The Topless Lady In The River -- Or, More Lessons From My Dad

When my two sisters and I were teens, our mom and dad took us to Yosemite National Park for a family vacation.  We stayed in these cute little "tents" -- made of canvas with wood floors.  It was summertime and it was hot, so we were all thankful for the presence of a nearby river.  It was there that my father, whose wisdom I have spoken of before, taught me something very important, which I hope I am managing to pass onto my own kids.

One very warm afternoon during this lovely vacation, my father, my sisters, and I strolled down to the river to swim.  Upon our arrival, we encountered a beautiful, young French couple frolicking in the water.  Not sexually frolicking, mind you, just splashing around.  And the lady half of the French couple was wearing the bottom part of her bikini, but the top part was missing.  My sisters and I had never seen such a thing, and we were a bit taken aback. My dad, never one to miss a teachable moment, saw our discomfort and spoke quietly to us about what we were witnessing.  Having been in the army, he spent some time in France, so he knew something about French culture.  He told us that French women did not consider swimming topless to be immodest.  He also explained that, culturally, European women were generally more casual and comfortable about a certain amount of bodily exposure than American women.  He encouraged us to just take this young couple in stride, and it was apparent to me that he was able to do so.  He did not appear uncomfortable.  He was neither gawking nor obviously trying to avert his gaze.  He was behaving just as he would behave if she were completely covered in shorts and a t-shirt.

Over the years, hearing many discussions among friends concerning the topic of modesty and appropriate female dress, I have reflected on this incident.  A couple of things stand out to me.  Firstly, you cannot make everyone in the world dress in a way that makes you feel comfortable.  It is impossible, and even if it were possible, it would not be the thing to do.  It would actually be inappropriately controlling and perhaps even abusive.  So, it is really best to learn how to control your own reactions to things, to learn to view someone as a whole person (body, mind, spirit), no matter how that person is dressed -- or undressed.  Second, you should not feel guilty for being attracted to a person physically.  This is a natural thing.  The thing that matters is what you do with that attraction.  And you can teach yourself to react to people, whatever they are wearing, in a way that is kind, warm-hearted, and dignified.  A little bit of a sense of humor about yourself, and others, can go a long way here. 

I hope I am passing these lessons from my dad onto my kids.  It does make me happy when I see my 20-year-old son, when interacting with a beautiful young woman in a darling outfit, looking her in the eye, talking and joking with her in a relaxed fashion.  He hopes to be a military officer someday, and that job will take him all over the country and the world, where there are many different people dressed in many different ways.  So, he had better develop the skills he needs to treat all these people with the respect they deserve.  And if he ever encounters a lovely topless lady in a river, I hope he is able to treat her in the same dignified fashion that his grandfather did.

The Bikini Battle

There is apparently a lot of controversy surrounding the wearing of The Bikini.  Is it modest enough?  Is it ever appropriate for a proper young lady to wear one?  Should you allow pictures of yourself wearing said swimwear to appear on Facebook?

Now, this is a personal decision, which each lady needs to make for herself, perhaps in conjunction with parents and faithful friends.  But, this is my take on the whole thing.

I was always allowed by my mother to wear The Bikini.  My mother was fairly strict, and there were some rules that I was expected to follow.  As far as the panty portion of The Bikini was concerned, it needed to sufficiently cover the entire bum, and the waistband could not dally too far below the navel.  As far as the top portion of The Bikini was concerned, it had to sufficiently cover the breasts.  I hope I have not offended you by using the word "breasts".  Sorry if I have....  These rules were not only set forth because my mother was concerned about feminine dignity, but because they allowed me to actually swim and dive while wearing The Bikini without fear of having it come off at inconvenient times.  I could also have surfed in The Bikini, but I never learned how to surf -- something which saddens me even unto this very day.  Thus, my bikinis were truly pieces of swimwear.  I was never embarrassed wearing The Bikini and I was never inappropriately ogled by dudes.  Sometimes, as a young woman, I thought it would be fun to be inappropriately ogled by dudes, but that is a different issue.  And, now, I am grateful for the common sense of my mother.  Who, by the way, also wore 2-piece swimsuits well into her 30's.

Thus, I come to the next issue -- Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and all those other wondrous social networking inventions that I love.  People go to the pool.  People go to the beach.  People go to the hot-tub.  People take pictures of each other at these places and send them to these internet sites, where they can easily be viewed by God-knows-who.  And it is understandable for a pretty young lady not to want to become a pin-up in the room of God-knows-who in some foreign country, the name of which she can't even pronounce.  Discretion, therefore, is important.  But, also, if you are following my mother's rules concerning The Bikini and you are not acting like a drunken, partying maniac, it should not be too much of a worry.

This, therefore, is my take on The Bikini.  Use your judgement and do what is comfortable for you.  Don't be pressured by others.  Whether to wear The Bikini or not is your decision.  Make it wisely and have fun in the water!

Distractions

People I know and love and respect and admire are very concerned about modesty. Of women's clothing. In Church. It has been said that women -- most likely, young and pretty women -- should be careful not to distract dudes in Church. And I suppose this is a valid concern, but I just get annoyed by the whole thing. First of all, boys getting distracted by girls is just a natural phenomenon and no one should feel guilty about it. I just tell my son that if a girl, or anything else, distracts him in Church, to just gently bring his attention back to the Mass. No. Big. Deal.

I also don't think it's quite fair to put everything on the girls. I mean, let's face it, the guys can be pretty distracting, too. Maybe Ben McKenzie should be asked to wear long sleeves anytime he goes into a house of worship? I mean, have you seen those forearms? :)