Watching TV With Your Teens And Young Adult Kids -- A Few More Thoughts

Yesterday, I used "The O.C." as an example of how I watch TV with my kids, who are now 24 (almost 25), 23, and 21 years old.  The older two are girls.  The youngest is a boy.

I tend to get along pretty well with my kids.  Sometimes, they think I am too strict.  Sometimes, I think they are too strict.  Don't go thinking that they don't get on me about stuff.  Like, for instance, my cage dancing fantasy.

But, anyway.

When I spoke about watching "The O.C." with my children, I related how I used the characters and happenings in the show as "teachable moments."  We would discuss issues the show presented and how the characters handled various situations they encountered.  I hoped that these discussions would help my kids to become a little wiser about the ways of the world.

As I thought more about my blog post, I realized I kind of made it sound like I'm always and everywhere trying to teach my kids valuable lessons when we watch TV and movies.  Frankly, if that were the case, I don't think my kids would want to watch ANYTHING with me, at all.  I would just be a ball and chain around their entertainment-loving young selves.

So, I guess, most of the time, I just sit with my kids and we enjoy television shows and movies together.  No comments, no judging, no discussion.  Just fun and genuine, spur-of-the-moment reactions to the stories being told.  Maybe some snacks thrown in.  I mean, after all, my kids are older now.  If they don't know the values I wanted them to grow up with by this time, I have pretty much failed.  Although, I also took this more silent approach -- at least most of the time -- when they were teenagers.  And I think it has value.

Why do I think it has value?

People are a generally rebellious lot.  We don't like to get told what to do so very much.  We like to make up our own minds.  And, frankly, most kids know what their parents' opinions are by the time they are teenagers.  That's why, when you see them rebelling, they are doing the opposite of what their parents would suggest.  They have obviously figured out their parents way of thinking.  And they are testing that way of thinking.

As you may know by now (ha-ha), I am a rather rebellious person.  But -- and this may surprise you -- I never engaged in any so-called "high-risk" behaviors as a teen or young adult.  Why?  Certainly not because of my own common sense.  I attribute this to my parents -- especially my dad -- who knew how to tread gently.  He knew not to back me into a corner.  This doesn't mean we didn't have some pretty "spirited discussions" -- a.k.a. "fights."  But, in the end, my dad would look at me calmly and say, "Well, it's your life.  Do what you want."  Then, most of the time, whatever common sense I did possess would kick in and I would realize that I didn't want to do whatever that lame-ass thing was that I had been so vehemently demanding to do a few minutes before.  Why didn't I want to do it?  Because there was no more contest of wills going on.  I didn't have to do that lame-ass thing in order to prove to my father that I couldn't be forced into things, by him or anyone else.

And that brings me back to the idea of just watching TV shows and movies with my kids with no commentary, simply with the goal of enjoying (or, perhaps, being shocked or terrified by) a story.  Especially if it is a television program or movie of their choosing.  I'm not going to turn this form of entertainment into an opportunity for rebellion.  I am, rather, going to use it as an opportunity for bonding.  After all, having a good time together watching Sammy and Ben run around is one ingredient that can lead to a very positive mother-daughter relationship.  At least, in my experience.  SouthLAnd.  Forever. ;-)

Disclaimer:  I am assuming, of course, that your kids aren't bringing home "films" from the Adult Store.  That is a whole different issue.

Ben Sherman -- The Daddy

Ten years ago today we were married, Ashaki and I.  She was well-prepared -- in upbringing and temperament -- for this state.  Me?  Not so much.  "But," she says, teasingly, "I have taught you well, my Benjamin."  And she has, and so have they.  Who are "they?"  My children -- all three of them, with the fourth due any day now.  Ashaki and my daughters have taught me how to be a husband, how to be a father.  Although, they have not always had it easy.  I can be selfish.  I can be moody.  I can hold grudges.  But, little by little, maybe I'm changing my ways.  At first, changing my ways was the only way I could survive being a father.  Being a father is a much different kind of a thing than being a husband.  As a husband, you are dealing with another adult -- your wife -- who is (hopefully) somewhat mature and rational, knowing how to give as well as how to take.  But, being a father?  Not much give and take there.  It's pretty much all "give."  Don't get me wrong.  I wouldn't change anything.  Because I recall it most clearly.  Walking with my first little baby, late one night -- as she fussed and fought off sleep -- so that Ashaki could get some much-needed rest, I realized that, for the first time in my life, I felt truly happy.  Exhausted?  Yes.  But, happy. 

It was frightening, that first labor and delivery.  Of course, I was not with my wife.  That is not the custom here.  There was a midwife.  An authentic, medically trained, and certified midwife.  And there were several women from the village by my wife's side, making her comfortable, giving her support.  But, I was terrified, waiting outside with Ashaki's brother and a few of my other male friends.  Some of the older women brought us food and drink, whispered encouraging words to me, reminded me of how strong my wife was (and is), how healthy.  But, still...  If something should happen to her -- or to the baby -- I didn't know how I could survive it.  These people were there for me, though.  They understood how I felt.  And then, at twilight, I heard her cry.  The cry of my first baby girl -- Hadiya, a name which means "gift."  And then I was really frightened.  As much as he had already been subdued, I knew in that moment that the "old Ben" had to die completely.  Because the "old Ben" would totally screw up with this new life -- the new life crying her first (very loud and piercing) cry inside of my home -- and that was just not acceptable.  I could not fuck this fatherhood thing up.

The midwife sent one of the women out to get me after a few moments, and I went in to my wife and new daughter.  Both so beautiful.  Ashaki was smiling at me.  She looked tired, but so content with our little girl at her breast.  We have been blessed that our babies have all nursed well, right from the beginning.  And it always amazes me to see them, only a few moments after being born, snuggling close to my wife and taking nourishment.  Certain American men I have known think that watching their wives nurse their children somehow makes the women seem less attractive.  I could not disagree more.  It is not a sexual thing, this feeding of babies at the breast.  But, as I watch my wife smile and stroke the skin of our children as she holds them close and nurses them, well...  She never looks more breathtaking to me as she does in those moments.

And now I have three daughters -- 9, 6, and 2 years old -- and a new babe on the way.  Boy or girl?  I don't know.  Ashaki still insists on being surprised.  And I must admit, it is kind of fun, waiting for that "big announcement" to come from the very private and well-shaded back portion of my home.  Has it become less scary to me, as I wait while my wife goes through the birthing process.  Not exactly.  Ashaki trusts God.  I trust Ashaki, and I try to trust God. 

What kind of a father am I?  Probably far from perfect.  I do love it, though.  Teaching my girls, playing with them.  I even love holding my babies, bathing them, changing their diapers.  I had no idea I would enjoy my babies so much.  Of course, I knew I would help Ashaki.  I didn't want to be one of those "cave men," refusing to assist with the multitude of chores associated with infants.  I was determined to pitch in.  But, what I didn't anticipate was loving it so much, loving them so much -- those tiny babies.  My favorite thing?  Late at night, after Ashaki has finished feeding the little one, she lays the babe on top of my chest and we sleep that way -- my child and I.  Feeling that warm weight on top of me, breathing as I breathe, there is nothing like that in all the world.

So, when Ashaki tells me that she is "ready for another," maybe I do feel a little bit terrified.  After all, I had never envisioned myself with more than two children.  But, I also feel more than a bit excited.  Yes, there are those times...  The times when everybody comes down with the stomach flu simultaneously, or when everybody is just tired and cranky at the end of a long day...  I mean, life isn't a fairy tale -- for anybody.

But, when I think of where I was all those years ago, at the end of my less-than-praiseworthy LAPD "career," I am just grateful to be loved and to love.  When I think of how things could have turned out for me, when I think of what I actually deserved (and maybe still deserve), I tremble inside.  And so the hardest things about my family life?  I just count them as joy.  Well... I count them as joy after I get over being tired and cranky from cleaning all the vomit up.

Maybe you are wondering if I ever speak to anybody from my old life, my LAPD days.  No, I don't.  Although, I did speak with Sammy once.  It was a few months after Hadiya was born.  As I rocked her one morning while Ashaki bathed, I started thinking about little Nate.  I was his "Uncle Ben."  And I was suddenly and overwhelmingly ashamed at the danger I had exposed him to when I had Chris stage the break-in at Sammy's.  Of course, I didn't realize Chris would actually encounter Nate and the sitter.  But, I knew things could go awry with my plan.  Of course, I knew.  But, I was willing to risk it for my own damned self-interest.  And that's what it was -- my own selfish interests.  My plan had nothing to do with caring about Sammy.  It was all about protecting myself, my reputation, my career.  And I had put a small child in danger.  A child I supposedly loved.  A child who trusted me.  And when I looked at Hadiya resting in my arms, looking up at me with those big, hazel eyes (all of my daughters have gorgeous hazel eyes, rich chocolate skin, and wavy ebony hair), I knew that if Sammy were to do to me what I did to him?  I would have wanted to kill him.  Literally.  And in that moment, looking into the eyes of my daughter, thinking of the danger I had placed Sammy's son in, I loathed myself.  So, I called him.  I didn't know if he would accept my call, but he did.  And I apologized -- an apology that, if I had been in Sammy's position, would have been much too little, way too late.  But Sammy, being Sammy, actually listened.  He listened while I told him about Ashaki and Hadiya and being a father.  He listened to me tell him, rather lamely and awkwardly, how sorry I was, how I finally "got it."  And Sammy, being Sammy, actually forgave me.  "I don't deserve your forgiveness," I told him.  "No, you don't," he answered. "But, I'm fucking giving it to you, anyway, you fucker."  And then he actually laughed and told me about Nate -- and about his second wife and their small daughter.  And he told me that sometimes "the job" -- that whole cop thing -- was too much for some guys.  He told me that, for some guys, being a cop is like being caught in a whirlpool that sucks you in and then spits out your lifeless body.  He told me that I was one of those guys, and that he was glad I got out of the whirlpool before it killed me.  He also told me I should never come back.  I didn't argue. 

