Well... Not to my face.
But, he called those who think business people should not be able to discriminate against gay people in providing services for same-sex weddings "left-wing ideologues."
So, I guess I must be included.
Which is really funny to me.
Because in my U.S. Government class in high school we had to take this little test which measured how liberal or conservative we were. The results? This kinda hot Mormon boy and I got a tie score as the most conservative people in the school. He was interested in me for about five minutes. Until he found out how Catholic I was. The teacher said, "Marla, you should be on your knees before Ronald Reagan." (Mind you. This was no insult. That particular teacher was a staunch Republican.)
And -- yes -- I voted for Reagan. And Bush. And Bush. And McCain. And Romney. (Although, that one was rather painful.)
I also homeschooled my kids and paid their tuition at pretty much the most conservative Catholic colleges IN THE WORLD. Not in the state, mind you. Or even the country. But, THE WORLD.
So, to have myself lumped in with the "left-wing ideologues" was quite hilarious. And also quite illustrative of today's conservative thinking.
Which is why, I suppose, I can't really call myself a conservative, anymore. I jumped off that train as it derailed and I found my feet firmly planted in the land of Obamacare.
And after much research and thinking and soul-searching, I have also found my feet firmly planted in the land of marriage equality. If a marriage is legal, then it should stand on equal legal ground with all other legal marriages, and should be respected, as such.
And what does this mean to me, as far as religious freedom goes?
It means that the Catholic Church (and any other religious organization) should never, ever be forced to preside at weddings which do not conform to their theology. Even the Human Rights Campaign asserts that they should never have to do this, as it would be a very clear violation of the Constitution.
But, as far as taking photographs and serving food and baking cakes and preparing pizza? To assert that to do this is a violation of your religious freedom is tenuous, at best. And more like ridiculous. I'm not going to go into a big explanation of this. Many others have explained it, and explained it very well.
I am, though, going to tell you where all this pizza/cake/flowers/photograph hoo-ha came from.
As I have existed, for many years, in the land of the right -- both religious and political -- I was able to observe much of the development of the anti-same-sex-marriage movement. And I came to realize that it was primarily based on fear. The movement had to make people afraid of what would happen to them if same-sex marriage became a reality. I heard priests and political people speak very persuasively about how we Christians would be persecuted if same-sex marriage were legalized. It truly was frightening. I became frightened. And I'm sorry for that. It was only after I started doing research and speaking to people on my own that I became un-frightened. Now -- mind you -- there were (and are) people who don't support same-sex marriage and who speak about their views in a way that is not fear-inducing. It is more philosphical and theological. But, there was (and is) A LOT of hysterical talk in the anti-same-sex-marriage movement.
So, when same-sex marriage was legalized in many places and nothing frightening occurred and most people were starting to make peace with their same-sex-married-couple neighbors, the anti-same-sex-marriage movement had to come up with a way to show the populace that they were, IN FACT, being religiously persecuted and should, IN FACT, be very afraid. Enter the Same-Sex-Pizza-Wars (insert "flowers" or "photography" or "cake" for "pizza," as you so desire).
Simply put: YOU ARE BEING PLAYED, nice conservative people.
(And here I'm going to put in a plug for the nice conservative people. Most of them don't hate anybody. Some of them do. This is true. And that hate is absolutely unacceptable. But, most of them don't. They are being played, which calls for a little patience and understanding on your part, nice progressive people.)
Because, you know what? Providing wedding services is not the same thing as participating in a marriage ceremony. And refusing to provide the services of your business because a marriage does not conform to your theology could rightfully be seen as constituting discrimination. I, personally, believe it does.
There are many types of marriages that the Catholic Church does not deem as "Sacramental" in its theology. Same-sex marriage is one of those types, but there are many others. I generally don't see the Catholic Church, or any other Christian churches, making a lot of noise about their members catering these other non-Sacramental weddings. So, frankly, it looks like we are picking on the LGBTQ people in a rather cruel way.
I look at it this way. I understand what the Catholic Church teaches about marriage. And I respect it. But, I am also quite sure that we don't know everything there is to know about human sexuality. And if somebody is gay or lesbian, forming a relationship with a person of the same sex is the natural thing to do. And these relationships are whole relationships. They are not just all about the sex act. They truly are about love and commitment. They are emotionally and spiritually supportive. They are TOTAL relationships.
