Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Ben Sherman's Little Love Triangle, Or -- Just A Silly "SouthLAnd" Post

This is just a silly post about my fave TV show.  I am just going to be having fun.  If you are not in the mood for silly or for fun, you should probably click away now.

The writing for "SouthLAnd" has always been outstanding.  This year, though, those writers are outdoing themselves.  And one thing that is just a little gem of storytelling in the midst of the whole glorious crown is "Ben's Little Love Triangle."

Toward the beginning of the current season, Ben and Sammy do a darling little community service puppet show for an elementary school class.  This class is taught by a darling little teacher who recognizes Officer Ben from the LAPD recruiting posters.  Barely able to contain her excitement in front of all her tiny charges, she manages to communicate to Officer Ben her attraction to him.  Later in the episode, she calls him up and they arrange to meet for coffee at one of the more "sophisticated" coffee establishments favored by Officer Ben.  He jokes with her that she needs to be careful of "talking to strangers" -- alluding to the chat which he and Sammy had earlier in the day with her class. But, in the end, he concedes that having coffee is probably a safe enough option.  Little does he know that he, in this moment, should be heeding his own advice, as this darling little teacher is inevitably going to turn out to be "Psycho Chick."

(Aside: I had a feeling this little lady was going to end up being a problem for Officer Ben when she gave him a "B" for his "romantic performance."  Anyone who has seen Officer Ben's alter ego kissing Marissa on the ferris wheel should know that he would never get a "B" in this area.  So, from the very beginning, it was obvious there was a something awry with the mind of this beautiful woman.)

Meanwhile, though, before we know that Teacher Lady is actually Psycho Chick, Officer Ben -- for some reason known only to him -- takes up with another darling little lady.  This lady's name is Elena, and she is an artist, cook, and lover extraordinaire.  I think, at first, we are not really supposed to like her.  We are, at that point, rooting for the schoolteacher.  I mean, she is a SCHOOLTEACHER!  Who could be more perfect for Officer Ben than a drop-dead gorgeous, well-educated, down-to-earth schoolteacher???  And in comes this little firecracker of a girl with a no-good brother who has no-good friends.  "Ben," we are thinking, "BEN!!! What are you doing??? Have you lost your FREAKING MIND??? You have found the perfect woman, and you are SCREWING IT ALL UP!!! You are going to catch a disease and give it to the schoolteacher, and then she will break up with you and you will never get married and have beautiful babies!!!"

Those "SouthLAnd" writers, though.  They were just playing little mind games with us.  Because, as I said, the "perfect woman" is evidently an unstable loon -- while Elena is turning out to be the most lovable gal.  She just adores Officer Ben.  She is so nice to him.  She cooks for him and fusses over him and begs him for a "quickie" in the morning.  She sure as heckfire is not giving him any "B" in the "romance" department.  She just loves him -- really, really loves him.  And she is a doll.

I'm not saying I think Officer Ben necessarily deserves all this love and affection from this adorable girl.  I'm just saying that maybe she is turning out to be the right one for him, after all.  So, perhaps this is what will happen:

In episode 10, Sammy is going to be in a helicopter.  (As I said in a previous post, I know this from Instagram.)  What do I now think he will be doing in that helicopter?  I think he is going to be chasing Officer Ben.

I believe Officer Ben is going to be found out for one or more of the following:  murdering the pimp, lying to IA, and having Sammy's house broken into.  I think he is going to run to Elena for help, as she probably has connections "south of the border." She and her brother are going to hide Officer Ben in a "borrowed" vehicle and make a run for her country of origin.  And I think they're going to succeed in their escape, which will leave Sammy circling around in the helicopter with a rather frustrated look on his face.

Once they arrive at their destination -- a place where there will be many of Elena's friends and relatives waiting with open arms -- the local priest is going to frown disapprovingly at poor Officer Ben.  He will want Officer Ben to do the right thing by Elena.  And because this priest will let Officer Ben know that he has friends in the Border Patrol, Officer Ben will agree to marry Elena.  Which won't be so bad, because Officer Ben really does (in his heart of hearts) love her.

So, there will be a wedding with wonderful food and music and ruffled dresses.  Ben will open a bar, where he will mix the drinks, while Elena's brother wipes down the tables.  Elena and Ben will have beautiful babies -- at least 5 of them.  These babies will have beautiful, wavy, golden-brown hair.  They will have beautiful golden-brown skin.  They will have big hazel eyes.  As they grow, they will run around the bar and sit in the customers' laps and make everybody smile and laugh.  And Elena will, each and every morning for the rest of her and Ben's mutual life, beg him for a "quickie."

And they will live happily ever after.

--- THE END ---

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