Perhaps I am misunderstanding or misinterpreting something here. But, I have been seeing an idea floating around the interwebs to the effect that:
*Women need love and men need respect and this is the way to have a good relationship/marriage.*
Ahem...
SAY, WHAT???
This reminds me a bit of these lame-ass books I read years ago called "Fascinating Womanhood" and "Man Of Steel And Velvet," which basically advised men to do manly things like kill spiders and women to cry like little girls when their husbands were unfaithful to them (thus, playing upon the emotions of these dudes and bringing them back into line.) I kind of tried to get into these ideas, as I was a Reagan conservative at the time, and all. But, they also kind of made me gag. Over the years, I have decided that these books and their ideas serve nobody, really. You don't encourage women to act like little girls in order to gain the love of their husbands. Women are also plenty capable of killing spiders, for land's sake. And being a good, suportive husband does not require dudes to perform manly feats of daring-do. My son, for example, is a very manly man. And guess who was standing on the arm of the sofa when the GIANT lizard got into the family room? And guess which woman with the biology degree caught said lizard -- with her bare hands, no less. Yet, when I am at a loss and need advice about an important matter, guess which young man is always readily available with a sympathetic ear and solid horse sense? "Manliness" and "womanliness" are not always so easily defined.
Anyway, these fascinating, steely, velvety ideas seem to be back, although somewhat repackaged. Women need love and men need respect, you say? I say bunk. They both need both. Over a lifetime, they both need both.
Now, I have heard women speak disrespectfully of their husbands. Truly disrespectfully. And -- maybe -- that is what these "new" ideas are addressing. It is very destructive to a marriage when a woman is consistently disrespectful of her husband in thought, word, and deed. It is just plain mean. And shows a lack of love. But, I have also heard husbands speak disrespectfully of their wives, which is destructive. And mean. And shows a lack of love. Love and respect are -- intricately and irrevocably -- tied together.
I guess, though, what people may be thinking of, when they speak husbandly love, are tenderness on the part of the husband toward his wife -- an emotional connection, understanding of her feelings, a sweet touch and expression, an intuitive knowledge of her needs in the moment. For example, if the wife is suffering severe barfiness and exhaustion every evening during her first trimester of pregnancy, a husband who knows -- without being asked -- to bring the TV into the bedroom, so he can both watch the game and rub his wife's back while she suffers for the sake of their child, could be said to be showing love. This husband realizes the need his wife has of being close to him, even if she is not particularly good company for a few months. He will recognize that watching the TV out in the living room while his wife is stuck in the bedroom every evening after dinner -- unable to achieve an upright position without upchucking -- is not the loving thing to do.
By the same token, when people think of a wife showing respect to her husband, they may mean that she actively shows an appreciation for the things he does for her and their family, for his abilities, for his strengths. If a husband is good at his job or at household repairs, for example, he probably would appreciate his wife praising him for those things. Such praise from the woman he loves would, naturally, give a man confidence and build his self-esteem.
Now, before I make my feminist self hurl by talking like this, I would like to point something out.
Even though women need love and men need respect, I believe it is equally true that women need respect and men need love. I have been married long enough -- and many of my friends have been married long enough -- that I know this. I know it for sure.
After a long day, during an illness, while grieving a loss -- heck, at any and all times -- men need "love" just as much as women do, in many of the same forms that women need it. They enjoy tenderness and intuitive understanding just as much as any woman.
And women need respect as much as any man does. Women go through many phases in their lives -- phases which are often dramatically different from each other. This may sound -- or even be -- sexist, but many women bear children. And this bearing of children and raising them and having them leave the nest means that a woman must redefine herself several times as she goes through life, in a way that is both professional and profoundly personal. Having the respect of her husband is vital to a woman -- to her self-confidence and sense of self-esteem -- as she goes through these phases. A husband who shows his wife that he respects her in her roles as a wife and mother, in her professional and creative endeavors, who actively supports her as she transitions from one major role to the next, gives her a truly priceless gift. The esteem with which a husband regards his wife's intelligence, opinions, and thought processes will profoundly impact the way she views herself. A husband's respect for his wife has just as much an impact on her self-confidence, self-esteem, and success as a wife's respect for her husband has on him.
