Ben Sherman -- Epilogue, Part 2

AFRICA, THREE YEARS LATER

It is already hot as the sun rises up over the valley in the middle of this ancient continent.  This ancient continent where families and lives were once ripped apart by those who thought bartering in humans was a God-given right. This ancient continent full of a multiplicity of cultures.  War-ravaged in some places, disease-ridden in others, but full of great beauty and majesty and life.  Life wild and free, alongside life shackled and oppressed.  Great poverty and great riches, sometimes in one place.

She lies next to me -- this woman, my woman -- breathing softly.  Her skin soft and brown and warm.  The dark curls of her hair gently brushing my shoulder.  Her belly swollen with the child.  Breasts full and ready to give milk to a new babe.  Soon he will come.  Or she.  I don't know.  The woman -- the lovely woman whom I love -- doesn't want to know, so the decision is made.   We will be surprised.  Isn't life just one long surprise, anyway?  We plan, God laughs -- isn't that what they say?

Who knew,  almost three years ago, that my life would come to this?   Who knew that my life would come to anything?   Fuck 'em all, I thought to myself back then.  Sammy and Cooper, Brooke -- fuck 'em all.

They were rather awkward, those initial days after my confrontation with Sammy.  I mean, we couldn't work together, anymore.  Not one more day.  Sammy pulled some strings, got us new partners.  Not too many questions were asked.  Hell, I thought.  I'm taking the Detectives' Exam, anyway.  I'll be out of this fuckin' squad car in a few months.  And I should have been.  I got the second highest score ever recorded in the department.  But, the promotion got "held up."  One fuckin' excuse after another.  No one ever said it directly, but I know that fucker Sammy was responsible.  It became clear to me that I was going to be riding in that patrol car forever -- or humpin' the pine.  I had been blackballed -- by the guy who told me that "you always have your partner's back, especially when he's wrong."  That fucker.

And then there was Cooper.  Brought down by his own team, he lived through it all.  But, after all that -- after his own psycho trip -- he still thought he was better than me.  The guy pistol-whips his neighbor, disgraces himself after almost 25 years on the job, and he has the audacity to treat me with disdain when I go visit him.  Maybe I stretched my authority a bit in going after a few bad guys, but they were the BAD GUYS.  Not some Joe Lunch Bucket who couldn't pay his electric bill.

The one bright star amongst all this fucked-up crap?  Elena.  I really did love Elena.  Not like I love the woman who lies next to me now, the woman large with my child.  But, I did love her.  She was the little bit of light in the middle of all my darkness -- as corny as that sounds.  And Brooke knew it, too.  I should have been more careful with Brooke.  Should have taken her unstable behavior more seriously.  I was a cop, after all.  But, I wasn't willing to admit to myself what I knew deep down to be the full extent of her anger, of her hatred.  Because if I admitted that to myself, I would have had to admit that maybe I was a little bit responsible for it.  Yes, she was crazy.  That wasn't my fault.  But, in how I treated her -- in how I screwed around on her -- I probably did tip the scales a bit.  Probably did uncage the beast that was inside of that tiny lady.  And now one lives in an institution, unable to even feed herself.  And one lives in prison.  Elena didn't mean to cause that trauma to Brooke's brain. Brooke, after all, did start the fight.  The fight that ended in a fall when Elena pushed Brooke away from her.  And when a head meets concrete violently, the head doesn't stand much of a chance.  I really didn't think Elena would face prison time.  It seemed a simple matter of self-defense to me.  Evidently, the D.A. saw things differently.  He maintained that Elena used unnecessary force.  And the D.A. prevailed. 

So, that's how it was.  That's where I was.  Trapped in a life I had never anticipated.  Looking for a way out.  The usual escapes -- sex, alcohol -- they weren't doing it, anymore.  And the other cops?  They were polite, professional.  But, they were no longer my comrades.

So, I made a decision.  A decision that involved putting into practice one of the things I had learned from John Cooper -- skimming pills from perps I took into custody.  (Of course, Cooper always denied that he did this.  I never fuckin' believed him, though.  No sane person would.  The guy was a fuckin' addict.  And addicts say whatever they need to say.)  Nobody noticed a few pills missing here and there -- especially when I made sure I was the one to book the things into evidence.  It only took a few months, and I had enough to do what I needed to do.  Kill myself.  You may wonder why I didn't just eat my gun.  Basically, I was too polite for that.  Didn't want anyone to have to clean up after me.  And there were Olivia and Chloe to think about.  And my mother.  Chances were, it would have been one of them who found me.  And I didn't want them to find a bloody mess.  With the pills, it would have been far more peaceful -- for me and for all the rest of 'em.  I go to sleep and they find me that way.  A fuckin' Sleeping Beauty -- guy version.  Except, no kiss could or would have magical powers in this rendition of that classic tale.