*******

"Benjamin," she whispers to me in the night, just after I return to bed after getting a thirsty little girl a drink of water, "it is time."

So, I go to wake the midwife, and I fear once again for my beautiful woman and the child who is preparing to make his (or her) entrance into this lovely, though troubled, world.  And I wonder if we will have a little boy this time.  As I wonder, though, I realize that it doesn't really matter to me whether we are given a baby boy or another little girl.  And -- in this realization -- I surprise myself, once again.

Ben Sherman -- Epilogue, Part 5

** This is going on much longer than I expected.  But, I'm just having so much fun here!  Thanks to everyone who is reading! **

The first month of my new life was an adjustment, to say the least.  A good one, though.  Pleasant, even.  George and I were given a small home in the village where the new school was located.  Happy people provided us with good, simple food and were eager for our company.  Little children peeked out at us from behind door frames and their mothers' skirts, giggling and ducking when we smiled or waved.  The residents of the village seemed especially amused by me.  In fact, I believe the native word for "ghost" was occasionally -- though fondly -- used to describe me.  Let's face it.  Even for an American, I am rather pale.  But -- I am also quick and athletic -- and the local youngsters were happy to have me join in their games, often playfully arguing about which team would get to have "the ghost" as a member.  The male residents of the village would point at my biceps and grin, giving me the universally understood "thumbs up" sign, and flexing their own arms in a sign of masculine solidarity.  Occasionally, a bolder girl would squeeze my shoulder and smile becomingly, although any "hanky-panky" was clearly off limits.  And I wanted it that way.  I realized that sex had become less and less of a pleasure for me over the years.  A physical release, yes.  But a growing emotional burden, too.  So, George's admonition to "keep it zipped" was actually quite welcome, believe it or not.

George and I were also quite busy, during the first several weeks of our stay, getting the school ready for its opening.  The structure was intact when we arrived, but painting was required.  The local people wanted bright colors -- red trim and yellow walls for the outside.  For the inside, blues and greens reminiscent of the ocean were chosen.  The ocean which none of these people had actually ever seen, but which was alive in their imaginations.  George's non-profit provided tables and chairs, a chalkboard (including chalk), a modicum of books, writing tablets and pencils. 

The most difficult challenge?  The students in our little one-room schoolhouse would range from 7 to 13 years of age.  There would be twenty of them.  None of them had ever been to a formal school before.  So, we had to carefully plan out how to arrange the school day to accommodate the needs of all these different children who were entrusting their futures to us.  Maybe it sounds like a bit of an exaggeration to say that they were "entrusting their futures to us."  But, in a way, that's what they were doing -- academically, anyhow.  If they were to have any chance of having an advanced education -- of going to secondary school, or even university -- they were relying on George and me to give them the necessary foundation.  As a person who had always taken my own education a little bit for granted, this thought did weigh upon me.  George, though, with his outgoing ways, quick sense of humor, and positive attitude, proved a good counterweight to my more melancholy tendencies.  "Sherman," he would say, smiling good-naturedly, "you think you're making this about them.  But, you're not.  You're making it about you.  You always do.  Your ego is talking here.  Your ego is riding on our success or failure.  If these kids are actually what's important to you, things will snap into perspective.  You'll realize not everything is up to you.  Not everything is under your control.  You do the work.  You do the best you can.  The results are not up to you.  And if we get good results, that's not about you, either.  So, King Ben, climb down off that high-and-mighty little throne of yours and help me set up these tables."  Hell, maybe this little speech of George's is what Sammy was trying to tell me all along.  Maybe it was just a little easier to hear in this environment -- this environment with smiling, laughing kids who just wanted me to play games with them.  This environment where I didn't need handcuffs and a gun to survive.  Fuck that Sammy.  I'm not quite ready to forgive him yet, as willing as he was to throw me under the bus to comfort his own messed up conscience.

Sometimes I think about Sammy.  I think about his little guy, Nate.  I did love Nate.  I was his Uncle Ben.  I loved Sammy, too.  He was my friend.  I would have done anything for him.  Hell, I did do everything for him.  For us.  For our partnership, our careers, our future.  And somehow, everything just got out of control.  I wonder if Sammy hates me.  Some nights I wake up -- hot in my bed, in this land far from everything I've ever known -- and I think about these things.  And I can't breathe.  And then I look at the beautiful woman, full with my babe, lying next to me and I put everything from my old life out of my mind.  I imagine my past as a dark cloud just blowing by me, a cloud which disintegrates into nothingness as it passes.  And then I can breathe again.  And I reach for this woman, for her softness, for her warmth -- and she smiles at me in the darkness, the darkness that is gently lit by the moon and the stars, and she takes me into herself.  Loving me.  Making me realize that nobody has ever loved me before.  Not really.  Making me realize that I have never loved anyone before.  Not really.  Not even Elena.  As I said, I did love Elena.  But it was a selfish, taking kind of a love.  Not like the love I have for this woman who lies next to me now, who will lie next to me every night for the rest of our lives.

You may be wondering how I met this incredible woman who became mine.  When did I first see her, speak with her, know that I loved her?  How did we come to be together?  How did she come to be my wife?

To be continued...

Ben Sherman -- Epilogue, Part 2

AFRICA, THREE YEARS LATER

It is already hot as the sun rises up over the valley in the middle of this ancient continent.  This ancient continent where families and lives were once ripped apart by those who thought bartering in humans was a God-given right. This ancient continent full of a multiplicity of cultures.  War-ravaged in some places, disease-ridden in others, but full of great beauty and majesty and life.  Life wild and free, alongside life shackled and oppressed.  Great poverty and great riches, sometimes in one place.

She lies next to me -- this woman, my woman -- breathing softly.  Her skin soft and brown and warm.  The dark curls of her hair gently brushing my shoulder.  Her belly swollen with the child.  Breasts full and ready to give milk to a new babe.  Soon he will come.  Or she.  I don't know.  The woman -- the lovely woman whom I love -- doesn't want to know, so the decision is made.   We will be surprised.  Isn't life just one long surprise, anyway?  We plan, God laughs -- isn't that what they say?

Who knew,  almost three years ago, that my life would come to this?   Who knew that my life would come to anything?   Fuck 'em all, I thought to myself back then.  Sammy and Cooper, Brooke -- fuck 'em all.

They were rather awkward, those initial days after my confrontation with Sammy.  I mean, we couldn't work together, anymore.  Not one more day.  Sammy pulled some strings, got us new partners.  Not too many questions were asked.  Hell, I thought.  I'm taking the Detectives' Exam, anyway.  I'll be out of this fuckin' squad car in a few months.  And I should have been.  I got the second highest score ever recorded in the department.  But, the promotion got "held up."  One fuckin' excuse after another.  No one ever said it directly, but I know that fucker Sammy was responsible.  It became clear to me that I was going to be riding in that patrol car forever -- or humpin' the pine.  I had been blackballed -- by the guy who told me that "you always have your partner's back, especially when he's wrong."  That fucker.

And then there was Cooper.  Brought down by his own team, he lived through it all.  But, after all that -- after his own psycho trip -- he still thought he was better than me.  The guy pistol-whips his neighbor, disgraces himself after almost 25 years on the job, and he has the audacity to treat me with disdain when I go visit him.  Maybe I stretched my authority a bit in going after a few bad guys, but they were the BAD GUYS.  Not some Joe Lunch Bucket who couldn't pay his electric bill.

The one bright star amongst all this fucked-up crap?  Elena.  I really did love Elena.  Not like I love the woman who lies next to me now, the woman large with my child.  But, I did love her.  She was the little bit of light in the middle of all my darkness -- as corny as that sounds.  And Brooke knew it, too.  I should have been more careful with Brooke.  Should have taken her unstable behavior more seriously.  I was a cop, after all.  But, I wasn't willing to admit to myself what I knew deep down to be the full extent of her anger, of her hatred.  Because if I admitted that to myself, I would have had to admit that maybe I was a little bit responsible for it.  Yes, she was crazy.  That wasn't my fault.  But, in how I treated her -- in how I screwed around on her -- I probably did tip the scales a bit.  Probably did uncage the beast that was inside of that tiny lady.  And now one lives in an institution, unable to even feed herself.  And one lives in prison.  Elena didn't mean to cause that trauma to Brooke's brain. Brooke, after all, did start the fight.  The fight that ended in a fall when Elena pushed Brooke away from her.  And when a head meets concrete violently, the head doesn't stand much of a chance.  I really didn't think Elena would face prison time.  It seemed a simple matter of self-defense to me.  Evidently, the D.A. saw things differently.  He maintained that Elena used unnecessary force.  And the D.A. prevailed. 