Yes, there are unhealthy same-sex relationships. There are also unhealthy heterosexual relationships -- lots of them. But, same-sex relationships can also be very healthy and satisfying for the people involved. And I feel uncomfortable casting a negative judgment on these relationships. I think to myself, "I am very straight. What if I was told I either had to marry another woman or be alone for the rest of my life?" That kind of sums it up, for me.
So, this Catholic lady, who sent her kids to the three most conservative Catholic colleges IN THE WORLD, would -- if I knew how -- be very happy to arrange the flowers or bake the cake or take the pictures or prepare the pizza for your same-sex wedding. And I would wish you much happiness as I did so.
Pax.
Showing posts with label marriage equality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage equality. Show all posts
Friday, April 24, 2015
Monday, February 10, 2014
Morality Clauses
I am thinking here, specifically, of those used by certain Catholic institutions.
Basically, you agree to abide by certain standards of conduct, if you are employed by one of those institutions -- standards of conduct which are approved by the Church -- or else you can be terminated from your job.
And, yeah, if you read my blog post from a couple of days ago, I guess this post is sort of related to that one.
Not all Catholic institutions require employees to sign morality clauses. It seems to me -- and this is based on my own personal observations -- that they are a growing trend among those institutions that consider themselves more "orthodox" or "traditional" or "faithful."
When I first heard of morality clauses, they were presented to me as a way by which a Catholic institution could protect its mission and ensure that it was setting an example of "correct" Church teaching. These contracts between an employer and employee were said to be a method by which a Catholic institution could avoid scandalizing the faithful. I guess it is thought that if everybody in the Catholic institution -- like a college, for instance -- is "on the same page" morality-wise, then the students won't become confused about what "being a Catholic" really means. Likewise, the surrounding community will also be clear as to what "being Catholic" truly entails, by observing the behavior of those at the Catholic institution.
How did I feel about that? Well, on the one hand, I could understand it. There is obviously a lot of confusion in our culture and society about what Church teaching actually is. So, I thought that if there was an institution dedicated to presenting it acurately -- both in word and example -- that it could be a positive thing. On the other hand, it struck me as rather elitist.
How do I feel about morality clauses now? I think they suck, basically. Why? Because schools -- and who knows what other kind of entities -- are firing people, not because they are poor employees, but because they do not conform to the "approved" morality. And, in doing this, legalism is being allowed to trump mercy, compassion, and charity. Also, in doing this, certain kinds of "sinners" are being singled out in a world where "all sin and fall short." ALL sin and fall short.
Why is this bad? Why is it bad to single out and fire certain kinds of sinners? Well, this is my experience, based on certain social situations I have had to endure. What happens is that the people who are left in the institutions -- the "pure" Catholics -- start to become rather prideful and self-congratulatory. Oh, yes, they beat their breasts and call themselves sinners and go to confession and profess to love mercy and compassion. But, when you hear them start talking to each other? There is an awful lot of pride going around. There is an awful lot of "let's pat each other on the backs because we're the 'good' Catholics" kind of attitude. There are a lot of unkind words concerning "unfaithful" Catholics and the "Hollywood Liberals" who want to "destroy marriage" and the "pro-aborts." Are all conservative Catholics this way? Of course not. But, there are enough. There are enough. And it makes me ill.
As an example, I was once talking to a Catholic "apologist." This person said that living on the Gulf Coast would be desirable. I commented that there are a lot of hurricanes in that area of the country. This person replied, "Well, at least you wouldn't have to worry about Steve and Steve living next door." EXCUSE ME?!?!?! I happen to have a so-called "Steve and Steve" as neighbors, and they are the best neighbors you could possibly have. I am embarrassed to say that I didn't say anything to this person expressing my discomfort at this statement. At the time -- because of my personal situation -- I was feeling like a rather bad Catholic who should just shut up and listen to the "respected" Catholics. But, I have had a lot of time to think about and observe things since that time.