To be continued...

"SouthLAnd" -- John Cooper's Drug Dealer

There are a couple of "SouthLAnd" characters who I have particularly enjoyed, even though they have had smaller parts. 

One of these characters is John Cooper's drug dealer from the earlier seasons of the show.  This guy is often seen in the gay bar, selling Officer Cooper his supply of pain pills.  Sometimes, he shows up in other locations.  What especially intrigues me about Mr. Drug Dealer is that he appears to be wearing a Scapular.  If you are a Catholic, you may know what a Scapular is.  It is worn about the neck, much like a crucifix or a holy medal.  It is made of cloth with a small crucifix and St. Benedict medal attached to it.  And there are some words printed on the cloth.  If it is the Brown Scapular -- such as the one the drug dealer seems to be wearing -- it has a promise of Mary stating that if you die wearing the Scapular, you will not suffer the eternal fire.  Of course, this promise only applies under certain conditions -- one of these conditions being that you have some sorrow in your heart for whatever wrong you have done in your life.  The Brown Scapular was reportedly given to the Church by the Blessed Mother to St. Simon Stock in the thirteenth century.

(Aside:  Just so you know, Catholics are not required to wear -- or even believe in -- the Brown Scapular.) 

So, here is a drug dealer in a gay bar selling illicit pain killers to John Cooper -- while wearing a Scapular.  And I think it is brilliant.  It is a wardrobe item that gives you great insights into this character, especially when combined with the things he says and does.  He never seems to be completely at ease with the idea that Cooper could suffer death, or even serious health consequences, from the drugs he is taking.  He warns him more than one time that he is taking too much.  Of course, the dealer makes this concern out to be self-interest on his part.  After all, he tells John, having one of his customers die would be bad for business.  And so it would be.  But, the dealer -- through his facial expressions and body language -- appears to have more than self-centered motivations.  We see an inkling of actual concern in this man.  Perhaps he was raised as a Catholic -- it is possible that his family background is Hispanic, for example -- and his conscience has not been fully erased, even through his rather nefarious profession. 

The writers of "SouthLAnd" have always been amazing.  They have created characters that are complex and multi-layered.  Nobody is completely good or evil.  All struggle as human beings.  We have consistently seen this with the main characters.  And perhaps it is true with the more minor ones, as well.  Maybe care was taken by the writers of the show to make even this character -- with a relatively small role -- someone who would be thought-provoking.  And if this is the case, whoever had the idea of putting a Scapular around the guy's neck... Well... My hat is off to you.

Maybe my eyes deceived me -- I do not see as well as I used to -- and it is not actually a Scapular the drug dealer is wearing.  In that case, what I have written is so much dust in the wind.  Although, Scapular or no Scapular, John Cooper's drug dealer will always stand out in my mind as one of the more outstanding of "SouthLAnd's" supporting characters.

So, My Daughter Says That I Am A...

...Feminist.

Huh???

Well...perhaps I am.  A little bit.  Maybe.

I was driving around town with Bridget (my 22-year-old girlie) one day.  We were doing things like going to The Dollar Store and Starbucks.  It was great fun, as she is very entertaining.  And we started to talk about actresses.  I said that I think it is cool how actresses these days are so very diverse, as compared to when I was a kid.  When I was growing up, actresses -- typically -- seemed to be required to be caucasian, with large breasts, small waists, and tiny noses.  They also tended to lack well-developed muscles, as that was generally considered to be unfeminine.  Now you see actresses of different races and mixed race, with larger noses, figures that aren't 36-24-36, and some pretty epic arm muscles.  And these actresses are portraying beautiful and sexually alluring characters.  I mentioned how on "SouthLAnd" -- yes, there I go again with "SouthLAnd" -- one of the characters who had bit of a "romance" with the character of Officer Ben Sherman (if you can call any of the things that Officer Ben does with women "romance," in the traditional sense of the word) was an absolutely beautiful girl, but not your "typical" Hollywood type.  Racially, she appeared to be some lovely combination of black and white, or perhaps black and Latina.  She was rather petite, but strongly built.  And she had a great figure -- although with a bust to hip ratio not traditionally seen amongst women who play sexy females in movies and TV.  This actress's character -- besides being one of Officer Ben's "love" interests -- was also a cop.  And the woman was AMAZING in the role.  So, not to belabor my point anymore, I expressed to Bridget my delight that Hollywood is beginning to appreciate and cast a more diverse group of women to play characters that are both smart and attractive.  Based on this opinion of mine -- combined with other things I have been saying lately -- Bridget told me, "Mommy, when I was growing up, I never realized what a feminist you are."

I am sorry if I did not quote you in a totally exact fashion, Bridget.  I have done my best to be accurate.