So, that's how it was.  That's where I was.  Trapped in a life I had never anticipated.  Looking for a way out.  The usual escapes -- sex, alcohol -- they weren't doing it, anymore.  And the other cops?  They were polite, professional.  But, they were no longer my comrades.

So, I made a decision.  A decision that involved putting into practice one of the things I had learned from John Cooper -- skimming pills from perps I took into custody.  (Of course, Cooper always denied that he did this.  I never fuckin' believed him, though.  No sane person would.  The guy was a fuckin' addict.  And addicts say whatever they need to say.)  Nobody noticed a few pills missing here and there -- especially when I made sure I was the one to book the things into evidence.  It only took a few months, and I had enough to do what I needed to do.  Kill myself.  You may wonder why I didn't just eat my gun.  Basically, I was too polite for that.  Didn't want anyone to have to clean up after me.  And there were Olivia and Chloe to think about.  And my mother.  Chances were, it would have been one of them who found me.  And I didn't want them to find a bloody mess.  With the pills, it would have been far more peaceful -- for me and for all the rest of 'em.  I go to sleep and they find me that way.  A fuckin' Sleeping Beauty -- guy version.  Except, no kiss could or would have magical powers in this rendition of that classic tale.

To be continued...

Ben Sherman -- Epilogue, Part I

The recent series finale of "SouthLAnd" left our "hero" -- Officer Ben Sherman -- lying on the ground after being confronted by his partner, Officer Sammy Bryant, about his scum-bag ways.  Many folks were left wondering what would have happened to Ben Sherman if the series had been given a sixth season.  Would he have found redemption or would he have continued along his dark path?  It seems dubious that he could once again become that lovely, though rather haunted, young man we remember from the earlier seasons.  It would also be unrealistic for the show's writers to return him to that state.  For, after all, human nature does not work that way.  And the people who made "SouthLAnd" always remained true to what we flawed humans are actually like.  We flawed humans cannot undo our actions, either the good or the evil ones.  Our actions always impact our psyches, our characters, our personalities.  Our actions become part of us.  And our wrong-headed decisions never leave us entirely unscathed, entirely without scars.  But, what we can do is choose where we go from where we are.  So, what would the creators of "SouthLAnd," perhaps in collaboration with the actor who portrays Ben Sherman (Ben McKenzie), have chosen?  I will map out what I see as one possibility. 

I realize I have been rather silly at times in writing about "SouthLAnd" -- in my "spoilers" and "predictions."  I have enjoyed doing that.  Humor has helped me deal with the heartbreaking intensity of Season 5.  It has been a coping mechanism, of sorts.  But, in what I write now -- though it will probably contain humor -- I will try to remain true to the spirit of the show and to the work Ben McKenzie put into portraying Ben Sherman.  And I am pretty sure Mr. McKenzie would not want Officer Sherman to have an easy out from his situation.  Maybe he wouldn't even want to see the character ultimately redeemed.  But, I do.  So, I'm going to go with that and I hope Mr. McKenzie won't mind if he ever happens to come across this blog.  I want Officer Sherman to have a "happy ending."  Not fairy-tale happy, but I want him to come to a place of peace.  Why?  Because I am a Catholic, and I also don't give up too easily on people.  I believe in grace.  I believe most people want to choose the good.  I believe that often, when people choose what is wrong, they do it believing they are choosing what is right.  We see this demonstrated in the final scene between Ben and Sammy in the series finale of "SouthLAnd."  Ben tries to justify himself to Sammy.  He tells Sammy that he has done "what any sane person would do."  Sammy, being actually sane, realizes what insanity this is and punches Ben.  This is the wisest thing Sammy could have done.  My dad would have said that Sammy was "knocking some sense" into Ben.  That's something guys have to do for each other once in a while.  Not that I condone violence, or anything.  But, occasionally, a guy with a good head on his shoulders needs to punch a screwed-up guy in the nose.  This is often the best way of getting the screwed-up guy back on the right path.  As we watch Ben try to justify himself, though, I think he actually believes what he is saying.  I think he has convinced himself of the rightness of his actions.  He has chosen the bad believing it to be the good.

So, as Ben picks himself up off the pavement, his desire is to choose the good...

To be continued... ;-)

Why I Love The "SouthLAnd" Houses

There are very few studio sets built for "SouthLAnd."  Most of the show is shot in and around Los Angeles.  Accordingly, actual houses and apartments are used in many scenes.  And one of my favorite things to do when watching an episode for the second (or third) time is to pay close attention to these residences and how they are decorated for the show.  Those responsible for scouting and choosing the locations and setting them up for the shoots are very talented folks.  They are always perfect backdrops for the action and drama unfolding in the story.

Many of the homes used seem to be in working-class neighborhoods, for example.  Often a crime has been committed within the home. A victim, a criminal, or the family of a victim or criminal might live in the house.  Accordingly, the house has to be chosen and arranged in such a way as to reflect its history and the personalities and lifestyles of the characters who live there.  A home chosen for "SouthLAnd" is often quite charming, though older and a bit run-down.  The paint seems to have been selected, at some point in the past, with care.  The outside walls and trim might be of lovely, though somewhat faded, colors.  There might be a front porch, maybe a little weathered, but perhaps with a welcoming chair or two.  A screen door might be mounted in front of the main doorway, hinting at a time in the past when little children peeked out of it in the evening, waiting for their daddy to arrive home.  There is often a front lawn -- sparse, but trimmed.  Curtains might be seen through the windows, maybe sewn by a new mom home with her baby twenty years ago.  So, as we see Officer Bryant and Officer Sherman approach such a house, as we wonder what they will find within it, we are also made aware of the cultural backdrop and the socioeconomic situation of the individuals they are about to meet.  We feel for joys had and joys lost in the lives of these people.  We are attuned to the fact that there were better times in these places, and this touches our hearts.

As Sammy and Ben enter the home to search it or to make an arrest or even to comfort a victim, our hearts are further touched as we see the more intimate space of the people they encounter.  Furniture often harkens back to the era of my own childhood, indicating the rich family history of the characters -- and, perhaps, their poverty.  There are often built-in cabinets and shelves holding inexpensive, yet precious, knick-knacks -- trinkets carefully chosen on family vacations or given as gifts for special occasions.  Family pictures grace the walls of the home -- walls painted in warm colors by somebody who loves or has loved the victim (or criminal) in the story that is unfolding before us.  The house is usually clean and well-kept -- although, if a crime has been committed therein, it may be in disarray.  But, we can still see the careful housekeeping this disarray masks.  And this is a fitting reminder of the upheaval -- emotional and otherwise -- which crime inflicts upon innocent lives.  We imagine a family eating dinner, watching television, or getting ready for bed in a home that is rather poor, yet carefully kept -- when violence enters into that space.  And we can all feel in our guts what that would be like.  We all know in our hearts that we are potential victims.  And herein lies at least part of the power of "SouthLAnd" and the stories that it tells.  In carefully crafting these scenes, in their brilliant use of a home and its decor, the people who bring us this show make the victims, and even the criminals and those who love those criminals, relatable.

If you are a "SouthLAnd" fan, you have probably noticed these things, as I have.  But, if you haven't, I would encourage you to really take note of the work so meticulously done by the location scouts and set decorators of this courageous show.

#sammyandben4eva -- "SouthLAnd"

Or maybe it was #benandsammy4eva.  Whateva.

My daughter Bridget came up with this hashtag, as part of her "SouthLAnd" fandom.  As is no secret, Sammy Bryant and Ben Sherman are two of our favorite characters on this show.  And we have greatly enjoyed their partnership during Seasons 4 and 5.  That partnership does come to a rather painful end, but that end contains many lessons concerning the human soul, the human character, moral struggles, trust, and friendship.  And upon witnessing Sammy and Ben's last scene together in the Season 5 finale, Bridget stated, "Well, I guess my hashtag is dead."

Is it dead?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  If there is a Season 6, we may discover the answer to this question.  If not, the answer will lie in our own imaginations.

I think it could go either way.

"SouthLAnd" has, over the course of 5 seasons, brought its characters through many ups and downs.  Each character has been faced with moral dilemmas and life struggles -- and each character has had to respond to these dilemmas and struggles.  They have made good decisions -- and poor ones.  They have faced the consequences of their choices and actions.  Most of the characters, after making wrong choices, have made attempts to atone for those choices.  They have striven to become better people after their falls.  We have witnessed characters be reconciled to each other, as in the case of Lydia and Russ.  So, there is more than one possibility as we look to the future of Sammy and Ben's relationship.

Will they continue to be partners in a Season 6?  Very unlikely.

Will they regain what could be called a "friendship?"  It depends.

When we last saw Officer Ben in the Season 5 finale, he was laying on the ground after Sammy confronted him with the "error of his ways."  Officer Ben was not ready to hear about his own shortcomings, and tried to blame Sammy for his own choices.  Sammy, though -- in his detective wisdom -- was not taking any of that shit.  So, as we see Ben on the ground after Sammy leaves him to himself, we wonder what is going through his mind.  Does he honestly believe he has been in the right?  Might he be having some regrets?  He has things to repent of, but will his pride prove to be an obstacle to that repentance?