So, to bring this back to the issue of morality clauses:
Morality clauses -- because they keep certain "disapproved of" people out of places of employment -- cause the "approved of" people to have the "privilege" of not having to actually interact with these "marginalized" individuals. The people living "in sin" become more of a theological/philosophical concept than actual human beings, in all their wondrous complexity. A situation develops where the religious person may never have the necessity of forming a close, personal relationship with, for example, an LGBT person or a pro-choice person. And even if there are such people in a religious person's life, there is created vast opportunity to -- on a day-to-day basis, in a Catholic institution -- to regularly criticize those types of people, without them being present or being part of the discussion. To me, this is dangerous. It creates an atmosphere of superiority and snobbery and isolationism. It creates an atmosphere of fear. And the "holy" people -- even though they profess to being sinners -- almost can't help but take on the attitude that these other types of "sinners" are far worse than they. That has been my experience, at least.
As you may know, I homeschooled my kids. And for a long time, our homeschool group had a "park day," where the moms would bring their kids on Friday afternoons for playtime and socialization. My sister happened to be visiting one time, and accompanied my kids and I to "park day." She watched the kids and chatted with the moms. Later, though, she told me that one of the moms said to her that we, as a group, prayed for our homeschool community to remain composed of "pure" Catholics. "Huh?" I remarked. "I was never aware of that. That is not my intention." I asked one of the other moms if she was aware of this praying for our group to remain "pure," and she told me that she had no knowledge of this, either. That was a relief. Maybe it was some quirky thing. I don't know. But, I have to say that it has been my experience -- based on many years of hanging around with more conservative Catholics -- that this rather elitist attitude does not seem uncommon. And it seems to me that morality clauses -- and the fruits of those clauses -- only exacerbate these problematic attitudes among Catholics who consider themselves to be the "faithful" ones.
I am quite certain that a "logic" person could poke all kinds of holes in what I have just said here. Whatever. Somebody recently said to me, in a rather derogatory tone, "You just want everybody to feel good about themselves." Whatever. But, I just think about Jesus and how he acted towards the "sinners" versus how he acted toward the "teachers of the law." And many of the "sinners" really loved him and wanted to hang out with him all the time. So, obviously, he was not hitting them over the head with the Dead Sea Scrolls. On the contrary, he showed them true compassion. And compassion is a very powerful thing. Perhaps more powerful than morality clauses in the teaching of the faith and in setting an example for our children and teens and young adults.
Basically, you agree to abide by certain standards of conduct, if you are employed by one of those institutions -- standards of conduct which are approved by the Church -- or else you can be terminated from your job.
And, yeah, if you read my blog post from a couple of days ago, I guess this post is sort of related to that one.
Not all Catholic institutions require employees to sign morality clauses. It seems to me -- and this is based on my own personal observations -- that they are a growing trend among those institutions that consider themselves more "orthodox" or "traditional" or "faithful."
When I first heard of morality clauses, they were presented to me as a way by which a Catholic institution could protect its mission and ensure that it was setting an example of "correct" Church teaching. These contracts between an employer and employee were said to be a method by which a Catholic institution could avoid scandalizing the faithful. I guess it is thought that if everybody in the Catholic institution -- like a college, for instance -- is "on the same page" morality-wise, then the students won't become confused about what "being a Catholic" really means. Likewise, the surrounding community will also be clear as to what "being Catholic" truly entails, by observing the behavior of those at the Catholic institution.
How did I feel about that? Well, on the one hand, I could understand it. There is obviously a lot of confusion in our culture and society about what Church teaching actually is. So, I thought that if there was an institution dedicated to presenting it acurately -- both in word and example -- that it could be a positive thing. On the other hand, it struck me as rather elitist.
How do I feel about morality clauses now? I think they suck, basically. Why? Because schools -- and who knows what other kind of entities -- are firing people, not because they are poor employees, but because they do not conform to the "approved" morality. And, in doing this, legalism is being allowed to trump mercy, compassion, and charity. Also, in doing this, certain kinds of "sinners" are being singled out in a world where "all sin and fall short." ALL sin and fall short.
Why is this bad? Why is it bad to single out and fire certain kinds of sinners? Well, this is my experience, based on certain social situations I have had to endure. What happens is that the people who are left in the institutions -- the "pure" Catholics -- start to become rather prideful and self-congratulatory. Oh, yes, they beat their breasts and call themselves sinners and go to confession and profess to love mercy and compassion. But, when you hear them start talking to each other? There is an awful lot of pride going around. There is an awful lot of "let's pat each other on the backs because we're the 'good' Catholics" kind of attitude. There are a lot of unkind words concerning "unfaithful" Catholics and the "Hollywood Liberals" who want to "destroy marriage" and the "pro-aborts." Are all conservative Catholics this way? Of course not. But, there are enough. There are enough. And it makes me ill.
