My "Animal Kingdom" Story

Well... That title is, admittedly, a bit of an exaggeration. ;-)

Anyway...

You may have noticed on my social media that I am a fan of the TV show entitled "Animal Kingdom." It airs on Tuesday nights at 9:00 on TNT. Tonight is the Season 1 finale, and you should definitely tune in. Or, if you are hopelessly behind, you can catch up on episodes online.

"Animal Kingdom" is not for the faint-of-heart. You have been warned. But, it is a fantastic story!

Now, back to the title of this post and what it means.

"Animal Kingdom" films on location in Oceanside; and one day, there was a casting call for local background actors. I found out about this casting call from my friend, Sharon. She posted it on Facebook, because (I think) she knew I was interested in the show. So, being that I am the rather odd duck that I am, I decided to show up for it (even though I am a simple suburban housewife). I have always kind of had this "actor fantasy," because playing pretend is a ton of fun.

And lo and behold, Bridget and I found ourselves on the set of "Animal Kingdom" as it was shot in and around the Oceanside Pier. It was a great and fantastic day! So much fun! I feel SO blessed!!!

We arrived early in the morning and filled out forms. Then we got sent to wardrobe. I had no idea we would get sent to wardrobe, because we were playing "tourists" and were told to wear outfits that typical tourists would wear. I guess we failed in our clothing choices, though, because the production assistant sent us to wardrobe. And -- boy -- did we end up looking like tourists! I have never been dressed by a wardrobe professional before, and it was great fun! The lady and man in charge of costuming people were amazing! They had two giant trailers full of clothes and hats and handbags and accessories -- and they knew where EVERYTHING was. And they quickly sized Bridget and I up -- both literally and figuratively -- and gave each of us two wardrobe changes and told us exactly how to put them on and take them off and carry them around so that we could get ready in public without flashing anybody. (Actually, I think I may have failed once in the goal of not flashing anybody, and I sincerely apologize. Everyone was very polite, though, and acted like they hadn't seen anything. Not that there is anything worth seeing, anyway.)

After our wardrobe adventure, Bridget and I were greeted by Shawn Hatosy, who is one of the lead actors in "Animal Kingdom." Shawn played Sammy Bryant in "SouthLAnd," which is my favorite show of all time. Bridget and I had met Shawn before, because we saw him in a play in Los Angeles, entitled "Reasons To Be Pretty." We had the privilege of meeting him after the play, and he is the utmost of wonderful gentlemen. He knew that we were going to do background work that day, because I communicated my excitement about it to him via social media.  As he was at "base camp" at the same time we were, he came out of his trailer (at least I think that's where he came from) to say hello. I got so excited when I saw him that I threw my arms around him and gave him a big hug, thus breaking my very own rule about not hugging celebrities, unless they initiate it. Shawn was very kind about it, though, and seemed unfazed. He did give me a rather quizzical look, but I think that was because of the "tourist" costume I was wearing, which is not at all the kind of clothes that I usually wear. I looked like a middle-aged, mid-western woman who had come SoCal for vacay and took a rather misplaced stab at wearing SoCal fashion. And it was really the perfect look for the part I was playing -- the part of "tourist," which basically implies that you are not local and, thus, might be rather clueless about local customs and fashions. Shawn quickly recovered himself, though, and chatted briefly with Bridget and I before we went on our way. I actually wasn't really expecting to see Shawn, so it was a special and incredible treat to encounter him.

And now that I have dragged middle-aged, midwestern women, I will continue with my story... (Mea culpa, middle-aged, midwestern women. Mea culpa.)

After our Shawn encounter, Bridget and I were directed to board a van with a bunch of other actors and surfboards, and were driven down to the pier. (The show is about hot robber guys who surf and their nefarious, yet hot, middle-aged mom, so that is why there were surfboards in the van.) We offered to walk, because it wasn't very far, but the production assistant seemed to be very much afraid that we would get lost. And -- if you know me -- you will know that his fear was probably quite justified. So, into the van we got. One of the stars of the show was in the van with us. His name is Jake Weary. I didn't know that he was one of the stars of the show, but I did notice that he shone with wondrous beauty. If you ever meet a lead actor in a TV show or movie, you will see that they all shine with wondrous beauty. They are all naturally stunning creatures to begin with and then they are worked on by all the finest beauty people in the world -- and they just gleam. And -- believe me -- Jake Weary gleams like the star that he is. He was sitting in the seat in front of me in the van, and was very humble and nice. Live long and prosper, Jake. ;-) I was sitting next to one of the make-up artists in the van. She was really awesome and fun. She even sprayed me down with sunscreen when we got to the set. So, now I can say that I have been worked on by a professional Hollywood make-up artist.

Bridget and I were in two scenes filmed on and around the pier. During one of the scenes, we had to stroll down and around the end of the pier and then sit down on one of the cement bench-type things that are under the pier and pretend to have a chat. We were directed by one of the assistant directors, while the principal director directed the main actors in their scene on the beach. Unfortunately, Bridget and I did not have that scene make it into the final cut of the show, which was probably my fault. During one of the takes, I misunderstood the assistant director, and started to walk before I was supposed to. I quickly realized this, and turned around to walk back to my "mark," but in the meantime the action started. So, I wheeled around and started walking again, as I was supposed to for the "action." Bridget was pretty much doubled up laughing at her mum. But, anyway, that scene did not make it into the show. I don't know why, though, we looked pretty dang "touristy." ;D

Our second scene was up on the main part of the pier. We walked along the pier to the rear of the principal actress who plays Alexa.  In the scene, Alexa is going to meet the nefarious lady cop, who is pumping her for information about the criminal, yet very hot, Cody boys. The nefarious cop is not at all impressed with the hotness of the Cody boys, and just wants to see them all put behind bars for the rest of their lives. Alexa is her key to the putting away of the Cody boys, but if you want to find out why, you need to watch the show. I am NOT going to tell you. And just so you know, the lady who plays Alexa is tall and slender and beautiful. Bridget was afraid that we would look fat walking behind her in the scene. And this scene did, in fact, make it into the final cut of the show. And Bridget, upon seeing it, said, "Wow! We don't look fat, AT ALL." Anyway, when you watch the show and you see Alexa striding all tall and slender and beautiful -- though nervously, because she is going to meet up with the nefarious lady cop -- down the Oceanside pier, you will see Bridget and I behind her, dressed in our outstandingly put-together tourist costumes.

And this leaves me with one final tale from our day on the set of "Animal Kingdom." As those of you who know her will attest, Bridget loves to be barefoot. It is a struggle to get her into shoes. I really don't even try, anymore, being that she is all grown up. Anyway, she was shoeless up there on the Oceanside Pier. During the second scene we participated in, we were walking on the wooden portion of the pier. The assistant director noticed Bridget had no shoes on and sent her back to the beach base camp area to get them (as that is where she left them), because he was afraid she would get splinters in her feet. (They are very protective of you when you work on TV shows. They don't want you getting sunburned or injured, and they are really careful with you. And it is SO lovely.) Bridget was afraid to miss out on doing the scene, so she ran as fast as she could down the pier, toward the beach. The above-mentioned Jake Weary (principal actor and star) happened to be jogging along in front of her, back to the same place. As Bridget tells it, Jake spotted her, looked a bit alarmed, and started running faster. He kept checking over his shoulder to see if she was still running towards him, looking more and more alarmed. Finally, he shouted to her, VERY POLITELY, that he was going to the trailer (or something like that). She then realized that he thought she was some crazy female fan in hot pursuit of his hotness, so she told him that she was a background person and the AD had sent her back to get her shoes. This made everything okay. All was well, and Bridget -- with shoes on her feet -- managed to get back to the pier on time for the scene.

Anyway, I hope you have enjoyed this post. Bridget and I so much enjoyed our day as background peeps on "Animal Kingdom." We will never forget it. And thinking about it will always make us smile. :-)

My Future Hipster Life

How do I know about hipsters?

Because of Shawn Hatosy.

Shawn is one of my top five favorite movie stars. He nails his roles. Always. And his hair is perfect. Always.

If you watch "SouthLAnd," you will immediately recognize Shawn by this perfect hair. He plays Sammy Bryant -- a detective for the first three seasons, and a uniform cop during seasons four and five. But, whether in a suit or a uniform and gun belt, Shawn's hair is consistently flawless.  As are his scenes. And his gun technique. And his driving. Ben McKenzie, who plays Sammy Bryant's partner -- Officer Ben Sherman -- probably wins in the foot chase category. But, nobody outclasses Shawn in the driving department. That's why the director almost always has Shawn drive and Ben jump out of the car and run. Directors are paid to know what's what about these things. And that's why the women characters should want to go out with Sammy Bryant instead of Ben Sherman. I mean dating, after all, involves much more driving than foot chases. That's the way it was in the '80's, at least. Perhaps things have changed???

So, anyway, back to hipsters. As I said, I know about hipsters because of Shawn. He likes to make jokes about them. Good-natured jokes, of course. Shawn is never, ever mean. I'm not going to explain here what a hipster is. I'm just going to tell you about my goal for the future, which involves hipsters.

Here goes:

Right now, I live in suburbia. It's nice and all. I'm not complaining. I have a typical suburban SoCal house in a typical suburban SoCal neighborhood. I drive a minivan, which is nice because I can fit my two greyhounds into it, as well as my hubs and my three young adult kids (who are all in various phases of living at home). My neighbors are great. The town in which I live is safe and clean. It is a lovely, lovely place to raise a family.

But, it is all a bit dull for my retirement. And when I retire -- no offense to the other retirees, who I'm sure are all fun and exciting -- but, I want to live with the hipsters in Silver Lake.  Because that's where hipsters live -- in Silver Lake.