In my mind, the major factor that would prevent Officer Ben from clearly seeing where he has gone wrong, and from trying to make things right with Sammy, is his tendency to be unforgiving.  And he does have that tendency.  We see it in his relationship (or lack thereof) with his father.  Yes, his father is a douche.  But, I think his father has made an attempt -- as far as he is able to in his douche-dom -- to have at least a little bit of a positive relationship with his son.   And Officer Ben has had none of it.  He has not given his father even a teeny tiny bit of a chance for even a teeny tiny bit of a positive father-son relationship.  Officer Ben has hardened his heart.  And we have also seen him harden his heart in regard to the man who assaulted both his mother and him.  Please don't get me wrong.  I don't think Officer Ben needs to have a relationship with that guy.  I don't think he has to like him at all.  But, the way he goes after the man after he is released from prison is a bit extreme.  The guy did the time for the crime.  Officer Ben's mom is willing to put the whole incident to rest.  But, not Officer Ben himself.  He is unwilling to let go of his anger.  And now his anger is directed at Sammy.  Will he be able to let go of that anger?  After all, Sammy is neither a douche-bag nor a criminal.  But, Officer Ben feels that Sammy has betrayed him.  He feels that Sammy has thrown his friendship "under the bus."  He blames Sammy for his own wrong decisions.  He feels that Sammy is ungrateful to him.  So, we will have to see if Officer Ben has the ability to let go of his self-righteous, prideful anger.  We will have to see if he can own up to his screw-ups.  We will have to see if he is able to have a forgiving heart, after all.

As I watched the last episode of Season 5, though, I did see one bright, shining, little spot for Officer Ben -- one little crack in the almost closed door of his soul.  During this episode, Sammy is up in a police chopper.  That chopper takes gunfire and it starts to leak fuel.  An emergency landing is required.  Officer Ben hears all this on the radio of his squad car, and he races to the location where the emergency landing will take place.  He is clearly alarmed.  His genuine concern for Sammy is apparent.  He has not, as yet, completely lost his heart, his humanity.  There are still some avenues for grace left.

So, as we leave Officer Ben laying on the pavement in the last filmed episode of "SouthLAnd," there is more than one voice in his head.  There is the "angel" and the "devil," if you will.  There is temptation.  But, there is grace.  He still has a choice.  And the choice that he makes will ultimately determine whether or not he and Sammy can be reconciled or have any type of friendship -- assuming, of course, that Sammy is willing to accept from Ben what would need to be a very sincere apology, made in a spirit of absolute contrition.

This, then, is one of the things I love about "SouthLAnd."  What we see in the "dance" of Sammy and Ben is an illustration of what happens to all of us in our humanity.  There are difficult situations.  There are difficult choices.  There are falls.  There are confrontations with ugly truths about ourselves.  There is our response to those confrontations.  There are opportunities for grace.  And we are reminded that "it ain't over 'til it's over."  We are reminded that we need to persevere in our own struggles, with our own obstacles, in order to become the kind of people we know we really should be.

"SouthLAnd", Shawn Hatosy, And Bangs

As you all know -- or should know by now -- I love the television show "SouthLAnd."

Two of my favorite characters on the show are Sammy Bryant and Ben Sherman, who are (or were) epic cop partners.  The best cop partners since Reed and Malloy.  Until their epic cop partnership fell apart in a dramatic fashion in last week's season finale.

The first time I watched "SouthLAnd", though, I was impressed with neither of these guys.  It was the middle of Season 4, and what stood out to me about the two of them in the episode I saw was the following:  First, Ben Sherman is seen leaping out of a bedroom window in his skivvies after apparently having been engaged in a menage a trois.  He has to leap out of the window after the husband of one of the ladies arrives home unexpectedly.  And he actually COMPLAINS about having to leap out of the window.  "Beggars can't be choosers," I thought to myself.  He struck me as a spineless little man.  Second, Ben and Sammy are driving around in their squad car, engaged in some "guy talk."  They observe a couple of overweight ladies walking by on the sidewalk and proceed to make some rather boarish remarks.  Then Sammy says something to this effect, "My father told me, 'Son, if you're like me you'll go to bed with a lot of beautiful women.  But, you'll wake up with a bunch of ugly ones.'"  He and Ben then appear to be quite pleased with themselves and their advanced senses of humor.   At this point, you can imagine what this middle-aged broad was thinking about these two characters.  I was not expecting to ever like them very much.

(I'm sorry if I have not gotten all the details of this episode exactly right.  I watched it a while ago and I am too lazy to go watch it again before writing this post.)

As time goes on, though, I come to love Sammy and Ben.  I come to see their heroism.  I enjoy watching them run around with their guns and hand cuffs, knocking bad guys to the ground and taking them into custody.  I love watching them drive the squad car -- especially during high speed chases.  I come to enjoy their sense of humor and relationship with each other.  In short, they do become my favorite cop duo since the days of "Adam 12." 

Eventually, I start to follow them on Twitter.  Not Sammy Bryant and Ben Sherman, of course.  They are fictional.  I start to follow the actors who play them -- Shawn Hatosy and Ben McKenzie.

And Shawn Hatosy is an ABSOLUTE RIOT.

And this is where we come to the part about bangs.

Yesterday, he Tweets:  THE SHORTER THE BANGS, THE REDDER THE FLAG

Now, sometimes Shawn's humor goes over my head.  The meaning of this Tweet may have totally escaped me.  At first, I thought it was about that poor actress who got arrested on Friday, but I looked at her picture and her bangs don't appear to be short.  Then I decided that perhaps it was a "SouthLAnd" reference, as one of Ben Sherman's Season 5 love interests turns out to be a psycho -- a darling little psycho with a very cute haircut involving fairly short bangs.  Am I correct in my interpretation of this Tweet?  I have absolutely no clue, whatsoever.

But, it did remind me of a story:

When I had my second baby, I had a hairstyle which involved bangs.  I didn't have much time to go to the stylist, though, as this little baby was of the type described as "high need" -- meaning that if I put her down for more than (literally) 30 seconds, she would scream bloody murder.  This went on for three or four months.  I really didn't mind it all that much, as I enjoyed holding her.  But, it really cut into the time I might have devoted to going to the salon.  And my bangs had the audacity to keep growing until they were pretty much driving me nuts.  So, I got out the scissors, looked into the bathroom mirror, held my bangs down, and cut.  I do have fairly curly hair, though, so when I released the bangs from my grip, they popped up into a position that was somewhat higher on my forehead than I had originally intended.  At least an inch and a half higher.  I was fairly mortified, but -- by this time -- my baby was screaming again.  There was no time to fret.  I decided to brush the bangs back into the rest of my hair and hope they weren't too noticeable, and that I would not appear to be some kind of psycho on my next trip to the grocery store.

The bangs grew out, though, and the baby grew up.  All's good.

And I thank you, Mr. H., for your Tweet.  I still have no idea what it actually meant, but you brought back some fond memories for me.

Why Ben Orchestrated The Break-In At Sammy's House In "SouthLAnd"

I noticed upon checking the stats for this blog that several people have searched the internet with (roughly) this question:

     *WHY DID BEN ORCHESTRATE THE BREAK-IN AT SAMMY'S HOUSE?*

If you don't know the answer to this question, then most of the last part of Season 5 of "SouthLAnd" would make no sense to you -- at least in regard to the characters of Ben Sherman and Sammy Bryant. 

So, here is what happened:

Earlier in Season 5, there is an incident where Sammy and Tammi have a confrontation while Sammy and Ben are on duty.  Sammy gets a bit physical with Tammi, because she starts beating on him.  In my opinion, his reaction is not out-of-line, but it is pretty dramatic. Tammi's boyfriend manages to capture the whole thing with a video camera.  As you may know, Sammy is in the midst of a heated custody battle with Tammi over little Nate, so the incident -- as caught on tape -- would not look good to a family law judge.  So, in the heat of the moment, and in his worry about his son's future, Sammy grabs the camera out of the boyfriend's hands, gets in the squad car with Ben, and drives off.

Later in the episode, we learn that Tammi has filed assault charges against Sammy and that there will be an I.A. investigation.  Ben tells Sammy not to worry.  "I've got your back," he tells him.  Full of his usual Ben Sherman confidence, he assures Sammy that there is no way Tammi is going to win this one, because it's going to be her crazy-ass word against the word of two cops.  And, hey, who are the investigators going to believe in that situation?  So, Sammy and Ben put their heads together and come up with a story to tell I.A.  A story that is not entirely factual.

As the show progresses, though, Sammy's conscience starts to bother him.  He tells Ben about his guilty feelings over lying to I.A.  This worries Ben.  Sammy also tells Ben that he still has the videotape.  He has not been able to bring himself to destroy it.  He just keeps watching it, over and over again. This worries Ben some more.  He says to Sammy something to this effect, "I need to know if you are going to throw me under the bus."  Sammy reassures him that he does not need to worry, but Ben continues to worry.

In fact, Ben gets himself so worked up that he arranges to have his new girlfriend Elena's rather dim-witted brother Chris break into Sammy's house to steal the videotape.  Ben apparently tells Chris to make the whole thing look gang-related.  He tells Chris to do the job when nobody will be home at Sammy's house.  Chris, though, being rather dim-witted -- and, apparently, unlucky -- manages to screw things up so that he encounters Nate and his babysitter, resulting in the babysitter being injured and Nate himself being endangered.  Ben seems rather sorry over this unfortunate turn of events.  But, not nearly sorry enough.  The asshole.  (calming self down here)

Side Note:  Ben does all of this really stupidly for as bright as he's supposed to be.  I mean, if I were going to hire somebody to break into someone's house -- especially if that someone had been a detective -- I would hire a smart person.  Wouldn't you?  It would probably have been better if Ben had just done the thing himself, wearing some sort of a disguise. 