As an example, I was once talking to a Catholic "apologist." This person said that living on the Gulf Coast would be desirable. I commented that there are a lot of hurricanes in that area of the country. This person replied, "Well, at least you wouldn't have to worry about Steve and Steve living next door." EXCUSE ME?!?!?! I happen to have a so-called "Steve and Steve" as neighbors, and they are the best neighbors you could possibly have. I am embarrassed to say that I didn't say anything to this person expressing my discomfort at this statement. At the time -- because of my personal situation -- I was feeling like a rather bad Catholic who should just shut up and listen to the "respected" Catholics. But, I have had a lot of time to think about and observe things since that time.
So, to bring this back to the issue of morality clauses:
Morality clauses -- because they keep certain "disapproved of" people out of places of employment -- cause the "approved of" people to have the "privilege" of not having to actually interact with these "marginalized" individuals. The people living "in sin" become more of a theological/philosophical concept than actual human beings, in all their wondrous complexity. A situation develops where the religious person may never have the necessity of forming a close, personal relationship with, for example, an LGBT person or a pro-choice person. And even if there are such people in a religious person's life, there is created vast opportunity to -- on a day-to-day basis, in a Catholic institution -- to regularly criticize those types of people, without them being present or being part of the discussion. To me, this is dangerous. It creates an atmosphere of superiority and snobbery and isolationism. It creates an atmosphere of fear. And the "holy" people -- even though they profess to being sinners -- almost can't help but take on the attitude that these other types of "sinners" are far worse than they. That has been my experience, at least.
As you may know, I homeschooled my kids. And for a long time, our homeschool group had a "park day," where the moms would bring their kids on Friday afternoons for playtime and socialization. My sister happened to be visiting one time, and accompanied my kids and I to "park day." She watched the kids and chatted with the moms. Later, though, she told me that one of the moms said to her that we, as a group, prayed for our homeschool community to remain composed of "pure" Catholics. "Huh?" I remarked. "I was never aware of that. That is not my intention." I asked one of the other moms if she was aware of this praying for our group to remain "pure," and she told me that she had no knowledge of this, either. That was a relief. Maybe it was some quirky thing. I don't know. But, I have to say that it has been my experience -- based on many years of hanging around with more conservative Catholics -- that this rather elitist attitude does not seem uncommon. And it seems to me that morality clauses -- and the fruits of those clauses -- only exacerbate these problematic attitudes among Catholics who consider themselves to be the "faithful" ones.
I am quite certain that a "logic" person could poke all kinds of holes in what I have just said here. Whatever. Somebody recently said to me, in a rather derogatory tone, "You just want everybody to feel good about themselves." Whatever. But, I just think about Jesus and how he acted towards the "sinners" versus how he acted toward the "teachers of the law." And many of the "sinners" really loved him and wanted to hang out with him all the time. So, obviously, he was not hitting them over the head with the Dead Sea Scrolls. On the contrary, he showed them true compassion. And compassion is a very powerful thing. Perhaps more powerful than morality clauses in the teaching of the faith and in setting an example for our children and teens and young adults.
Saturday, February 8, 2014
The Christianity Of Dot-Marie Jones
Who is Dot-Marie Jones? She is an actress who plays one of my favorite characters on "Glee." If you don't know what "Glee" is, then, "Google it, Boot." She is also a lesbian, married to the lady she loves and has been with for a long time.
Is Dot-Marie Jones a "professed" Christian? I have no idea. But, what I do know is that she acts like one.
Here is a case in point.
She said to her Twitter followers: HEY! PLEASE DO NOT SEND HATEFUL TWEETS TO ANYONE THINKING YOU ARE DOING IT IN MY DEFENSE! THERE IS NO HATE HERE OR BULLYING! PLEASE!
To me, this is Christianity in action. She is doing as Jesus instructs us. She is doing to others what she would have them do to her. She is turning the other cheek. She is showing forgiveness. She is showing charity to those who persecute her.