Silver Lake is this place in LA, which is very "edgy." As far as I understand, there are edgy coffee places and restaurants and club-type establishments and shops. And there are many, many hipsters, who seem to be quite entertaining to be around. Especially when you are -- like -- 60 or 65 or 70 years old. I think there is also a medical marijuana place in Silver Lake, but I don't really want any of that. Because I learned on "SouthLAnd" that medical marijuana is much stronger than regular marijuana. And I just don't see that anybody would be served by me having any of this medical marijuana -- or even regular marijuana. So, I won't go to the medical marijuana place. But, I would like to go to the edgy coffee shops and restaurants and club-type places. I would like to sit and have a glass of wine or a cup of coffee with the hipsters and chat with them about their concerns and their goals for their lives. I would not actually BE a hipster, you see, because I really can't do skinny jeans and I am a miserable failure at wearing scarves (they always fall off when I bend over), but I think I would enjoy the company of the hipsters. And I think they would enjoy the company of me. I might even try some sushi in Silver Lake. Who knows? Maybe Silver Lake -- with all of those "fumes" wafting through the air -- would embolden me enough to let go of my fear of a brain parasite and try some sushi. Especially if it came with saki.

So -- as I imagine it -- when I am 60-ish years old, my hubs and I and any of our kids who want to come and any pets we might have will get some kind of cool place to live in Silver Lake, with hardwood floors and the most modern paint colors and clean windows and some type of little herb garden (to grow basil, NOT marijuana). We will hang my daughter Andrea's photographs on the walls. Maybe we will all go in together and buy a triplex or a little apartment building. That way, if my kids have families of their own, everyone will have a their own space and plenty of privacy. Wouldn't that be nice? We will trade in our minivan for a Subaru and invest in some reusable grocery bags. This abode will be within an old person's walking distance of the trendiest coffee houses and restaurants and bars. I envision myself heading down each morning to get a cup of coffee and staying for a little chat with my hipster friends, who will find me eccentrically fascinating. On most days, I will take an additional walk in order to have lunch or dinner or drinks or listen to music or go shopping for trendy handbags. Being within walking distance of all the fun means that my hubs and my kiddos will never have to worry about their mum getting into a scrape with the cops over having a bit too much saki with her sushi. And the proprietors of all the establishments will have my son's cell phone number handy, in case he might be needed to walk his mum home after her night on the town.

Of course, by the time I retire, there may not be anymore hipsters. But -- if my life experience has taught me anything -- it's that there will be some new and equally fascinating phenomenon to take their place. And this new and equally fascinating phenomenon will probably exist in Silver Lake. And I'm game. ;-)

Watching TV With Your Teens And Young Adult Kids -- A Few More Thoughts

Yesterday, I used "The O.C." as an example of how I watch TV with my kids, who are now 24 (almost 25), 23, and 21 years old.  The older two are girls.  The youngest is a boy.

I tend to get along pretty well with my kids.  Sometimes, they think I am too strict.  Sometimes, I think they are too strict.  Don't go thinking that they don't get on me about stuff.  Like, for instance, my cage dancing fantasy.

But, anyway.

When I spoke about watching "The O.C." with my children, I related how I used the characters and happenings in the show as "teachable moments."  We would discuss issues the show presented and how the characters handled various situations they encountered.  I hoped that these discussions would help my kids to become a little wiser about the ways of the world.

As I thought more about my blog post, I realized I kind of made it sound like I'm always and everywhere trying to teach my kids valuable lessons when we watch TV and movies.  Frankly, if that were the case, I don't think my kids would want to watch ANYTHING with me, at all.  I would just be a ball and chain around their entertainment-loving young selves.

So, I guess, most of the time, I just sit with my kids and we enjoy television shows and movies together.  No comments, no judging, no discussion.  Just fun and genuine, spur-of-the-moment reactions to the stories being told.  Maybe some snacks thrown in.  I mean, after all, my kids are older now.  If they don't know the values I wanted them to grow up with by this time, I have pretty much failed.  Although, I also took this more silent approach -- at least most of the time -- when they were teenagers.  And I think it has value.

Why do I think it has value?

People are a generally rebellious lot.  We don't like to get told what to do so very much.  We like to make up our own minds.  And, frankly, most kids know what their parents' opinions are by the time they are teenagers.  That's why, when you see them rebelling, they are doing the opposite of what their parents would suggest.  They have obviously figured out their parents way of thinking.  And they are testing that way of thinking.

As you may know by now (ha-ha), I am a rather rebellious person.  But -- and this may surprise you -- I never engaged in any so-called "high-risk" behaviors as a teen or young adult.  Why?  Certainly not because of my own common sense.  I attribute this to my parents -- especially my dad -- who knew how to tread gently.  He knew not to back me into a corner.  This doesn't mean we didn't have some pretty "spirited discussions" -- a.k.a. "fights."  But, in the end, my dad would look at me calmly and say, "Well, it's your life.  Do what you want."  Then, most of the time, whatever common sense I did possess would kick in and I would realize that I didn't want to do whatever that lame-ass thing was that I had been so vehemently demanding to do a few minutes before.  Why didn't I want to do it?  Because there was no more contest of wills going on.  I didn't have to do that lame-ass thing in order to prove to my father that I couldn't be forced into things, by him or anyone else.

And that brings me back to the idea of just watching TV shows and movies with my kids with no commentary, simply with the goal of enjoying (or, perhaps, being shocked or terrified by) a story.  Especially if it is a television program or movie of their choosing.  I'm not going to turn this form of entertainment into an opportunity for rebellion.  I am, rather, going to use it as an opportunity for bonding.  After all, having a good time together watching Sammy and Ben run around is one ingredient that can lead to a very positive mother-daughter relationship.  At least, in my experience.  SouthLAnd.  Forever. ;-)

Disclaimer:  I am assuming, of course, that your kids aren't bringing home "films" from the Adult Store.  That is a whole different issue.

The Having Of Teenagers -- Part 2

I know my last post on this topic of having teenagers was a bit rambling, but I just had to figure out a way to tell and comment on that story about the kid and his coffee cake wishes.

This post will probably be a bit briefer and more to the point.  Maybe.

First of all, people living with other people is always problematic.  Because people are problematic.  There are times when I think it would be lovely to have my own studio apartment with a murphy bed and shiny hardwood floors.  There would be nothing in it except the bare essentials and my Mac.  And I think we all wish this sort of thing from time to time.  Do we actually want it to happen?  Nah.  It's just that people living with people has its stresses, as well as its rewards, no matter how much you love each other.

And so it is if you have teenagers.  It's going to get stressful.  But, it can also be a lot of fun.

How can we make it fun?

It starts when they're little, as I said before.  Have fun together, enjoy life together, but make it clear that you are in charge.  If you say something, it goes.  It doesn't have to be a fight.  You can be friendly about it.

For example, if you are in the park and it's time to go home:
     Mom:  You have five more minutes to do what you want to do and then it's time to go home.
     *Five Minutes Pass (Or ten. When they are three, they really have no idea.)*
     Mom:  (in a friendly, yet firm, voice) We are leaving now.
     Children:  (whining) Can't we stay just five more minutes!?!?!?  Pleeeeease!?!?!?
     Mom: (calmly walking over, picking up the youngest child, fully expecting the others to follow) We are leaving now.

If you do this, each and every time, it will work.  I think.  You just have to be consistent.  And calm.  And firm.

And if you start this with your toddlers and your pre-schoolers, things will probably progress rather smoothly as your children head toward adolescence.

Then, one day, your adolescent child (especially if said child is a girl) will roll her eyes at you when you ask her to do something quite reasonable.  Do not lose your temper.  Just smile mischievously and take her picture with your iPhone.  I actually did this (though not with an iPhone, as they weren't invented yet) and my daughter started to laugh.  Calmly re-assert what you want your child to do and expect that she will do it.  Of course, before you make your request, you have to take your child's personality and state-of-mind and mood into consideration.  Don't set yourself up for failure.  Set yourself up for success.  It is best to make requests of your child when she is not feeling exhausted and overwhelmed with life.  Because -- let's face it -- teens these days do have a lot of pressure.  One mother told me that her child was told to take the SAT at least three times and to fill out a minimum of ten college applications.  No wonder so many of them are on anti-depressants (the moms and the teens).  So, start by making small, reasonable requests when your child is in a good mood and not in the middle of a term paper.  That way, she will get used to cooperating with you in a pleasant way.

In this vein, do not ever fight with your teenagers.  Don't get into shouting matches.  Don't threaten.  Just don't do it.  You will lose.  Every time.  They have way more energy than you do.  They can come up with clever plans to get around you.  They have friends who will collude with them against you.  Even if they are homeschooled.

How to not fight?

Firstly, listen to your teen without judging.  Kids like to tell you things, even when they are teens and young adults, if you don't judge them and what they're saying.  So, if your teen is telling you her opinion that short hair on guys is better than long hair on guys -- which is a totally screwed up opinion, in my opinion -- it is best just to listen.  Or if your son is telling you that if he doesn't get into college, he has figured out a way to live independently on minimum wage, just hear him out.  My husband once said to me something like this, "The kids tell you all kinds of crazy things, and you don't say anything."  "Well," I replied, "they will eventually figure out most of these things for themselves."

Does this mean you should never say anything?  Of course not.  My Bridget and I have had many discussions about the hair of Thor versus the hair of Captain America.  But, this is the thing.  You have to gauge the state-of-mind of your child when she starts talking.  Is it time to have a mutual discussion or to just be a listening ear?  If in doubt, go with the listening ear.

Secondly, do not micromanage your teens.  Nobody likes to be micromanaged.  Keep your expectations simple and basic, such as:  have good personal hygiene, pass your classes, speak politely to your parents and siblings, don't date douche-bags, no sex, no illegal drugs, drive in a legal manner.  Keep your requests reasonable, too.  For example, I have always thought a strict curfew was lame.  But, on the other hand, I had to know where my kids were going, with whom, and by when they would be home.  The time I expected them to arrive home depended on the activity.  And I expected them to call if their plans changed or they were going to be late.  And if they gave me a bad time about these reasonable things, I would calmly explain how they were reasonable things and what could happen if they did not do them.  These kinds of discussions evolved over time -- starting from when they were in grade school -- so, my expectations were no big shock when they became teenagers.  (Confession:  Even now, even though they are in their 20's, these rules still apply.  They will apply until my kids get places of their own.  Because I cannot sleep if I don't know where they are.  I start imagining them being kidnapped.  Yes, this is idiotic.  But, it's the way it is and the price for living at home with a mother who gets slightly anxious even though she tries not to.  Did I say "slightly?"  My kids would probably laugh at my use of that word.  They are patient with me, though.  Most of the time, anyway.)