Anyhow, that is why and how Ben arranged the break-in at Sammy's house.  And in the Season 5 Finale, we see him trying to justify himself to Sammy.  And that scene tells you everything you need to know about what has happened to the soul of Ben Sherman.

"SouthLAnd" And My Bridget

As you may or may not know, I have a three beautiful kids:

     1.  Andrea, who is 24
     2.  Bridget, who is 22 -- and --
     3.  Scott, who is 20.

They have all watched "SouthLAnd" to one degree or another.  Scott refused to watch it after sampling a couple of episodes because they reminded him too much of his Criminal Justice class, and -- according to him -- that was just depressing.  (For the record?  He is now a History major.)  Andrea, who has a "film degree" thinks the show is fantastic, but it is a bit too violent for her taste.  That leaves Bridget.  And this is how she ended up being roped (by me) into being a "SouthLAnd" fan.

One year ago, Bridget was finishing up her senior year at Thomas Aquinas College.  I, meanwhile, was enmeshed in watching all the episodes of "SouthLAnd".  I hadn't been aware of the show until the middle of the fourth season.  After the season ended, I assumed re-runs would be shown and that I could see the part of the season I had missed.  Can you tell my age now?  There are apparently no such things as re-runs, anymore.  Frantically, I tried to determine how to watch the first part of season four.  And I discovered this thing called iTunes, with which I could download ALL the episodes from ALL the seasons onto my new iPad.  Imagine my excitement.

Anyhow, Bridget was busy writing and defending her senior thesis and studying her massive pile of books, so that she could graduate from college.  I was busy downloading and watching the adventures of Sammy, Ben, Cooper, Lydia, and company.

One Sunday, Bridget called (as was her custom) to chat with her old mum.  She was rather tired and suffering from senioritis.  In an attempt to cheer her up, I said, "Bridget, there is this great cop show you can watch with me when you come home.  It's so much fun.  And it has this hot blonde guy that you'll really like."  Bridget, in her exhaustion and faced with her mum's silly priorities, said in exasperation, "MUM.  YOU HAVE TO STOP NOTICING ALL THE HOT MEN."  "I am not noticing them for me," I told her.  "I am just thinking of you."  (I may be middle-aged, but I am Italian.  So, you just figure out if that was a little fib or not.)

Come mid-May of 2012, Bridget did graduate.  YAY!!!  She came home quite run-down and missing her friends.  So, I snuggled up with her in my bed and we began watching "SouthLAnd" together.  Keep in mind that she had just graduated from a school where:  there is basically no internet, you aren't allowed to watch movies alone in your room, you are not allowed to watch movies (even with friends) that are basically rated above PG, there is a strict dress code, a curfew, the girls aren't allowed in the guys' dorms, the guys aren't allowed in the girls' dorms, and the kids swing dance for fun.  So she was, at first, a bit overwhelmed by this "dark and gritty" cop show.  Occasionally, she would try to get up and walk away while squeaking in horror.  But, I would -- gently -- haul her back.

As I predicted, though, the show did start to intrigue her.  And the blonde guy did hold some appeal.  Quickly, though, she realized that his ethics and temperament were not quite her cup of tea, so she switched her allegiance to Sammy.  (And let's face it.  Sammy is every bit as hot as his junior partner.  Well... ex-partner.)  She has actually declared -- in her own blog -- that she would marry Sammy.  For my part, I would not object to this.  He would make a fine son-in-law.

Bridget, having earned a degree that is, essentially, a double major in philosophy and theology with a minor in math, also came to appreciate and explain to me many of the finer points of the writing of "SouthLAnd."  It is, put simply, a wrestling match between St. Thomas Aquinas's Aristotelian worldview and the ideas of the Modern Philosophers (i.e. Nietsczche).  

And that is the story of how my sweet, gentle, classically-educated daughter came to be watching "SouthLAnd" with me every Wednesday night -- right up to and through last night's heartwrenching season five finale.   As you can probably tell, she really loves her old mum, in order to agree to participate in this activity.  Because in many ways, watching the show has been hard on her.  She is a sensitive person and wants so very much for each character to have a "happily ever after."  I think Officer Ben's saga has been especially difficult for her to witness.  (Although, my "film major" daughter reminds her regularly that Ben McKenzie has a home, a dog, many adoring fans, and -- most importantly -- craft services.  No teary sentimentality out of that girl.)

So, I would like to thank you, my Bridget.  Watching the show alone was fun.  But, having your company has made it infinitely more enjoyable.

And in case you are wondering where my dear husband is in all this:  He doesn't really watch TV.  Sometimes he'll stand in the middle of the room and watch a few moments of something, but he prefers reading and playing his guitar.  And that is fine by me.  I enjoy seeing him do the things that make him happy. ;-)

SouthLAnd "Reckoning" - Or - Ben, O Ben, What Is To Become Of Thee?

It sure is fun to write about this kind of thing.  Many thanks to all who read and put up with my strange ramblings. ;)

As we head into tomorrow's Grand Finale for Season 5 of "SouthLAnd" there are so many questions swirling about concerning Officer Ben and his ultimate fate.  Here are some things that must be taken into consideration:

     1.  Does Ben McKenzie want to stay with the show?
     2.  If Ben McKenzie does want to stay with the show, is there any possible way his character can remain a cop?
     3.  Do the "SouthLAnd" creators/producers believe there is any sort of chance the show will be renewed?
     4.  What kind of mood do the creators/producers of the show want to leave us in at the end of tomorrow night's episode, regardless of whether or not they think "SouthLAnd" will be renewed?

Keeping these issues in mind, there are so many directions the story can take in regard to Officer Ben Sherman.  Infinite directions...  And if you don't believe me, then you don't have a wild and crazy imagination like I do.  And you are fortunate.

Mr. McKenzie has stated that, if "SouthLAnd" is renewed, he wants to remain.  I will take his word for it.  There is no other option at this point.  I am not a telepath, and I have not seen any evidence that Mr. McKenzie enjoys telling fibs.  Of course, this may be purposeful misdirection.  He may have been ordered to make this statement by the Big Wigs of the show.  After all, if we all knew he was leaving, audience anticipation of the big finale would not be nearly so great, leading to a drop in ratings, which this particular show DOES NOT NEED.  So, Mr. McKenzie and the "SouthLAnd" Big Wigs may be engaging in a bit of a Cold-War-style misinformation campaign.  You know?  Like when Oliver North said that Ronald Reagan really had no idea about that whole business with the arms and stuff.  Or when JFK and his peeps reassured us all that the whole missile thing with Cuba was just an easily resolvable teeny tiny misunderstanding.  Or when we were told that -- make no mistake about it -- Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone.  And I think Mr. McKenzie would be quite capable of doing this sort of thing in the service of the show.  Why?  Because Mr. McKenzie has all the attributes that would have made him an excellent spy during the Cold War.  He is intelligent and clever and charming and faithful to what he believes in.  He also gives the impression of being a rather quiet person (a.k.a. -- he seems to be able to Keep His Trap Shut when necessary).  And he likes sports, appreciating the necessity of occasionally "taking one for the team." 

So, maybe Mr. McKenzie is, in fact, leaving the show.  If this is the case, whether Ben Sherman will be left alive or dead at the end of it all remains to be seen.  I think it could go either way.

BUT, what if "SouthLAnd" is renewed and my Cold-War conspiracy theory is a bunch of hogwash and Mr. McKenzie stays?  What then?  Some seem to think that Ben Sherman could not possibly remain as a character after all the crap he has been up to.  I disagree.  I think there are still many possibilities for his development in the story.

Yes, Ben Sherman will probably not be staying in that cop outfit.  (Which, in itself, is a tragedy.  Sigh...)  I think the only way Officer Ben can remain in uniform is if Sammy gives him a complete and utter pass, which -- I admit -- is doubtful.  Why would Sammy let Ben off the hook after he finds out (which he probably will) that Ben is responsible for the break-in?  Because Sammy himself would have to "fess up" to I.A. about his own lies in order to bring to light the things Officer Ben has done.  Sammy may choose to keep his mouth shut.  If this is the case, Sammy and Ben will, in all likelihood, not be "SammyandBen" any longer, but Ben could remain in uniform.  Officer Ben will also, in order to remain a cop, have to avoid being "found out" for the other illegal things he has done -- such as murdering the pimp.  And if he does manage to dodge all of these proverbial bullets, he will most likely do some other dumb-ass thing (he seems unable to help himself) which may prove to be his demise.  It could be very interesting, story-wise, to let Ben Sherman remain an officer with the LAPD.

To me, though, the most likely scenario is that Officer Ben will be "taken down" somehow.  Sammy is going to be in that chopper in tomorrow night's episode, and I really think he's going to be chasing his old buddy Officer Ben.  Will he catch him?  I don't know.  It might be a cliffhanger. 

But, if Officer Ben is arrested and if the show is renewed and if Ben McKenzie wants to remain with it, I think there could be a very compelling story-line involving the character of Ben Sherman.  No longer Officer Ben, just Ben Sherman.  Why do I believe this?  Because Chris Chulak and at least one person with the last name of Whedon are involved.  These people are interested in telling stories, not just about cops chasing bad guys, but about the human condition, about soul struggles.  And there is no better story involving the struggle of a man as he grapples with himself than the story of Ben Sherman.  I think it could be quite a ride.