In the face of nasty attitudes and comments, Dot-Marie Jones could be justifiably angry and hurt. And maybe she is. I would be. But, look at the example she sets for others. She is a peacemaker. And what does Jesus say about peacemakers???
I hope Dot-Marie Jones would not mind me making these comments. I don't mean to imply that I think she should become a Christian, if she is not a Christian. I hope I don't make her a target of more nastiness. I don't wish to turn her into some kind of symbol for the "culture war." It's just that I've seen a lot of terrible things said to and about LGTB individuals by Christians, even by those of my own faith, and it feels like a knife to my heart. I think it is scandalous.
In fact, I am seeing a lot of things being said and done by Catholic individuals and institutions lately that disturb me. The other day, for example, I read about a single woman who teaches at a Catholic school. She is pregnant. She got fired. Because -- horror of horrors -- she had SEX. WITHOUT BEING MARRIED. Hello. But, did I fall asleep and wake up in the Middle Ages!?!?
Yes. The Catholic Church teaches that sex is for marriage. But, you know, sex happens. It can happen more easily than you think. I mean, I don't know this lady's story. Is she engaged? Is she dating someone whom she loves? Is she lonely? Did she want to feel close to somebody, if even for a little while? Did she encounter a hot man and lose control of herself momentarily? Did she encounter a hot man and just decide, "I AM GOING TO HAVE THAT HOT MAN." I mean, that could have happened. Ovulation, you know. And she was obviously ovulating. Was she raped? But, you know, whatever happened, IT DOES NOT FREAKING MATTER, AND IT IS NONE OF OUR FREAKING BUSINESS, BECAUSE SHE IS NOT OURS TO JUDGE."
AND -- if a dude teacher from that same Catholic school went out to a bar on a Friday night and picked up a hot woman and had sex and got the hot woman pregnant, he could just keep it a secret and nobody would ever have to know and he could just keep his dandy reputation and his job and his health insurance and retirement benefits.
WHAT YEAR IS THIS, ANYWAY?!?! 1950?!?!
ALSO -- This woman could have had an abortion. Yes, she could have gotten fired for that, too. But, it would have been much less likely, because it would have been very easy to keep it a secret. A pregnancy, though? And a wee little new baby? Not so easy to hide, eh? And if she had a secret abortion, she could have kept her sterling reputation and her job and her health insurance and retirement benefits.
But, now?
The single pregnant mother-to-be has no job and no income. Perhaps she is keeping her health benefits, because of COBRA. But, COBRA is freaking expensive for a singe lady with no job. Perhaps, the care of Obama will help her out. Thank God for Mr. Obama. Maybe she has family and friends who will come to her aid. Maybe the daddy is around. But -- the thing is -- this Catholic institution, all pro-life and moral and stuff like that, took away her means of supporting herself at a time when she is most vulnerable. Fuck that. "Well," you may be thinking to yourself, "she can just get another job." But, HELLO, have you checked this economy lately? And a single pregnant lady is not exactly the most appealing candidate for a prospective employer. Personally? I hope she sues that Catholic school and wins an absolute PILE of cash.
And why did this school feel justified in firing this lady? Because, probably, in violating Church teaching, the Powers-That-Be decided that she had become a poor example to the kids. I ask you, though, who is being the poor example here? If my kids were in that school, I'd yank them out so fast that the principal's head would spin.
I look at this stuff, ya know? The stuff that is being said and done in the name of keeping the Church and her institutions "pure" or whatever? The stuff that is being done in order to "defend the 'truth'?" And I am just ashamed. I hear Jesus' words about the "scribes, pharisees, and hypocrites" echo in my mind.
I guess there's one piece of news I feel better about. At my son's college, they are building a special place for single moms to live while they undertake their studies. I tip my hat to that. Because that is what Christians do. They take people, in whatever hurting situations they find themselves in, and lift them up. They don't judge them. They lift them up.
And the same goes for how we should treat the LGBT community. My daughter follows the blog of a Catholic gay man. This man is trying to live out the Church's teaching, and so is abstaining from sexual activity. He seems to have chosen this for himself, freely. He doesn't seem to feel that it has been imposed on him. I will take him at his word. But, one thing that he expresses quite beautifully is how DIFFICULT this choice is for him to live out. It is painful. And I wonder, if I were a lesbian, if I would make the same choice, or if I would choose to be with somebody. Because I know myself. And I know that an intimate relationship has always been important to me, almost like life-blood. And I hope, that if I were a lesbian, and if I had a partner or a wife, that people would understand about that. I would hope that people would still accept me and love me and not judge me. And not fire me from my job. Or slash my tires. Because I know of at least one case where a married lesbian couple had their tires slashed by those who disapprove of them.