Thirdly, and probably most important, enjoy your teens and let them see that you are a "cool" person.  By "cool," I don't mean that you have to take Metal Class on Mondays (like Chris Bruno) -- although that is very cool.  You don't have to act like a teen yourself, because -- frankly -- that will just embarrass your teens.  But, be the kind of parent whose teenagers will enjoy having their friends over to your house.  My kids have lots of parties with their friends at my house -- even though they aren't teens, anymore.  And their friends seem to enjoy coming over here.  Probably because we let them drink beer (now that they are of age).  We even buy their friends beer sometimes.  And, sometimes, their friends buy the beer.  They even let my husband and I attend the parties and have some beer, too.  Let me say, though, that nobody -- EVER -- gets drunk.  That would quickly end the parties, and my kids know it.

I guess I have digressed a bit -- in talking about beer parties -- from the topic of teenagers.  For whom you should never, ever buy beer.

And while we are on the topic of enjoying your teens -- now that I am done digressing -- maybe it is worth it to discuss the issue of TV and movies.  These things often cause conflict among parents and teens.  For example, Mom might want to watch "Magic Mike" and her kids might think it is inappropriate.  Well, Mom, it is time to assert your parental authority here.  Or Mom might want to watch "SouthLAnd" and her kids might think it is too violent.  Again, time to assert the parental authority, and -- if your teen is female -- point out the hotness of Ben McKenzie, thus luring her in and making her your "SouthLAnd" buddy.  My point being?  If you don't act all judgmental about your kids' TV shows and movies, they won't act all judgmental about yours.  And if you want your kids to watch your stuff with you, it is important that you watch their stuff with them.  And then talk about their stuff with them in a friendly, non-threatening way.  Here are some possible discussion questions that you can use when discussing TV shows and movies with your kids:
     1.  How come the Rules For Being A Vampire are different in each vampire show?
     2.  How come it is taking Charlie so damn long to propose to Amita?
     3.  How come some actors don't mind showing us their bums and some do?
     4.  Do you think this role is more or less likely to cause the paparazzi to show up at Shawn Hatosy's house?
     5.  How do you like the way the abortion issue is handled by the writers of "The O.C."?
     6.  How many sexually transmitted diseases do you suppose Ben Sherman has?
     7.  When did Neil Patrick Harris suddenly become hot?
     8.  Who is Channing Tatum?
     9.  What do you suppose would happen if you spent hours upon hours locked up in a pool house alone with Ryan Atwood?  Would this be good sense?
    10.  Did Sammy steal the money from the bank robbery?  If he did, is that actually such a bad thing?
    11.  Is the guy who plays Jim in "The Office" more or less of a douche in real life than the guy who plays Dwight?
    12.  Was Joss Whedon's "Much Ado About Nothing" the most rockin' thing you ever saw, or what?
    13.  What was your favorite scene in Joss Whedon's "Much Ado About Nothing"?
    14.  How is Hollywood's representation of gay characters, of sexuality, of women's rights the same as, or different from, what others in the homeschool community might have you believe?
    15.  Should they have killed off Marissa or let her and Ryan live happily-ever-after?  How did the killing off of Marissa affect your opinion of how Hollywood might affect the souls of young actors?

So, I guess we have now discovered whether or not I would be briefer and more to the point today.

Definitely not.

I hope, though, that you have been entertained by this post.  At least a little bit.  And I hope that, perhaps, you have gotten something out of it that is helpful to you, or will someday be helpful to you. 

And I want you to know that I really appreciate the time you have taken to read my meandering ramblings. ;-)           





       

Ben Sherman -- The Daddy

Ten years ago today we were married, Ashaki and I.  She was well-prepared -- in upbringing and temperament -- for this state.  Me?  Not so much.  "But," she says, teasingly, "I have taught you well, my Benjamin."  And she has, and so have they.  Who are "they?"  My children -- all three of them, with the fourth due any day now.  Ashaki and my daughters have taught me how to be a husband, how to be a father.  Although, they have not always had it easy.  I can be selfish.  I can be moody.  I can hold grudges.  But, little by little, maybe I'm changing my ways.  At first, changing my ways was the only way I could survive being a father.  Being a father is a much different kind of a thing than being a husband.  As a husband, you are dealing with another adult -- your wife -- who is (hopefully) somewhat mature and rational, knowing how to give as well as how to take.  But, being a father?  Not much give and take there.  It's pretty much all "give."  Don't get me wrong.  I wouldn't change anything.  Because I recall it most clearly.  Walking with my first little baby, late one night -- as she fussed and fought off sleep -- so that Ashaki could get some much-needed rest, I realized that, for the first time in my life, I felt truly happy.  Exhausted?  Yes.  But, happy. 

It was frightening, that first labor and delivery.  Of course, I was not with my wife.  That is not the custom here.  There was a midwife.  An authentic, medically trained, and certified midwife.  And there were several women from the village by my wife's side, making her comfortable, giving her support.  But, I was terrified, waiting outside with Ashaki's brother and a few of my other male friends.  Some of the older women brought us food and drink, whispered encouraging words to me, reminded me of how strong my wife was (and is), how healthy.  But, still...  If something should happen to her -- or to the baby -- I didn't know how I could survive it.  These people were there for me, though.  They understood how I felt.  And then, at twilight, I heard her cry.  The cry of my first baby girl -- Hadiya, a name which means "gift."  And then I was really frightened.  As much as he had already been subdued, I knew in that moment that the "old Ben" had to die completely.  Because the "old Ben" would totally screw up with this new life -- the new life crying her first (very loud and piercing) cry inside of my home -- and that was just not acceptable.  I could not fuck this fatherhood thing up.

The midwife sent one of the women out to get me after a few moments, and I went in to my wife and new daughter.  Both so beautiful.  Ashaki was smiling at me.  She looked tired, but so content with our little girl at her breast.  We have been blessed that our babies have all nursed well, right from the beginning.  And it always amazes me to see them, only a few moments after being born, snuggling close to my wife and taking nourishment.  Certain American men I have known think that watching their wives nurse their children somehow makes the women seem less attractive.  I could not disagree more.  It is not a sexual thing, this feeding of babies at the breast.  But, as I watch my wife smile and stroke the skin of our children as she holds them close and nurses them, well...  She never looks more breathtaking to me as she does in those moments.

And now I have three daughters -- 9, 6, and 2 years old -- and a new babe on the way.  Boy or girl?  I don't know.  Ashaki still insists on being surprised.  And I must admit, it is kind of fun, waiting for that "big announcement" to come from the very private and well-shaded back portion of my home.  Has it become less scary to me, as I wait while my wife goes through the birthing process.  Not exactly.  Ashaki trusts God.  I trust Ashaki, and I try to trust God. 

What kind of a father am I?  Probably far from perfect.  I do love it, though.  Teaching my girls, playing with them.  I even love holding my babies, bathing them, changing their diapers.  I had no idea I would enjoy my babies so much.  Of course, I knew I would help Ashaki.  I didn't want to be one of those "cave men," refusing to assist with the multitude of chores associated with infants.  I was determined to pitch in.  But, what I didn't anticipate was loving it so much, loving them so much -- those tiny babies.  My favorite thing?  Late at night, after Ashaki has finished feeding the little one, she lays the babe on top of my chest and we sleep that way -- my child and I.  Feeling that warm weight on top of me, breathing as I breathe, there is nothing like that in all the world.

So, when Ashaki tells me that she is "ready for another," maybe I do feel a little bit terrified.  After all, I had never envisioned myself with more than two children.  But, I also feel more than a bit excited.  Yes, there are those times...  The times when everybody comes down with the stomach flu simultaneously, or when everybody is just tired and cranky at the end of a long day...  I mean, life isn't a fairy tale -- for anybody.

But, when I think of where I was all those years ago, at the end of my less-than-praiseworthy LAPD "career," I am just grateful to be loved and to love.  When I think of how things could have turned out for me, when I think of what I actually deserved (and maybe still deserve), I tremble inside.  And so the hardest things about my family life?  I just count them as joy.  Well... I count them as joy after I get over being tired and cranky from cleaning all the vomit up.

Maybe you are wondering if I ever speak to anybody from my old life, my LAPD days.  No, I don't.  Although, I did speak with Sammy once.  It was a few months after Hadiya was born.  As I rocked her one morning while Ashaki bathed, I started thinking about little Nate.  I was his "Uncle Ben."  And I was suddenly and overwhelmingly ashamed at the danger I had exposed him to when I had Chris stage the break-in at Sammy's.  Of course, I didn't realize Chris would actually encounter Nate and the sitter.  But, I knew things could go awry with my plan.  Of course, I knew.  But, I was willing to risk it for my own damned self-interest.  And that's what it was -- my own selfish interests.  My plan had nothing to do with caring about Sammy.  It was all about protecting myself, my reputation, my career.  And I had put a small child in danger.  A child I supposedly loved.  A child who trusted me.  And when I looked at Hadiya resting in my arms, looking up at me with those big, hazel eyes (all of my daughters have gorgeous hazel eyes, rich chocolate skin, and wavy ebony hair), I knew that if Sammy were to do to me what I did to him?  I would have wanted to kill him.  Literally.  And in that moment, looking into the eyes of my daughter, thinking of the danger I had placed Sammy's son in, I loathed myself.  So, I called him.  I didn't know if he would accept my call, but he did.  And I apologized -- an apology that, if I had been in Sammy's position, would have been much too little, way too late.  But Sammy, being Sammy, actually listened.  He listened while I told him about Ashaki and Hadiya and being a father.  He listened to me tell him, rather lamely and awkwardly, how sorry I was, how I finally "got it."  And Sammy, being Sammy, actually forgave me.  "I don't deserve your forgiveness," I told him.  "No, you don't," he answered. "But, I'm fucking giving it to you, anyway, you fucker."  And then he actually laughed and told me about Nate -- and about his second wife and their small daughter.  And he told me that sometimes "the job" -- that whole cop thing -- was too much for some guys.  He told me that, for some guys, being a cop is like being caught in a whirlpool that sucks you in and then spits out your lifeless body.  He told me that I was one of those guys, and that he was glad I got out of the whirlpool before it killed me.  He also told me I should never come back.  I didn't argue. 