Life is complicated, and sometimes (blessedly) messy. Let's not put each other into nice, neat little boxes too easily. Those boxes, which -- admittedly -- may seem to work at times, can end up being our self-imposed prisons, whether we are male or female, married or single, or some combination thereof.
Pax.
Showing posts with label women. Show all posts
Showing posts with label women. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Sunday, August 4, 2013
Pope Francis "The Upstart"
In my family, we have been talking a bit about the new Pope. He has been doing and saying some interesting things -- things that piss some people off, that make others happy, that mystify many. He seems to be going in some new directions. For example, he washed the feet of women when he was first elected, breaking with tradition. He spoke of how atheists can go to Heaven. He said that gay people must not be marginalized, and even seemed to accept the idea of gay men being ordained to the priesthood. And these things make a lot of folks wonder what he is up to.
This is what I think.
First of all, I don't think he is doing anything that is out-of-step with Church teaching, if you really read the Catechism (and the New Testament).
What I think he is doing is reminding us of the true spirit of Christianity, of how Christ actually behaved -- things that some in the Church seem to have forgotten. Why have they forgotten it? The last couple of Popes, who I also truly loved, saw a Church that had begun to lose a lot of its tradition -- in the liturgy, in religious orders, in moral and social teachings, for example. These Popes, of happy memory, reminded us of those things, which was very good. But, in so doing, a division started to creep into the Church, a division which had probably always been there, but which became exacerbated. What division? The division between the more conservative Catholics and the more liberal Catholics. It is almost like these two groups don't even accept each other as true Catholics; there is a lot of looking down the nose at one group by the other. My husband, for example, told me that he heard a rather conservative Catholic commentator describe people "who are in the pews, but not in the Church." EXCUSE ME??? If your fellow baptized Catholic is sitting next to you in the pews, and has not been excommunicated by the Pope, you really shouldn't be talking that way about him. Or her. And even if he/she is excommunicated, he/she is still a baptized Catholic. On the other side of the coin, I once told a more liberal Catholic that I really love the Latin Mass and she acted like I had said the "black mass." There has also been more and more talk about a "Culture War." There has been much feeling amongst Catholics who view themselves as following the right path that they cannot work with, socialize with, live in the same neighborhoods as, or even pleasantly get along with people of differing points of view or of different lifestyles, because they are afraid of compromising their faith. And because they feel uncomfortable around these different types of people.
I think Pope Francis sees these things. And he sees the way the Church blew it in regard to priestly abuse. And he sees the other ways in which the Church has made various groups of people -- like women and homosexuals -- feel marginalized. In short, he sees the many sins and shortcomings of the Church and its clergy and its people. And he is trying to lead us forward. If we look at his example, if we truly and prayerfully look at it, I believe that we can begin to heal the rifts in the Church, we can help people to see how Jesus truly does love and accept them right where they are, and we can end the Culture War. Because even though we need to have societal discussions about many issues, a "war" probably isn't the best way to go about things. It will just leave the "defeated" feeling rebellious and plotting their uprising, while the "victors" go about gloating and maybe even oppressing. Which is what victors in a war tend to do, albeit (perhaps) unintentionally.
Yes, I think Pope Francis, with God's help, can bring many good things about in the Church. He seems to have great faith, he seems to be a man of genuine humility, and -- last, but not least -- he is the first Pope in a long time that regular people can actually understand. ;-)
This is what I think.
First of all, I don't think he is doing anything that is out-of-step with Church teaching, if you really read the Catechism (and the New Testament).
