite -- just like our kids always manage to find us.
Admittedly, it is wise for us mothers to look at how we are structuring our lives. It is wise for us to examine our daily routines and our expectations of ourselves and others. At times, we can find ways to do things more efficiently, leading to fewer occasions when we feel stressed to the max. And we should examine our spiritual lives. They are important. A positive spiritual life can definitely help us deal with difficult circumstances in more positive ways. Just like Jesus taking his quiet prayer time apart from the crowds helped him in his mission on earth.
But, life is life. It can be overwhelming. I think it's healthy to accept that. So, let's just say a little prayer, do the best we can from day to day, and try to remember that "this, too, shall pass..."
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
That Whole "Fifty Shades Of Gray" Thing
I am going to do some serious stepping in it today.
I am not speaking as a philosopher or a theologian or a therapist. Just a middle-aged, mostly Italian lady, who had a really down-to-earth nana.
There has been much cyber-space mud-slinging by nice Catholic ladies lately. Over what? These "Fifty Shades Of Gray" books. (I know you are supposed to underline titles of books; but I don't know how to do that on a word processor, and none of my kids are home to help me.)
I admit that I have not read these books. I did read a couple excerpts online, but the online store did not allow me to read the truly "juicy" parts. I was allowed to read about the first kiss the dude gives to the lady, though. Not really the way I roll. Much hair pulling, head yanking, and artless tongue thrusting, as I recall. Ewwwww. The writing style was also not what I would describe as "literary".
Anyway, my understanding is that after you get through the first several pages, the books are mainly about rather kinky, rather uncomfortable sex. And it is also my understanding that a lot of Catholic and Christian mommies, middle-aged and otherwise, are really enjoying these stories. This is leading to a lot of outrage on the part of some of the friends and acquaintances of these mommies. They are basically taking to the internet to loudly denounce their wayward sisters.
Now, lest you misunderstand me, I am not asserting that these books are a good thing. I am also not saying they are a particularly bad thing, as I usually do not make judgements like that about books I haven't actually read. And I really do not care to read them, at least not at this point in my life. Maybe when I am in the rest home in 25 years, they will be a nice diversion.... Tee-Hee....
But, what I want to say is this. Denouncing your friends on the internet is not kind. It is not helpful, either. If you are concerned about your friend, for whatever reason, a quiet, polite, personal conversation is the way to go. When Christian ladies denounce other women in the realm of cyber-space, it brings to mind the image of that prohibition lady -- what was her name, anyway? -- taking her axe to the barrel of booze. Not very attractive. Not very sexy. If you want to convince your friends that these books are not the way to be a sexy wife, you'd better be a good example of a sexy wife yourself. ;-)
And don't get yourself bent into a pretzel shape if your friend tells you that reading these books helped her sex life. I am no therapist, as I said, but maybe you can think of it this way. After 20 or more years of breastfeeding, changing diapers, wiping butts, cooking meals, doing dishes, driving the soccer carpool, falling into bed exhausted at the end of most days, maybe she forgot that sex used to actually be fun, instead of something for which she has to stay awake an extra half an hour. Because, after all, she does love her husband. Maybe these books reactivated that part of her brain, brought back some nice memories of when she couldn't wait to get that guy into bed. I'm not saying your friend wants to be handcuffed, or whatever. And I'm not saying she doesn't want sex to be a warm, loving act. But, according to actual therapists, a little fantasy can be a positive thing for a woman. As long as it doesn't get out-of-hand. As long as it's not masking relationship issues. I know some of you will strongly disagree with this, and that's fine. My point is, it might be best to stay out of the sex lives of your friends. MYOB, in other words. Or, at least listen carefully before jumping to conclusions. Then, if you have any advice to give, give it gently and charitably. And not over Facebook, for Heaven's sake.
Oh, yeah. I just remembered. That prohibition lady? Her name was Carrie Nation. And you know what happened with all that. "Those who don't remember history are doomed to repeat it."
I am not speaking as a philosopher or a theologian or a therapist. Just a middle-aged, mostly Italian lady, who had a really down-to-earth nana.
There has been much cyber-space mud-slinging by nice Catholic ladies lately. Over what? These "Fifty Shades Of Gray" books. (I know you are supposed to underline titles of books; but I don't know how to do that on a word processor, and none of my kids are home to help me.)
I admit that I have not read these books. I did read a couple excerpts online, but the online store did not allow me to read the truly "juicy" parts. I was allowed to read about the first kiss the dude gives to the lady, though. Not really the way I roll. Much hair pulling, head yanking, and artless tongue thrusting, as I recall. Ewwwww. The writing style was also not what I would describe as "literary".