*******

"Benjamin," she whispers to me in the night, just after I return to bed after getting a thirsty little girl a drink of water, "it is time."

So, I go to wake the midwife, and I fear once again for my beautiful woman and the child who is preparing to make his (or her) entrance into this lovely, though troubled, world.  And I wonder if we will have a little boy this time.  As I wonder, though, I realize that it doesn't really matter to me whether we are given a baby boy or another little girl.  And -- in this realization -- I surprise myself, once again.

Ben Sherman -- Epilogue, Part 5

** This is going on much longer than I expected.  But, I'm just having so much fun here!  Thanks to everyone who is reading! **

The first month of my new life was an adjustment, to say the least.  A good one, though.  Pleasant, even.  George and I were given a small home in the village where the new school was located.  Happy people provided us with good, simple food and were eager for our company.  Little children peeked out at us from behind door frames and their mothers' skirts, giggling and ducking when we smiled or waved.  The residents of the village seemed especially amused by me.  In fact, I believe the native word for "ghost" was occasionally -- though fondly -- used to describe me.  Let's face it.  Even for an American, I am rather pale.  But -- I am also quick and athletic -- and the local youngsters were happy to have me join in their games, often playfully arguing about which team would get to have "the ghost" as a member.  The male residents of the village would point at my biceps and grin, giving me the universally understood "thumbs up" sign, and flexing their own arms in a sign of masculine solidarity.  Occasionally, a bolder girl would squeeze my shoulder and smile becomingly, although any "hanky-panky" was clearly off limits.  And I wanted it that way.  I realized that sex had become less and less of a pleasure for me over the years.  A physical release, yes.  But a growing emotional burden, too.  So, George's admonition to "keep it zipped" was actually quite welcome, believe it or not.

George and I were also quite busy, during the first several weeks of our stay, getting the school ready for its opening.  The structure was intact when we arrived, but painting was required.  The local people wanted bright colors -- red trim and yellow walls for the outside.  For the inside, blues and greens reminiscent of the ocean were chosen.  The ocean which none of these people had actually ever seen, but which was alive in their imaginations.  George's non-profit provided tables and chairs, a chalkboard (including chalk), a modicum of books, writing tablets and pencils. 

The most difficult challenge?  The students in our little one-room schoolhouse would range from 7 to 13 years of age.  There would be twenty of them.  None of them had ever been to a formal school before.  So, we had to carefully plan out how to arrange the school day to accommodate the needs of all these different children who were entrusting their futures to us.  Maybe it sounds like a bit of an exaggeration to say that they were "entrusting their futures to us."  But, in a way, that's what they were doing -- academically, anyhow.  If they were to have any chance of having an advanced education -- of going to secondary school, or even university -- they were relying on George and me to give them the necessary foundation.  As a person who had always taken my own education a little bit for granted, this thought did weigh upon me.  George, though, with his outgoing ways, quick sense of humor, and positive attitude, proved a good counterweight to my more melancholy tendencies.  "Sherman," he would say, smiling good-naturedly, "you think you're making this about them.  But, you're not.  You're making it about you.  You always do.  Your ego is talking here.  Your ego is riding on our success or failure.  If these kids are actually what's important to you, things will snap into perspective.  You'll realize not everything is up to you.  Not everything is under your control.  You do the work.  You do the best you can.  The results are not up to you.  And if we get good results, that's not about you, either.  So, King Ben, climb down off that high-and-mighty little throne of yours and help me set up these tables."  Hell, maybe this little speech of George's is what Sammy was trying to tell me all along.  Maybe it was just a little easier to hear in this environment -- this environment with smiling, laughing kids who just wanted me to play games with them.  This environment where I didn't need handcuffs and a gun to survive.  Fuck that Sammy.  I'm not quite ready to forgive him yet, as willing as he was to throw me under the bus to comfort his own messed up conscience.

Sometimes I think about Sammy.  I think about his little guy, Nate.  I did love Nate.  I was his Uncle Ben.  I loved Sammy, too.  He was my friend.  I would have done anything for him.  Hell, I did do everything for him.  For us.  For our partnership, our careers, our future.  And somehow, everything just got out of control.  I wonder if Sammy hates me.  Some nights I wake up -- hot in my bed, in this land far from everything I've ever known -- and I think about these things.  And I can't breathe.  And then I look at the beautiful woman, full with my babe, lying next to me and I put everything from my old life out of my mind.  I imagine my past as a dark cloud just blowing by me, a cloud which disintegrates into nothingness as it passes.  And then I can breathe again.  And I reach for this woman, for her softness, for her warmth -- and she smiles at me in the darkness, the darkness that is gently lit by the moon and the stars, and she takes me into herself.  Loving me.  Making me realize that nobody has ever loved me before.  Not really.  Making me realize that I have never loved anyone before.  Not really.  Not even Elena.  As I said, I did love Elena.  But it was a selfish, taking kind of a love.  Not like the love I have for this woman who lies next to me now, who will lie next to me every night for the rest of our lives.

You may be wondering how I met this incredible woman who became mine.  When did I first see her, speak with her, know that I loved her?  How did we come to be together?  How did she come to be my wife?

To be continued...

Ben Sherman -- Epilogue, Part 2

AFRICA, THREE YEARS LATER

It is already hot as the sun rises up over the valley in the middle of this ancient continent.  This ancient continent where families and lives were once ripped apart by those who thought bartering in humans was a God-given right. This ancient continent full of a multiplicity of cultures.  War-ravaged in some places, disease-ridden in others, but full of great beauty and majesty and life.  Life wild and free, alongside life shackled and oppressed.  Great poverty and great riches, sometimes in one place.

She lies next to me -- this woman, my woman -- breathing softly.  Her skin soft and brown and warm.  The dark curls of her hair gently brushing my shoulder.  Her belly swollen with the child.  Breasts full and ready to give milk to a new babe.  Soon he will come.  Or she.  I don't know.  The woman -- the lovely woman whom I love -- doesn't want to know, so the decision is made.   We will be surprised.  Isn't life just one long surprise, anyway?  We plan, God laughs -- isn't that what they say?

Who knew,  almost three years ago, that my life would come to this?   Who knew that my life would come to anything?   Fuck 'em all, I thought to myself back then.  Sammy and Cooper, Brooke -- fuck 'em all.

They were rather awkward, those initial days after my confrontation with Sammy.  I mean, we couldn't work together, anymore.  Not one more day.  Sammy pulled some strings, got us new partners.  Not too many questions were asked.  Hell, I thought.  I'm taking the Detectives' Exam, anyway.  I'll be out of this fuckin' squad car in a few months.  And I should have been.  I got the second highest score ever recorded in the department.  But, the promotion got "held up."  One fuckin' excuse after another.  No one ever said it directly, but I know that fucker Sammy was responsible.  It became clear to me that I was going to be riding in that patrol car forever -- or humpin' the pine.  I had been blackballed -- by the guy who told me that "you always have your partner's back, especially when he's wrong."  That fucker.

And then there was Cooper.  Brought down by his own team, he lived through it all.  But, after all that -- after his own psycho trip -- he still thought he was better than me.  The guy pistol-whips his neighbor, disgraces himself after almost 25 years on the job, and he has the audacity to treat me with disdain when I go visit him.  Maybe I stretched my authority a bit in going after a few bad guys, but they were the BAD GUYS.  Not some Joe Lunch Bucket who couldn't pay his electric bill.

The one bright star amongst all this fucked-up crap?  Elena.  I really did love Elena.  Not like I love the woman who lies next to me now, the woman large with my child.  But, I did love her.  She was the little bit of light in the middle of all my darkness -- as corny as that sounds.  And Brooke knew it, too.  I should have been more careful with Brooke.  Should have taken her unstable behavior more seriously.  I was a cop, after all.  But, I wasn't willing to admit to myself what I knew deep down to be the full extent of her anger, of her hatred.  Because if I admitted that to myself, I would have had to admit that maybe I was a little bit responsible for it.  Yes, she was crazy.  That wasn't my fault.  But, in how I treated her -- in how I screwed around on her -- I probably did tip the scales a bit.  Probably did uncage the beast that was inside of that tiny lady.  And now one lives in an institution, unable to even feed herself.  And one lives in prison.  Elena didn't mean to cause that trauma to Brooke's brain. Brooke, after all, did start the fight.  The fight that ended in a fall when Elena pushed Brooke away from her.  And when a head meets concrete violently, the head doesn't stand much of a chance.  I really didn't think Elena would face prison time.  It seemed a simple matter of self-defense to me.  Evidently, the D.A. saw things differently.  He maintained that Elena used unnecessary force.  And the D.A. prevailed. 

So, that's how it was.  That's where I was.  Trapped in a life I had never anticipated.  Looking for a way out.  The usual escapes -- sex, alcohol -- they weren't doing it, anymore.  And the other cops?  They were polite, professional.  But, they were no longer my comrades.