What I think he is doing is reminding us of the true spirit of Christianity, of how Christ actually behaved -- things that some in the Church seem to have forgotten. Why have they forgotten it? The last couple of Popes, who I also truly loved, saw a Church that had begun to lose a lot of its tradition -- in the liturgy, in religious orders, in moral and social teachings, for example. These Popes, of happy memory, reminded us of those things, which was very good. But, in so doing, a division started to creep into the Church, a division which had probably always been there, but which became exacerbated. What division? The division between the more conservative Catholics and the more liberal Catholics. It is almost like these two groups don't even accept each other as true Catholics; there is a lot of looking down the nose at one group by the other. My husband, for example, told me that he heard a rather conservative Catholic commentator describe people "who are in the pews, but not in the Church." EXCUSE ME??? If your fellow baptized Catholic is sitting next to you in the pews, and has not been excommunicated by the Pope, you really shouldn't be talking that way about him. Or her. And even if he/she is excommunicated, he/she is still a baptized Catholic. On the other side of the coin, I once told a more liberal Catholic that I really love the Latin Mass and she acted like I had said the "black mass." There has also been more and more talk about a "Culture War." There has been much feeling amongst Catholics who view themselves as following the right path that they cannot work with, socialize with, live in the same neighborhoods as, or even pleasantly get along with people of differing points of view or of different lifestyles, because they are afraid of compromising their faith. And because they feel uncomfortable around these different types of people.
I think Pope Francis sees these things. And he sees the way the Church blew it in regard to priestly abuse. And he sees the other ways in which the Church has made various groups of people -- like women and homosexuals -- feel marginalized. In short, he sees the many sins and shortcomings of the Church and its clergy and its people. And he is trying to lead us forward. If we look at his example, if we truly and prayerfully look at it, I believe that we can begin to heal the rifts in the Church, we can help people to see how Jesus truly does love and accept them right where they are, and we can end the Culture War. Because even though we need to have societal discussions about many issues, a "war" probably isn't the best way to go about things. It will just leave the "defeated" feeling rebellious and plotting their uprising, while the "victors" go about gloating and maybe even oppressing. Which is what victors in a war tend to do, albeit (perhaps) unintentionally.
Yes, I think Pope Francis, with God's help, can bring many good things about in the Church. He seems to have great faith, he seems to be a man of genuine humility, and -- last, but not least -- he is the first Pope in a long time that regular people can actually understand. ;-)
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Good Underthings For The Dressing Room, Or...
...Confidence For The More Mature Lady
The other day, I spoke about the idea of confidence, my remarks being primarily aimed at younger women. Today, I am going to throw in my two cents about confidence for the woman who is a little older.
I am 50 now. I am in the midst of the menopause. I am rather broad-like (or, at least, I aspire to be). I am also a bit sensitive, rather clueless about fashion, and -- admittedly -- probably not always quite as confident as Ben McKenzie would recommend.
Now that I am 50, my body is not what it used to be. My parts seem to be falling apart in this order -- thighs, butt, hips, back, tummy, calves, arms, shoulders, boobs. Thighs getting the worst of it and boobs faring the best. I am also a fair amount heavier than I was when I was 25 and 125 pounds. I am not in the worst physical condition, but neither am I in the best. I am starting to take on the appearance of a grandma.
Usually, I am pretty accepting of how nature is taking its course, but once in a while it totally pisses me off. And that leads me to this story.
About two weeks ago, I made the decision to go with my 23-year-old daughter, Bridget, to the mall. We picked up an item she needed from the Apple Store and had lunch. All was well up to this point. Then I asked her if she wanted to do a little clothes shopping in Nordstrom.
Off we went to the dress section. We picked out several things each and the nice lady put us in the extra-big dressing room so we could try on the items in regular gal-pal fashion. Bridget looked really cute in all the things she tried on. Me? Not so much. One of the dresses, though it flattered my figure, wouldn't zip up all the way. Another item, though lovely in color and shape, was a bit "revealing." Not "revealing" in the sense of giving hints of my lovely womanliness, but "revealing" a lot of my stretch marks and various dimpled, saggy areas. A third dress was quite comfortable, but Bridget vetoed it. She explained it in this manner, "Your bust and your butt go out, but your waist goes in, and this dress doesn't go in at your waist. So, it just looks like a tent on you." This was all rather discouraging, especially because I could imagine how these dresses would have looked on me 20 or 30 years ago. "We've come a long way, baby."