Anyway, this made me laugh.  I asked her, "Do you really think I'm a feminist?"  To which she replied in the affirmative.

I had never been called a "feminist" before -- in my entire life.  In fact, most women think of me as the opposite.  I mean, I eschewed having a career to be a wife and mom -- in the 80's, mind you.  And the majority of women I knew were quite incredulous that I would do that.  Most of my friends who worked sincerely wondered how I wasn't bored being at home with the kids.  I was pretty much seen as the "anti-feminist" amongst my peers.

So, I began to wonder -- both aloud and silently -- about my "feminist" self.  And I came to a couple of conclusions.

My first conclusion is that I am just sort of a rebel.  If the people I am around are one way, I tend to go the other way.  And when I was young, most women were into the feminist sexual revolution in one way or another.  So, I just had to push back.  And, in more recent years, I have been around women who tend to be, for lack of a better term, "militant traditionalists." So, I have had to stake out an opposing position, just for fun.  Yeah.  I am sort of a pain in the ass. 

But (and this is my second conclusion), if my rebel nature has a more reasoned aspect to it, maybe it is this.  I like to look at things fairly.  I like to be treated fairly and see others treated thusly.  And I hope that all women can be appreciated for their unique qualities -- physical, mental, and spiritual.  I have seen the feminist movement and the "militant traditionalist" movement both try to define the female nature too narrowly.  One of these viewpoints would almost have us throw out any concept of femininity and the value of motherhood, while the other proclaims that women who have careers and don't stay with their children 24/7 are denying their femininity and shirking their true duty.  I don't find the truth in either of these extremes.  And I don't want my daughters being put "into a box" as far as their life choices go.  I want them to be able to dream their dreams, have their goals, and make their plans -- without a false view of womanhood interfering.

I will now sum this post up with a little anecdote.  When I was growing up, my favorite TV shows were "Dragnet", "Adam 12", and "Emergency".  I so much wanted to be a cop or a paramedic, and I mentioned this to my father one day when I was probably about 9 or 10 years old.  He replied, "I don't think they allow women to do those things."  Now, lest you get the wrong idea, my father did not come across as being opposed to women doing those jobs.  He was just stating the facts, as he knew them.  But, I was appalled and horrified.  I did not want to be a nurse or a stewardess or a secretary or a teacher (although a teacher is what I did become).  I wanted to be a cop or a paramedic.  And the thought that being a female -- and only the fact of being a female -- would keep me from one of those careers was devastating.  Now, I do believe that a woman needs to be able to fulfill the requirements of a job -- including the physical requirements -- in order to be allowed to do it.  And that, in the end, is why I didn't choose to become a cop or a paramedic.  I just didn't feel that I was up to snuff in the physical strength department.  But, this experience of being told that I couldn't do a certain type of work solely because of my gender probably caused me to develop whatever feminist leanings I do possess.

So, here's to all the ladies!  I hope you will all be appreciated for your beauty and be allowed to dream your dreams, whether those dreams are of hearth and home or breaking down a door with Michael Cudlitz.  #SouthLAnd  ;-)

How I Came To Watch "SouthLAnd"

Since I often refer to the TV show SouthLAnd in this blog, I figured I would explain how I came to watch it.  I don't know if this is interesting to you, but it is fun for me to talk about.

There is this very kind actor I follow on Twitter.  His name is Chris Bruno.  Back in January, I think it was, he was a guest star on SouthLAnd, so he tweeted something like, "I will be appearing on SouthLAnd tonight.  If you have time, you can watch it.  But, don't blink."  I thought his request was just so humble and self-effacing that I decided to watch the show.  I thought it was going to be about The South.  You know, like Tennessee or Mississippi or Alabama.  Imagine my surprise when it was a show about the LAPD.  I guess that explains the "LA" in "SouthLAnd".  Yeah.  I can be pretty dense sometimes.

I have now watched all the episodes of SouthLAnd, but this particular episode came in the middle of Season 4.  My children, after watching the series with me, have come to the conclusion that this was the most violent episode of them all.  I cannot disagree.

So, anyway, I turn on the show and I see the following things:  First.  A crazed woman in an old nightgown and bathrobe waving a knife.  A lady cop goes to tackle her.  Freeze frame.  But, you know nothing good is going to result.  Second.  Cute blond dude in bed with two ladies, who has to leap out of a second floor window when the husband of one of the ladies arrives home unexpectedly.  To his credit, this dude apparently did not know the lady was married.  At first, I do not know this young man is a cop, but later in the show, I learn that he is one of the main cop characters.  He then has to work hard to win me over, as I am not immediately impressed.  (Also, I do not personally understand why two women would want to share one guy.  I guess it's because I am Italian.  We do not share our guys.)  At this point I am thinking, "Chris, you are apparently a wonderful person.  But, WHAT IN THE HELL KIND OF SHOW IS THIS???"  And the grand finale of the episode?  A very large tattooed man viciously attacking one of the heroic police officers by knocking him over and latching his teeth onto said officer's neck.  They struggle for what seems like an eternity.  We are left not knowing what will be the fate of this obviously epic law enforcement official.  In the midst of all this action is Chris Bruno's scene, which is a lot of fun.  He plays a cop who has just put several bad guys out of commission, all by himself, using kick-ass martial arts skills.  Yes, perhaps he broke a few cop rules.  But, all's fair in love and war.  Right?