So, I made a decision.  A decision that involved putting into practice one of the things I had learned from John Cooper -- skimming pills from perps I took into custody.  (Of course, Cooper always denied that he did this.  I never fuckin' believed him, though.  No sane person would.  The guy was a fuckin' addict.  And addicts say whatever they need to say.)  Nobody noticed a few pills missing here and there -- especially when I made sure I was the one to book the things into evidence.  It only took a few months, and I had enough to do what I needed to do.  Kill myself.  You may wonder why I didn't just eat my gun.  Basically, I was too polite for that.  Didn't want anyone to have to clean up after me.  And there were Olivia and Chloe to think about.  And my mother.  Chances were, it would have been one of them who found me.  And I didn't want them to find a bloody mess.  With the pills, it would have been far more peaceful -- for me and for all the rest of 'em.  I go to sleep and they find me that way.  A fuckin' Sleeping Beauty -- guy version.  Except, no kiss could or would have magical powers in this rendition of that classic tale.

To be continued...

Ben Sherman -- Epilogue, Part I

The recent series finale of "SouthLAnd" left our "hero" -- Officer Ben Sherman -- lying on the ground after being confronted by his partner, Officer Sammy Bryant, about his scum-bag ways.  Many folks were left wondering what would have happened to Ben Sherman if the series had been given a sixth season.  Would he have found redemption or would he have continued along his dark path?  It seems dubious that he could once again become that lovely, though rather haunted, young man we remember from the earlier seasons.  It would also be unrealistic for the show's writers to return him to that state.  For, after all, human nature does not work that way.  And the people who made "SouthLAnd" always remained true to what we flawed humans are actually like.  We flawed humans cannot undo our actions, either the good or the evil ones.  Our actions always impact our psyches, our characters, our personalities.  Our actions become part of us.  And our wrong-headed decisions never leave us entirely unscathed, entirely without scars.  But, what we can do is choose where we go from where we are.  So, what would the creators of "SouthLAnd," perhaps in collaboration with the actor who portrays Ben Sherman (Ben McKenzie), have chosen?  I will map out what I see as one possibility. 

I realize I have been rather silly at times in writing about "SouthLAnd" -- in my "spoilers" and "predictions."  I have enjoyed doing that.  Humor has helped me deal with the heartbreaking intensity of Season 5.  It has been a coping mechanism, of sorts.  But, in what I write now -- though it will probably contain humor -- I will try to remain true to the spirit of the show and to the work Ben McKenzie put into portraying Ben Sherman.  And I am pretty sure Mr. McKenzie would not want Officer Sherman to have an easy out from his situation.  Maybe he wouldn't even want to see the character ultimately redeemed.  But, I do.  So, I'm going to go with that and I hope Mr. McKenzie won't mind if he ever happens to come across this blog.  I want Officer Sherman to have a "happy ending."  Not fairy-tale happy, but I want him to come to a place of peace.  Why?  Because I am a Catholic, and I also don't give up too easily on people.  I believe in grace.  I believe most people want to choose the good.  I believe that often, when people choose what is wrong, they do it believing they are choosing what is right.  We see this demonstrated in the final scene between Ben and Sammy in the series finale of "SouthLAnd."  Ben tries to justify himself to Sammy.  He tells Sammy that he has done "what any sane person would do."  Sammy, being actually sane, realizes what insanity this is and punches Ben.  This is the wisest thing Sammy could have done.  My dad would have said that Sammy was "knocking some sense" into Ben.  That's something guys have to do for each other once in a while.  Not that I condone violence, or anything.  But, occasionally, a guy with a good head on his shoulders needs to punch a screwed-up guy in the nose.  This is often the best way of getting the screwed-up guy back on the right path.  As we watch Ben try to justify himself, though, I think he actually believes what he is saying.  I think he has convinced himself of the rightness of his actions.  He has chosen the bad believing it to be the good.

So, as Ben picks himself up off the pavement, his desire is to choose the good...

To be continued... ;-)

#sammyandben4eva -- "SouthLAnd"

Or maybe it was #benandsammy4eva.  Whateva.

My daughter Bridget came up with this hashtag, as part of her "SouthLAnd" fandom.  As is no secret, Sammy Bryant and Ben Sherman are two of our favorite characters on this show.  And we have greatly enjoyed their partnership during Seasons 4 and 5.  That partnership does come to a rather painful end, but that end contains many lessons concerning the human soul, the human character, moral struggles, trust, and friendship.  And upon witnessing Sammy and Ben's last scene together in the Season 5 finale, Bridget stated, "Well, I guess my hashtag is dead."

Is it dead?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  If there is a Season 6, we may discover the answer to this question.  If not, the answer will lie in our own imaginations.

I think it could go either way.

"SouthLAnd" has, over the course of 5 seasons, brought its characters through many ups and downs.  Each character has been faced with moral dilemmas and life struggles -- and each character has had to respond to these dilemmas and struggles.  They have made good decisions -- and poor ones.  They have faced the consequences of their choices and actions.  Most of the characters, after making wrong choices, have made attempts to atone for those choices.  They have striven to become better people after their falls.  We have witnessed characters be reconciled to each other, as in the case of Lydia and Russ.  So, there is more than one possibility as we look to the future of Sammy and Ben's relationship.

Will they continue to be partners in a Season 6?  Very unlikely.

Will they regain what could be called a "friendship?"  It depends.

When we last saw Officer Ben in the Season 5 finale, he was laying on the ground after Sammy confronted him with the "error of his ways."  Officer Ben was not ready to hear about his own shortcomings, and tried to blame Sammy for his own choices.  Sammy, though -- in his detective wisdom -- was not taking any of that shit.  So, as we see Ben on the ground after Sammy leaves him to himself, we wonder what is going through his mind.  Does he honestly believe he has been in the right?  Might he be having some regrets?  He has things to repent of, but will his pride prove to be an obstacle to that repentance?

In my mind, the major factor that would prevent Officer Ben from clearly seeing where he has gone wrong, and from trying to make things right with Sammy, is his tendency to be unforgiving.  And he does have that tendency.  We see it in his relationship (or lack thereof) with his father.  Yes, his father is a douche.  But, I think his father has made an attempt -- as far as he is able to in his douche-dom -- to have at least a little bit of a positive relationship with his son.   And Officer Ben has had none of it.  He has not given his father even a teeny tiny bit of a chance for even a teeny tiny bit of a positive father-son relationship.  Officer Ben has hardened his heart.  And we have also seen him harden his heart in regard to the man who assaulted both his mother and him.  Please don't get me wrong.  I don't think Officer Ben needs to have a relationship with that guy.  I don't think he has to like him at all.  But, the way he goes after the man after he is released from prison is a bit extreme.  The guy did the time for the crime.  Officer Ben's mom is willing to put the whole incident to rest.  But, not Officer Ben himself.  He is unwilling to let go of his anger.  And now his anger is directed at Sammy.  Will he be able to let go of that anger?  After all, Sammy is neither a douche-bag nor a criminal.  But, Officer Ben feels that Sammy has betrayed him.  He feels that Sammy has thrown his friendship "under the bus."  He blames Sammy for his own wrong decisions.  He feels that Sammy is ungrateful to him.  So, we will have to see if Officer Ben has the ability to let go of his self-righteous, prideful anger.  We will have to see if he can own up to his screw-ups.  We will have to see if he is able to have a forgiving heart, after all.

As I watched the last episode of Season 5, though, I did see one bright, shining, little spot for Officer Ben -- one little crack in the almost closed door of his soul.  During this episode, Sammy is up in a police chopper.  That chopper takes gunfire and it starts to leak fuel.  An emergency landing is required.  Officer Ben hears all this on the radio of his squad car, and he races to the location where the emergency landing will take place.  He is clearly alarmed.  His genuine concern for Sammy is apparent.  He has not, as yet, completely lost his heart, his humanity.  There are still some avenues for grace left.

So, as we leave Officer Ben laying on the pavement in the last filmed episode of "SouthLAnd," there is more than one voice in his head.  There is the "angel" and the "devil," if you will.  There is temptation.  But, there is grace.  He still has a choice.  And the choice that he makes will ultimately determine whether or not he and Sammy can be reconciled or have any type of friendship -- assuming, of course, that Sammy is willing to accept from Ben what would need to be a very sincere apology, made in a spirit of absolute contrition.

This, then, is one of the things I love about "SouthLAnd."  What we see in the "dance" of Sammy and Ben is an illustration of what happens to all of us in our humanity.  There are difficult situations.  There are difficult choices.  There are falls.  There are confrontations with ugly truths about ourselves.  There is our response to those confrontations.  There are opportunities for grace.  And we are reminded that "it ain't over 'til it's over."  We are reminded that we need to persevere in our own struggles, with our own obstacles, in order to become the kind of people we know we really should be.

Mr. Shawn Hatosy And Life With Littles

Mr. Shawn Hatosy is an actor and a husband and a daddy.  I first saw him in the TV show "Numb3rs," on which he played a character named Dwayne.  Dwayne is guy with serious issues, who gets our hero -- Colby Granger -- into shitloads of trouble.  Although, in the end, Dwayne does go out in an ultimately self-sacrificing Blaze Of Glory.  And even when he is being kind of a douche, you've got to sort of love Dwayne.  He's just that kind of a dude.  The next place I encountered Mr. Hatosy was on "SouthLAnd," playing the good-hearted, faithful, and rather oppressed Officer Sammy Bryant.  Since I started watching "SouthLAnd" mid-way through Season 4, it took me something like a month to realize that the guy playing Sammy was the same guy who had played Dwayne.  It seemed as though Mr. Hatosy had embarked on a rather rigorous work-out schedule in between the two roles.  (Not that he was ever out-of-shape.  He had just become rather Mr. America-like since the days of "Numb3rs.")  I then started following Mr. Hatosy on Twitter and found out how hilarious he is.  I also discovered that he is a husband and a daddy with two young children; and he will make amusing, warm-hearted comments having to do with family life.  And that got me to thinking about Life With Littles.