Next, we made our way to a section of the store containing pants and tops. I found a couple of cute pairs of linen pants and a couple of colorful, flowy tank tops. At first, I was horrified by the pants, because they were much tighter around the waist and hip area than linen pants usually are, but the saleslady told me they were made that way on purpose. Maybe she was full of shit, but I just decided to go with it. I tried on XL tank tops, thinking they looked all floaty and romantic, but Bridget (trying not to laugh) told me they were MUCH too huge and brought over the saleslady, who seconded her opinion. Both of them got me to try on the next size down. The saleslady pronounced, when she saw me in the appropriately-sized pants and top that, "There. Now you have a cute figure." Like I said, maybe she was shining me on, but I decided to believe her and bought the clothes. And, I admit, they are cute.
So, what does this have to do with confidence? When I saw myself in those dresses and imagined what they would have looked like on me 25 years ago, I started to cry. This is probably pretty vain, but there it is. Bridget was sweet, though, and gave me tissues and hugged me and told me that I was still pretty. She told me that I just needed to find the right things -- things that would flatter my "now" figure and not my "long-ago" figure. Then I cried some more when the waist and hips on the linen pants were snug. But, when I got into the correct sizes and was made to understand how things were supposed to fit, I felt better. I realized that I need to accept myself for how I am now and not mourn how I used to be. I realized that I need to take the advice of people "in the know" about fashion. I realized that if I wear the right things for 50-year-old me that I can still be cute. I won't be cute like a 25-year-old, but that doesn't really matter. I am 50, and I need to embrace the attractiveness of that. And this is a positive sort of attractiveness. It can be gentle and nurturing and warm and caring. Grandmotherly. All good.
And what does this have to do with "good underthings for the dressing room?" You know dressing rooms, right? Mirrors all around. Bright lights. Looking at my middle-aged body in this environment is fairly horrifying. Every flaw glaringly apparent. But, then I inadvertently discovered something. Having an awesome, gravity-defying bra and pretty, well-fitting panties can make this potentially horrific situation more than tolerable. So, next time you're thinking of heading off into the sunset of that department store dressing room, make a stop at Victoria's Secret first. You'll be glad you did. This is also a smart thing for us middle-aged broads to do because (have you noticed?) more and more dressing rooms are co-ed. And if you're like me -- having been raised in the era of sexually segregated dressing rooms -- you'll occasionally forget this new phenomenon when absent-mindedly opening the fitting room door to ask for your daughter's help or opinion.
The other day, I spoke about the idea of confidence, my remarks being primarily aimed at younger women. Today, I am going to throw in my two cents about confidence for the woman who is a little older.
I am 50 now. I am in the midst of the menopause. I am rather broad-like (or, at least, I aspire to be). I am also a bit sensitive, rather clueless about fashion, and -- admittedly -- probably not always quite as confident as Ben McKenzie would recommend.
Now that I am 50, my body is not what it used to be. My parts seem to be falling apart in this order -- thighs, butt, hips, back, tummy, calves, arms, shoulders, boobs. Thighs getting the worst of it and boobs faring the best. I am also a fair amount heavier than I was when I was 25 and 125 pounds. I am not in the worst physical condition, but neither am I in the best. I am starting to take on the appearance of a grandma.
Usually, I am pretty accepting of how nature is taking its course, but once in a while it totally pisses me off. And that leads me to this story.
About two weeks ago, I made the decision to go with my 23-year-old daughter, Bridget, to the mall. We picked up an item she needed from the Apple Store and had lunch. All was well up to this point. Then I asked her if she wanted to do a little clothes shopping in Nordstrom.