The episode ended.  I thought, "Well.  It was fun to see Chris Bruno.  But, I am DONE with watching SouthLAnd."  The following week came around, though, and SouthLAnd was going to be on that night.  I couldn't help but wonder what was going to be the fate of the neck-bite victim.  Evening came.  I turned on the set.  And, so, there you have it.  Each week, I told myself that I was finished with this "dark and gritty" show.  Then, the next week would roll around, and I couldn't help but wonder what was going to happen next.  And, to be fair, I stopped seeing the show as being "dark and gritty."  The characters gained my sympathy and the writing is extremely compelling, providing a lot of food for thought.  The production value is also top-notch.   I finished watching Season 4 of SouthLAnd, and then proceeded to watch all the other episodes of all the other seasons.  Can't wait for Season 5.  Coming in 2013.  

John Cooper And This Catholic Lady

I homeschooled my kids for 15 years, during which I didn't have much time for movies or TV.  And when I did turn something on, it had to be at least pretty kid-friendly, with all my kids gathered round the set.  So, I wouldn't have watched something like SouthLAnd during those years, because I wouldn't have wanted to try to explain why Officer Sherman was in bed with two ladies.  Call me lazy...

The kids grew up, though, and one of them earned a college degree in "Communications Media, With An Emphasis In Entertainment Media".  In short, a "film degree".  Hence, she watched many movies and TV shows while completing her education; and upon her return home after graduation, continued to watch many movies and TV shows in the house.  Thus, I was drawn in.

Through a series of events, involving my daughter's love of a TV show called Numb3rs, Twitter, and a very kind actor named Chris Bruno, I was led to watch SouthLAnd.  YES!  I am going to talk about SouthLAnd again!  But, today I will not be discussing Ben McKenzie's character, but a character named John Cooper, played most excellently by Michael Cudlitz.

John Cooper is an officer in the LAPD.  And he is a gay character.  And he totally changed my idea of Hollywood and the "gay agenda".

As I educated my children, I hung with people who were mostly very conservative in their views.  I am mostly conservative in my views; but I do have kind of a rebel side, as you know if you have been reading my blog.   The prevailing opinion of the people I hung with is that Hollywood is aggressively promoting the gay lifestyle, trying to get us to accept and condone it, threatening us with "white martyrdom" if we don't.  And, I admit, this became my point-of-view as well, even though I never actually watched any movies or TV shows dealing with gay-rights issues or involving gay characters. (And please don't take any of this as a criticism of homeschooling.  All homeschoolers are individuals, and should not be stereotyped.  This is just my personal experience.)

But, as I watched the character of John Cooper in SouthLAnd, I came away with a different view of things.  In this show, the gay man John Cooper is portrayed in a way that could be construed as very Catholic.  He is portrayed, first and foremost, as a man -- a human being.  He is a man of integrity who works hard, is a good friend, is trustworthy and honorable, with his own share of demons (having to do with an addiction to prescription painkillers).  He is a person like any person -- gay or straight.  And his sexual orientation is just part of who he is as a person.  It is not paraded around by the writers of the show in a way that is aggressively promoting any kind of political agenda.  And when, on a police call,  he has to talk to a teenage boy who has just come out of the closet to his parents -- causing a near knock-down, drag-out fight in their home -- he takes the boy outside and gently encourages him to give his parents time to adjust to this new reality in their lives.  He tells the boy that it is a lot for his parents to digest, and encourages him to have patience.  The feelings of the parents are treated with respect by the show's writers -- even though they are not "politically correct" -- through the character of John Cooper, and I was quite touched by this.

So, this has me thinking.  Maybe Hollywood is not necessarily trying to promote a threatening agenda, but is trying to encourage the idea of gay people as human beings, first and foremost.  Perhaps there is a legitimate concern that gay people have been abused by many in our society, including by many Christians, just because they are gay.  We can debate gay marriage and other gay-rights issues.  But, as we do, we need to correctly discern the concerns of those with opposing views.  We need to try to understand those concerns.  And we need to remember that there are human beings at the center of this debate.  Human beings who want to have what we all want to have -- freedom to live their lives without fear and persecution, compassion, friendship, family, and love.  All of us in our society need to pursue truth, but we need to pursue truth in charity.  In ALL things -- charity.