It is easy for me -- at the ripe old age of 50, with three twenty-something children -- to look back at my own days as a mommy of babies and toddlers through the proverbial rose-colored glasses.  It is easy to remember the sweet times rocking in the rocking chair with my sweet babies, the daily walks in the fresh air and sunshine with my little ones in the stroller, pushing my toddlers in the swings at the park, having graham crackers and milk at the picnic table in the back yard.  And those are all wonderful things, memories to be treasured.  And if you are currently in the situation of having babies and little ones, I encourage you to treasure all those moments.  Even though it may not seem like it now, they are fleeting -- as are all of life's moments.

But, Mr. Hatosy, through his amusing Tweets Of Wisdom -- concerning crying and poops and the licking of electrical outlets and dog crap on stroller wheels -- gives me a reality check.  Now, please don't get me wrong.  He is no d-bag.  He very, very obviously loves and enjoys his children.  But, he is in the midst of Life With Littles.  And Life With Littles is not all serenity and Sesame Street and Raffi.  It involves stress and boredom and worry and sickness and LOTS of messes.  Sometimes many simultaneous messes.  I remember having messes radiating out from me in all directions and I would have no idea where to begin.  Little children are quite good at leaving a path of destruction in their wake.  They also can seem hell-bent on the idea of endangering their own lives.  And this is all very exhausting to mommies and daddies.

I remember one day when I had a 4-year-old, a 2-year-old, and an infant.  Nobody was potty-trained yet.  (I was not good at potty-training.  I pretty much sucked at it.  So, my kids were in diapers for longer than usual.)  I had just changed probably the tenth dirty diaper of the day.  After washing my hands in the bathroom, I went into the kitchen because it was time to fix everybody a snack.  (It was constantly time to fix everybody a snack.)  And what did I find there?  Two-year-old Bridget had colored the bottoms of her little kid sneakers with blue marker and walked all over the white kitchen floor.  Yes, the white kitchen floor was COVERED with blue footprints.  I wish I could say that I took it well and with good humor.  I wish I could say that I snapped an Instagram photo and put it on Twitter with a cute caption.  The fact of the matter is this -- I did not take it well.  I am ashamed of this, but it's the truth.

As I look at my grown-up kids, I am relieved to find that they all seem to like me.  At least, most of the time.  And this makes me very happy, because I know there were many times when I did not shine in my role as a mum of little ones.  And there are -- of course -- many times when I don't shine in my role as a mum of young adults, either.

But, back to Mr. Hatosy.  He reminds me not to be the kind of older woman who lords my motherly wisdom over the parents of babies and toddlers and young children.   Because even though being a parent of little ones is lovely in so many ways, it is also hard at times.  Damn hard.  And what I want to be is the kind of older lady (and maybe, someday, a grandma) who is actually helpful to younger parents.  Somebody who is encouraging.  Somebody who is understanding.  Somebody who is not a douche-bag. ;-)

"SouthLAnd", Shawn Hatosy, And Bangs

As you all know -- or should know by now -- I love the television show "SouthLAnd."

Two of my favorite characters on the show are Sammy Bryant and Ben Sherman, who are (or were) epic cop partners.  The best cop partners since Reed and Malloy.  Until their epic cop partnership fell apart in a dramatic fashion in last week's season finale.

The first time I watched "SouthLAnd", though, I was impressed with neither of these guys.  It was the middle of Season 4, and what stood out to me about the two of them in the episode I saw was the following:  First, Ben Sherman is seen leaping out of a bedroom window in his skivvies after apparently having been engaged in a menage a trois.  He has to leap out of the window after the husband of one of the ladies arrives home unexpectedly.  And he actually COMPLAINS about having to leap out of the window.  "Beggars can't be choosers," I thought to myself.  He struck me as a spineless little man.  Second, Ben and Sammy are driving around in their squad car, engaged in some "guy talk."  They observe a couple of overweight ladies walking by on the sidewalk and proceed to make some rather boarish remarks.  Then Sammy says something to this effect, "My father told me, 'Son, if you're like me you'll go to bed with a lot of beautiful women.  But, you'll wake up with a bunch of ugly ones.'"  He and Ben then appear to be quite pleased with themselves and their advanced senses of humor.   At this point, you can imagine what this middle-aged broad was thinking about these two characters.  I was not expecting to ever like them very much.

(I'm sorry if I have not gotten all the details of this episode exactly right.  I watched it a while ago and I am too lazy to go watch it again before writing this post.)

As time goes on, though, I come to love Sammy and Ben.  I come to see their heroism.  I enjoy watching them run around with their guns and hand cuffs, knocking bad guys to the ground and taking them into custody.  I love watching them drive the squad car -- especially during high speed chases.  I come to enjoy their sense of humor and relationship with each other.  In short, they do become my favorite cop duo since the days of "Adam 12." 

Eventually, I start to follow them on Twitter.  Not Sammy Bryant and Ben Sherman, of course.  They are fictional.  I start to follow the actors who play them -- Shawn Hatosy and Ben McKenzie.

And Shawn Hatosy is an ABSOLUTE RIOT.

And this is where we come to the part about bangs.

Yesterday, he Tweets:  THE SHORTER THE BANGS, THE REDDER THE FLAG

Now, sometimes Shawn's humor goes over my head.  The meaning of this Tweet may have totally escaped me.  At first, I thought it was about that poor actress who got arrested on Friday, but I looked at her picture and her bangs don't appear to be short.  Then I decided that perhaps it was a "SouthLAnd" reference, as one of Ben Sherman's Season 5 love interests turns out to be a psycho -- a darling little psycho with a very cute haircut involving fairly short bangs.  Am I correct in my interpretation of this Tweet?  I have absolutely no clue, whatsoever.

But, it did remind me of a story:

When I had my second baby, I had a hairstyle which involved bangs.  I didn't have much time to go to the stylist, though, as this little baby was of the type described as "high need" -- meaning that if I put her down for more than (literally) 30 seconds, she would scream bloody murder.  This went on for three or four months.  I really didn't mind it all that much, as I enjoyed holding her.  But, it really cut into the time I might have devoted to going to the salon.  And my bangs had the audacity to keep growing until they were pretty much driving me nuts.  So, I got out the scissors, looked into the bathroom mirror, held my bangs down, and cut.  I do have fairly curly hair, though, so when I released the bangs from my grip, they popped up into a position that was somewhat higher on my forehead than I had originally intended.  At least an inch and a half higher.  I was fairly mortified, but -- by this time -- my baby was screaming again.  There was no time to fret.  I decided to brush the bangs back into the rest of my hair and hope they weren't too noticeable, and that I would not appear to be some kind of psycho on my next trip to the grocery store.

The bangs grew out, though, and the baby grew up.  All's good.

And I thank you, Mr. H., for your Tweet.  I still have no idea what it actually meant, but you brought back some fond memories for me.

Why Ben Orchestrated The Break-In At Sammy's House In "SouthLAnd"

I noticed upon checking the stats for this blog that several people have searched the internet with (roughly) this question:

     *WHY DID BEN ORCHESTRATE THE BREAK-IN AT SAMMY'S HOUSE?*

If you don't know the answer to this question, then most of the last part of Season 5 of "SouthLAnd" would make no sense to you -- at least in regard to the characters of Ben Sherman and Sammy Bryant. 

So, here is what happened:

Earlier in Season 5, there is an incident where Sammy and Tammi have a confrontation while Sammy and Ben are on duty.  Sammy gets a bit physical with Tammi, because she starts beating on him.  In my opinion, his reaction is not out-of-line, but it is pretty dramatic. Tammi's boyfriend manages to capture the whole thing with a video camera.  As you may know, Sammy is in the midst of a heated custody battle with Tammi over little Nate, so the incident -- as caught on tape -- would not look good to a family law judge.  So, in the heat of the moment, and in his worry about his son's future, Sammy grabs the camera out of the boyfriend's hands, gets in the squad car with Ben, and drives off.

Later in the episode, we learn that Tammi has filed assault charges against Sammy and that there will be an I.A. investigation.  Ben tells Sammy not to worry.  "I've got your back," he tells him.  Full of his usual Ben Sherman confidence, he assures Sammy that there is no way Tammi is going to win this one, because it's going to be her crazy-ass word against the word of two cops.  And, hey, who are the investigators going to believe in that situation?  So, Sammy and Ben put their heads together and come up with a story to tell I.A.  A story that is not entirely factual.

As the show progresses, though, Sammy's conscience starts to bother him.  He tells Ben about his guilty feelings over lying to I.A.  This worries Ben.  Sammy also tells Ben that he still has the videotape.  He has not been able to bring himself to destroy it.  He just keeps watching it, over and over again. This worries Ben some more.  He says to Sammy something to this effect, "I need to know if you are going to throw me under the bus."  Sammy reassures him that he does not need to worry, but Ben continues to worry.

In fact, Ben gets himself so worked up that he arranges to have his new girlfriend Elena's rather dim-witted brother Chris break into Sammy's house to steal the videotape.  Ben apparently tells Chris to make the whole thing look gang-related.  He tells Chris to do the job when nobody will be home at Sammy's house.  Chris, though, being rather dim-witted -- and, apparently, unlucky -- manages to screw things up so that he encounters Nate and his babysitter, resulting in the babysitter being injured and Nate himself being endangered.  Ben seems rather sorry over this unfortunate turn of events.  But, not nearly sorry enough.  The asshole.  (calming self down here)

Side Note:  Ben does all of this really stupidly for as bright as he's supposed to be.  I mean, if I were going to hire somebody to break into someone's house -- especially if that someone had been a detective -- I would hire a smart person.  Wouldn't you?  It would probably have been better if Ben had just done the thing himself, wearing some sort of a disguise. 

Anyhow, that is why and how Ben arranged the break-in at Sammy's house.  And in the Season 5 Finale, we see him trying to justify himself to Sammy.  And that scene tells you everything you need to know about what has happened to the soul of Ben Sherman.