And if there is a Heaven, and if I somehow manage to get there, I guess I hope my company will be Dot-Marie Jones and the brave single mom, rather than the tire-slashers and the employers who are trying to keep their institutions "pure."
Is Dot-Marie Jones a "professed" Christian? I have no idea. But, what I do know is that she acts like one.
Here is a case in point.
She said to her Twitter followers: HEY! PLEASE DO NOT SEND HATEFUL TWEETS TO ANYONE THINKING YOU ARE DOING IT IN MY DEFENSE! THERE IS NO HATE HERE OR BULLYING! PLEASE!
To me, this is Christianity in action. She is doing as Jesus instructs us. She is doing to others what she would have them do to her. She is turning the other cheek. She is showing forgiveness. She is showing charity to those who persecute her.
In the face of nasty attitudes and comments, Dot-Marie Jones could be justifiably angry and hurt. And maybe she is. I would be. But, look at the example she sets for others. She is a peacemaker. And what does Jesus say about peacemakers???
I hope Dot-Marie Jones would not mind me making these comments. I don't mean to imply that I think she should become a Christian, if she is not a Christian. I hope I don't make her a target of more nastiness. I don't wish to turn her into some kind of symbol for the "culture war." It's just that I've seen a lot of terrible things said to and about LGTB individuals by Christians, even by those of my own faith, and it feels like a knife to my heart. I think it is scandalous.
In fact, I am seeing a lot of things being said and done by Catholic individuals and institutions lately that disturb me. The other day, for example, I read about a single woman who teaches at a Catholic school. She is pregnant. She got fired. Because -- horror of horrors -- she had SEX. WITHOUT BEING MARRIED. Hello. But, did I fall asleep and wake up in the Middle Ages!?!?
Yes. The Catholic Church teaches that sex is for marriage. But, you know, sex happens. It can happen more easily than you think. I mean, I don't know this lady's story. Is she engaged? Is she dating someone whom she loves? Is she lonely? Did she want to feel close to somebody, if even for a little while? Did she encounter a hot man and lose control of herself momentarily? Did she encounter a hot man and just decide, "I AM GOING TO HAVE THAT HOT MAN." I mean, that could have happened. Ovulation, you know. And she was obviously ovulating. Was she raped? But, you know, whatever happened, IT DOES NOT FREAKING MATTER, AND IT IS NONE OF OUR FREAKING BUSINESS, BECAUSE SHE IS NOT OURS TO JUDGE."
AND -- if a dude teacher from that same Catholic school went out to a bar on a Friday night and picked up a hot woman and had sex and got the hot woman pregnant, he could just keep it a secret and nobody would ever have to know and he could just keep his dandy reputation and his job and his health insurance and retirement benefits.
WHAT YEAR IS THIS, ANYWAY?!?! 1950?!?!
ALSO -- This woman could have had an abortion. Yes, she could have gotten fired for that, too. But, it would have been much less likely, because it would have been very easy to keep it a secret. A pregnancy, though? And a wee little new baby? Not so easy to hide, eh? And if she had a secret abortion, she could have kept her sterling reputation and her job and her health insurance and retirement benefits.
But, now?
The single pregnant mother-to-be has no job and no income. Perhaps she is keeping her health benefits, because of COBRA. But, COBRA is freaking expensive for a singe lady with no job. Perhaps, the care of Obama will help her out. Thank God for Mr. Obama. Maybe she has family and friends who will come to her aid. Maybe the daddy is around. But -- the thing is -- this Catholic institution, all pro-life and moral and stuff like that, took away her means of supporting herself at a time when she is most vulnerable. Fuck that. "Well," you may be thinking to yourself, "she can just get another job." But, HELLO, have you checked this economy lately? And a single pregnant lady is not exactly the most appealing candidate for a prospective employer. Personally? I hope she sues that Catholic school and wins an absolute PILE of cash.