Off we went to the dress section. We picked out several things each and the nice lady put us in the extra-big dressing room so we could try on the items in regular gal-pal fashion. Bridget looked really cute in all the things she tried on. Me? Not so much. One of the dresses, though it flattered my figure, wouldn't zip up all the way. Another item, though lovely in color and shape, was a bit "revealing." Not "revealing" in the sense of giving hints of my lovely womanliness, but "revealing" a lot of my stretch marks and various dimpled, saggy areas. A third dress was quite comfortable, but Bridget vetoed it. She explained it in this manner, "Your bust and your butt go out, but your waist goes in, and this dress doesn't go in at your waist. So, it just looks like a tent on you." This was all rather discouraging, especially because I could imagine how these dresses would have looked on me 20 or 30 years ago. "We've come a long way, baby."
Next, we made our way to a section of the store containing pants and tops. I found a couple of cute pairs of linen pants and a couple of colorful, flowy tank tops. At first, I was horrified by the pants, because they were much tighter around the waist and hip area than linen pants usually are, but the saleslady told me they were made that way on purpose. Maybe she was full of shit, but I just decided to go with it. I tried on XL tank tops, thinking they looked all floaty and romantic, but Bridget (trying not to laugh) told me they were MUCH too huge and brought over the saleslady, who seconded her opinion. Both of them got me to try on the next size down. The saleslady pronounced, when she saw me in the appropriately-sized pants and top that, "There. Now you have a cute figure." Like I said, maybe she was shining me on, but I decided to believe her and bought the clothes. And, I admit, they are cute.
So, what does this have to do with confidence? When I saw myself in those dresses and imagined what they would have looked like on me 25 years ago, I started to cry. This is probably pretty vain, but there it is. Bridget was sweet, though, and gave me tissues and hugged me and told me that I was still pretty. She told me that I just needed to find the right things -- things that would flatter my "now" figure and not my "long-ago" figure. Then I cried some more when the waist and hips on the linen pants were snug. But, when I got into the correct sizes and was made to understand how things were supposed to fit, I felt better. I realized that I need to accept myself for how I am now and not mourn how I used to be. I realized that I need to take the advice of people "in the know" about fashion. I realized that if I wear the right things for 50-year-old me that I can still be cute. I won't be cute like a 25-year-old, but that doesn't really matter. I am 50, and I need to embrace the attractiveness of that. And this is a positive sort of attractiveness. It can be gentle and nurturing and warm and caring. Grandmotherly. All good.
And what does this have to do with "good underthings for the dressing room?" You know dressing rooms, right? Mirrors all around. Bright lights. Looking at my middle-aged body in this environment is fairly horrifying. Every flaw glaringly apparent. But, then I inadvertently discovered something. Having an awesome, gravity-defying bra and pretty, well-fitting panties can make this potentially horrific situation more than tolerable. So, next time you're thinking of heading off into the sunset of that department store dressing room, make a stop at Victoria's Secret first. You'll be glad you did. This is also a smart thing for us middle-aged broads to do because (have you noticed?) more and more dressing rooms are co-ed. And if you're like me -- having been raised in the era of sexually segregated dressing rooms -- you'll occasionally forget this new phenomenon when absent-mindedly opening the fitting room door to ask for your daughter's help or opinion.
Monday, June 24, 2013
Having A Little Confidence In Your Legs
One of the reasons I like Ben McKenzie is that he gives me lots of ideas for things to blog about. Thanks, Mr. McKenzie!
For example, he did an interview (thoughtfully put online by the lovely lady from "Ben McKenzie News") in which he talks about four things he looks for in a gal. Two of them, in particular, struck me.
They are:
1. confidence
2. a good pair of legs.
I'm not sure if this interview was originally in print or done live. But, I imagine -- especially if it was done live -- that when he said the thing about the legs, at least 75% of the females who were listening to him looked down at their own pair, wondering if they measured up to Mr. McKenzie's standards. After all, he did not describe in any sort of detail what kinds of characteristics he looks for in legs. Does he like them long or short? Should the muscles be well-defined or softer and rounder? Are the calves or thighs of more interest to him? How about the knees? Does he care for tan skin or fair? I mean, when you start thinking about it, the whole thing can get a little overwhelming.