Anyway, my understanding is that after you get through the first several pages, the books are mainly about rather kinky, rather uncomfortable sex. And it is also my understanding that a lot of Catholic and Christian mommies, middle-aged and otherwise, are really enjoying these stories. This is leading to a lot of outrage on the part of some of the friends and acquaintances of these mommies. They are basically taking to the internet to loudly denounce their wayward sisters.
Now, lest you misunderstand me, I am not asserting that these books are a good thing. I am also not saying they are a particularly bad thing, as I usually do not make judgements like that about books I haven't actually read. And I really do not care to read them, at least not at this point in my life. Maybe when I am in the rest home in 25 years, they will be a nice diversion.... Tee-Hee....
But, what I want to say is this. Denouncing your friends on the internet is not kind. It is not helpful, either. If you are concerned about your friend, for whatever reason, a quiet, polite, personal conversation is the way to go. When Christian ladies denounce other women in the realm of cyber-space, it brings to mind the image of that prohibition lady -- what was her name, anyway? -- taking her axe to the barrel of booze. Not very attractive. Not very sexy. If you want to convince your friends that these books are not the way to be a sexy wife, you'd better be a good example of a sexy wife yourself. ;-)
And don't get yourself bent into a pretzel shape if your friend tells you that reading these books helped her sex life. I am no therapist, as I said, but maybe you can think of it this way. After 20 or more years of breastfeeding, changing diapers, wiping butts, cooking meals, doing dishes, driving the soccer carpool, falling into bed exhausted at the end of most days, maybe she forgot that sex used to actually be fun, instead of something for which she has to stay awake an extra half an hour. Because, after all, she does love her husband. Maybe these books reactivated that part of her brain, brought back some nice memories of when she couldn't wait to get that guy into bed. I'm not saying your friend wants to be handcuffed, or whatever. And I'm not saying she doesn't want sex to be a warm, loving act. But, according to actual therapists, a little fantasy can be a positive thing for a woman. As long as it doesn't get out-of-hand. As long as it's not masking relationship issues. I know some of you will strongly disagree with this, and that's fine. My point is, it might be best to stay out of the sex lives of your friends. MYOB, in other words. Or, at least listen carefully before jumping to conclusions. Then, if you have any advice to give, give it gently and charitably. And not over Facebook, for Heaven's sake.
Oh, yeah. I just remembered. That prohibition lady? Her name was Carrie Nation. And you know what happened with all that. "Those who don't remember history are doomed to repeat it."
Friday, August 31, 2012
This Homeschooling "Thing"
I am not going to talk about SouthLAnd today, as much fun as that would be. I will talk about it again soon. And when I do, I will speak of the wondrous Sammy Bryant. ;-)
Today, I am going to ponder "homeschooling". It seems like a good time for this, as it is Labor Day weekend, the traditional final weekend of summer vacation.
Some people believe I have been a bit hard on homeschoolers in my blog. Sorry if you feel that way. I think homeschooling can be a wonderful thing. I mean, I homeschooled my kids for a total of 13 years. So, logically, I must find it to be a reasonably acceptable educational alternative. The only other logical conclusion is that I am crazy. And maybe I am a little crazy.... But, as with any decision in life, I think it is important to look at both the pro's and the con's, without getting overly defensive about your own position. I believe this to be a healthy thing.
There are many positive aspects to homeschooling. Firstly, when all the other kids were heading back to their educational institutions in August, my kids never started their studies until after Labor Day. They also had two full weeks of Christmas vacation and their Easter break actually coincided with Easter. There were no teacher in-service days, and I could adjust the calendar so that we could accomplish everything by Memorial Day weekend. So, you can see my first priority as a homeschool mom -- lots of time off. (Tongue-in-cheek here. So, don't get your undies in a bunch people.)
Seriously, though, there are many true benefits to home education. I did teach in a public high school at one time, and I realized some things. Most of the kids who did not succeed had poor basic skills -- reading, writing, math. They were also disorganized and did not take personal responsibility for their work. Of course, if you cannot read, write, and do math at a grade-appropriate level, you will probably not have much motivation to be organized and responsible. I also came to the conclusion that if a person has strong basic skills, he or she will be able to tackle most of the other academic subjects with reasonable proficiency. So, as a home educator, I was able to concentrate on helping my kids achieve proficiency in these basic skills in grades K-8, so that they were then able to apply them to a more rigorous high school curriculum which would prepare them for college. Thus far, this approach has borne good fruit. My two oldest have successfully graduated from college. My youngest is a college sophomore, whose grades thus far have been very solid. I do not mean to brag here about the greatness of my own children. I believe this approach could work for many people's children, giving them opportunities for higher education that they might not otherwise have. I know this is a bold assertion, unsupported by any formal research. So, let me just call it an hypothesis.