I can't wait for tomorrow night.  I'm hoping y'all will join me.

"SouthLAnd" -- I Look To "Reckoning" While Eating My Words

I would normally write this post tomorrow, after I had time to digest all the happenings of tonight's "SouthLAnd" episode.  Due to circumstances beyond my control, though, I will be unable to blog for the next several days.  So, I'm going to get some basic thoughts down and maybe come back to it next week, before the season finale.

My insides are still trembling from the happenings of this evening's show.

And I have to eat my words.  At least some of them.

Ben is bad.  As my daughter said, "Ben is bad.  BAD, BAD, BAD, BAD, BAD." Yep.  Totally and completely bad.  I knew he had Elena's brother break into Sammy's house to steal the tape and some other stuff -- to make it look like a robbery.  But, I admit, I didn't think he had it in him to have the young idiot wreck the place.  I also believed he wouldn't want it to look like the gang had broken into Sammy's home.  I thought Ben would figure that Sammy would go after Strokeface.  But, I FORGOT one very important thing.  Sammy had discouraged Ben from going after the gangsters who allegedly shot Mendoza.  So, I guess Ben thought this meant that Sammy wouldn't go after Strokeface.  Leave it to me to forget such an important piece of information.  I guess it's a good thing I'm not a detective.  If I were a detective, I'd have to have the world's greatest and most detailed detective notebook, or I would completely blow all my cases.  But, Ben also forgot one very important fact.  The fact of TESTOSTERONE and that Sammy has plenty of it.  No self-respecting cop dude is going to let a gang break into and wreck his house and say to himself, "It's ok.  I'm cool.  I'll just relax and do the logical thing and let the detectives handle it."  HA!  Ben should have, as a guy himself, realized this.  "Pride goeth before the fall," is the old saying.  And Ben certainly has plenty of pride.  Enough for several people, in fact.  And it seems that his pride got in the way of his planning.

And I must apologize to Sammy.  He is a saint.  Well, maybe not a saint exactly.  But, the questionable things he does are in NO WAY comparable to the crap Ben pulls.  And when Sammy does wrong, his conscience does get the better of  him and he backs away from the abyss.  Ben just plunges over the edge.  So, Sammy --  I am VERY, VERY sorry.  I grovel in the dust at your feet.  Although, I'm still not convinced you didn't steal the money from the robbery.

So, what can we expect from next week's season finale?  I know Ben McKenzie tweeted that he is doing the pilot of his new show in second position to a sixth season of "SouthLAnd."  I know he has stated that he loves "SouthLAnd" and wants to remain.  I don't know what he will remain as, though.  Is he going to join forces with Elena and her brother, going south of the border and eventually establishing himself as the new head of a big drug cartel?  He certainly has the personality for that.  "SouthLAnd" could go on for several more seasons, with the LAPD waging war against "Ben Sherman's Drugs 'R' Us."   Heck, he could throw a little arms dealership in on the side.  Maybe he will be caught, though, and he will spend Season 6 in prison, with much drama swirling about him.  In my last post, I discussed the fact that Sammy is going to be in a helicopter in Episode 10, and I joked that perhaps he is chasing Officer Ben.  Well, now I think I might have (inadvertently) been correct.  Although, unlike I jokingly stated in that last post, there probably won't be any "Happily Ever After" for Ben Sherman.

It's possible that Ben McKenzie will do his new show -- "The Advocates" -- while occasionally popping by "SouthLAnd" to be on trial or run the cartel (or the bar, if he does get that happy ending I dreamed up for him).  I don't know if that would be allowed in television land, though.  It would be one heck of a contract negotiation.

I also heard a little something that made me believe that "The Advocates" is being looked at as one of the hot new shows for the upcoming season.  So, was Ben McKenzie's tweeting just a little purposeful misinformation meant to throw us off track?  Or, am I wrong again, like I was in thinking Officer Sherman hadn't done all of those wicked things?  Time will tell...

And if Mr. McKenzie's tweeting was purposeful misinformation, I must admit that I will have a hard time believing anything he says ever again.  But, I'll always be a fan. ;-)

Oh, one final thought.  How is it that Brooke thinks that by giving b-jobs to all the other cops she is somehow going to make Officer Ben feel repentant or bad or whatever??? That girl makes no sense.  But, she is colorful. 

Ben Sherman's Little Love Triangle, Or -- Just A Silly "SouthLAnd" Post

This is just a silly post about my fave TV show.  I am just going to be having fun.  If you are not in the mood for silly or for fun, you should probably click away now.

The writing for "SouthLAnd" has always been outstanding.  This year, though, those writers are outdoing themselves.  And one thing that is just a little gem of storytelling in the midst of the whole glorious crown is "Ben's Little Love Triangle."

Toward the beginning of the current season, Ben and Sammy do a darling little community service puppet show for an elementary school class.  This class is taught by a darling little teacher who recognizes Officer Ben from the LAPD recruiting posters.  Barely able to contain her excitement in front of all her tiny charges, she manages to communicate to Officer Ben her attraction to him.  Later in the episode, she calls him up and they arrange to meet for coffee at one of the more "sophisticated" coffee establishments favored by Officer Ben.  He jokes with her that she needs to be careful of "talking to strangers" -- alluding to the chat which he and Sammy had earlier in the day with her class. But, in the end, he concedes that having coffee is probably a safe enough option.  Little does he know that he, in this moment, should be heeding his own advice, as this darling little teacher is inevitably going to turn out to be "Psycho Chick."

(Aside: I had a feeling this little lady was going to end up being a problem for Officer Ben when she gave him a "B" for his "romantic performance."  Anyone who has seen Officer Ben's alter ego kissing Marissa on the ferris wheel should know that he would never get a "B" in this area.  So, from the very beginning, it was obvious there was a something awry with the mind of this beautiful woman.)

Meanwhile, though, before we know that Teacher Lady is actually Psycho Chick, Officer Ben -- for some reason known only to him -- takes up with another darling little lady.  This lady's name is Elena, and she is an artist, cook, and lover extraordinaire.  I think, at first, we are not really supposed to like her.  We are, at that point, rooting for the schoolteacher.  I mean, she is a SCHOOLTEACHER!  Who could be more perfect for Officer Ben than a drop-dead gorgeous, well-educated, down-to-earth schoolteacher???  And in comes this little firecracker of a girl with a no-good brother who has no-good friends.  "Ben," we are thinking, "BEN!!! What are you doing??? Have you lost your FREAKING MIND??? You have found the perfect woman, and you are SCREWING IT ALL UP!!! You are going to catch a disease and give it to the schoolteacher, and then she will break up with you and you will never get married and have beautiful babies!!!"

Those "SouthLAnd" writers, though.  They were just playing little mind games with us.  Because, as I said, the "perfect woman" is evidently an unstable loon -- while Elena is turning out to be the most lovable gal.  She just adores Officer Ben.  She is so nice to him.  She cooks for him and fusses over him and begs him for a "quickie" in the morning.  She sure as heckfire is not giving him any "B" in the "romance" department.  She just loves him -- really, really loves him.  And she is a doll.

I'm not saying I think Officer Ben necessarily deserves all this love and affection from this adorable girl.  I'm just saying that maybe she is turning out to be the right one for him, after all.  So, perhaps this is what will happen:

In episode 10, Sammy is going to be in a helicopter.  (As I said in a previous post, I know this from Instagram.)  What do I now think he will be doing in that helicopter?  I think he is going to be chasing Officer Ben.

I believe Officer Ben is going to be found out for one or more of the following:  murdering the pimp, lying to IA, and having Sammy's house broken into.  I think he is going to run to Elena for help, as she probably has connections "south of the border." She and her brother are going to hide Officer Ben in a "borrowed" vehicle and make a run for her country of origin.  And I think they're going to succeed in their escape, which will leave Sammy circling around in the helicopter with a rather frustrated look on his face.

Once they arrive at their destination -- a place where there will be many of Elena's friends and relatives waiting with open arms -- the local priest is going to frown disapprovingly at poor Officer Ben.  He will want Officer Ben to do the right thing by Elena.  And because this priest will let Officer Ben know that he has friends in the Border Patrol, Officer Ben will agree to marry Elena.  Which won't be so bad, because Officer Ben really does (in his heart of hearts) love her.

So, there will be a wedding with wonderful food and music and ruffled dresses.  Ben will open a bar, where he will mix the drinks, while Elena's brother wipes down the tables.  Elena and Ben will have beautiful babies -- at least 5 of them.  These babies will have beautiful, wavy, golden-brown hair.  They will have beautiful golden-brown skin.  They will have big hazel eyes.  As they grow, they will run around the bar and sit in the customers' laps and make everybody smile and laugh.  And Elena will, each and every morning for the rest of her and Ben's mutual life, beg him for a "quickie."

And they will live happily ever after.

--- THE END ---

On The Other Hand -- SouthLAnd Episode 508 -- "The Felix Paradox"

In my previous post, I maintained that there were two break-ins at Sammy's house.  One organized by Ben, using Elena's brother to steal the incriminating tape.  The other organized by Strokeface's gang, after Sammy had an altercation earlier in the day with said bad guy.  I alleged that these two break-ins had somehow converged, ending in an assault on little Nate's babysitter.  I also alleged that Ben was being a true friend to Sammy by the end of the episode, helping him to defend his child and his home.