And this leads me to the idea of confidence.
In my experience, ladies don't tend to have a lot of confidence in their legs (or in their bodies, in general). They tend to be extremely hard on themselves -- and on each other. They complain that one part is "too fat," another part is "too thin." They tell themselves that they are "too bony" here or "too flabby" there. They put themselves under a dissecting microscope and have at it, judging themselves in the harshest manner.
All of this makes me sad.
Because, now that I am 50 and looking at my daughters (who are 23 and 24), at their friends, at the young women in my little town, and at all the youthful ladies I see as I travel here and there for various reasons, I realize something. Virtually all young women (and by that, I mean those 35 and under) are lovely. Please don't get me wrong. Older women are lovely, too. But, it's the younger ones who are especially hard on themselves, so they are the ones I am addressing right now.
So, young women, hear me. You are beautiful. Most of you groom yourselves well. You shower and do your hair and put something on that makes you feel pretty. You smile and laugh and have fun. You have spunk. And you have nice legs, too. Whether they are a little larger or a little smaller, a bit longer or a tad shorter, your young legs look cute dressed in the stylish shorts, pants, and skirts that you wear. They look cute when you walk around with your friends, getting coffee in the mall or going to the movies or dancing in a club. And not just your legs look cute. The rest of you looks adorable, too.
Therefore:
Have a little confidence in yourselves. Have confidence that you are beautiful -- but not only that. Have confidence in your intelligence and your abilities. Let your natural goodness and enthusiasm shine through. And don't worry about what others might think of your legs or any other part of you. Be happy in yourselves. Know in your heart that you can create lives and friendships that will be rewarding and satisfying.
Because, I must admit, Mr. McKenzie does have a point. When you are confident, you will be attractive. But, it needs to be authentic confidence. The kind of confidence that -- if you happened to run into Mr. McKenzie somewhere -- would allow you to look him in the eye and smile warmly, not worrying about what he is thinking of your legs. For I believe that Mr. McKenzie -- seeming to be a truly good sort of guy -- and any other guy worth your time and attention, is going to be looking at the totality of you as a person. He's not going to be spending a great deal of time rating your body parts. A worthwhile guy wants to be with somebody who cares about him, who cares about others, who can converse with him about interesting things, and (maybe I am getting ahead of myself here, but what the hell) who might be a good mother. A good guy realizes that when he falls in love and makes a commitment that the woman he chooses is going to get older, along with her body parts. And he will have the maturity to deal with that.
For example, he did an interview (thoughtfully put online by the lovely lady from "Ben McKenzie News") in which he talks about four things he looks for in a gal. Two of them, in particular, struck me.
They are:
1. confidence
2. a good pair of legs.
I'm not sure if this interview was originally in print or done live. But, I imagine -- especially if it was done live -- that when he said the thing about the legs, at least 75% of the females who were listening to him looked down at their own pair, wondering if they measured up to Mr. McKenzie's standards. After all, he did not describe in any sort of detail what kinds of characteristics he looks for in legs. Does he like them long or short? Should the muscles be well-defined or softer and rounder? Are the calves or thighs of more interest to him? How about the knees? Does he care for tan skin or fair? I mean, when you start thinking about it, the whole thing can get a little overwhelming.
And this leads me to the idea of confidence.
In my experience, ladies don't tend to have a lot of confidence in their legs (or in their bodies, in general). They tend to be extremely hard on themselves -- and on each other. They complain that one part is "too fat," another part is "too thin." They tell themselves that they are "too bony" here or "too flabby" there. They put themselves under a dissecting microscope and have at it, judging themselves in the harshest manner.
All of this makes me sad.