Another wonderful aspect of home education is that the curriculum can be adjusted to reflect a child's interests. This is fun for both the student and the teacher, as the student will have much more enthusiasm about his or her studies. For example, my youngest son became a World War II buff at approximately age seven. Therefore, he was eager to read and write about this topic; and he also came to appreciate the importance of mathematics in the area of aviation. Fractions may be boring, in and of themselves, but he realized he would have to learn about them in order to be able to fly a plane like the aces of WWII.
On the other hand, though, there are negative aspects to homeschooling. And these must be squarely faced, in my opinion. If you are a home educator, and someone questions or criticizes your choice, you should not be defensive and accuse that person of persecuting you. You should thoughtfully consider these questions and criticisms. They might help you to be a better teacher to your children. They might help you to strengthen your program. Many people, for instance, wonder whether or not homeschooled kids have adequate extracurricular and social activities. Most of these kids do have opportunities in these areas, but I have also seen some problems. Socially, homeschoolers do tend to hang with other homeschoolers, who are of similar backgrounds and points-of-view. This can be a wonderful thing for forging the bonds of friendship. We all enjoy being with like-minded people. But, on the other hand, children and teens who attend public (and private) schools do tend to be regularly exposed to those of differing viewpoints, and there are benefits that come with this. One of these benefits, which I think is very important, is that the kids can come to view those with different opinions as actual human beings who can be VERY GOOD FRIENDS, friends who will truly stand by them in a time of need. It is important for kids to learn that they can actually enjoy the company and wonderful qualities of those who are different from themselves. And it has been my personal experience that many homeschoolers have difficulties when entering the "real" world, as they can be highly suspicious of those with the "wrong" viewpoints.
Because homeschooling is often undertaken without any connections with authorities in private or public educational institutions, there are those who will prey on homeschoolers and take unfair advantage of them. There are people who privately provide extracurricular activities for home educated students. Most of these people are wonderful, don't get me wrong. But, I have also seen some of these providers make almost fraudulent claims about themselves. These providers are also usually not subject to the background checks that are required of those who work in accredited private and public schools. So, a warning to homeschool families: Just because a person says he or she is a Christian, or supports Christian beliefs, or is going to vote for the pro-life candidate, doesn't mean you should trust that person. There are people who will say these things in order to take advantage of you. Be aware and beware.
Homeschoolers tend to be very bright and independent people, who firmly believe that it is the parents' right and duty to choose and provide for their children's educations. I believe this, also. And, it is not that I am a total "It Takes A Village" kind of person, but I think we need to remember that there are some advantages to what I think of as the educational "safety net". If a child is in school, there are multiple people there to support the parents and the family. And most educators truly do want to support the parents and the family, in spite of what some may believe. So, as a parent, if you choose to remove yourself from the educational establishment, it is important to remember that sometimes you can misjudge a situation or make a mistake in a decision. Humility is required. If you have a friend or friends who care for you and are expressing concern about your educational decisions, at least listen and consider respectfully what they have to say. In the end, your decisions are your own, but try not to be dismissive of the concerns of others.
I hope I have clarified my views on homeschooling. I do not regret my decision to educate my children at home, but after many years of doing this "thing", these are the conclusions I have come to about this choice. May all parents be granted wisdom as they make decisions for (and with) their children about what type of education is best for them. And may we realize that people do not all fit into the same mold, and that variety is the spice of life.
Today, I am going to ponder "homeschooling". It seems like a good time for this, as it is Labor Day weekend, the traditional final weekend of summer vacation.
Some people believe I have been a bit hard on homeschoolers in my blog. Sorry if you feel that way. I think homeschooling can be a wonderful thing. I mean, I homeschooled my kids for a total of 13 years. So, logically, I must find it to be a reasonably acceptable educational alternative. The only other logical conclusion is that I am crazy. And maybe I am a little crazy.... But, as with any decision in life, I think it is important to look at both the pro's and the con's, without getting overly defensive about your own position. I believe this to be a healthy thing.
There are many positive aspects to homeschooling. Firstly, when all the other kids were heading back to their educational institutions in August, my kids never started their studies until after Labor Day. They also had two full weeks of Christmas vacation and their Easter break actually coincided with Easter. There were no teacher in-service days, and I could adjust the calendar so that we could accomplish everything by Memorial Day weekend. So, you can see my first priority as a homeschool mom -- lots of time off. (Tongue-in-cheek here. So, don't get your undies in a bunch people.)