Shawn Hatosy, Ben McKenzie, and Father Buckley's Miniskirt Rule

Y'all probably know who Shawn Hatosy and Ben McKenzie are by now.  If you don't, you haven't been reading my blog. ;-)

But, y'all might not know who Father Buckley is.  Father Buckley is a priest who:

     1. was one of my husband's favorite teachers at the University of San Francisco
     2. officiated at my wedding -- and --
     3. is now a chaplain at Thomas Aquinas College -- my daughter Bridget's alma mater. 

So, he has been close to our family for many years.

And he is amazing.  He is wise and kind and funny and down-to-earth.  He is exceptional with young adults.  He used to live on my husband's dorm floor and take care of all the young men when they were sick -- or had hangovers. 

He is also very well-educated and was my husband's teacher for Western Civilization.  As a teacher, he promoted a rule among his students for the writing of papers.  It is known as The Miniskirt Rule.

The Miniskirt Rule States:

     *A PAPER SHOULD BE LONG ENOUGH TO COVER THE SUBJECT -- BUT --
       SHORT ENOUGH TO BE INTERESTING*
                                          
Pretty brilliant, huh?  And what student could ever forget that advice?

Anyway, there has been much commenting on Twitter this week about horrific national tragedies, things political, and the fate of certain TV shows.  And this brought to my mind Father Buckley's famous Miniskirt Rule.

Many people have been Tweeting up a storm -- one thing after another, all day and all night -- concerning the issues mentioned above.  It is a bit overwhelming.  And, perhaps, not incredibly effective.  When one feels overwhelmed, sometimes it is just easier to tune everything out and watch "Duck Dynasty."

Here is where Mr. Hatosy and Mr. McKenzie come in. 

They have used Twitter to express their opinions on these matters.  They have used the medium wisely, though -- saying enough to get your attention and encourage you think about things, but not so much that you have to go to the medicine cabinet to get some Advil.  They have put into practice, in an online fashion, Father Buckley's Miniskirt Rule.  And I don't think they even know him.  They have also expressed their thoughts in a way that is classy, clever, and intelligent -- qualities that I know Father Buckley always appreciated in papers.

So I would like to thank you, Mr. Hatosy and Mr. McKenzie, for both your good example of how to behave online and for your intelligent, interesting thoughts.

"SouthLAnd" And My Bridget

As you may or may not know, I have a three beautiful kids:

     1.  Andrea, who is 24
     2.  Bridget, who is 22 -- and --
     3.  Scott, who is 20.

They have all watched "SouthLAnd" to one degree or another.  Scott refused to watch it after sampling a couple of episodes because they reminded him too much of his Criminal Justice class, and -- according to him -- that was just depressing.  (For the record?  He is now a History major.)  Andrea, who has a "film degree" thinks the show is fantastic, but it is a bit too violent for her taste.  That leaves Bridget.  And this is how she ended up being roped (by me) into being a "SouthLAnd" fan.

One year ago, Bridget was finishing up her senior year at Thomas Aquinas College.  I, meanwhile, was enmeshed in watching all the episodes of "SouthLAnd".  I hadn't been aware of the show until the middle of the fourth season.  After the season ended, I assumed re-runs would be shown and that I could see the part of the season I had missed.  Can you tell my age now?  There are apparently no such things as re-runs, anymore.  Frantically, I tried to determine how to watch the first part of season four.  And I discovered this thing called iTunes, with which I could download ALL the episodes from ALL the seasons onto my new iPad.  Imagine my excitement.

Anyhow, Bridget was busy writing and defending her senior thesis and studying her massive pile of books, so that she could graduate from college.  I was busy downloading and watching the adventures of Sammy, Ben, Cooper, Lydia, and company.

One Sunday, Bridget called (as was her custom) to chat with her old mum.  She was rather tired and suffering from senioritis.  In an attempt to cheer her up, I said, "Bridget, there is this great cop show you can watch with me when you come home.  It's so much fun.  And it has this hot blonde guy that you'll really like."  Bridget, in her exhaustion and faced with her mum's silly priorities, said in exasperation, "MUM.  YOU HAVE TO STOP NOTICING ALL THE HOT MEN."  "I am not noticing them for me," I told her.  "I am just thinking of you."  (I may be middle-aged, but I am Italian.  So, you just figure out if that was a little fib or not.)

Come mid-May of 2012, Bridget did graduate.  YAY!!!  She came home quite run-down and missing her friends.  So, I snuggled up with her in my bed and we began watching "SouthLAnd" together.  Keep in mind that she had just graduated from a school where:  there is basically no internet, you aren't allowed to watch movies alone in your room, you are not allowed to watch movies (even with friends) that are basically rated above PG, there is a strict dress code, a curfew, the girls aren't allowed in the guys' dorms, the guys aren't allowed in the girls' dorms, and the kids swing dance for fun.  So she was, at first, a bit overwhelmed by this "dark and gritty" cop show.  Occasionally, she would try to get up and walk away while squeaking in horror.  But, I would -- gently -- haul her back.

As I predicted, though, the show did start to intrigue her.  And the blonde guy did hold some appeal.  Quickly, though, she realized that his ethics and temperament were not quite her cup of tea, so she switched her allegiance to Sammy.  (And let's face it.  Sammy is every bit as hot as his junior partner.  Well... ex-partner.)  She has actually declared -- in her own blog -- that she would marry Sammy.  For my part, I would not object to this.  He would make a fine son-in-law.

Bridget, having earned a degree that is, essentially, a double major in philosophy and theology with a minor in math, also came to appreciate and explain to me many of the finer points of the writing of "SouthLAnd."  It is, put simply, a wrestling match between St. Thomas Aquinas's Aristotelian worldview and the ideas of the Modern Philosophers (i.e. Nietsczche).  

And that is the story of how my sweet, gentle, classically-educated daughter came to be watching "SouthLAnd" with me every Wednesday night -- right up to and through last night's heartwrenching season five finale.   As you can probably tell, she really loves her old mum, in order to agree to participate in this activity.  Because in many ways, watching the show has been hard on her.  She is a sensitive person and wants so very much for each character to have a "happily ever after."  I think Officer Ben's saga has been especially difficult for her to witness.  (Although, my "film major" daughter reminds her regularly that Ben McKenzie has a home, a dog, many adoring fans, and -- most importantly -- craft services.  No teary sentimentality out of that girl.)

So, I would like to thank you, my Bridget.  Watching the show alone was fun.  But, having your company has made it infinitely more enjoyable.

And in case you are wondering where my dear husband is in all this:  He doesn't really watch TV.  Sometimes he'll stand in the middle of the room and watch a few moments of something, but he prefers reading and playing his guitar.  And that is fine by me.  I enjoy seeing him do the things that make him happy. ;-)

SouthLAnd "Reckoning" - Or - Ben, O Ben, What Is To Become Of Thee?

It sure is fun to write about this kind of thing.  Many thanks to all who read and put up with my strange ramblings. ;)

As we head into tomorrow's Grand Finale for Season 5 of "SouthLAnd" there are so many questions swirling about concerning Officer Ben and his ultimate fate.  Here are some things that must be taken into consideration:

     1.  Does Ben McKenzie want to stay with the show?
     2.  If Ben McKenzie does want to stay with the show, is there any possible way his character can remain a cop?
     3.  Do the "SouthLAnd" creators/producers believe there is any sort of chance the show will be renewed?
     4.  What kind of mood do the creators/producers of the show want to leave us in at the end of tomorrow night's episode, regardless of whether or not they think "SouthLAnd" will be renewed?

Keeping these issues in mind, there are so many directions the story can take in regard to Officer Ben Sherman.  Infinite directions...  And if you don't believe me, then you don't have a wild and crazy imagination like I do.  And you are fortunate.

Mr. McKenzie has stated that, if "SouthLAnd" is renewed, he wants to remain.  I will take his word for it.  There is no other option at this point.  I am not a telepath, and I have not seen any evidence that Mr. McKenzie enjoys telling fibs.  Of course, this may be purposeful misdirection.  He may have been ordered to make this statement by the Big Wigs of the show.  After all, if we all knew he was leaving, audience anticipation of the big finale would not be nearly so great, leading to a drop in ratings, which this particular show DOES NOT NEED.  So, Mr. McKenzie and the "SouthLAnd" Big Wigs may be engaging in a bit of a Cold-War-style misinformation campaign.  You know?  Like when Oliver North said that Ronald Reagan really had no idea about that whole business with the arms and stuff.  Or when JFK and his peeps reassured us all that the whole missile thing with Cuba was just an easily resolvable teeny tiny misunderstanding.  Or when we were told that -- make no mistake about it -- Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone.  And I think Mr. McKenzie would be quite capable of doing this sort of thing in the service of the show.  Why?  Because Mr. McKenzie has all the attributes that would have made him an excellent spy during the Cold War.  He is intelligent and clever and charming and faithful to what he believes in.  He also gives the impression of being a rather quiet person (a.k.a. -- he seems to be able to Keep His Trap Shut when necessary).  And he likes sports, appreciating the necessity of occasionally "taking one for the team." 

So, maybe Mr. McKenzie is, in fact, leaving the show.  If this is the case, whether Ben Sherman will be left alive or dead at the end of it all remains to be seen.  I think it could go either way.

BUT, what if "SouthLAnd" is renewed and my Cold-War conspiracy theory is a bunch of hogwash and Mr. McKenzie stays?  What then?  Some seem to think that Ben Sherman could not possibly remain as a character after all the crap he has been up to.  I disagree.  I think there are still many possibilities for his development in the story.

Yes, Ben Sherman will probably not be staying in that cop outfit.  (Which, in itself, is a tragedy.  Sigh...)  I think the only way Officer Ben can remain in uniform is if Sammy gives him a complete and utter pass, which -- I admit -- is doubtful.  Why would Sammy let Ben off the hook after he finds out (which he probably will) that Ben is responsible for the break-in?  Because Sammy himself would have to "fess up" to I.A. about his own lies in order to bring to light the things Officer Ben has done.  Sammy may choose to keep his mouth shut.  If this is the case, Sammy and Ben will, in all likelihood, not be "SammyandBen" any longer, but Ben could remain in uniform.  Officer Ben will also, in order to remain a cop, have to avoid being "found out" for the other illegal things he has done -- such as murdering the pimp.  And if he does manage to dodge all of these proverbial bullets, he will most likely do some other dumb-ass thing (he seems unable to help himself) which may prove to be his demise.  It could be very interesting, story-wise, to let Ben Sherman remain an officer with the LAPD.