Because, now that I am 50 and looking at my daughters (who are 23 and 24), at their friends, at the young women in my little town, and at all the youthful ladies I see as I travel here and there for various reasons, I realize something. Virtually all young women (and by that, I mean those 35 and under) are lovely. Please don't get me wrong. Older women are lovely, too. But, it's the younger ones who are especially hard on themselves, so they are the ones I am addressing right now.
So, young women, hear me. You are beautiful. Most of you groom yourselves well. You shower and do your hair and put something on that makes you feel pretty. You smile and laugh and have fun. You have spunk. And you have nice legs, too. Whether they are a little larger or a little smaller, a bit longer or a tad shorter, your young legs look cute dressed in the stylish shorts, pants, and skirts that you wear. They look cute when you walk around with your friends, getting coffee in the mall or going to the movies or dancing in a club. And not just your legs look cute. The rest of you looks adorable, too.
Therefore:
Have a little confidence in yourselves. Have confidence that you are beautiful -- but not only that. Have confidence in your intelligence and your abilities. Let your natural goodness and enthusiasm shine through. And don't worry about what others might think of your legs or any other part of you. Be happy in yourselves. Know in your heart that you can create lives and friendships that will be rewarding and satisfying.
Because, I must admit, Mr. McKenzie does have a point. When you are confident, you will be attractive. But, it needs to be authentic confidence. The kind of confidence that -- if you happened to run into Mr. McKenzie somewhere -- would allow you to look him in the eye and smile warmly, not worrying about what he is thinking of your legs. For I believe that Mr. McKenzie -- seeming to be a truly good sort of guy -- and any other guy worth your time and attention, is going to be looking at the totality of you as a person. He's not going to be spending a great deal of time rating your body parts. A worthwhile guy wants to be with somebody who cares about him, who cares about others, who can converse with him about interesting things, and (maybe I am getting ahead of myself here, but what the hell) who might be a good mother. A good guy realizes that when he falls in love and makes a commitment that the woman he chooses is going to get older, along with her body parts. And he will have the maturity to deal with that.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
This Whole Titus 2 Thing...
For those of you who don't have any idea what this means, there is a book in the New Testament which is The Letter of Paul to Titus, and we more mature women are told the following: Bid the older women likewise to be reverent in behavior, not to be slanderers or slaves to drink; they are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be sensible, chaste, domestic, kind, and submissive to their husbands, that the word of God may not be discredited.
This passage seems to be floating around the Catholic lady blogosphere, so I thought I'd toss in my two cents.
Now, I will be the first to admit that St. Paul and I have had our troubles over the years. He has often annoyed me with all his seeming demands on women. I find his personality irritating. And if he and I had lived at the same time, I probably would not have converted to Christianity if he had come to my community to teach. I most likely would just have gone home and continued with my previous lifestyle. On the other hand, if St. Peter was the one who had shown up in my town, I would have been all over getting baptized. But, with a little help from my classically educated daughter, Bridget, and giving more consideration to the culture in which St. Paul lived, I am not so inclined to be as frustrated with him these days.
Now, I am no Bible scholar, but I have realized a few things. The first is that St. Paul seems to have had a rather high-strung personality. Therefore, it is possible that more mature menopausal women -- who were assertive and energetic and possibly argumentative -- got on his nerves, causing him to come down on them in a way that seems a bit harsh today. Secondly, he also admonishes the older men and the young men in a fashion very similar to that in which he instructs the "older women." Nobody ever talks about that, so it could be that St. Paul is getting a bum rap. Maybe he was not a chauvanist pig. Maybe the people who take what he says out of context to further their own agendas are the chauvanist pigs. Just sayin, ya know??? I also find it rather interesting that he doesn't specifically admonish the "young women." So, I guess they get to do what they want??? Or, maybe he was a little sweet on them and so didn't notice their faults??? (kidding, kidding... I am Really.Just.Kidding... maybe...) Also, due to the scholarly research that my daughter did for her Senior Thesis at Thomas Aquinas College, I have learned that St. Paul actually acknowledges that women have a great deal of authority -- buying, selling, acquiring property, and many other such things. So, when you really look at it, he is not calling for women to be doormats. I think he just wanted the Christians, including the "older women," to inject some degree of sanity into the crazy, partying society in which they lived. And I believe his rather caustic personality makes it seem as though he was a very harsh taskmaster. If he lived today, I think he would be a Mixed Martial Artist -- and we all know that the very best MMA fighters are really big softies underneath.