Seriously, though, there are many true benefits to home education. I did teach in a public high school at one time, and I realized some things. Most of the kids who did not succeed had poor basic skills -- reading, writing, math. They were also disorganized and did not take personal responsibility for their work. Of course, if you cannot read, write, and do math at a grade-appropriate level, you will probably not have much motivation to be organized and responsible. I also came to the conclusion that if a person has strong basic skills, he or she will be able to tackle most of the other academic subjects with reasonable proficiency. So, as a home educator, I was able to concentrate on helping my kids achieve proficiency in these basic skills in grades K-8, so that they were then able to apply them to a more rigorous high school curriculum which would prepare them for college. Thus far, this approach has borne good fruit. My two oldest have successfully graduated from college. My youngest is a college sophomore, whose grades thus far have been very solid. I do not mean to brag here about the greatness of my own children. I believe this approach could work for many people's children, giving them opportunities for higher education that they might not otherwise have. I know this is a bold assertion, unsupported by any formal research. So, let me just call it an hypothesis.
Another wonderful aspect of home education is that the curriculum can be adjusted to reflect a child's interests. This is fun for both the student and the teacher, as the student will have much more enthusiasm about his or her studies. For example, my youngest son became a World War II buff at approximately age seven. Therefore, he was eager to read and write about this topic; and he also came to appreciate the importance of mathematics in the area of aviation. Fractions may be boring, in and of themselves, but he realized he would have to learn about them in order to be able to fly a plane like the aces of WWII.
On the other hand, though, there are negative aspects to homeschooling. And these must be squarely faced, in my opinion. If you are a home educator, and someone questions or criticizes your choice, you should not be defensive and accuse that person of persecuting you. You should thoughtfully consider these questions and criticisms. They might help you to be a better teacher to your children. They might help you to strengthen your program. Many people, for instance, wonder whether or not homeschooled kids have adequate extracurricular and social activities. Most of these kids do have opportunities in these areas, but I have also seen some problems. Socially, homeschoolers do tend to hang with other homeschoolers, who are of similar backgrounds and points-of-view. This can be a wonderful thing for forging the bonds of friendship. We all enjoy being with like-minded people. But, on the other hand, children and teens who attend public (and private) schools do tend to be regularly exposed to those of differing viewpoints, and there are benefits that come with this. One of these benefits, which I think is very important, is that the kids can come to view those with different opinions as actual human beings who can be VERY GOOD FRIENDS, friends who will truly stand by them in a time of need. It is important for kids to learn that they can actually enjoy the company and wonderful qualities of those who are different from themselves. And it has been my personal experience that many homeschoolers have difficulties when entering the "real" world, as they can be highly suspicious of those with the "wrong" viewpoints.
Because homeschooling is often undertaken without any connections with authorities in private or public educational institutions, there are those who will prey on homeschoolers and take unfair advantage of them. There are people who privately provide extracurricular activities for home educated students. Most of these people are wonderful, don't get me wrong. But, I have also seen some of these providers make almost fraudulent claims about themselves. These providers are also usually not subject to the background checks that are required of those who work in accredited private and public schools. So, a warning to homeschool families: Just because a person says he or she is a Christian, or supports Christian beliefs, or is going to vote for the pro-life candidate, doesn't mean you should trust that person. There are people who will say these things in order to take advantage of you. Be aware and beware.
Homeschoolers tend to be very bright and independent people, who firmly believe that it is the parents' right and duty to choose and provide for their children's educations. I believe this, also. And, it is not that I am a total "It Takes A Village" kind of person, but I think we need to remember that there are some advantages to what I think of as the educational "safety net". If a child is in school, there are multiple people there to support the parents and the family. And most educators truly do want to support the parents and the family, in spite of what some may believe. So, as a parent, if you choose to remove yourself from the educational establishment, it is important to remember that sometimes you can misjudge a situation or make a mistake in a decision. Humility is required. If you have a friend or friends who care for you and are expressing concern about your educational decisions, at least listen and consider respectfully what they have to say. In the end, your decisions are your own, but try not to be dismissive of the concerns of others.
I hope I have clarified my views on homeschooling. I do not regret my decision to educate my children at home, but after many years of doing this "thing", these are the conclusions I have come to about this choice. May all parents be granted wisdom as they make decisions for (and with) their children about what type of education is best for them. And may we realize that people do not all fit into the same mold, and that variety is the spice of life.
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