And why did this school feel justified in firing this lady? Because, probably, in violating Church teaching, the Powers-That-Be decided that she had become a poor example to the kids. I ask you, though, who is being the poor example here? If my kids were in that school, I'd yank them out so fast that the principal's head would spin.
I look at this stuff, ya know? The stuff that is being said and done in the name of keeping the Church and her institutions "pure" or whatever? The stuff that is being done in order to "defend the 'truth'?" And I am just ashamed. I hear Jesus' words about the "scribes, pharisees, and hypocrites" echo in my mind.
I guess there's one piece of news I feel better about. At my son's college, they are building a special place for single moms to live while they undertake their studies. I tip my hat to that. Because that is what Christians do. They take people, in whatever hurting situations they find themselves in, and lift them up. They don't judge them. They lift them up.
And the same goes for how we should treat the LGBT community. My daughter follows the blog of a Catholic gay man. This man is trying to live out the Church's teaching, and so is abstaining from sexual activity. He seems to have chosen this for himself, freely. He doesn't seem to feel that it has been imposed on him. I will take him at his word. But, one thing that he expresses quite beautifully is how DIFFICULT this choice is for him to live out. It is painful. And I wonder, if I were a lesbian, if I would make the same choice, or if I would choose to be with somebody. Because I know myself. And I know that an intimate relationship has always been important to me, almost like life-blood. And I hope, that if I were a lesbian, and if I had a partner or a wife, that people would understand about that. I would hope that people would still accept me and love me and not judge me. And not fire me from my job. Or slash my tires. Because I know of at least one case where a married lesbian couple had their tires slashed by those who disapprove of them.
And if there is a Heaven, and if I somehow manage to get there, I guess I hope my company will be Dot-Marie Jones and the brave single mom, rather than the tire-slashers and the employers who are trying to keep their institutions "pure."
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Men At Weddings
I love weddings. Don't you?
And I love to see young men at weddings -- the groom, his best man, the ushers, and all the young guys who comprise the family and friends of the young couple. At the ceremony, they are all so tidy and well-groomed and splendidly dressed. And respectful. They politely escort the ladies to their seats, stand up straight, fold their hands, wear earnest expressions while the minister dispenses wise marital advice, cry a few tears during the vows. Such gentlemen all these young men are. It is so nice to watch. Gives me hope for the future.
But, then comes the reception. And the alcohol. Don't even get me started on the after-party.
Please don't misunderstand me. I love parties. I love beer and wine and old fashioneds and Manhattans. I am no tea-totaller. I serve alcohol to my kids and their friends. (No worries. Everyone is 21 and over.) I am no enemy of revelry and a bit of tequila-induced cheer.
But, I also grew up amongst more than my fair share of alcoholics. My parents were moderate drinkers, but a few of their friends and relatives were not. And it was pretty awful to grow up with. I often didn't really understand why I had to be around these people. I loved a lot of them, but it truly was not pleasant when they drank excessively on a regular basis. And -- I admit -- this experience left its mark on my soul. I hate it when people get drunk.
And that is frequently what I see at wedding receptions. A lot of drunk young men. The respectful, well-groomed young men from the ceremony kind of morph into something that's rather the opposite during the reception. Some of them even seem to think that intoxication is the main goal of the whole occasion. That's the impression they give, anyway, when you hear them talk and watch how they behave.
I'm probably sounding here a lot like that abolition lady with the hatchet. That's not my intention. But, you know, a wedding -- though joyful and happy and festive -- is also an occasion that should be at least somewhat dignified. ALL THE WAY THROUGH. Not just at the church.
I think this is especially true for people who consider a wedding and a marriage to be of a religious nature, or Sacramental. There is a lot of talk these days about marriage rights -- who should have them and who should not. And there are a lot of religious people who tout the "one man-one woman" idea, and heavily criticize those of other viewpoints. A lot of religious folk say that same-sex marriage endangers the institution, that it endangers family life. Many religious individuals -- especially Catholics -- also frown upon contraception. Many of them believe that you should be open to a baby from the minute you get married. They say that they believe in strong and life-long marriages that nurture the many children they hope to have, or hope other couples will have. I have heard young religious guys cheer each other on when they find out that their pals have baby #2 or #3 on the way. You would think they were attending a sporting event. (And it's kind of cute, actually.) But, if you are a religious guy and you diss gay marriage and/or brag that your second baby in two years is on the way and/or discuss your admiration of Judge Scalia -- all at your friends' wedding reception -- at least be sober. Otherwise, you look really hypocritical. And kind of ridiculous. If I were an LGBT person, I would not be impressed. I'd think, "And these dudes believe they are 'protecting' marriage and ensuring the 'safety' of family life? Ha!"