Well, I could be all washed up in that opinion.  I admit it.  But herein lies the difficulty.  Elena's brother, frankly, does not seem like the sharpest tool in the shed.  So, after Ben witnessed Sammy's argument with Strokeface, he would have had to, in a very short period of time, arrange with the pretty girl's male relative to imitate that specific gang -- right down to the perfection of the graffiti.  Could Elena's sibling have handled that?  I'm not sure.  And Ben obviously was planning the tape heist before Sammy encountered Strokeface.  As I recall, we see Ben talking on his cellphone at basically the same time as this encounter -- probably with Elena's brother.  He said something to this effect:  "If you have any questions, give me a call."  It seems as though the plan was already formed and in motion.  So, the addition to the plan of using Strokeface's people as the fall guys would have had to be made at the last minute. 

It could have happened that way, though.  Elena's brother could have been in the house, stealing the tape and spray-painting the walls when the babysitter unexpectedly arrived with Nate.  Elena's brother may have freaked out, knocked the sitter down, and run away.

Morally, does it make that big of a difference if the situation happened one way or the other? Not in my opinion.

Logistically, though, having Elena's sibling imitate the Strokeface gang is going to create a lot more problems for Ben in the long run.  Because Sammy is now going to go after Strokeface.  And that's going to make everything more difficult for Ben than if he had just asked Elena's brother to go into the house and steal the tape along with a few other items (to make the incident look like an actual robbery).  After all, if just the tape went missing, Detective Bryant would know what was up.  Ben is smart.  He would realize this.  Therefore, it still seems to me that Strokeface had a hand in the whole incident.  And I think Ben is genuinely scared for and worried about Sammy and Nate.

Many people are saying today that Ben has finally gone over the point of no return.  They are saying that he is now a bad cop.  Personally, I think that happened at the end of Season 4, when he murdered the pimp.  And I do think it was a murder.

Might he be redeemed?  Many say, "no."  I think it is still possible.  I think there is still some heart in him.  What will it take to redeem him?  Well, it will most likely involve some action or actions of his that have devastating consequences for which he cannot deny responsibility.  He will have to "face the music" in a pretty life-altering way.

It could also be that Ben continues as a law enforcement officer -- sometimes being the hero, sometimes the crooked cop.  And that could be very, very interesting for the show if he ends up as a detective.  After all, it is unlikely that his involvement in the break-in at Sammy's house will be discovered, at least by anyone in any official capacity.  Sammy might figure it out -- thus ending any kind of positive relationship between them.  But, Sammy is unlikely to report Ben through official channels, as his part in the whole tape business would be found out.  And I'm not sure he's ready to face the consequences of that.  We'll see, though.  Sammy does have a good conscience, and it's eating at him.

So, buckle up.  Episode 9 is coming our way.

SouthLAnd Episode 508 -- "The Felix Paradox" -- My Take On It

Last night's episode of SouthLAnd -- "The Felix Paradox" -- certainly has fans a-tweeting and a-blogging.  Including me.

What in the hell did Ben do, anyway?

In my opinion, there were two separate break-ins at Sammy's house.  One, orchestrated by Ben -- getting Elena's brother to steal the incriminating tape.  The other, orchestrated by the Strokeface gang.  Somehow, these two break-ins converged.  And I really don't believe Ben had anything to do with the actions of Strokeface's people.  In the end, I think he is just as scared as Sammy over this turn of events.  And he is also scared for Sammy.  Because Ben, when all is said and done, truly is Sammy's friend -- at least as much of a friend as he is capable of being.

What really fascinates me about this episode, though, is people's reactions to it -- especially in light of the things Ben has done in the past.  A lot of people seem to be genuinely shocked at Ben's actions in this episode.  Albeit a lot of those people think Ben and/or Elena's brother (hired by Ben) may be responsible for the true violence that occurred at Sammy's house.  As I said, I don't agree with this, for many reasons.  I don't think Elena's brother is a violent person, for example.  And I don't think Ben, even in desperation, would have asked any of the members of Strokeface's gang to break into Sammy's house.  And I don't think Ben could have managed to get Elena's brother to somehow make it look like Strokeface's gang broke into Sammy's house.  That just seems too far-fetched.  We shall see.

But, whatever the details of Ben's actions, his actions were definitely wrong.  And many people seem suddenly quite shocked at Ben for acting in this unethical manner. 

Hello, people.  No offense, but Ben has not been a nice guy for a while.  It all started when Daisy dumped him. (Just kidding.  But, not really.  That did seem to be a bit of a turning point for old Ben.)

Ben has been flying around "under the radar" for a while on this show.  I think people have perhaps been riveted by the wonderful performances and fascinating story lines of many of the other cast members.  Maybe a lot of people have mistakenly seen Ben as a relatively simple character -- the smart and handsome new cop, trying to get his bearings in a tough job while making some understandable errors of judgement, chasing skirts (But, hell, why shouldn't he???  He's so hot, after all.  And the ladies don't seem to be complaining.).  And I think that because he is young and handsome and smart and capable and confident and new and someone you want to root for (at least that you wanted to root for), a lot about Ben has been overlooked, in both his actions and his ethical make-up.

Let's look at what happened at the end of Season 4.  If you watch the end of that season, you will see Ben filing a gun.  You will then see Ben making excuses for tracking down the evil pimp, while Sammy is in the hospital.  You will watch as Ben chases the evil pimp to an area where nobody can observe either of them.  The evil pimp ends up shot and killed.  And -- ta-da -- there is a gun on the ground next to his poor, dead body.  And where do you think that gun came from?  I'll give you one guess.  And I bet the identifying numbers on that gun have been filed off.  Hello, dear people.  But, this is first degree murder, I believe.  So, now we are all shocked that Ben hired Elena's brother to sneak into Sammy's house to steal the tape?

Let's look at the womanizing behavior, too.  I think there is a temptation to "wink-wink" at this.  After all, Ben is just so cute.  And he has those arm muscles.  And he is so personable.  And he's not hurting anybody, right?  I mean, the ladies go after him just as much as he goes after them.  It is very tempting to just view this behavior as innocuous.  The "sewing of the wild oats," as we used to say.  But, I disagree with this.  I think Ben's attitude toward women belies a certain self-centeredness.  A willingness to rationalize dishonesty.  In short, it shows what a liar he can be.  He is able to look into the eyes of both Brooke and Elena with that heartbreaking mug of his, making each feel that she is the only one.  He is able to spend time with each of them, converse with each of them, go to bed with each of them, as if the other one doesn't exist.  He often seems to be in each of their beds within the same 24-hour period (ewww...) and it doesn't seem to bother him in the least.  Maybe I am a middle-aged lady.  But, I am a sexual-revolutionary Boomer, and I think there is something very wrong here.  I think we are observing in Ben some very serious moral shortcomings.

There are many other examples of Ben's morally dubious behavior and crass attitudes.  There is the way he talks about the hooker who is having the retirement party.  There is the time he tells Sammy that maybe Tammy is lying, and Nate really isn't his son.  I mean, talk about cynical and totally insensitive to the fact that Sammy loves Nate with all his heart and soul.  There is the way he got his old high school drug-dealer arrested.  There is the manner in which he accepts the award for heroism, even though you can be sure he knows he doesn't deserve it.  Then, at the strip-club celebration afterwards, he is happy to follow Officer Mendoza's suggestion to make himself scarce when things go awry.  And do you recall how he practically strangles the prostitute in order to find out the whereabouts of the pimp (the one he ends up murdering)?  Remember his propensity to punch out perps who are already handcuffed or otherwise indisposed? Remember how he acts toward the man who sexually assaulted his mother and knocked out his teeth -- threatening him after he is released from prison?  And last -- but, certainly not least -- there is his whole negative attitude toward dogs and vet bills.  I mean, that says it all. 

I think the SouthLAnd writers have been brilliantly stealthy with Officer Ben.  There have been  many little clues about the kind of person he really is -- and the kind of person he has been turning into.  The numerous things that are attractively compelling about his character have sometimes tempted us to either miss or turn a blind eye to even the seriously crappy things that he does.  We have so much wanted good for him.  We have so much wanted him to be good.  And our desire has, perhaps, clouded our vision.

What to take away from all this?  Our preconceptions, our desires, our values color our way of seeing something.  And when we are dealing with a person we really want to admire, when we are dealing with a situation that we really want to turn out a certain way, we often interpret what we see in a manner that is most amenable to our point of view.  That can be very dangerous.

Way to go SouthLAnd.  What a lesson for us, what a reminder, in this day and age in which we live.





  





 

I Was Ben Sherman...

...but, thankfully, I was not armed. 

Season 5 of "SouthLAnd" started this past Wednesday.  If you have read this blog at all, you know that I am a "SouthLAnd" fanatic.  It's my favorite show since "Dragnet", "Adam-12",  and "Emergency". 

Anyway, one of the main cop characters in "SouthLAnd" is Ben Sherman (played by Ben McKenzie), who is partnered up with the slightly older and far wiser Sammy Bryant (played by Shawn Hatosy). And Ben has been dabbling in some rather shady cop behavior lately.  Engaging in some "ends justifying the means" type of reasoning.  And he has been having a little "walk on the wild side" in his personal life.  Decompressing in ways that may not be so healthy -- physically, mentally, or spiritually.