To me, though, the most likely scenario is that Officer Ben will be "taken down" somehow.  Sammy is going to be in that chopper in tomorrow night's episode, and I really think he's going to be chasing his old buddy Officer Ben.  Will he catch him?  I don't know.  It might be a cliffhanger. 

But, if Officer Ben is arrested and if the show is renewed and if Ben McKenzie wants to remain with it, I think there could be a very compelling story-line involving the character of Ben Sherman.  No longer Officer Ben, just Ben Sherman.  Why do I believe this?  Because Chris Chulak and at least one person with the last name of Whedon are involved.  These people are interested in telling stories, not just about cops chasing bad guys, but about the human condition, about soul struggles.  And there is no better story involving the struggle of a man as he grapples with himself than the story of Ben Sherman.  I think it could be quite a ride.

I can't wait for tomorrow night.  I'm hoping y'all will join me.

"SouthLAnd" -- I Look To "Reckoning" While Eating My Words

I would normally write this post tomorrow, after I had time to digest all the happenings of tonight's "SouthLAnd" episode.  Due to circumstances beyond my control, though, I will be unable to blog for the next several days.  So, I'm going to get some basic thoughts down and maybe come back to it next week, before the season finale.

My insides are still trembling from the happenings of this evening's show.

And I have to eat my words.  At least some of them.

Ben is bad.  As my daughter said, "Ben is bad.  BAD, BAD, BAD, BAD, BAD." Yep.  Totally and completely bad.  I knew he had Elena's brother break into Sammy's house to steal the tape and some other stuff -- to make it look like a robbery.  But, I admit, I didn't think he had it in him to have the young idiot wreck the place.  I also believed he wouldn't want it to look like the gang had broken into Sammy's home.  I thought Ben would figure that Sammy would go after Strokeface.  But, I FORGOT one very important thing.  Sammy had discouraged Ben from going after the gangsters who allegedly shot Mendoza.  So, I guess Ben thought this meant that Sammy wouldn't go after Strokeface.  Leave it to me to forget such an important piece of information.  I guess it's a good thing I'm not a detective.  If I were a detective, I'd have to have the world's greatest and most detailed detective notebook, or I would completely blow all my cases.  But, Ben also forgot one very important fact.  The fact of TESTOSTERONE and that Sammy has plenty of it.  No self-respecting cop dude is going to let a gang break into and wreck his house and say to himself, "It's ok.  I'm cool.  I'll just relax and do the logical thing and let the detectives handle it."  HA!  Ben should have, as a guy himself, realized this.  "Pride goeth before the fall," is the old saying.  And Ben certainly has plenty of pride.  Enough for several people, in fact.  And it seems that his pride got in the way of his planning.

And I must apologize to Sammy.  He is a saint.  Well, maybe not a saint exactly.  But, the questionable things he does are in NO WAY comparable to the crap Ben pulls.  And when Sammy does wrong, his conscience does get the better of  him and he backs away from the abyss.  Ben just plunges over the edge.  So, Sammy --  I am VERY, VERY sorry.  I grovel in the dust at your feet.  Although, I'm still not convinced you didn't steal the money from the robbery.

So, what can we expect from next week's season finale?  I know Ben McKenzie tweeted that he is doing the pilot of his new show in second position to a sixth season of "SouthLAnd."  I know he has stated that he loves "SouthLAnd" and wants to remain.  I don't know what he will remain as, though.  Is he going to join forces with Elena and her brother, going south of the border and eventually establishing himself as the new head of a big drug cartel?  He certainly has the personality for that.  "SouthLAnd" could go on for several more seasons, with the LAPD waging war against "Ben Sherman's Drugs 'R' Us."   Heck, he could throw a little arms dealership in on the side.  Maybe he will be caught, though, and he will spend Season 6 in prison, with much drama swirling about him.  In my last post, I discussed the fact that Sammy is going to be in a helicopter in Episode 10, and I joked that perhaps he is chasing Officer Ben.  Well, now I think I might have (inadvertently) been correct.  Although, unlike I jokingly stated in that last post, there probably won't be any "Happily Ever After" for Ben Sherman.

It's possible that Ben McKenzie will do his new show -- "The Advocates" -- while occasionally popping by "SouthLAnd" to be on trial or run the cartel (or the bar, if he does get that happy ending I dreamed up for him).  I don't know if that would be allowed in television land, though.  It would be one heck of a contract negotiation.

I also heard a little something that made me believe that "The Advocates" is being looked at as one of the hot new shows for the upcoming season.  So, was Ben McKenzie's tweeting just a little purposeful misinformation meant to throw us off track?  Or, am I wrong again, like I was in thinking Officer Sherman hadn't done all of those wicked things?  Time will tell...

And if Mr. McKenzie's tweeting was purposeful misinformation, I must admit that I will have a hard time believing anything he says ever again.  But, I'll always be a fan. ;-)

Oh, one final thought.  How is it that Brooke thinks that by giving b-jobs to all the other cops she is somehow going to make Officer Ben feel repentant or bad or whatever??? That girl makes no sense.  But, she is colorful. 

Ben Sherman's Little Love Triangle, Or -- Just A Silly "SouthLAnd" Post

This is just a silly post about my fave TV show.  I am just going to be having fun.  If you are not in the mood for silly or for fun, you should probably click away now.

The writing for "SouthLAnd" has always been outstanding.  This year, though, those writers are outdoing themselves.  And one thing that is just a little gem of storytelling in the midst of the whole glorious crown is "Ben's Little Love Triangle."

Toward the beginning of the current season, Ben and Sammy do a darling little community service puppet show for an elementary school class.  This class is taught by a darling little teacher who recognizes Officer Ben from the LAPD recruiting posters.  Barely able to contain her excitement in front of all her tiny charges, she manages to communicate to Officer Ben her attraction to him.  Later in the episode, she calls him up and they arrange to meet for coffee at one of the more "sophisticated" coffee establishments favored by Officer Ben.  He jokes with her that she needs to be careful of "talking to strangers" -- alluding to the chat which he and Sammy had earlier in the day with her class. But, in the end, he concedes that having coffee is probably a safe enough option.  Little does he know that he, in this moment, should be heeding his own advice, as this darling little teacher is inevitably going to turn out to be "Psycho Chick."

(Aside: I had a feeling this little lady was going to end up being a problem for Officer Ben when she gave him a "B" for his "romantic performance."  Anyone who has seen Officer Ben's alter ego kissing Marissa on the ferris wheel should know that he would never get a "B" in this area.  So, from the very beginning, it was obvious there was a something awry with the mind of this beautiful woman.)

Meanwhile, though, before we know that Teacher Lady is actually Psycho Chick, Officer Ben -- for some reason known only to him -- takes up with another darling little lady.  This lady's name is Elena, and she is an artist, cook, and lover extraordinaire.  I think, at first, we are not really supposed to like her.  We are, at that point, rooting for the schoolteacher.  I mean, she is a SCHOOLTEACHER!  Who could be more perfect for Officer Ben than a drop-dead gorgeous, well-educated, down-to-earth schoolteacher???  And in comes this little firecracker of a girl with a no-good brother who has no-good friends.  "Ben," we are thinking, "BEN!!! What are you doing??? Have you lost your FREAKING MIND??? You have found the perfect woman, and you are SCREWING IT ALL UP!!! You are going to catch a disease and give it to the schoolteacher, and then she will break up with you and you will never get married and have beautiful babies!!!"

Those "SouthLAnd" writers, though.  They were just playing little mind games with us.  Because, as I said, the "perfect woman" is evidently an unstable loon -- while Elena is turning out to be the most lovable gal.  She just adores Officer Ben.  She is so nice to him.  She cooks for him and fusses over him and begs him for a "quickie" in the morning.  She sure as heckfire is not giving him any "B" in the "romance" department.  She just loves him -- really, really loves him.  And she is a doll.

I'm not saying I think Officer Ben necessarily deserves all this love and affection from this adorable girl.  I'm just saying that maybe she is turning out to be the right one for him, after all.  So, perhaps this is what will happen:

In episode 10, Sammy is going to be in a helicopter.  (As I said in a previous post, I know this from Instagram.)  What do I now think he will be doing in that helicopter?  I think he is going to be chasing Officer Ben.

I believe Officer Ben is going to be found out for one or more of the following:  murdering the pimp, lying to IA, and having Sammy's house broken into.  I think he is going to run to Elena for help, as she probably has connections "south of the border." She and her brother are going to hide Officer Ben in a "borrowed" vehicle and make a run for her country of origin.  And I think they're going to succeed in their escape, which will leave Sammy circling around in the helicopter with a rather frustrated look on his face.

Once they arrive at their destination -- a place where there will be many of Elena's friends and relatives waiting with open arms -- the local priest is going to frown disapprovingly at poor Officer Ben.  He will want Officer Ben to do the right thing by Elena.  And because this priest will let Officer Ben know that he has friends in the Border Patrol, Officer Ben will agree to marry Elena.  Which won't be so bad, because Officer Ben really does (in his heart of hearts) love her.

So, there will be a wedding with wonderful food and music and ruffled dresses.  Ben will open a bar, where he will mix the drinks, while Elena's brother wipes down the tables.  Elena and Ben will have beautiful babies -- at least 5 of them.  These babies will have beautiful, wavy, golden-brown hair.  They will have beautiful golden-brown skin.  They will have big hazel eyes.  As they grow, they will run around the bar and sit in the customers' laps and make everybody smile and laugh.  And Elena will, each and every morning for the rest of her and Ben's mutual life, beg him for a "quickie."

And they will live happily ever after.

--- THE END ---