Of course, I know many people who have gotten drunk -- or whose pals have gotten drunk -- at their weddings and have gone on to have very successful marriages. And I have attended many weddings where very few guys drank to excess. And some people get married without judging the marriages of others. And I probably sound like a douche in this post. But, when I see people who pride themselves on their devotion to their faith, on the purity of their faith, on their knowledge of their faith getting shit-faced at their chums' weddings, it kind of rubs me the wrong way.
Now, where did I put my hatchet?
Oh, here it is. Next to my Jim Beam.
;-)
And I love to see young men at weddings -- the groom, his best man, the ushers, and all the young guys who comprise the family and friends of the young couple. At the ceremony, they are all so tidy and well-groomed and splendidly dressed. And respectful. They politely escort the ladies to their seats, stand up straight, fold their hands, wear earnest expressions while the minister dispenses wise marital advice, cry a few tears during the vows. Such gentlemen all these young men are. It is so nice to watch. Gives me hope for the future.
But, then comes the reception. And the alcohol. Don't even get me started on the after-party.
Please don't misunderstand me. I love parties. I love beer and wine and old fashioneds and Manhattans. I am no tea-totaller. I serve alcohol to my kids and their friends. (No worries. Everyone is 21 and over.) I am no enemy of revelry and a bit of tequila-induced cheer.
But, I also grew up amongst more than my fair share of alcoholics. My parents were moderate drinkers, but a few of their friends and relatives were not. And it was pretty awful to grow up with. I often didn't really understand why I had to be around these people. I loved a lot of them, but it truly was not pleasant when they drank excessively on a regular basis. And -- I admit -- this experience left its mark on my soul. I hate it when people get drunk.
And that is frequently what I see at wedding receptions. A lot of drunk young men. The respectful, well-groomed young men from the ceremony kind of morph into something that's rather the opposite during the reception. Some of them even seem to think that intoxication is the main goal of the whole occasion. That's the impression they give, anyway, when you hear them talk and watch how they behave.
I'm probably sounding here a lot like that abolition lady with the hatchet. That's not my intention. But, you know, a wedding -- though joyful and happy and festive -- is also an occasion that should be at least somewhat dignified. ALL THE WAY THROUGH. Not just at the church.
I think this is especially true for people who consider a wedding and a marriage to be of a religious nature, or Sacramental. There is a lot of talk these days about marriage rights -- who should have them and who should not. And there are a lot of religious people who tout the "one man-one woman" idea, and heavily criticize those of other viewpoints. A lot of religious folk say that same-sex marriage endangers the institution, that it endangers family life. Many religious individuals -- especially Catholics -- also frown upon contraception. Many of them believe that you should be open to a baby from the minute you get married. They say that they believe in strong and life-long marriages that nurture the many children they hope to have, or hope other couples will have. I have heard young religious guys cheer each other on when they find out that their pals have baby #2 or #3 on the way. You would think they were attending a sporting event. (And it's kind of cute, actually.) But, if you are a religious guy and you diss gay marriage and/or brag that your second baby in two years is on the way and/or discuss your admiration of Judge Scalia -- all at your friends' wedding reception -- at least be sober. Otherwise, you look really hypocritical. And kind of ridiculous. If I were an LGBT person, I would not be impressed. I'd think, "And these dudes believe they are 'protecting' marriage and ensuring the 'safety' of family life? Ha!"
Of course, I know many people who have gotten drunk -- or whose pals have gotten drunk -- at their weddings and have gone on to have very successful marriages. And I have attended many weddings where very few guys drank to excess. And some people get married without judging the marriages of others. And I probably sound like a douche in this post. But, when I see people who pride themselves on their devotion to their faith, on the purity of their faith, on their knowledge of their faith getting shit-faced at their chums' weddings, it kind of rubs me the wrong way.
Now, where did I put my hatchet?
Oh, here it is. Next to my Jim Beam.
;-)
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