Now, Ben Sherman is a really good guy inside.  He has a very strong sense of justice.  He joins the LAPD with a soul full of compassion, a desire to do good and make a difference.  He is a highly intelligent and capable man.  He probably took a lot of AP courses in high school and went to a well-respected university.  In the first season, we learn that he took a college course in Black Studies, which seems to have touched his heart.  So, he enters the world of police work expecting to have good relationships with the people he encounters.  And perhaps (a bit pridefully), expecting them to respect him because he has come to help them and the communities in which they live.

Ben reminds me a lot of myself when I was hired to teach high school right out of college.  I had taken all the advanced courses at my own high school.  I had gone to a well-respected university, where I learned all the latest in liberal thought.  I was full of good intentions and compassion.  I wanted to do good and make a difference.  And perhaps (a bit pridefully), I expected those I encountered in my work to respect me because I had come to help them.  The school at which I began my teaching "career" was in suburbia, but there were many, many kids bused in daily from some rough neighborhoods.  There were gang members, wanna-be gang members, drug dealers, drug addicts, baby-mamas, baby-daddies, and a lot of kids who couldn't read or do math at anywhere near grade level.  And I was tasked with teaching science to these young people.

I was 23 years old at the time.  Five feet, three inches tall.  One hundred twenty pounds.  Not in the least bit intimidating.  Here is what happened the first day of school when three confident, formidable young women were sitting in my classroom, listening to me talk enthusiastically about the Scientific Method.

     Girl #1:  DID YOU KNOW I HAD A BABY?!?!
     Girl #2:  YOU HAD A BABY?!?!  I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD A BABY!!!!
     Girl #3:  WHAT KINDA BABY YOU HAVE?!?!
     Girl #1:  THE KIND THAT COME OUT THROUGH YO CUNT!!!!

Now, of course, they were playing with me.  They wanted to see what this little teacher in the flowered dress, who looked like a teen herself, was going to do about this.  And, naturally, I had no idea what to do.

This is what happened the third day of school:

     Boy (who was eventually arrested for drug dealing, after being observed on campus wearing a fur jacket with wads of cash sticking out of the pockets):  I need to go to the bathroom.
     Me:  You can go after class.
     Boy (unzipping pants):  If you don't let me go to the bathroom, I'm gonna shit on the floor.

I honestly have no memory of what happened next.

These are the kinds of experiences I had, day-in and day-out, in my teaching "career".   Let's just say I started to become a bit cynical.  I started to feel a bit hopeless.  These kids were not interested in all the good I wanted to do for them.  They did not want my help.  My youthful pride was injured.  I also felt exhausted and grief-stricken at all the sadness I saw around me.  And sometimes -- I admit -- I got very, very angry.

I got angry when I saw lovely young women being pressured by self-centered, cocky young males into having sex, and then being left alone and lonely when they became pregnant.  I got angry when I had rocks thrown at my back by a group of adolescent males.  I got angry when a kid high on coke got in my face and called me a bitch.

Was this anger justified?  Sure.  But, it was also dangerous.  It was dangerous because it caused me to become more and more cynical.  It caused me to lose hope.  And it even caused me to feel rather aggressive at times. 

So, when I see the development of the character of Ben Sherman, I don't approve of all the stuff he does.  But, I can understand it.  I can relate to it.

And it makes me thankful for the following:

     1.  That I had a nice boyfriend, so I was not tempted to drown my sorrows in a wild and crazy sex life.
     2.  That even if I had not had a nice boyfriend, I would not have been clever enough to figure out how to have a wild and crazy sex-life.
     3.  That I would have been too embarrassed to hang out in a strip club.
     4.  That I was, as I said up-top, unarmed.

I am also thankful that the teacher next door to me was a bit like Sammy.  He was older and vastly wiser and more experienced.  He was also kind enough to mentor me, even though it was not his job.  He taught me, like Sammy is trying to teach Ben, to have realistic expectations of myself, of others, of what I could actually accomplish.  And he taught me to see the humanity in people, to look for the good -- even when it is extremely difficult.  And he taught me the importance of self-control.

I hope Ben learns these things from Sammy.  I hope he learns them before he ends up in an orange jumpsuit -- or loses what is left of that good man who was described as having "kind eyes" by the mother of the lost little girl.

The Wondrous Sammy Bryant

SouthLAnd.... Yep.  It's Friday, so I'm in a party mood.  Therefore, I will regale you with tales of SouthLAnd and the Wondrous Sammy Bryant.

Do you believe one can learn lessons from fiction?  I do -- because fiction is often a reflection of people's actual experiences, thoughts, and emotions.  And I have learned many lessons from SouthLAnd, its stories and characters, especially because the show is based on actual LAPD events.  Did you know that the show is shot on location in a variety of areas in LA, even "problematic" areas; and that the actors have done many ride-alongs with the LAPD; and that the cops milling about in the scenes are real ones?  Very cool. 

So, as for the Wondrous Sammy Bryant.  Sammy is played, most perfectly, by the epic Shawn Hatosy.  He and his partner, Ben Sherman (played, most perfectly, by the epic Ben McKenzie), have shown me very clearly where I went awry in my public high school teaching career.  Ben Sherman is who I was as a teacher; Sammy Bryant is who I should have been. 

Ben is the younger member of this adorable cop duo.  He was raised in a fairly affluent family, although a troubled one.  He is bright and did well in school.  He is college-educated and very idealistic.  It is brought to our attention, early in the show, that he appreciated the black studies class he experienced as part of his higher education.  And when asked why he became a cop, he replies, "Well, it was either that or Teach for America." 

Sammy, on the other hand, is a bit older than Ben.  When this man is asked why he became a cop, he replies, "I was stoned.  I did it on a dare." And then he grins a great big grin.  He has worked as a detective and has been through the grief of seeing his partner (who was also his dearest friend) murdered.  This experience has led him to return to being a street cop, because he wants to help the younger officers learn to be smart and safe on the job.  Thus, he is paired up with Ben, a P2 "pup", as Sammy calls him.  And Sammy, though he has been through a lot, is able to put things in perspective and keeps a mirthful attitude about him, as you can see by the laugh lines around his eyes and the little smirk he usually wears. 

Now, Sammy and Ben see a lot of what you would call "crap" on the job.  Their territory is basically Gangland, USA, with all that entails.  Drugs.  Gang turf wars, with innocent people caught in the crossfire.  Illegal weapons.  Poverty.  Illegitimate children.  Baby mamas.  Baby daddies.  Prostitution.  And very little, if any, appreciation on the part of the people they are trying to help.

Ben has a very tough time with all of this.  He starts out really wanting to help these people, really caring about them.   But, he is soon rather overwhelmed by all the "crap".  He takes it a bit personally when the people he is trying to assist insult him and are uncooperative.  He gets really angry about what he sees the pimps doing to the prostitutes, especially the very young ones.  He gets so angry, in fact, that I hope his outfit for Season 5 is not an orange jumpsuit.  We see him becoming more than a bit cynical.  He seems caught up in a sort of metaphorical whirlpool of negative emotions because he can't do as a cop what he really thought he could do as a cop.  He really can't change things for the better as he had envisioned himself doing.

Sammy, though, because of his experience and mirthful attitude, is able to keep a more balanced perspective on the whole thing.  He treats all the people he serves as a cop with respect and a sense of humor, without judging their situations too harshly.  I love the way he interacts with gang members and baby mamas and the little babies themselves -- casual, friendly, relaxed, with a smile on his face.  He gains a certain amount of cooperation and respect from them because of his manner -- a very smart move on his part.  But, he also says that his old partner, the one who was killed, taught him to view the people of Gangland, USA, as human beings, with lives and loved ones and hearts and souls.  And he realizes that he can only do what he can do, and he is at peace about that.  He is basically the embodiment of the serenity prayer.  Thus, he retains his sanity and is able to "keep on keeping on".  Now, Sammy tries to teach Ben how to have more of this kind of healthy attitude, but Ben is quite stubborn.  We'll see how things play out in the coming season.

As I came to know the characters of Ben and Sammy, it caused me to reflect on my rather brief, 2-year stint teaching high school.  The school at which I taught had many students who were bused in from rather problematic neighborhoods.  The average reading level of these kids, as I recall,  was 3rd grade -- yes, 3rd grade.  Makes any type of high school curriculum pretty difficult.  Combined with this lack of scholarly preparation, there were many social problems -- gang membership, drug dealing and using, teen sex and pregnancy, absent fathers, broken homes.  Coming into this situation as a lily-white 23-year-old, I really wanted to help these kids.  I really cared about them.  But, I soon came to realize that most of them didn't actually want my help and they could be....well, pretty clear....in expressing this sentiment.  I was soon caught up in a whirlpool of negative emotions, much like Ben's, and I didn't know how to get out of it.  And, though I hate to admit it, I got pretty angry.  Thankfully for me, and also for my students, I had my first baby and decided to be a stay-at-home mom.  But, I have often fretted over the years about the job I did and how I could have actually done it well.  And that's where Sammy teaches me a good lesson.  If I had been more like him in my attitude toward and expectations of my more "challenging" students, things probably would have gone a lot better.  I should have done what I could do, accepted peacefully what I couldn't change, and let a few laugh lines develop around my eyes. 

Let's hope Ben learns some of these things from Sammy, too.  Before he ends up in the orange jumpsuit.

We'll see what happens in 2013! ;-)