So, as one of these "older women," I look at it this way. We can be fun. We can laugh. We can wear cute clothes and go to the salon for hair color, manicures, and pedicures. We can even get tattoos and blast Van Halen while doing the dishes. But, we should love and care for our husbands and children, showing them daily how much we value and enjoy them. We should try to greet others who cross our paths with warmth and a smile. We should try to be charitable towards all. We should listen more than we talk and avoid, at all costs, gossip and behavior which excludes and hurts others. It is my opinion that women can be among the most beautiful and comforting of all God's creations. On the flip side, though, we can be among the most hurtful. Let's try not to forget this. Let's try to be the best of who we were made to be. Because, maybe, this is what Titus 2 is really all about.
This passage seems to be floating around the Catholic lady blogosphere, so I thought I'd toss in my two cents.
Now, I will be the first to admit that St. Paul and I have had our troubles over the years. He has often annoyed me with all his seeming demands on women. I find his personality irritating. And if he and I had lived at the same time, I probably would not have converted to Christianity if he had come to my community to teach. I most likely would just have gone home and continued with my previous lifestyle. On the other hand, if St. Peter was the one who had shown up in my town, I would have been all over getting baptized. But, with a little help from my classically educated daughter, Bridget, and giving more consideration to the culture in which St. Paul lived, I am not so inclined to be as frustrated with him these days.
Now, I am no Bible scholar, but I have realized a few things. The first is that St. Paul seems to have had a rather high-strung personality. Therefore, it is possible that more mature menopausal women -- who were assertive and energetic and possibly argumentative -- got on his nerves, causing him to come down on them in a way that seems a bit harsh today. Secondly, he also admonishes the older men and the young men in a fashion very similar to that in which he instructs the "older women." Nobody ever talks about that, so it could be that St. Paul is getting a bum rap. Maybe he was not a chauvanist pig. Maybe the people who take what he says out of context to further their own agendas are the chauvanist pigs. Just sayin, ya know??? I also find it rather interesting that he doesn't specifically admonish the "young women." So, I guess they get to do what they want??? Or, maybe he was a little sweet on them and so didn't notice their faults??? (kidding, kidding... I am Really.Just.Kidding... maybe...) Also, due to the scholarly research that my daughter did for her Senior Thesis at Thomas Aquinas College, I have learned that St. Paul actually acknowledges that women have a great deal of authority -- buying, selling, acquiring property, and many other such things. So, when you really look at it, he is not calling for women to be doormats. I think he just wanted the Christians, including the "older women," to inject some degree of sanity into the crazy, partying society in which they lived. And I believe his rather caustic personality makes it seem as though he was a very harsh taskmaster. If he lived today, I think he would be a Mixed Martial Artist -- and we all know that the very best MMA fighters are really big softies underneath.
So, as one of these "older women," I look at it this way. We can be fun. We can laugh. We can wear cute clothes and go to the salon for hair color, manicures, and pedicures. We can even get tattoos and blast Van Halen while doing the dishes. But, we should love and care for our husbands and children, showing them daily how much we value and enjoy them. We should try to greet others who cross our paths with warmth and a smile. We should try to be charitable towards all. We should listen more than we talk and avoid, at all costs, gossip and behavior which excludes and hurts others. It is my opinion that women can be among the most beautiful and comforting of all God's creations. On the flip side, though, we can be among the most hurtful. Let's try not to forget this. Let's try to be the best of who we were made to be. Because, maybe, this is what Titus 2 is really all about.
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